In Your Head - LeilaSmash (2024)

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

“Madi! Stay on the grassy area where I can see you!” Clarke hollered after the bolting toddler, hoisting her go-bag higher on her shoulder and closed the hatch on her black SUV.

“I will Mommy!” The four-year-old called back, a wild mane of dark brown hair flying behind her as she ran towards the playground. She was an adventurous child, always testing her own limits but keeping within the rules; Clarke rarely had to worry about Madi running off or ignoring the big things. Like at the park, Clarke knew Madi would stay on the grassy area. She might climb to the top of the jungle gym by herself and give the other parents a heart attack, but she would damn well stay on the playground.

Clarke spotted a free bench near the swings and dropped her bag down with a thud before doing the same. It was a beautiful, sunny spring day and she was lucky enough to have the afternoon off from the firm. She sat back and took a breath of fresh air, glad to be there instead of stuck in the office working on another pitch to sell idiotic things to idiotic people.

There were a few other parents and nannies milling around the playground, most hovering over their charges as if they were the most breakable things in the world. Clarke didn’t parent that way and couldn’t bring herself to if she tried. Madi had been an explorer and a daredevil from the very start, constantly trying to do things meant for much older kids, and for the most part succeeding. She had a ridiculous amount of balance for her age and could always find the quickest and most efficient way to accomplish whatever goal she’d set her mind to. Sometimes the way her daughter soaked up information and immediately put it to use scared Clarke. The moment Madi saw her mother use a chair to reach a high shelf in the kitchen, the world opened up for her and nothing was safe from reach. Even as Clarke sat there, Madi was studying an older child on the rock wall, taking in every movement and decision the kid made, no doubt ready to apply the tactics on her turn.

“Madi, sure feet!” It was a silly thing Clarke had picked up from her own father years before, when he would take her hiking and rock climbing as a kid. Madi nodded, concentrating on her foot placement, easily scaling the rock wall and putting the older kid’s shaky movements to shame. A small, proud smile broke through on Clarke’s face, she couldn’t help it. Madi was always finding new ways to impress Clarke.

“I did it!” The tiny brunette thrust her arms up in victory then ran to the top of the slide. “Watch mommy!”

“I’m watching!’ Clarke called back, and Madi slid down head first, giggling the whole way. The blonde ignored the mildly worried looks from some of the parents, mostly helicopter moms. She gave her a thumbs-up. “Nice, kid!”

Clarke’s attention was brought to her phone in her lap, buzzing away with an incoming call. Finn was calling for the third time that day and for the third time Clarke ignored the call. He was persistent that’s for sure. Unless it was about work, she didn’t want to talk to him, and if it was work, he could send a message to her work email like everyone else.

She sighed and tucked her blonde hair behind her ears, eyes searching for Madi’s whereabouts. Finally they landed on two little kids half-buried in a hole under the monkey bars, one with a mop of dark brown. The other looked vaguely familiar, with dirty blonde locks cut just under her chin and a toothy grin. Both girls were covered head to toe in dirt, and Clarke observed the two whispering and plotting something. The other girl seemed to be a bit older which was right on par for Madi. She usually ended up playing with the older kids, finding that children her own age couldn’t keep up with her and weren’t nearly as chatty or interested in the elaborate games she made up. Clarke watched as a much smaller girl toddled over and sat on the edge of the hole, her bright blonde hair glowing in the sunshine. The dirty blonde looked up and said something Clarke couldn’t make out, and the tiny girl slid down in the hole, laughing and squealing as she disappeared from sight.

Content that Madi was safe and happy, Clarke’s attention went back to the particular problem of Finn and how their interactions were going to play out at work. She had always had a strong stance against dating coworkers and wasn’t shy about her opinions on the matter, so when Finn had asked her out one evening they had to stay late to finish a group of billboards set to launch the following week, she had been a little taken aback. Maybe it was the stress or the lack of sleep (Madi had had stints the last few months where she wouldn’t sleep at all for days it seemed) but Clarke had agreed to one date. One disastrous date.

He had tried to pick her up from her house but Clarke staunchly refused and agreed to meet him at the restaurant he picked out instead. No way was she going to be reliant on anyone to get her home safely, she always drove her own car places.

At the restaurant, they’d had stilted conversations at best, mostly about work and Finn hardly asked about her life outside of the office. He spent the majority of their time exalting his mediocre work and swiping his hair out of his face, going on some rant about how he was supposed to go work for the UN but was blocked by another candidate somehow (sounded more like he was never actually considered to Clarke). At first it had bothered Clarke, but the longer they spent together, the more she realized she didn’t want him to ask her questions. She didn’t want him to know about her life, about Madi and Raven, about her dreams of a gallery all her own. He was nice enough, but not at all what she was looking for, if she even had standards at all (which she wasn’t sure she did these days). When the check came, she let him pay to avoid prolonging their date with an argument and rushed out, back to her daughter and the comfort of tiny arms wrapping around her neck as they rocked in the overstuffed nursery chair still in the little girl’s room.

“Mommy! I made a bunker!” Clarke glanced back to the monkey bars where Madi and the other little girls were dragging large branches from the treeline to cover the hole in a criss-cross pattern, a much older girl of eight or nine joining in and pulling her own massive branch. She rolled her eyes with a grin, noting that maybe letting Madi watch Doomsday Preppers with Raven wasn’t the best idea.

Curiously, there was now a young woman sitting on the bench closest to the monkey bars, eyes covered by large sunglasses and a baseball cap pulled low, watching the group of girls intently. Clarke would have gotten creeper vibes if not for the fact that the oldest girl kept yelling things over to the woman happily, who nodded and smiled back. That left Clarke with a feeling of intrigue; was she a celebrity? Or maybe in hiding? Who was she to the girls, because she didn’t really look like any of the three playing with Madi. In fact she probably had more in common with Madi than her playmates.

Her phone buzzed again, Finn obviously not taking the hint, and she dismissed the call once more, cursing herself for letting him take her on a second date just because she had a personal rule that everyone deserves a second chance. ONE second chance, and the second date with Finn had been just as dispassionate as the first. He took her to a soccer game (not even a sport she liked, let alone followed) and then to a dive bar called Murphy’s that he swore had the best wings (not even close) where he tried to show off playing darts and managed to hit Murphy himself in the shoulder. Clarke soaked up as much booze as she could, paid half the tab, and took a Lyft back to her house where her best friend Raven met her at the door. After assuring her that Madi had been nothing short of her usual slightly terrifying and awesome self, they continued to drink and lament the idiocy of dating men, and agreed women were much better.

“Mommy look, this is my new friend Maggie. And that’s her big sister Delilah, and her little sister Dory.” Madi was holding Maggie’s hand and dragging her to the bench where Clarke sat, the other girl struggling to keep up with the smaller girl’s pace. Clarke held out her hand and Maggie shook it enthusiastically.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Margaret Grace Collins, but you can call me Maggie. I’m five!” Maggie announced proudly. “I really like playing with Madi. We have to go home now, can she play with us tomorrow?”

“Please, Mommy? Please Please Pleeeease?!” Madi jumped up and down, with her hands on Clarke’s knees. Clarke thought about her schedule the next day. Technically since it would be Friday, she could skip out early again and come to the park, but that was assuming Maggie would actually be at the park then too.

“Maybe, I’ll have to talk to your...” Clarke motioned to the woman from the bench, who was now heading their direction across the playground.

“Miss Lexa! That’s Miss Lexa, she takes care of us!” Maggie supplied, and waved the woman over.

Clarke took a silent appraisal of the form coming their way, in a more objectifying manner than she would ever admit to out loud and the woman was so far aesthetically pleasing.

“Maggie, we have to head back to the house now, it’s almost naptime for Dory.” The commanding voice that came from such a slim and unassuming figure startled Clarke a bit, but Maggie only nodded and took hold of Miss Lexa’s arm, pulling her forward much like Madi had done earlier.

“Miss Lexa, this is Madi’s mommy. She said maybe Madi can play at the park with us tomorrow! We are coming tomorrow right?” The dirty blonde put on her biggest smile and aimed it at her nanny, hoping for the best. Miss Lexa seemed to contemplate this for a moment.

“I suppose we shall see if you accomplish all your schoolwork in time to visit the park.” Miss Lexa’s words were nearly drowned out by the high-pitched squealing coming from the two little girls, though the nanny didn’t seem to be affected by it at all. Something about her voice resonated within Clarke’s brain but she couldn’t quite place it, like a word at the tip of her tongue, just out of reach. “Alright Maggie, say goodbye to Madi and Mrs…”

“Clarke, Miss Clarke. First name and not married, definitely not. Not dating anyone either.” The blonde wasn’t really sure why she felt the need to emphasize that she was single, but it jumped out of her mouth. She found herself wishing the ground would open up and swallow her whole as she felt a blush creep across her cheeks. The brunette woman took little notice if any, as her other two charges ran up to the little group.

“Miss Lexa! Did you see the- the- what did you call it, Madi?” The older sister, Delilah, spoke animatedly and at a mile a minute, saving Clarke from the embarrassing moment.

“A bunker. Everyone should have a bunker in case the world ends.” Madi explained matter-of-factly with her little hands planted on her hips. Clarke redden all over again for a very different reason. Her daughter had very strong ideas about the world, no doubt influenced by the way Clarke tended to be very open and honest whenever Madi had a question.

“Yeah, bunker! It’s really cool and I hope no kids destroy it when we leave.” Delilah gave a forlorn look over her shoulder at the monkey bars and the certainly not super obvious bunker they had constructed. The nanny handed the two older girls the light jackets she had been toting and picked up the youngest, placing her on her hip without thought.

“One can only hope. We must be off ladies, before Dory starts to get cranky.” She took hold of Maggie’s hand with her free one and nodded Clarke’s direction. “It was nice to meet you, maybe we will see you tomorrow. Have a good evening Miss Clarke.”

And they were gone in what seemed like the blink of an eye.

The whole encounter seemed odd to Clarke, and she couldn’t shake the feeling of deja-vu she had when the nanny spoke to her. Clarke spaced out a little, trying to rack her brain for anything that might shake loose, but was brought back to reality by something poking her cheek.

“Mooooommm. Mom. Mom!” Madi was gently tapping her mother’s face with a stick she must have procured when building the bunker. Clarke grabbed it playfully and poked her daughter back, pulling a giggle from the girl.

“What is it, you little terror?” The blonde jokingly scowled and pointed the stick at a laughing Madi.

“I’m hungry, can we get pizza?” Clarke chuckled at her only child, knowing that the kid would do anything for a good slice of pizza. Or even a bad one sometimes.

“Kid, if I wasn’t so sure already you were mine, that right there would convince me.” Clarke shouldered her bag, grabbed Madi’s hand, and led her to the parking lot.

They arrived home around eight, Clarke having been convinced to get ice cream after pizza, and then to the pier to feed the ducks. Madi had started to nod off in her carseat on the way back and Clarke had to pull out the big guns and blast songs from Madi’s favorite movies to keep her awake. No way was she going to let her take a nap that late in the day and she needed a good clean before heading to bed.

“Into the bath with you! And please put your shoes in the closet!” Clarke called out, gathering any trash she could hold from the car and tossing it in the outside can on her way in. She may not have had the cleanest car, but she did her best to at least keep trash out.

Inside the house, Raven was camped out on the long couch in the living room watching her favorite show How It’s Made and shoveling leftover lo mein in her mouth. She lifted her chopsticks in greeting and pointed to the staircase. “She went that way.”

“Good, she’s filthy from making a ‘bunker’ with her new friends under the monkey bars at the playground.” Clarke dropped her bag off on the kitchen counter and slipped her shoes off in the mud room bin. She could faintly hear Madi humming and the sounds of clothes being tossed in the wash bin in the hall.

“So less Doomsday Preppers and more Arthur from now on?” Raven quipped with a grin.

“Much less. Maybe need to cut her off for a while before she starts stashing boxes of mac and cheese in the air vents.” Rushing water could be heard in the bathroom at the top of the stairs and the hummed melody had evolved into a full-fledged rendition of ‘Into the Unknown’. Clarke settled next to her best friend/roommate and threw her feet up on the coffee table, laying her head on Raven’s shoulder.

“Otherwise good trip out today? She seemed happy coming in.” Raven unpaused her show and the narrator resumed explaining the dipping process for making motorcycle helmets different colors.

“I guess. She made some friends and we are supposed to maybe meet them at the park again tomorrow afternoon.” The blonde stuck her fingers in the takeout box and stole a noodle, tilting her head back to drop it in her mouth. Licking her fingertips, she thought about the strange nanny and how she couldn’t shake the feeling that she’d heard that voice before.

“So no questions about her sperm donor today?” Raven turned her torso away from Clarke in an attempt to block her from stealing more noodles but Clarke tickled her side with one hand while stealing another noodle with the other. “Hey! Get your own!”

“That was my own you mooch!”

“Oh right.”

“And no. No questions today.” Madi had been preoccupied with finding out who her other parent was and Clarke didn’t really know how to handle it. She had tried to never lie to her daughter about anything and so far it wasn’t difficult to stick to that, or at least it hadn’t been until she started preschool and they had done projects on their family trees. “I don’t know what to tell her Rae. Part of me just wants to make something up so she stops asking.”

“Might be better than telling her you have no clue cause you were a big whor* back then.” The dark brunette ducked as Clarke chucked a throw pillow at her.

“Not cool! And I was not, I just was a bit.. blackout drunk.” Clark sighed, and scrubbed her face with her hand. “I remember bits but they don’t make sense.”

“Yeah, well, maybe he’ll just show up one day and whisk you away like a fairytale prince. And you’ll live happily ever after in a big castle with horses and servants and not a care in the world.” Her roommate barely kept a straight face as she imitated a Disney princess, batting her eyes and lifting her eyebrows. Clark heard the water stop upstairs and hoisted herself up from the couch.

“Where would that leave you? Who would you constantly annoy and steal food from then?” Clarke bopped Raven on the head with her hand as she passed behind the couch on the way to the stairs.

“You’re right, I would starve! Nevermind, you have to stay here. No Prince Charming for you!”

“Who needs one anyway!” Laughing as she reached the second floor, Clarke grabbed one of the hooded towels shaped like animals and prepared mentally for wrangling her little one out of the bath and into her pajamas.

Six books and a whisper-sung rendition of Jeff Buckley’s ‘Hallelujah’ later, and Madi was lightly snoring amongst her carefully selected stuffed animal companions. Clarke stuck her head over the rail to see that Raven had already headed to her room for the night; she usually had to be at work by six to start doing pre-flight checks on the planes. The dark brunette worked for a smaller airport where individuals could store their planes and some commercial lines came through. She was second to the main mechanic, which left her with the same responsibilities as the main mechanic but a sh*t shift from six am to three pm. The one upside was that it allowed Clarke to essentially have free childcare in the afternoons.

Clarke wandered to her own bedroom, knocking on Raven’s door as she went by to say goodnight. Raven was climbing into bed and blew her an exaggerated kiss. The blonde pretended to catch it and toss it on the ground, before picking it up, ‘dusting it off’, and sticking it in her pocket for later. Raven feigned offense and flipped her the bird. It was silly, but it was how they’d always been.

Changing into her own night clothes of sweatpants and a soft t-shirt, Clarke heard her phone buzz with a text and let out an exasperated sigh. As she thought, it was Finn.

Finn (9:32 pm): call me? i thought we had a fun time and wanted to see if you would go out with me again

Clarke (9:34 pm): I’m not looking to get involved with anyone right now. See you tomorrow at work.

She wanted to tell him exactly how boring she thought he was. The only thing stopping her was the fact that she would have to see him everyday no matter what happened outside of work. She had a feeling if she told him the truth, he would turn into a whiny little boy and make work hell. Clarke grabbed her book off the nightstand and climbed into bed. The aches of the day settled over her and she did her best to read a few pages before succumbing to sleep. She dreamed of brunette hair and a commanding voice.

Chapter 2

Chapter Text

The beeping of her phone alarm at 7:30am drew Clarke out of a rather confusing dream. She’d been immersed in weird snippets of her past all mashed together like a mixed-up photo album and she couldn’t make sense of any of it. When the screech of the alarm interrupted the chaotic dream, she’d been relieved, especially when she remembered it was Friday. Her arms and legs were tangled in her sheets, the comforter tossed off the far side of the bed. She had three texts (from Finn which she promptly deleted) and two missed calls, one from Finn, one from the front desk at work. Clarke untangled herself and hit callback on the front desk number.

“Arkadia Marketing Solutions, this is Harper, how may I help you?” A sweet voice came through the speaker as Clarke hurriedly made her bed, knowing there must be some sort of urgent problem. Since Raven had gotten promoted, Clarke was used to rolling into work around 9:30 so she could drop Madi at preschool, and making up the time on the back end while Raven held down the fort at home in the afternoons.

“Harp this is Clarke, did you call me?”

“Clarke, thank god! The Wallace Corp liaison called. Apparently, the CEO’s son got a hold of the pitch for their new product launch and convinced his father it was garbage. Now Wallace senior is demanding we re-do the campaign from scratch!” Harper dropped the customer service tone and her voice was strained. Clarke could tell she’d been trying to handle things herself and the stress was getting to her.

“I hate that guy. He looks like he would host a dinner party while keeping a dungeon of child sacrifices. Hell, they both do. I can be there in thirty but I’m going to have to bring Madi with me, the preschool doesn’t open until 9. You up for watching her?” Clarke carried her phone into the bathroom, setting it on the counter to take what her roommate called ‘a whor*’s bath’ in the sink. She was thanking all the gods that she still had just enough dry shampoo left to see her through the morning. There was no way she could get away with not washing her hair for a third day without it.

“You know I love the little monster, but for my sake, and the sake of the rest of the office, please no toy swords this time. I don’t think Monty has recovered and we do want to try for kids one of these days.” Harper laughed good-naturedly.

Monty and Harper both went to college with Clarke and Raven, and had been married a year. Madi thought of them as her aunt and uncle, and spent weekends at their house every so often. Clarke always joked that Madi was their ‘practice kid’, a notion she could tell made Monty extremely anxious at times, particularly when Madi did or said something peculiar.

“No promises. I swear she always seems to have a sword or a slingshot or a bow somewhere on her person. I’ve gotten way too many calls from the preschool and picked up way too many confiscated items. Raven wanted to get her a Nerf Bazooka for Christmas and I put my foot down on that one.” Her favorite khaki slacks were in the dirty clothes and after a few minutes of searching for something clean and matching, Clarke said f*ck it and threw on a pair of jeans with a Guns’n’Roses t-shirt under a worn brown leather jacket. It was Casual Friday and she was going to take full advantage. “Alright, I’m going to go wake her up. I’ll see you soon!”

She zipped up her jeans as she walked down the hall to Madi’s room, knowing she was probably already up and building a fort in her room. Or lining up her stuffed animals for a battle. Or playing zombies. ‘Seriously need to put a content restriction on Raven.’

“Madi, we have to get going, we’re in a hurry this morning. You’re gonna spend some time with Aunt Harper while Mommy sorts out a work problem. Are you dressed?” Clarke stuck her head in Madi’s room and was unsurprised to find a pile of wooden bricks stacked up to make a three foot wall down the middle of the room. A little head poked out near the dresser.

“I have on pants, does that count?” Madi’s toothy grin was wide and she pulled off her homemade black war mask, twirling in on her finger by the elastic band.

“Are they the same pants you wore to bed?” Clarke asked as she stepped all the way in, making her way over the piles of extra wooden blocks to the closet.

“Maybe.” Madi ducked back behind the wall and resumed her whispered battle strategies.

“Then no, that doesn’t count. Come on out, we really do have to get going kid.” The blonde selected a simple black t-shirt and jeans, and tossed them over the barricade. “Get some underwear from your dresser and meet me downstairs in five, okay?”

“Yes, sir, Commander, sir!” Madi popped back up to mock salute her, closing her fist and thumping it on her chest over her heart. Clarke rolled her eyes as she exited back into the hallway to head downstairs.

“I told you not to call me that, silly goose! And brush your hair!”

Clarke pulled into her usual parking space at 8:06, tossing a snack bag over one shoulder and her work case across her chest as she made her way around to let Madi out. “Okay kiddo, here’s the deal: You behave for Aunt Harper and I will make sure you get to go to the park today to see your new friends. Sound fair?”

Madi nodded her head, her mouth full of mini muffins. Clarke unbuckled the squirming girl and barely had her on the ground when she bolted toward the front door of the office building. Harper met her at the glass door, pretending to be surprised to see her, and ushered the ball of energy inside with a wave to Clarke. The blonde’s phone went off in her work bag and she chose to ignore it, ninety percent certain it was Finn again. She was not in a hurry to deal with that and took her time walking into the building.

“Okay, send the new sketch-ups to Miller in Illustration and run the taglines by Echo in Content. Anyone have anything else that needs to be adjusted?” Clarke leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs, praying no one would have an issue. When no one spoke up, she dismissed her team and sighed, tilting her head back to stare at the ceiling. It had been a long, stressful morning.

She had had to call an emergency meeting straight away, which had turned out mostly productive, minus Finn sulking in the corner and barely saying a word. That suited Clarke just fine. The meeting progressed without him, and not for the first time she wondered what he even contributed to the company. ‘I guess if we need the point of view of a broody tool, he’s our guy.’

The following three hours saw Clarke flitting back and forth between different departments, trying to bring to life the changes necessary to a pitch they had all worked weeks on, while doing her best to keep up morale. She swore if she saw either of the Wallace men, she would push them off the fourth floor balcony.

Clarke’s stomach gurgled loudly in protest of skipping breakfast and lunch. Her phone buzzed and she lazily reached over to tap the screen, hoping it wasn’t Mr. Broody asking for another date again.

Harper Green (1:07pm): Hey we stopped at the Greek place on the way back from our walk around the block. Do you want us to bring you back anything?

She really should talk to Kane about giving Harper a raise.

Clarke (1:08pm): God yes. Can I get my usual? Is she behaving? Tell me she didn’t catch a pigeon this time.

Harper Green (1:10pm): Got it. As far as behaving, I can solidly say she hasn’t caught a pigeon.

That couldn’t be good.

Clarke (1:12pm): Please say she didn’t catch something else.

Harper didn’t respond. Clarke tried really hard not to read into that.

Twenty minutes later, Clarke could hear her tiny warrior talking Harper’s ear off, and could see through the glass walls that her little hands were clutching a small shoebox gingerly. The blonde started gathering up the work she would need to take home, prepping for whatever chaos was about to be dropped in her lap. Madi burst in the conference room a few moments later, a huge smile on her face.

“Mom! I found a baby squirrel in the storm drain!” Madi set the shoebox on the table and carefully opened the top. Sure enough, curled up in what Clarke recognized as Madi’s jacket, was a tiny squirrel, so small it’s eyes weren’t even open. “Can I keep it?”

Harper stood behind Madi and mouthed sorry as she backed away slowly, setting a bag of food on the table quietly. Clarke laughed, knowing it could have been worse. Once Madi tried to keep a raccoon, a full-grown raccoon, that she managed to catch with her jump rope.

“Honey, I don’t know how equipped we are to take care of a baby that small.” Clarke was trying to appeal to the reasonable side of her daughter, but she outwitted her.

“But I was a tiny baby once, right? And you took care of me.” Madi wasn’t trying to be a smartass, she genuinely thought it was a good argument, Clarke could tell by the way she scrunched her nose.

“You were a baby human, not a squirrel.”

“Same thing, they’re both man-mals.”

“Mammals. And they are very different, love. I spent months learning how to take care of you before you arrived.”

“But it will die!” Madi was nearing tears, and Clarke knelt down to pull her into a tight embrace.

“Hey, hey, listen to me. Are you listening?” She waited for Madi to nod before leaning back so she could look her in the eyes. “How about we take him with us to the park and I will do some research on where we can take him, while you play on the playground?”

Madi swiped the backs of her hands across her eyes and sniffled, contemplating the proposal. “You promise to keep him warm and safe?”

“Promise.”

“Okay. Can we go after we eat?” The preschooler was darting her gaze back and forth between the food bag and the shoebox, clearly debating which was more important at the moment.

“I think we can do that.”

True to her word, Clarke found herself babysitting the tiny squirrel while Madi continued building her unexpectedly still intact bunker under the monkey bars. There was no sign of her new friends, but Clarke had warned her daughter that they may not make it that day. The sun was high in the sky behind her, making the day just as warm as the one before. She glanced down at the little bundle tucked against her chest (she may have given in to the cuteness and wrapped the baby squirrel up like a burrito to snuggle) and she pulled out her phone. How hard could it be to find a rehab facility for a squirrel?

She was scrolling through the Google search and marvelling at the shockingly large number of people willing to rehab squirrels when she felt a presence behind her.

“You should put it back where you found it. If it is meant to survive, it will.”

Clarke over her shoulder, and was temporarily blinded by the eclipse that was Miss Lexa. The blonde couldn't help but think how much she looked like a goddess come to Earth at that moment. Miss Lexa was in her sunglasses again but her hair was loose around her shoulders, dark brown tresses that shone in the sun.

“You have hair.” ‘Really, Clarke? That’s what came out of your mouth?’

Miss Lexa seemed not to notice the odd statement, her gaze following the trio of kids she brought with her that rushed past Clarke’s bench on their way to the bunker. The brunette didn’t look down as she spoke again, oblivious. “It is better to let it die in the wild by a predator if that is what nature intended than for it to suffer a slow death by incompetent hands.”

Clarke frowned a bit, unconsciously stroking the squirrel burrito. “That’s a bit harsh.”

“Life is harsh, Miss Clarke.” The way Miss Lexa said her name made Clarke shiver, the hard ‘k’ echoing loudly in her ears. Clarke twisted forward, no response coming immediately to mind. “May I sit?”

“Of course! Sorry, let me move my bag and the squirrel box.” Clarke shifted the squirrel burrito to one hand and roughly set her belongings on the ground at her feet, the box dropping with a hollow thunk. Miss Lexa rounded the bench and sat on the far end, back straight, crossed one leg over the over, and set her hands folded in her lap. Clarke tried not to stare. She’d never seen someone in real life sit so properly, it was unnerving. Miss Lexa looked as if she’d be more at home on a throne than a park bench at a playground.

“May I see?” The brunette motioned to the baby squirrel, holding out her hands in the same manner you would to receive a newborn. Clarke leaned away slightly, not entirely trusting the other woman.

“You’re not going to kill it, are you? Cause I’m not in the mood to have to explain that to my daughter.” Clarke pressed the squirrel burrito to her own chest and absently pet it’s tiny head.

“Of course not. I am not a monster.” To Miss Lexa’s credit, she did seem genuinely offended that Clarke would think she would kill the small creature. “I simply wish to give it a once over, that is all.”

Clarke gingerly handed it over, observing the tender way the other woman handled the baby squirrel, unwrapping the cloth and examining every inch.

“I do not see any injury. Where did you find this?” She re-wrapped the squirrel and returned it to Clarke, who tucked it against her chest.

“Madi found it a few hours ago in a storm drain. Don’t ask me why she was in there, I have no idea.”

“Was she alone?”

“Whoa, no! That’s not what I meant. She was with her aunt on a walk and she probably dropped one of her toys down there. She is very opposed to littering and there is no way she would have left her toy. Or the squirrel.” Clarke knew that Madi could be a little mischievous but she was still a pretty good kid who cared about all creatures and the Earth.

They sat in silence for almost half an hour after that, Clarke periodically checking that the squirrel was still alive and that work hadn’t called her in a panic again. Miss Lexa kept her watch on the kids, acknowledging them when they called out to her, and accepting their jackets into her lap as they were stripped off. Clarke found herself studying the brunette, something strangely calming about being near her. She wore a fitted light green button-up with the sleeves rolled halfway up her forearms, black slacks that tapered inward at the ankles, and simple black ankle boots with a slight heel. Every time Miss Lexa adjusted in her seat, Clarke made a mental picture of how her lithe but muscular form moved, shamelessly tucking the images in a folder in head for later. Being single meant using her imagination sometimes and after almost five years, she was not above thinking about people she knew.

“I did not mean to offend you. I am finished with my duties at the Collins at five, I can take the animal then if you would like.” Miss Lexa’s eyes briefly darted to the side, making quick contact with Clarke’s before returning to the children. Clarke was not expecting that kind of offer and didn’t know what to say back. When it was clear she wasn’t getting a response, Miss Lexa continued. “My best friend runs a small animal rehab a ways out of town. I am merely offering to take the squirrel to her since you seem set on keeping it alive.”

Clarke let out a large breath through her mouth, and laughed. “Oh, thank god. Maybe work on how you phrase things, you sounded a little creepy there at first.”

“My apologies, sometimes nerves get the better of me and I do not express my thoughts correctly.” Clarke was focused on the brunette’s mouth as she spoke but didn’t miss the way her cheeks reddened slightly and her hands began to fidget. ‘Nerves?’

“No worries, it’s fine. It’s endearing actually.” Clarke smiled, hoping to put the other woman at ease. “And that would be great. Are you sure it’s no trouble? I don’t want you to have to go out of your way.”

“It is no trouble, I don’t have many things to do this evening. I can text you when I am leaving the Collins residence to meet with you wherever you think is appropriate.” Miss Lexa started folding the discarded jackets that sat between them, not looking Clarke in the face. The blonde wasn’t sure she heard right. ‘Did she just use a contraction? And ask for my number?’

“Uh yeah, sure. I can write my number down for you. Can you..” She gestured toward the squirrel burrito and Miss Lexa carefully took the bundle from her. Clarke bent over and rummaged in her bag, grabbing the first paper and writing implement she came across. “A crayon and a grocery receipt will have to do! And anytime is fine, I don’t have plans tonight.”

‘Way to make yourself sound lame, Clarke.’

They traded squirrel for paper and settled back into silence. Twenty minutes later, they went their separate ways, respective kids in tow.

Chapter 3

Chapter Text

Clarke (5:34pm): Hey just wanted to check if you were still planning to get the squirrel? We are at home so you could just swing by here if it’s not too much trouble.

Lexa (5:37pm): Yes, of course. Mr. and Mrs. Collins did not get home until a few minutes ago, but I would be happy to come by shortly.

Clarke (5:38pm): Great! I’ll send you the address. See you soon!

“Wait. Weird nanny is coming here?” Raven was in the kitchen unpacking the grocery bags as Madi and Clarke brought them inside. Madi was determined to carry as many as she could at a time, often resulting in a squashed loaf of bread or a busted bag of chips. Before she ran out to get more every time, she would sneak a peek in the shoebox at the baby squirrel to make sure it was okay. Clarke huffed as she set a 24-pack of co*ke on the counter, cursing her roommate’s addiction. She never would have told Raven about the nanny if her brain hadn’t been so rattled by the whole encounter.

“Yes. And don’t call her that, she’s… nice?” Clarke started whisking items off the counters and into their proper spots. Raven let out a short laugh.

“Is that a question? You don’t know if she’s nice and you’re letting her come to our home?”

Clarke paused. She really didn’t know if the nanny was nice. She really didn’t know anything about her, other than she was pleasant to Madi’s friends and her best friend owns an animal rehabilitation center. That was it. ‘And she has really nice hair. And arms. And lips.’

“It’s not like it’s a social call, Rave. She’s just picking up the squirrel and that’s it. I’m not even going to invite her in or anything.” The blonde buried her head in the pantry, trying to wait out the blush that had formed on her cheeks. When she didn’t hear a snarky retort, she pulled back to find Raven studying her intently. Suddenly, a wicked smile overtook her best friend’s face.

“She’s hot, isn’t she.”

Clarke didn’t say anything back, which she knew in Raven’s eyes would be a confirmation.

“She is! Oh my god, Clarke! This is great. She’s hot, dresses well, is at least tolerant of Satan’s spawn over there-” Raven ticked off the qualities on her fingers with a grin.

“I heard that! And it’s not nice to call Mommy Satan.” Madi mirrored Raven’s grin as they high-fived and Clarke rolled her eyes. Sometimes she felt like she had two kids instead of one.

“Har-Har, very funny you. Are those all the groceries from the car?”

“Yep. Can Aunt Raven and I go play in the backyard until dinner?” Madi was already tugging open the sliding door to the fenced-in yard, Raven following after with a scheming look.

“That’s fine, but no more holes today okay? I’m trying to grow grass again this year.” Clarke hollered through the open window in the kitchen that faced the backyard. She pulled out the ingredients to make Madi’s favorite chicken parmesan and stared out at the little girl she had centered her world around for the last five years as Raven helped her build some sort of contraption out of scrap metal.

From the moment she heard Madi’s little heartbeat thumping away, Clarke knew she couldn’t just keep surviving day-to-day, she had to find a way to live and thrive. She was a junior at the time, majoring in Art and Design at Polis Arts and Sciences University, but she knew that she couldn’t support a kid as a starving artist. So she’d picked up a Marketing and Advertising major, taking as many classes as she could during the spring semester when she was still able to comfortably sit in those tiny lecture seats. In the summer she had taken the max load of classes again, the heat making it nearly unbearable as she got larger and more planet-like, but she had made it through with passing grades. With Madi set to arrive early in the fall semester, Clarke made sure she was left with online classes she could do at her own pace and only two in-person classes she could take once Madi was a bit older.

Life hadn’t been easy those first few years. Her mom had wanted nothing to do with both of them and Clarke had leaned heavily on Raven and Harper, and eventually Monty, to keep her sane and healthy. Raven held her as she cried herself to sleep for the first six months, when it was all she could do to keep Madi fed and clean, and schoolwork seemed pretty much impossible. The dark brunette all but insisted on moving in with them and took over household duties like cleaning, errands, and repairs to lessen the stress. Harper made sure she had time to study and do her schoolwork, even going so far as to stay late into the night, rocking the baby to sleep and keeping Clarke motivated, while still accomplishing her own degree in Business Administration. When he found out that Clarke hadn’t really set up a room for the baby and Madi was just sleeping in a hand-me-down pack-n-play, Monty and his friend Jasper had bought and built the nursery furniture (with Raven supervising), and even painted the room a forest green color with big trees and fake branches and vines that hung from the ceiling. They’d locked the door for two weeks so she couldn’t peek before it was finished and Clarke cried a million happy tears when they at last showed her, thanking them with a promise to always buy the pizza for game nights. There was a framed picture that hung in Madi’s room of the five of them circled around the little bundle that was Madi, sleeping in her crib for the first time.

Through it all, her friends had become her family and they looked after her daughter as if she was their flesh and blood too.

A sharp knock at the door broke her from her reverie and she looked down, surprised to find she had almost finished preparing dinner. Sliding the breaded chicken into the oven, she washed her hands quickly and looked around for a dish towel. “f*ck, I need to do laundry.”

She took a deep breath, adjusting her least favorite bra for the eightieth time that day, and headed to the foyer. There was a sliver of brown hair visible through the half-moon window at the top of the heavy front door and Clarke rested her fingers on the door handle for a few seconds to gain some composure, then pulled it open with a smile.

There she was, in all her unfairly attractive glory, sunglasses still perched on her nose and a small tote under one arm. Clarke was so busy trying not to ogle the woman, that she didn’t notice Miss Lexa gesturing at her chest.

“You have… Your…” Miss Lexa motioned again and that time Clarke looked down to see a very obvious water handprint on her left breast where she had adjusted herself prior.

“Oh, sh*t. That’s just water. My hands were wet and I forgot and then I had to fix my bra because the one I have on is a bit too small and I keep meaning to throw it out but it was the first expensive one I bought for myself as an adult after Madi was born and I am rambling about my bra. I’m gonna stop now.” Clarke could feel her cheeks turning bright red and she was half-hoping a comet would drop out of the sky and crush her. She closed her eyes and reminded her body to breathe. “Let’s start again. Hey Miss Lexa, please come in!”

The brunette’s stoic face turned into a small smile and she nodded, stepping into the foyer past Clarke. “Hello to you as well, and it’s just Lexa. ‘Miss Lexa’ has quite a different connotation coming from you.”

Clarke was stunned. ‘Did- did she just make a sex joke? No. No way.’

Lexa just continued to smile, giving Clarke zero indication of the statement’s intention. The nanny slowly took off her sunglasses, folding them up and stashing them in her tote. Clarke thought she might just die. Lexa’s eyes were a brilliant shade of green, her button-up only enhancing the color even in the dimming light of the foyer. Clarke could get lost in those eyes and she felt another little twinge of something in the back of her mind.

“So…” Lexa shifted her tote from one shoulder to the other.

“So.” Clarke continued to gaze into that emerald abyss, feeling heat in a completely different place than her face.

“The squirrel?” The nanny broke her eyes away and began looking around, presumably for the shoebox.

“Right! Right. Sorry. It’s in the kitchen, this way.” The blonde forced herself to turn away, and led Lexa down the hall and into the open kitchen/living room space. “He’s been okay, I tried to give him a little puppy formula like Google said, but he only ate a little bit.”

Lexa merely nodded and surveyed the little squirrel as she had before at the park. “He seems to be in good health. With any luck, Anya will be able to release him into the wild in a few weeks and he can live a happy, free life.”

“Anya’s not a crazy person, is she?” Clarke asked as she crossed the kitchen to stir the sauce for dinner which was bubbling and threatening to burn. Lexa chuckled from her place by the shoebox on the table. It was such a normal sound that Clarke was startled by the brunette for a second time in less than fifteen minutes.

“Of course not, Clarke. I have known Anya for a long time. She is a bit rough around the edges to people, but when it comes to animals, there is no limit to her compassion. I once saw her spend months caring for a litter of newborn fox cubs whose mother was hit by a car, teaching them to hunt and hide and burrow. She taught them to be wary of people, though they never really left home, and now they all still live within a five mile radius of her compound. Every so often you can see one come to check in with her.” Lexa’s voice took on a soft quality, and Clarke could hear the love Lexa had for Anya. She hated that she felt a tiny bit jealous.

“Don’t tell Madi, that would be her dream life. Living with a bunch of different animals on a large compound, taking care of them and nature. I’ll be lucky to keep her from running off there the minute she hears.” Clarke wasn’t kidding. Only a month before, Madi had tried to convince Raven to drive her to the local zoo to ‘see the animals’ but Raven saw the large net she had somehow gotten a hold of stuffed in her backpack and put a stop to that. When asked about it, Madi said she thought one of the tigers looked sad last time they went and she wanted to bring him home to play.

“Miss Lexa!” The four-year-old came rushing in, nearly bowling the brunette woman over in the process and wrapping her arms around Lexa’s legs. “You’re here!”

Lexa looked startled to say the least, but recovered quickly and patted Madi on the back gently. “Oh, hello there! How are you this evening?”

“Great! Raven and I built a signal tower so we can hear people from all over! Want to see?” Madi pointed to her aunt, who was making her way inside, wiping down her favorite adjustable wrench as she walked. She looked up at the mention of her name, the greasy rag stilling halfway up the handle, clearly not expecting to see the nanny in the kitchen. The two stare at each other, a look of almost recognition passing over Raven’s face.

“Do I know you?” Raven said with not quite as much snark as usual and Lexa tilted her head to the side a little in thought.

“Maybe? I used to live around here while I was in college but moved away for a job until recently. Were you in the Mechanical Engineering program at Polis?” Lexa ventured, Madi still attempting to pull her toward the back door.

“I was. You were in my Ethics of Technological Advancement class right? With, oh what was her name, that bat sh*t crazy prodigy professor..” Raven absently started cleaning her wrench again and looked off, trying to recall a name.

“Dr. Franko. She was something. Nice to see you again.” Lexa succeeded in slowing Madi to a stop just before they reached the back door, and she smiled at Raven, who began glancing between the other brunette and Clarke. “Hold up, you’re the hot nanny?”

Clarke had thought many times about murdering Raven, but never as seriously as in that moment.

“The what?”

*BEEP BEEP BEEP*

Saved by the timer, Clarke whirled around to grab the chicken out and place it on the hot pad to cool, thankful for the distraction. Madi appeared next to her in a flash, the call of food successfully diverting her attention away from Lexa and her radio tower. “Is that chicken parmesan?! Did you make the angle bear noodles?”

“Angel hair, and yes.” Clarke laughed and nudged the little girl toward the kitchen island. “Can you please get out the silverware and set the table?”

Madi nodded and rushed over to the silverware drawer, pulling it out roughly and picking out three big forks and one kid fork. As she set them on the table in front of the four different seats, Raven frowned. “What are you doing Madi? Why do you have four forks out?”

The girl went back to the drawer and pulled out three adult knives and a kid knife and did the same before turning to the grown-ups with a smile. “Isn’t Miss Lexa staying for dinner?”

Raven and Clarke traded shrugs, turning to the woman in question. Lexa stared at the ground and then the baby squirrel. “I really should get the animal to Anya before he becomes too weak to save. My apologies, little one.”

And just like that, the relaxed version of Lexa Clarke had started to see peek through the solemn mask was shoved back down, and prim and proper Miss Lexa was back. Madi made as if to protest but Clarke gave her daughter a hard look, and the girl withdrew the extra utensils with a pout. The blonde hated to see her upset, so she said the first thing she could think of. “Maybe Miss Lexa can bring the girls over next week one afternoon and we can all eat lunch together.”

Madi instantly brightened, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “YES! Can you? Please?!”

The nanny froze in her motions to pick up the shoebox, all eyes on her again. There was the briefest of moments where Clarke thought she saw something akin to fear flash across Lexa’s eyes, only to see them turn blank once more. Lexa finished arranging the shoebox to sit in the crook of her arm and brushed off her pants of the little dirt Madi had gotten on them, clearing her throat. “I suppose we could arrange that. I can text your mother to set up a date. A playdate, I mean.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow at the slip and Raven smirked from her place by the table, barely stifling a giggle. Madi took no notice of the odd grown-up behavior, sneaking long noodles out of the colander in the sink when she thought her mom wasn’t looking.

“I should go ahead and take the squirrel now. It was good to see you all again.” Lexa backed down the hall and let herself out the front door, and no sooner had the door shut behind her than Raven burst into a fit of laughter.

“For f*cks’ sake, just bang her already!” Raven wiped tears from her eyes, making little effort to stop mocking her best friend.

“Shut up Raven! I barely know her.” Clarke scolded as she filled the dinner plates and brought them to the table. Madi looked at the two of them thoughtfully as her plate was set in front of her.

“What does ‘bang’ mean?”

Chapter 4

Chapter Text

Monday morning came all too fast and Clarke was not keen on spending another week dealing with the Wallaces. She’d gotten emails all weekend from her team about deadlines and work plans, and on top of all that, she’d been having increasingly graphic dreams about a certain nanny that have left her with no option but to take cold showers and deep breaths.

Madi had spent all Saturday with Harper and Monty at the pier, riding the rides and playing games, eating until she puked and having the time of her little life, and Clarke spent the time in her studio, painting and drawing until her hands hurt. She rarely got time to create new art and when she did, it was a flurry of activity, needing to get it all out so the ideas didn’t get stuck or worse, lost forever. The next day was calmer; Clarke made a big brunch like she did every Sunday and her friends came over for alcohol and good food. Monty, Raven, Jasper, and Madi snuck off at some point to work on the radio tower in the backyard; Jasper singing oldies songs terribly at the top of his lungs while he and Monty thought up cool radio handles for when it was up and running, Raven and Madi working diligently to make it structurally sound and operational. Clarke stayed inside with Harper and Jasper’s girlfriend, Maya, swapping stories about their work weeks and pounding mimosas like it was their last day on Earth. As the sun set that evening, Monty carried a snoring Madi into the house, her head lolling side-to-side on his shoulder, her face covered in grease and dirt but a smile fixed on her features. Clarke had always had a small nagging in her heart that something was missing, but she could never say her life wasn’t full of love and happiness. If she never found that missing piece, she thought she still could be content as she was, as they were on those Sundays when the outside world disappeared and the only things that mattered were the sounds of her friends laughing and who was going to end up soaked in the water battle that would inevitably happen when it came time to clean up the kitchen.

But Monday always came in like a blaze, reminding her that every happy time has a price. Her price came in the form of a nasty phone confrontation early in the afternoon with Wallace Jr about billboard costs that left her with a pounding migraine.

“Here, take these before you pass out on me.” Clarke looked up from trying to bury her eyes in her palms to see Harper’s arms outstretched, two little white pills in her left hand and a glass of water in her right. She grabbed them slowly, popping the pills into her mouth and downing a large gulp of water.

“You’re too good for all of us, you know that? You and Monty both. It’s like you exist just to show how messed up the rest of us really are.” Clarke folded her arms across her chest and closed her eyes, praying the medicine would work fast. She had another meeting in half an hour and this one included broody boy Finn, who’s crap she was not in the mood for.

“Oh please, you guys aren’t that bad.” Harper walked to the door of Clarke’s office laughing. “Let me know if you want me to pick up Madi today, I know Raven is working a double to cover for Sinclair.”

“I should be fine as long as Finn doesn’t make this last meeting absolute hell. I never should have gone on a date with him. Or a second one. It was bad enough before when he was new and wanted to be involved in every decision made around here, but now he’s pouty too.” Clarke sighed and started pulling together the documents she was going to need for the meeting.

“If only there had been a friend to tell you what a bad idea it was to date co-workers…” Harper sang as she traipsed out the door.

“Hush! You don’t get to talk Miss ‘That IT guy is cute I think I’ll marry him!’” she hollered after her friend, hearing only cackles in return. It wasn’t really a fair comparison, Harper and Monty had known each other for years before the three of them started working at Arkadia. Still, it made Clarke feel better.

“Please can we go? Please, Mommy? I promise to eat all my dinner and be really good for bath time!” Madi laced her hands together and begged for the hundredth time since being picked up from Harper and Monty’s house ten minutes before. She had ended up taking Harper’s offer after all when the meeting ran long, Finn being next to impossible to pull information from regarding whether the master prints were finished or not for the grocery store campaign.

“Madi, we don’t have time today. It’s already almost six and it’s not like Miss Lexa will be there with the girls anyway, right? They only stay until four-ish. Besides, we are supposed to make homemade challah bread tonight, unless you’ve changed your mind?” Clarke looked at her daughter in the rearview mirror while she idled at a stoplight. She knew Madi had forgotten it was new recipe night, a thing Clarke had started when Madi was around one in order to expose all three of the people in their house to new and fun foods. That night they were making savory challah breads, adding cheeses and meat crumbles and sauces to the top of the bread after twisting it, and then they would decide who made the best one.

“Fine.” The little girl crossed her arms dramatically and stuck out her bottom lip. Clarke let out a small chuckle. She didn’t know where that pout came from but it was adorable, and she almost relented. Almost.

“You’ll live, baby girl. I can text Miss Lexa when we get home and see if she still wants to do a playdate this week, okay?” Clarke turned into their neighborhood, giving a slight wave to a neighbor mowing his lawn who was always a little too friendly whenever Clarke ran into him on the sidewalk. Bill Cadogan just had a creepy vibe about him and Clarke was 100% sure that he would be the next Manson if given the opportunity. His daughter, on the other hand, was the opposite of her father and the blonde had been debating asking Callie to join them for the next Sunday brunch. ‘Maybe I’ll invite Lexa, too’

She pondered the idea the rest of the drive home, ultimately making no decision on either and choosing to consult her more discerning roommate first. “Ready to eat whatever monstrosity Raven turns her challah into?”

Madi’s pout upturned the slightest bit at the mention of food and she nodded, her little hands working the buckles keeping her strapped in. When she freed herself, she climbed over the center console between the front seats and into her mother’s lap. “Okay, we’re home. Can we text Miss Lexa now?”

“Geez kid, eager much? You just saw your friends on Friday.” Clarke pulled her phone out of its place in the cupholder and unlocked the screen, a split picture of newborn Madi and three-year-old Madi adorning her background. Opening the text conversation, she started a new message, saying the words aloud since they were still working on the whole reading thing.

Clarke (5:49pm): Hey, are you still available for a playdate this week? Madi is very excited to hang out with you guys again. We are around in the afternoon on Wednesdays and Fridays usually, but I can get off work early any day and work from home. Let me know!

“How is that?” She looked down at her daughter, her little face scrunched up in thought.

“Aren’t you excited to hang out with Miss Lexa, too? She’s very pretty.” Madi asked innocently.

“I guess I am. Why?” She was curious as to her daughter’s sudden interest in Clarke’s choice of friends.

“You should say we’re both excited then!” Madi tapped the screen and found her name and replaced it with ‘we’ instead. Clarke giggled and tapped the screen again.

“Then we have to change the ‘is’ to ‘are’ since now there’s more than one thing being talked about.” She knew that lessons like that still went a little above Madi’s head, but she was a firm believer in explaining things like that as early as possible so it’s not an issue later. She let Madi press the send button and hoisted the girl out of the car with her. “Inside we go, Raven is waiting!”

Raven went out after dinner to meet some of her work friends at a bar and Clarke spent her time after Madi went to bed checking her work email and attempting to read her book again. Lexa responded later that night, apologizing for not getting back to Clarke sooner. After assuring the nanny that it was fine, they settled on Wednesday afternoon around one and Lexa insisted on bringing lunch for everyone. She asked if there was anything she or Madi didn’t eat or like (the answer being coconut for both and that’s about it), but otherwise didn’t give any details on what she would be bringing. They said goodnight and Clarke fell asleep only to be sucked back into the vivid dreams of late.

She was at some sort of party in a large open room, familiar faces passing by as she walked through the crowds, some from college and some from various other times in her life. There was her high school debate team co-chair, Bellamy Blake, in a green and red suit with flashing lights embedded in the lapels of his jacket, sipping a beer with his own face on it. His little sister, Octavia, skipped by shortly after in an obscenely short plaid skirt and an ugly Christmas sweater, carrying a large linked chain like it was nothing. Clarke moved on, the air becoming foggy as she went, the room less defined, and the people became less and less clear. She thought she saw Monty and Harper sitting inside a giant punchbowl, ladling purple liquid over each other. The space narrowed suddenly, and Clarke found herself approaching a sizable vehicle, and a figure appeared by the side mirror. It was Lexa, or at least a blurry version of her, leaned back on the wheel well and smiling? Her mouth opened to say something to the blonde but Raven’s voice came out.

“Clarke. Clarke. CLARKE.”

“Clarke!” Raven was practically straddling her on the bed.

“Jesus Raven! What do you want? Its-” Clarke peered through cracked eyes at her phone’s bright screen. “2:18 in the morning!”

“Sorry but I’m excited and I have to tell someone! I met a girl, a smoking hot girl, and I’m pretty sure she thought I was hot, too.” Raven’s eyes got a far-away look and she leaned her weight backward to sit on Clarke’s thighs. The blonde rolled her eyes and huffed.

“Does she have a name?” Clarke asked, knowing her best friend had a tendency to forget details like that. Raven glared at Clarke and crossed her arms.

“Of course she does! It’s… It’s… Aw f*ck, I forgot to get her name!” The dark brunette threw up her hands and continued cursing, casually switching to Spanish at some point.

“Well, I’m sure you will meet again if it’s meant to be. Now, please for the love of Hedy Lamarr, get off me and go to bed. You reek of tequila.” Clarke lightly shoved Raven, who dramatically fell off her and onto the empty side of the bed, where she proceeded to strip off her shirt and pants, slip under the covers, and snuggle into Clarke’s side. She laid her head on Clarke’s shoulder and hummed. Clarke sighed knowing it was futile to try to move her now. Raven lifted her head just a little and squinted at the blonde.

“Were you dreaming about hot nanny again?”

“No.”

“Liar.”

“Go to sleep.”

Tuesday started well; Madi went to preschool without a hitch and there were no urgent or panicked messages waiting for Clarke when she stepped into her office. Harper reminded her of her two afternoon meetings, one with the Wallaces and then one with the executive at a non-profit kids organization, which she felt more than ready to handle. She spent the morning hours checking over work and prepping new advertisem*nts to go to the printers, then she and Harper shared theories about Hot Nanny while stuffing their faces with tacos.

“Knock, Knock. Clarke, it’s time. Dante Wallace’s driver just messaged to let us know they were five minutes away. Do you want me to get everyone set in the conference room?” Her co-worker Jackson leaned against the doorframe to her office, one foot crossed over the other at the ankle. Clarke shook her head.

“Just Finn, Monroe, and yourself. No need to subject the whole office to that kind of negativity unnecessarily.” She stood up and joined Jackson at the door, sweeping her eyes over her office for anything she forgot to grab. Satisfied, she motioned for Jackson to go on ahead of her, and walked briskly behind him, praying the whole way that the meeting would go even a little bit okay.

“But you said that the billboards would only cost $2000 each per month, now it’s $6000?!” Cage Wallace scrunched up his rodent-like face and whined like a child. The other inhabitants of the room sighed; they’d been at this an hour already.

“That was when you wanted regular print billboards. Digital billboards usually cost more than twice as much as print ones. We talked about this already; it’s one of the reasons we originally advised your father to go with print over digital, in order to save on cost.” Jackson patiently explained for the tenth time that meeting. He was in charge of financial tracking and was tasked with keeping projects on budget.

“But your company is known for digital billboards! We want to do those!” Cage’s voice was getting higher pitched as he spoke, his demeanor becoming more and more like a child who just can’t understand why they aren’t getting what they want.

“And we told you we can do the digital ones, but they come at a higher cost. They require more maintenance and upkeep, as well as constant power supply and program maintenance.” Monroe piped up, a rare occurrence in a meeting but Clarke had seen the woman come out of her shell lately. “On the plus side, with digital you can run multiple ads on the same screen, adjusting for time of day and people likely to be around.”

Cage stopped pacing behind the table and folded his arms, putting one hand on his chin. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Finn had yet to say a word the whole meeting, but the shock of Cage Wallace finally agreeing to do what was planned must have been enough to bring him out of his perpetually dower mood.

“Yes. Okay. We should proceed immediately. Don’t you agree, Dad?” The younger Wallace turned to his father, who also had been silent for the duration of the meeting, watching the others with a disarming look. Wallace Sr nodded slowly, before standing and offering his hand to Clarke, who rose to meet him.

“We’re in agreement. It has been a pleasure as always, though my son and I must be on our way. I will have my people sign whatever paperwork is necessary to proceed.” The white-haired man shook her hand firmly and then directed his son by the shoulders out of the room and into the reception area, stopping to bid Harper goodbye as well.

Clarke slumped back into her chair, already feeling the weight of the day, when she noticed Finn hadn't gotten up to leave with everyone else. His eyes were boring into her and she wished he would either talk or leave. He cleared his throat and she glanced over at him.

“So, I was thinking about going to that new museum that opened downtown. It’s supposed to have a great contemporary art section. Would you want to go too?” His voice was light and hopeful, and it could not have annoyed Clarke more.

“Finn, I told you no. I’m not interested in dating anyone right now.” She was firm, and working very hard not to betray how irritated she actually was. He opened his mouth a few times as if to say more, but Clarke didn’t give him the chance and exited the office without so much as a backwards glance.

Her second meeting was late and Clarke was just about to leave the conference room, when in walked a tall black man, with kind eyes and a soft voice. “I am very sorry I am late, I am usually very punctual, I had an emergency with one of my kids. I'm Lincoln Woods, I run Stronger Kids Kru.”

Clarke appraised him and nodded. “Clarke Griffin, nice to meet you. And that’s alright, I know how it is to have to deal with a kid emergency. I hope your child is okay?”

“Oh, no, he’s not mine, he’s one of the foster kids I work with. He was just taken back into the system for the third and hopefully last time, and I like to be the first person to greet returning kids. A familiar face can go a long way.” His features turned sorrowful, as if speaking from experience. “We try to do all we can to make these kids’ lives as enriched as possible for as long as they are with us, which is why we are hosting a fundraiser. We want to build a new foster center, like a group home, but with more than just beds and a kitchen. A place the kids can call home always, that has the ability to provide as close to a normal childhood as we can give them.”

Clarke was trying not to give in to her sudden urge to hug the man, his passion stirring up something inside that made her want to help however she could. They had a large pro bono budget, and Clarke had a feeling she was going to use a good portion of it helping the foster center come to life. “So how can we help?”

“The fundraiser will mean nothing if we can’t get people to show up and donate. My non-profit is pairing with another local non-profit to dual host the event, the proceeds going to both groups. The land I want to build on is located right next to the other non-profit and we are hoping to collaborate in the future to enrich both sides.” He started sketching on a piece of scrap paper. There are a few squares he labelled ‘barn’ ‘farmhouse’ and ‘pasture’, plus a large circular area he labelled ‘grassy free space’ next to the double lines to represent the road. “Now I know you are mainly a marketing company, but I looked you up specifically, Ms. Griffin, and I found out you used to be a party planner? I was hoping to not only hire your company to do the advertisem*nt for the fundraiser, but possibly get you to help plan the layout of everything? If not, it’s okay.”

“Clarke, call me Clarke.” She studied his rudimentary drawing and thought about her workload. The Wallace campaign was well in hand, and they only had a few smaller contracts at the moment. ‘What the hell, I could use the good karma in my life, plus I can try to get Madi involved so she can see the value of volunteering.’

“I’ll need a lot more information about the type of event and all the details. What is the other group?” She began cycling through different fundraiser possibilities, wondering what kind of event he was picturing.

“It’s an animal rehab facility run by one of my oldest friends. We were actually in foster care together as little kids and ended up adopted together. She wants to start a kids program to teach about safely interacting with wild animals and how to help injured animals, and she is going to let all the foster kids take the program for free. We are also going to have the kids that live in the new center help take care of the animals that live on the compound permanently, as well as the ones that are only there until they are strong enough to release.” He started a list on a different scrap of paper, detailing the two different non-profits and how they are hoping to interact and improve one another.

“Sounds ambitious.” Clarke levelled a smile towards the enthusiastic man, whose face was starting to fall the longer Clarke stayed quiet. “But I think it’s doable. Today we need to focus on fleshing out the event details so we can work on an advertising plan.”

He brightened up and Clarke found herself actually excited to work on a project in what seemed like years.

Chapter 5

Chapter Text

Clarke woke up on Wednesday morning looking forward to diving into her newest project. Her meeting with Lincoln had run far longer than she’d expected, but they had made a great deal of progress, and ended with a plan to meet on Thursday to concrete event rentals and the advertisem*nt plans.

She stretched and grabbed her phone to glance at the time, though it didn’t matter really. Clarke had taken the day to work at home, that way she could pick up a bit while she worked. Not that she felt the need to have a spotless house. Even before Madi, she was never one to keep an immaculate household, preferring to actually live in her home instead.

Sun was streaming in through the big double window on the far wall of her room, casting the room in a warm glow of contentment. She loved lazy work mornings.

“Mommy! I need help!” Madi’s tiny yell was barely audible through Clarke’s closed door, but the blonde was up like a shot and down the stairs in a matter of seconds. Her mind was a whirlwind of all the dire possibilities she could be barrelling towards..

“Madi?! What’s wrong, where are you?!” Clarke landed on the hardwood floor with a thud and whipped around into the hall, eyes searching everywhere. She slid in her socks out of the hall and into the kitchen where she found Madi splayed out on the floor, covered from head to toe in cocoa powder and flour. Her daughter looked almost in tears, a rare thing for the four-year-old in any circ*mstance, and Clarke rushed over, gathering Madi in her arms. “Oh baby, are you alright?”

Madi nodded and gripped Clarke’s shirt tight in her fists, burying her face in the familiar softness of her mother’s chest. Clarke stood with Madi on her hip, stroking her hair and humming, and made her way to the counter near the sink. Placing Madi on the countertop gently, she grabbed a washcloth and held it under the warm water tap.

“I’m sorry, Mommy.” The little girl’s voice was so small and sad, Clarke’s heart broke a bit. She began wiping the baking supplies off Madi’s face in slow swipes.

“What are you sorry for?” She pulled a dry cloth from the stack and patted her daughter’s face softly. Clarke paused to give the little brunette a chance to think. Madi gave a lopsided shrug and kept her gaze on her hands in her lap. “Baby, tell me, did you mean to spill the flour and cocoa on yourself and the floor?”

“No.” Madi still wouldn’t look up, sniffling and fidgeting her hands. Clarke grabbed her chin lightly and pulled her head up to look her in the eyes.

“It was an accident, and accidents happen, right?” Madi nodded at Clarke’s words, sniffling again. “Now, what were you trying to do this morning, my big girl?”

“I was trying to make brownies for Miss Lexa and my friends. I wasn’t going to do the oven part, but I wanted to mix the batter so all you had to do was bake them. But I tripped when I was getting the stuff out of the pantry and then it was everywhere!” Madi was starting to perk up into her usual excited self, using her hands to aid her talking. Her face turned sad again, remembering something. “And now we don’t have any more cocoa, so we can’t make brownies!”

Clarke pretended to think on this, tapping her chin with her fingers and hemming to herself. She stepped to the pantry and peered in, then looked at the mess still on the floor and on Madi. Feigning her best look of ‘Aha!’ she could, she spun around to face her daughter who was looking at her hopefully.

“How about you and I go to the store this morning after breakfast and get some more ingredients. Then we can make lots of brownies!” Clarke whisked Madi off the counter again and headed for the stairs. “But first, a shower for both of us, otherwise I may be tempted to throw you in the oven and make a chocolate Madi cake!”

She tickled Madi’s side and bounced up the stairs, Madi shouting “To the bathroom!” in between fits of laughter.

Madi somehow talked Clarke into making not one, not two, but four batches of what could be loosely considered brownies when they returned from the store. Clarke convinced her little baker to make the first batch just regular brownies, in case one of her friends didn’t like extra things in them, and then it became chaos. By the time she stuck the last batch in the oven, there were caramel bits scattered on the island, rainbow sprinkles all over the floor, and a suspicious crunching under Clarke’s foot that she was pretty sure was a stray pretzel that escaped from the madness. Clarke sent Madi off to the playroom to clean up whatever mess she may have made that morning before her mother woke up, and Clarke leisurely tidied up the kitchen area. She swiped the side of her hand along the island top, gathering crumbs into a pile before sweeping them into her other hand to throw away, thinking about all the times she and her own parents had spent time in the kitchen together.

When Clarke was little, her mother would always let her help with the cooking, giving her tasks like pouring in milk or stirring the pasta, sometimes even letting her cut the less tricky vegetables. But it was baking that Clarke had really enjoyed, and her father had been the one to teach her things like how to butter and flour a pan so the batter didn’t stick, and how to listen to a cake when you take it out of the oven to see if it was really baked inside. Though the memories had faded over the years, she could still feel his large hands over hers, showing her how to crack an egg for the first time. See his wide smile at her first successful buttercream rose. Hear his deep, thunderous laughter when they accidentally burnt the first pie they made together. The smell of cloves and cinnamon and vanilla were enough to bring her near tears some days, the ache of loss overwhelming her, and the urge to call home would sneak up on her. She never gave in though. Her mother had chosen her place in all this and some major apologies would need to happen before Clarke would even entertain the idea of forgiveness.

Madi had never really mentioned her grandparents, accepting their absence as a fact of life, just like her missing second parent. She wasn’t lacking in that area though; Monty’s dad came around on holidays, as well as Harper’s mom, and they together doted on Madi as if she were their grandchild, buying her presents and spoiling her rotten whenever they were in town. And Madi ate it up, calling them ‘Papa Green’ and ‘Nana Mac’ to their delight. Clarke knew she would have to explain one day all about the falling out, but how was she supposed to tell her beautiful little girl that her grandmother wanted nothing to do with her?

The timer on the oven brought her back the task at hand. Most of the kitchen was back to normal, counters wiped and dishes put away; the only thing left to do was sweep and she’d do that after getting a little work accomplished. She still had two hours until the playdate after all.

Setting the last batch of brownies to cool on a hot pad, Clarke crossed into the living room portion of the open layout and settled down with her laptop on the L-shaped couch, stretching her legs out and flexing her toes. She had a bit of work to do still on the Wallace project, but she just couldn’t make herself touch any of those files. She wanted to blame it on the fact that Dante Wallace and his repulsive son were her least favorite clients of all time, though really she could feel herself getting more and more invested in the Woods project.

Lincoln spoke with such passion about the kids he aimed to serve that it made Clarke wonder where he got the drive. ‘Maybe a former foster kid himself?’ When he detailed the building plans to her, the number of kids they could potentially house, and the positive ramifications that would come from the interactions the kids would get every day with the animals that would be living next door, his face was aglow with the love he had for his work and Clarke envied him. She had lost her drive in the last couple of years, doing her best to make clients happy, but dealing with way more Wallace types than she would like had left her feeling like a sellout, betraying her artistic integrity for a paycheck.

She pulled up the sketch she had started on the event layout, tweaking table placements and debating whether to go bounce house or inflatable obstacle course. ‘f*ck it, let’s do both, Arkadia will cover it.’ Her big boss had set a hefty non-profit budget that year after an underwear ad was printed in a set of magazines with a rather racist tagline (she had ripped the worker responsible a new asshole and fired him when he was unapologetic about the entire thing)(it was the last time she let anything go to the printers without directly assessing it with her own two eyes first), so she was going to use as much as she could get away with to help Lincoln. They set a date for the fundraiser, the beginning of June, giving Clarke roughly two months to get the word out to as many people as possible.

Lincoln had given her an all access pass to anything she would need from him about his work and as much as he could about the other group, Cageless & Free Animal Rehabilitation Center, run by a woman Lincoln described as the only person he’s ever met that will revel in the eventual destruction of mankind with little to no remorse at all. He didn’t say a name, alluding to the idea that the woman didn’t want to be involved more than necessary, but assuring Clarke that he had been given the greenlight to do whatever they decided upon. Clarke’s thoughts drifted to Lexa and her friend Anya. Specifically, how Lexa described her as not exactly a people person, and the blonde couldn’t help but root for the idea that the two rehab centers were the same. She liked the idea that she could be potentially helping the same woman who helped put Madi’s mind at ease.

She spent the next hour running through possible event schedules and layouts, emailing back and forth with her team and Lincoln, and all thoughts of the impending playdate were wiped from her mind. Madi ran in and out of the living room every so often, asking for snacks or for permission to do something, and at one point she snuggled into Clarke’s side and asked questions about her work. A vibration next to Clarke’s thigh caught Madi’s attention and she grabbed the phone before her mother could even register the feeling.

“It’s from Miss Lexa!” Madi had unlocked the phone and opened the new text, spelling the longest word aloud. “What does P-R-E-H-E-A-T spell? I know the other words.”

“Preheat. That’s an odd request, what does the rest of the message say?” Clarke responded distractedly, typing the last few words into her spreadsheet before shutting her laptop.

“Please preheat the oven to 3-5-0. We will be there shortly.” Madi read the voice in a robotic tone and added a few extra beeps and boops for fun. Turning her head stiffly towards Clarke, she continued her impression, “Mother, I believe our expected guest will arrive in a short period of time. Shall I examine the house for imperfections to remedy before their arrival?”

“Yes, Progeny. Please examine your recharging station and your external cleaning space. Return here in ten units of time for full inspection.” Clarke made her voice a matching monotone and began to move in a more precise manner. As soon as Madi was out of sight, Clarke laughed and walked normally the rest of the way to the oven, setting the requested temperature and patting the facing lovingly. “Looks like you’re getting quite the workout today, old friend.”

Not fifteen minutes later, and Madi was rushing towards the front door, bouncing on the balls of her feet, arms flailing about. Clarke stuck her head down the hallway from the kitchen and could see the familiar rise of brunette hair just in view of the half-moon window, and she nodded to Madi. The little girl squealed and swung the heavy front door open with all her might.

“You’re here!” Clarke could see Lexa’s eyes ever so slightly widen at the enthusiasm, returning quickly to their normal impassive state a moment later. The nanny held the glass outer door open with her back and ushered in the three little girls circling her feet like excited little sharks. Madi waited for her friends to get all the way in the house before taking off upstairs, calling for them to follow, a cacophony of footsteps and giggles fading into a low hum as they disappeared.

Clarke chuckled at the four girls, knowing Madi had probably constructed some sort of fort or playhouse for them to spend the afternoon creating elaborate stories and games in. She had reached the bottom of the staircase, her back to Lexa, when she remembered they still needed to eat lunch. Clarke swivelled on her heel to see Lexa still on the porch, propping open the door, but something stopped her from moving toward the nanny.

Lexa was staring at her. Intently staring. The brunette had forgone the sunglasses that day and her emerald eyes that had been following the girls up the stairs were suddenly locked on to Clarke, an unreadable emotion behind it. Some sort of mix of shock and interest and … longing? That couldn’t be right. She cleared her throat and willed her feet to move again, stretching out her hands to lessen the load Lexa was toting that seemed to consist of some glass tupperware and a large tote bag.

“You okay?” Clarke lifted the glassware slowly from a frozen Lexa’s hands and the action must have kick-started Lexa’s brain again. The brunette nodded her head absently and took shuffling steps over the threshold, the glass door banging shut behind her.

Clarke could feel her presence floating down the hall behind her, the stern facade settling back into place and bringing an air of nonchalance with it. Sliding the glassware on the table, curiosity got the best of her and Clarke lifted the red silicone top off the largest of the three bowls. “Dough?”

Lexa pulled out a laminated sheet that looked to Clarke like a bread recipe. “I thought we could let the girls make their own monkey breads. It was always a favorite in the home I grew up in.”

The unsolicited information took Clarke by surprise; Lexa wasn’t usually one to volunteer extra information. And the way she phrased it seemed off to the blonde, as if there was something Clarke was supposed to glean from it, but wasn’t quite grasping. ‘The home she grew up in? Like a group home? Oh, sh*t that’s probably it. That must have been rough. Explains why she’s a little… closed off.’

Clarke realized Lexa had continued talking and was now waiting for her to respond. “Um, yes?”

Lexa studied her seriously for a minute and then cracked a small smile. “You have no idea what I asked, do you?”

“Guilty.” Clarke covered her face with her hand in an attempt to mask her embarrassment.

“I was asking if you had any baking spray, I seem to have forgotten mine.” Lexa rummaged in the large tote she had set on the island counter, pulling out baking pans and various savory ingredients.

“Oh! Yeah, of course I do. We bake a lot around these parts.” Clarke mentally smacked herself. ‘Around these parts? What the hell Clarke.’

After handing the Pam to Lexa, Clarke combed through the food now littering her counter, seeing cheeses, meats, some chopped vegetables in baggies, some spices, and a few small jars of sauces. She’d never made monkey bread, but it was on the list she kept upstairs for new recipe night. She looked up and barely caught Lexa watching her again, the other woman's eyes darting down to the ball of dough she had begun separating into smaller balls. Despite the silence that had taken over the kitchen, Clarke felt at ease with Lexa there, and she held out her hand to the brunette. Lexa paused her kneading, eyes on Clarke’s for a beat too long, before grabbing one of the larger balls and handing it over. They worked in silence, dividing and kneading the dough until they had six piles, four small and two medium. Clarke spent more time mentally videoing Lexa’s fingers than paying attention to her task; the brunette had these long, graceful, powerful digits that Clarke wanted to feel on her skin in the most sinful way. ‘Calm it down Clarke. Thirsty is not a character trait you want to show off.’

“Want me to grab the kids now?” Clarke was flustered and looking for any excuse to step into a different room, if only for a moment.

“That would be good. I will start opening the toppings and spraying the tins.” Lexa appeared not to notice Clarke’s discomfort and reached over the blonde to grab the stack of bagged cheeses, her arm brushing Clarke’s ever so slightly. A jolt of something passed through Clarke all the way to her chest, a warmth that made her breath hitch. Clarke practically bolted out of the room and down the hall to the staircase.

“Girls! Time to make lunch!” Her voice came out stronger than she thought it would and she plastered a normal-ish looking smile on her face as the kids tumbled down the stairs like the mini circus they were.

The four girls were scattered around the surface of the kitchen island, the younger three perched on chairs, and were rolling their piles of dough into little balls to be stacked together. Lexa was on the opposite side from Clarke, standing between Madi and Dory, helping the girls when asked and reminding Dory that they were not making snowmen. Delilah and Maggie were on Clarke’s side of the island, both talking her ears off about anything they could think of, from Maggie’s new obsession with ninjas to Delilah’s favorite subjects at school.

Clarke blew a stray hair out of her face and took a step back from the island, observing the controlled chaos happening in front of her. Madi looked so alive with other kids in the house that Clarke felt that odd baby fever creep up inside her, that feeling she got when she passed a newborn in the mall, or saw a toddler at the park running towards their mommy. Hell, the way Dory kept mispronouncing every other word made her ovaries scream. And Lexa was not helping.

Despite her formal language, Lexa had a way with children that Clarke did not see coming. Sure, the woman was a nanny for three young kids, that didn’t necessarily have to mean she was warm or caring, just that she was capable of keeping them alive.

But she was patient with every question and problem the girls had, she laughed at their jokes, she encouraged them to try new flavors. Clarke saw the way Madi tried to keep Lexa’s attention, asking after her favorite animal, and color, and food, and even song; the nanny took it in stride, not only providing her own response, but asking Madi the same in return and asking follow-up questions. Clarke wondered if Lexa had any kids of her own. ‘If she does, I’m supremely jealous of her post-baby body. Madi messed me up good.’

All five pairs of eyes were on Clarke now, and Madi poked Lexa in the side, whispering something to the nanny before they both broke out in laughter. The blonde registered too late that Lexa had once again spoken to her, and her mind had been a million miles away. Clarke raised her eyebrow at her daughter. “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”

Madi shrugged sheepishly and laughed again, explaining. “I told Miss Lexa you weren’t paying attention, but she didn’t believe me. I said I could tell because you always do this thing with your lips where they scrunch in and you stare off in space. Like this!”

Madi did her best Clarke impression, pulling her lips in tight like she was sucking on a Warhead. Lexa struggled to keep a straight face, Clarke guessed for her sake, but cracked when Madi started making ‘thinking noises’ loudly. The other girls joined in, Lexa’s infectious laugh ringing above them all, pulling a chuckle out of Clarke against her will.

“Okay, okay, I get it, I look silly when I’m thinking. Now, are we ready to put these in the oven so you kids can go play?” She stepped back up to the counter and started loading her own dough balls into a loaf pan. Lexa gave the girls each their own half-size loaf pan to fill and between the two adults, they managed to get all the dough in the right pans with only one casualty from Dory’s bunch, which Clarke scooped up and tossed in the bin.

Delilah helped carry the pans to the oven and passed them to Clarke to stick in while Lexa wiped down the younger girls’ hands and faces. The eight-year-old high-fived them both and rushed off to the backyard, hot on the heels of the others.

Clarke and Lexa were alone again. Turning on the hot water and plugging the right sink drain, Clarke began washing dishes in the left side of the sink and then dropping them in the hot water in the right side. Her head filled with scenes from her latest not-quite-sex-dream, making it impossible to look a Lexa without becoming a flustered mess. She could hear Lexa cleaning up behind her, the clinking of bowls acting as an echo radar of sorts, tracking her movements. The subtle rattle of stacked dishes came up beside her and Clarke inhaled, holding her breath as Lexa set them down on the counter, her arm grazing Clarke’s lower back as she passed by.

“You don’t, by the way.” The quiet voice behind her made Clarke jerk in surprise, dropping the bowl she was rinsing with a clatter into the sink. She felt Lexa standing beside her and could see out of the corner of her eye the brunette staring out the window into the backyard. “Look silly when you are thinking.”

“Thanks?” Clarke lifted another bowl from the stack and ran a washcloth over inside, scrubbing off bits of pizza sauce stuck to it. Lexa switched to the otherside, nudging Clarke over a bit so the blonde was only in front of the right side.

“I can rinse and dry.” Lexa said the words as if they were non-negotiable, and as Clarke opened her mouth to protest, the blonde was brought to a halt by how natural it looked to have Lexa in her kitchen. Lexa, who plucked a dry towel from the stack in the drawer and commenced her task as if she did this with Clarke everyday. “The girls really like Madi, she is all they have talked about for the last few days.”

“She’s something alright. Headstrong and willful, but she can be the sweetest, too. I lucked out with her.” Clarke stared out the window at the four girls in the backyard climbing Madi’s rock wall and sliding down the other side. She felt Lexa tense up a little, and there was a pregnant pause.

“Has it always been the two of you?” Lexa asked timidly, and when Clarke didn’t answer right away, she must have thought better of it. “You do not have to answer that, I did not mean to be so forward.”

“No, no, it’s okay.” Clarke gave her a reassuring smile. “It has always been just the two of us, but it’s never felt that way. Not really. Raven has lived with us since Madi was a few months old and we always have friends around. The girl has more aunts and uncles than she knows what to do with, plus a couple bonus grandparents, too. Which is nice considering my mom is … let’s just say she’s not around.”

“And your father?” Lexa was holding a stack of clean bowls with a questioning look. Clarke pointed to the cabinet next to the stove and the brunette made her way that direction.

“He died when I was a teenager, cancer, but he would have loved Madi. She inherited his goofy humor and his drive to always do what’s right for as many people as possible.” Clarke put away the spoons they had used, her voice cracking a little as she thought of her dad. He had been her rock, her favorite person, her voice of reason, and the one she could always count on, and when he passed, the world didn’t turn the same for Clarke. From then on there was a moment each day where the world stuttered and she forgot, for a while, that he was gone. Then it would come crashing back and she’d lose him again. As the years went on, the stutter in time became shorter and shorter, until she could almost do both simultaneously.

“I am sorry for your loss. The loss of a parent is a tragedy that I would not wish on anyone.” They both fell silent, moving around the kitchen, wiping up spills and crumbs, putting away stray dishes. Clarke could see Lexa retreating into her head, her eyes a little glazed over. The oven timer still had ten minutes to go before the kids’ breads were ready.

They stood close with their backs pressed into the island, eyes trained out to the backyard, each stuck in their own heads with thoughts of the past swirling around and lengthening the silence to the point where when Clarke did come to, she didn’t know how to break it. Thankfully, her obnoxious roommate did that for her.

“YO WHOSE TRUCK IS THAT?” Raven’s voice echoed down the hall and bounced around the kitchen, startling both women. Lexa straightened up and put some distance between them, brushing flour off her shirt and fixing her sleeves. Clarke’s face fell, knowing that whatever moment they could have had was gone for sure now. “Clarke! There is a sweet-ass truck parked out front and so help me, it better belong to an equally sweet-ass person otherwise imma steal it.”

Raven’s grease covered body popped out into the room and she locked right on to Lexa’s presence, her eyes narrowing. “Weird nanny, we meet again.”

“It is nice to see you as well Raven. That would be my truck parked outside. Thank you for the compliment, it is a nice one, though I would appreciate it if you did not steal it.” Lexa met Raven’s glare with a stoic face, her features blank. Raven watched her for a beat, before cracking a wide smile.

“Well, it wouldn’t be right to steal it now, considering the sweet-ass it belongs to.” Raven winked at Lexa and Clarke thought she saw a blush briefly form on the nanny’s cheeks. The mechanic made her way to the oven and pulled it open a sliver. “f*ck that smells good. I came home just in time!”

The oven timer beeped in agreement and Lexa grabbed an oven mitt on her way over to pull out the smaller tins. Raven slid out of the way, never one to mess with the oven, the one appliance she not-so-lovingly called ‘the electric devil’. Lexa brought out the smaller tins, placing them on the glass stovetop to cool and resetting the timer for another seven minutes for the big tins. “I am thinking we should wait until ours come out to call the kids inside, so we will not have to listen to them complain about how hot the breads are.”

Clarke hummed in agreement and started putting out plates on the table, and Raven grabbed the napkins and followed suit. The nanny opened a few cabinets before finding the ramekins and poured the dipping sauces she had brought into the little bowls, setting them about the table so everyone could reach. The three of them made short work of getting lunch ready, minus the breads themselves, and the timer went off just as Clarke set down the last cup of juice. She stood back and sighed as Lexa removed the two larger monkey breads. “Raven, you want to get the kids in here?”

“On it.” The dark brunette ambled over to the sliding doors and stuck her head out. “Hey! Chow time, you animals!”

The stampede of kids nearly knocked Raven over and Lexa quickly diverted them to the bathroom to wash-up, using that stern voice that made Clarke shiver. She could feel Raven watching her but refused to look her way, already aware she was sporting pink cheeks.

“Who wants to flip their own bread out of the tin?”

After getting all the breads out and onto plates, they sat down to eat, Raven stealing pieces of everyone’s bread to try, and pretending to be a TV judge by giving unnecessarily detailed reviews. The girls had all swapped chunks, marvelling over the different taste combinations and picking their favorites, Madi’s tomato basil and sausage being a big hit. Dory’s provolone, turkey, and sesame seed bread turned out surprisingly well, though it was an interesting texture.

“I still can’t believe I didn’t get that chick’s name! sh*t, she was gorgeous, I’ll never find someone hotter than her.” Raven lamented, reaching over to Delilah’s plate to snatch another ball of jalapeno, nacho cheese, and bacon.

“Language, Rae. These kids probably aren’t allowed to hear that kind of talk at their house.” Clarke admonished, looking towards Lexa for confirmation.

“Daddy says stuff like that all the time!” Maggie said cheerfully as she shoved a marinara covered handful of bread in her mouth. The adults tried not to act startled by the information, going on as normal, though Clarke lifted an eyebrow at Lexa.

“And if it’s supposed to happen, you’ll find her again. Where does she work?” Clarke went on, “Anything distinguishable about her?”

“Other than being insanely attractive? She’s kind of broody, and I’m pretty sure she could stab a person in the chest and not think twice about it.” Raven dipped a piece of Clarke’s rosemary, garlic, and thyme bread into the ranch, causing the blonde to scrunch her face in disgust. “She said something about animals. A vet maybe? All I know is I would put up with a million animals for her.”

“Miss Lexa knows someone like that!” Madi interjected excitedly. “That lady that took the baby squirrel!”

“Madi, I doubt it’s the same woman. But thanks for the tip, kid.” Raven didn’t see how Lexa’s eyes bugged out just a fraction, but Clarke did, and she made a mental note to ask later. “What about you, hot nanny? Seeing anyone?”

“Raven!” Clarke glared at her friend, then turned to the now sputtering nanny. “You don’t have to answer her, she lives to embarrass people.”

“No, it is only fair after all. I am not currently dating anyone, my work keeps me rather busy and I have not had much time to venture back into the dating arena.” Lexa kept her face blank, her eyes the only indication there might be more to the story.

“Perfect! Clarky here has been off the market too, maybe you guys should-” Raven started.

“Who wants a brownie? It’s a nice day, you girls can take them out to the backyard with you!” Clarke interrupted, kicking Raven under the table before standing to collect empty plates. The kids clamored to help clear up and Delilah happily accepted the plate of brownies to take outside with the promise to throw away their trash when they finished. Lexa picked up one of the more eclectic brownies on the tray by the fridge and examined it.

“These are… interesting.” She removed a cluster of pretzels covered in caramel and popped it into her mouth, unaware of Clarke’s mildly inappropriate staring. “Family recipe?”

“I just let Madi make whatever she wanted. Sorry if there are some odd combinations in there.” Clarke wrenched her eyes away from the plush, kissable lips in front of her and used them instead to pick out a brownie of her own. Settling on one covered in rainbow sprinkles and melted marshmallow, she beckoned Lexa to follow her outside. When Raven tried to join them, Clarke stopped her at the threshold with a finger to the other woman’s chest. “Not you. You need a shower, you smell like the inside of a trucker’s ass.”

Raven gave her the finger and sauntered off, stripping her clothes as she went and flinging them around the house.

Chapter 6

Chapter Text

The following couple of weeks, Lexa and the girls came over four more times and with each visit Clarke felt like she was slowly cracking into the enigma that was the brunette nanny. They would make lunch with the kids, trading glances over bowls of mac n’ cheese and subtle brushes of arms and hands, tongue-and-cheek smiles with the hope of something more. Clarke was going a little insane trying to figure out if Lexa really was flirting with her, or if she was just making it all up in her head. Raven had been a less than helpful sounding board; her roommate’s advice usually amounted to “Just f*ck her already.”

And Clarke had Madi to think about. Not only was Clarke hesitant to get involved with anyone, but Lexa was the nanny to some of Madi’s only friends. What if Clarke took the leap and Lexa turned her down? Would things get awkward? Would they stop hanging out? She couldn’t take that risk, Madi’s happiness was too important. So she resolved to tone it down and stop flirting so much, for Madi’s sake.

Two weeks after the first playdate, Clarke was vacuuming the downstairs’ rugs in anticipation of Lexa and the girls’ arrival for their now standing Friday hangout session. She’d left vacuuming for last, figuring that if she didn’t get to it, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Madi was in her room building a new pillow fortress and Clarke had put on a playlist of songs on her Google Home that she liked to clean to, mostly 90’s alt rock and some pop hits sprinkled here and there. Currently, she was jamming to The Middle by Jimmy Eat World, dancing a little as she pushed her Dyson back and forth across the black rug in the living room, belting out the chorus as loud as she could. She felt eyes on her and whirled around to the brunette nanny standing at the threshold between the kitchen and the living room, a wide smile on her face and eyes shining.

“f*ck, Lexa!” Clarke switched off the vacuum and pressed the heel of her hand to her chest, trying to calm her speeding heart rate. “You really know how to get a girl’s heart racing, don’t you.” ‘Clarke, we just talked about this. No more flirting.’

Lexa let out a small chuckle and set down the tote bag she was carrying. “I’m sorry, Madi let us in. I sent the girls upstairs and came in here to find my very own private show.”

Clarke’s cheeks reddened and she stuck her tongue out at Lexa as she wrapped up the cord to the vacuum. ‘See? Maybe she is flirting with you!’ She stashed the vacuum in the corner of the living room and made her way to the kitchen, ignoring the tingles she felt as Lexa followed behind. “Pizzas today, yeah? Madi’s gonna flip, kid loves pizza more than life. Maybe even more than me.”

“Pizza is the best creation known to man.” Lexa pulled out the bags of ingredients from her tote on the floor and began organizing them on the counter, grabbing bowls and utensils from their hiding places on instinct. Clarke barely heard her murmur something under her breath. “But maybe not better than you.”

“What was that?” Clarke raised a brow.

“I said pizza is the best creation known to man.” Lexa looked over at Clarke with a blank look and Clarke thought maybe she had imagined it. They kept on with their preparations in silence, until the tromping of kids down the stairs broke through.

“Mommy, is it time to make lunch? What are we making?” Madi galloped into the room, the other three girls close behind.

“Pizza!” Lexa shouted excitedly, hyping up the girls and bouncing up and down with them. The kitchen shook with the thumping of feet and screeching kids, and Clarke smiled wide, enjoying every second. Lexa caught Clarke’s eyes, brilliant green piercing through blue right into Clarke’s soul, making the blonde warm to the tips of her toes. Clarke cleared her throat, pulling her gaze away and focusing on the task at hand: Not flirting with Hot Nanny.

“Alright, alright, let’s get these pizzas started or we’ll never get to eat them!” Clarke took her place on one side of the island and Lexa on the other, the girls filling in where they wanted. Madi chose to be next to Lexa like always and Clarke felt a familiar tug in her chest, the one she seemed to always get whenever she saw the two side by side.

Once the pizzas were made and put in the oven, Delilah announced that the kids had a super secret mission to finish and she led the troops upstairs to the playroom, little feet marching in step behind. Lexa wiped up the counters while Clarke gathered the dishes, each invading the other’s space any time they could but never saying anything beyond the usual small talk. Once they finished the clean up, they retired to the living room, Clarke putting on some old game show to fill the quiet.

“Some people are getting together tonight to celebrate my brother’s engagement or something like that. At a bar on 5th and Downing.” The words came out of nowhere, had Clarke not turned to the woman sitting next to her and seen the small smile on Lexa’s face, she would have sworn she imagined them. ‘She has a brother? I don’t think I can handle meeting a guy version of Lexa, too.’

“Grounders? I love that place! They’re the only one that carries the ciders I like.” Clarke craned her around to look at the timer, judging if she should go ahead and make herself get up or not. She sighed and stood up, bones cracking as she stretched her joints.

“You could come too, if you want.” Lexa slipped the words out into the air and let them hang there between them, her face calm and collected. Clarke didn’t turn around and kept on her path to the oven, pulling out the little pizzas to cool down. The blonde ignored the voice that piped up in her mind screaming that maybe, just maybe , Lexa meant the invitation as a date.

“You know what? I think I will.” Clarke turned to face the nanny just in time to catch the look of surprise that skimmed across her features. “I’ve been meaning to get back to hanging out with friends outside my own house. Is it cool if I bring Raven? She’ll kill me if I go out without her.”

“Of course. That would be fine. We made plans to meet at eight, but I will be getting there early to eat dinner.” Clarke noticed a strange tension in Lexa’s voice and the brunette had fallen back to her ‘Miss Lexa’ speech patterns. She wanted to ask if she was okay, but thought better of it, knowing she might drive Lexa further into her shell.

Lexa was quiet the rest of the playdate, hardly saying more than the necessary sentences to Clarke and Clarke was reminded of their first few interactions, before they had gotten to know one another better. ‘Did I do something? It’s like she invited me and then didn’t want me to say yes to going. Maybe I shouldn’t.’

As the nanny was packing up her stuff to head out, Clarke gathered up the toys in the living room, debating whether to back out of the night’s plans. She stood up with an armload of stuffed animals and coughed a bit. “Hey, I- I don’t have to come tonight if you don’t want. I know we usually hangout so the kids can play together and I don’t want you to feel like you have to invite me out of some social obligation or anything.”

Lexa looked up from her bag with a puzzled face, her hand hovering over the opening, keys dangling in the air. “Do you not want to come?”

“What? No! Of course I do! I just- I don’t want to intrude. You said you were celebrating something and I didn’t know if my being there would interrupt.” Clarke did her best to hold back the desperation she was feeling at finally getting grown-up time with new people.

“Clarke. I would not have invited you if I did not want you there.” Lexa held Clarke’s clear blue eyes in the powerful pull of her forest green, something sparkling behind them, right out of reach. “Besides, I was instructed ‘The more the merrier!’ My friends will be happy to meet you.”

“If you’re sure.” Clarke stepped over to the basket that held Madi’s stuffed animals and unceremoniously dropped the load she was carrying.

“I am.” The brunette shouldered her bag and made her way down the hall to the foyer, calling up the stairs to the girls that they needed to leave. Clarke stood a few feet away, the urge to pull Lexa to her suddenly too much to bear, and she scooted farther away as subtly as she could. When Lexa turned, Clarke was halfway down the hall. “I will see you tonight, then?”

“See you tonight! Bye girls!” Clarke pulled Madi in front of her like a tiny human shield, not that the girl noticed, and bid her guests goodbye. As the door closed, Madi swivelled to peer up at her mother.

“What’s going on tonight?”

“Madi, how would you like to spend the night at Aunt Harper and Uncle Monty’s?”

Harper had given her a fair amount of crap on the phone about her not-date with Lexa, and when Raven got home, it only increased. She had Harper on speakerphone on her bed while she destroyed her closet trying to find something to wear. She’d already kicked Raven out of her room and assumed she was getting ready as well.

“I don’t want to look like I’m only there to try to bang Lexa. I don’t even think she likes me that way.” Clarke’s voice was muffled under the shirt she was struggling to pull on.

“So you want to go for ‘I’m available, but not slu*tty, but I’m down for at least some heavy touching, but again not slu*tty, well maybe slu*tty, but only for certain brunettes.’” Harper listed off, laughter echoing through the phone.

“In a nutshell, yes. Any ideas?” She threw another failed outfit on the bed and went back to surfing through her clothes.

“Why not ask Raven? Isn’t she going too?”

“You know her, she’ll just find the skimpiest thing I own and make me wear it. Last time I complained, she said she didn’t know why I own that short of a dress if I didn’t intend to put it on. It was a NIGHTSHIRT.” Jumping up and down, Clarke managed to zip up her last pair of clean pants and pulled out a grey shirt with a few front buttons to throw on.

“Well, my closet is full of khaki and neutral colors. Monty definitely isn’t with me for my sense of style. I’ll see you at six forty-five to drop off Madi? I still have to tell Monty we’re moving date night to tomorrow.”

“Harper! Why didn’t you say something? I don’t want to make you push off date night.”

“Clarke. This is the first time in ages that you’ve been excited to go out with someone other than our group. Sure, Raven is going too, but this is good! Branch out, meet new people. Maybe have sex with said people. Who knows, just have fun!” Harper always was the mother hen of the group, despite Clarke being the only actual mother. In college, Harper was always the one to get them home after a wild night out, pouring them into an Uber, and feeding them bread and water. Clarke could attribute a good deal of her survival as an adult to one Harper McIntyre Green.

Throwing on her black leather jacket and taking a last glance at herself in the mirror, she exited her room to grab Raven and Madi to head out.

Grounders was a low-key place that was known for decent prices and a comfortable atmosphere, and the second Clarke stepped through the door, she felt alive. Having Madi was one of the best things she’d ever done, but sometimes she missed the open possibilities that came with being childless and free from any obligation other than the general rule of law (and even that was iffy).

“So where’s the party at? I thought you said this was an engagement party. I expected less ‘Dive on a Friday’ and more ‘Body shots off hot people’” Raven sidled up beside the blonde and surveyed the bar.

There were a few people at the bartop scattered and isolated, a group of college-age guys playing pool in the back, and a few groups at various tables. Everything was very subdued, but it wasn’t even seven thirty yet. “Why don’t you go get us some drinks and I’ll look for Lexa, she said she’d be here early.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice. Alcohol, here I come!” The latina wandered off towards the bar, her limp barely noticeable these days.

Raven was just about to graduate highschool when a drive-by shooter sprayed a car idling on the curb outside her house. The array of bullets swung wide, and left Raven motherless and almost paralyzed from the waist down. Six months of intensive rehabbing and she was at eighty percent mobility, her left leg never fully recovering. Clarke had known her for almost a decade and had never known Raven to back down from any challenge, bum leg or not. She hated to wear her metal brace, and only wore it at work when it was required or at home when she was going to be mobile for longer than thirty minutes at a time. She never wore it out socially, especially when new people were involved.

Clarke scanned the bar again, her heart racing at both the possibility of seeing Lexa and possibly being stood up. She didn’t think the nanny would do something like that. ‘Right?’

“You beat me here.” The shivers down Clarke’s body were entirely involuntary and she prayed Lexa didn’t see how her voice affected the blonde. Collecting her wits, Clarke turned only to almost drop at the sight of the woman before her.

Lexa always wore business/business-casual anytime they had hung out before (Clarke drove herself a little nuts trying to imagine the nanny in anything else), but she was definitely not wearing office appropriate attire now. She had her hair down and curly, swept across one shoulder of her dark green and blue plaid jacket she wore over a black tank top tucked into faded blue jeans buckled with a worn leather belt. Clarke would have swooned if she could have guaranteed that she wouldn’t have hit the sticky bar floor.

“Can you snag a table? I’m going to grab a drink and I’ll meet you there.” Lexa headed off, leaving Clarke gaping. As she was sliding into a booth, Clarke remembered Raven and a panic settled in. ‘Raven is going to say something inappropriate to Lexa at the bar, I can feel it.’

A ten minutes of scrolling through social media on her phone, ignoring the rising anxiety, and she was dumbfounded to hear the two women laughing as they walked to the booth. Raven was double-fisting beer, and Lexa had a tray of shots on one hand and two beer bottles clutched in the other. When they arrived, Raven swung quickly around the taller woman and slipped onto the bench opposite the blonde, throwing her bad leg up on the length of the seat and leaving Lexa no choice but to sit next to Clarke. Lexa paused, a look of uncertainty flashing across her features.

“So sorry, she was raised by wolves.” Clarke glared at her best friend and then looked up at Lexa, who was still balancing her drinkload. “Sit, sit! I’m sure Raven is dying to throw back those shots.”

“Where’s the lie? And my leg hurts, I’m a cripple over here!” Raven took a swig of one of her beers, raising the other up in acknowledgement. Lexa slid the shot tray onto the table and technically sat down on the bench seat next to Clarke; Lexa’s posture was stiff and she was as far from Clarke on the seat as she could be without falling off. “Hey, loosen up Hot Nanny, aren’t you supposed to be celebrating?”

Lexa’s face hardened as she grabbed a shot off the tray and knocked it back, and then a second, wincing as she slammed down the second glass. “How’s that for loose? Think you can keep up?”

“Daaammmnn! Clarke, grab a couple, we need to catch up!” Raven pushed the tray to the center of the table and so started the first fifteen minutes of disastrous drinking. Four shots in, a large array of appetizers arrived at their table, Lexa thanking the waitress with a wink that had Clarke throwing back another shot to quell the odd jealousy that flared.

Six shots in (well, seven for Clarke) and Lexa had inched her way over until their thighs were pressed together, elbows bumping with every movement. Clarke was barely resisting the urge to put her hands on Lexa, her fingertips tingling with want. Raven had ranted for a solid five minutes about her inability to find the hot girl she’d been lusting after, and Clarke was doing her best to pay attention. They had just clinked together another set of shots when a male voice interrupted. “Starting without me, little sister? And here I thought I was the one celebrating!”

Clarke’s shot slid down the wrong pipe as her body jerked at the familiar voice and she coughed a few times, trying to clear the burning alcohol from her lungs. Lexa patted her on the back and when Clarke calmed, the nanny kept her hand on the woman beside her, fingers rubbing soothing circles into the leather of Clarke’s jacket.

“sh*t Lexa, this is your brother? He is fine! It’s like he stepped out of an Abercrombie billboard! Holy Ada Lovelace, is all your family attractive?” Raven’s drunk ass was practically shouting at the woman, her right hand swirling the bottom of her empty beer on the table.

“Hey Lincoln, congratulations again!” Lexa shoved herself out of the booth and hugged the much taller man, standing on her tiptoes even in her heeled boots. He whispered something in her ear that Clarke couldn’t make out but she did see the blush that was on the nanny’s cheeks as she turned back to the table. “Lincoln, this is-”

“Miss Griffin! What a nice surprise! How are you?” Lincoln motioned to the waitress that he was grabbing a long table, and he and Lexa drug it over to adjoin with the booth, making one long table that would fit roughly twelve. “Lexa, you didn’t tell me you knew the woman responsible for making my dreams come true!”

“Hey! I thought I was that woman?” A short, muscular brunette walked up behind Lincoln and punched him in the arm. Clarke was too busy being shocked at the revelation that Lexa and Lincoln were related to focus on the woman standing next to him. “Clarke? Clarke Griffin?”

“Octavia Blake?” Clarke was reeling. There was no way this night could get more surprising. “I haven’t seen you since your brother’s bonfire after highschool graduation, how are you?”

“Oh, you know, surviving. Getting married to this big lug.” Octavia wrapped her arm around Lincoln's waist and gave him a gentle squeeze. He gazed down at her with a loving smile and Raven started making gagging noises.

“This is Raven. She believes love was invented by greeting card companies and chocolatiers.” Clarke rolled her eyes and took another swig of her cider. Lexa slid back into the seat next to the blonde and waved the others to sit down.

“So who else is coming out? Tris? Nyko? Gaia?” Lexa had replaced her hand on Clarke’s back and Clarke didn’t stop herself from leaning into it, the alcohol in her veins cutting off any interference from her brain.

Lincoln grabbed a seat next to Raven, Octavia taking the chair by Lexa. The waitress appeared with a new round of drinks for everyone, Lexa grabbed Clarke’s and slid it over to her, their fingers brushing. “Those guys, and maybe Niylah and Roan. So, Miss Griffin, how do you know my sister?”

“Clarke, Lincoln, call me Clarke. And Lexa nannies for my daughter’s friends.” Clarke glanced at Lexa next to her, blue getting lost in green for a few moments.

“Well, that saves me from having to set you two up later.” Lincoln said with a twinkle in his eye.

“Linc!” Lexa looked scandalized at the thought and Clarke tried not to take it wrong.

“What? You’re my baby sister and I want you to be happy! Miss Griffin is great, she’s smart, kind, funny...”

“Not to mention hot as fu-” Octavia threw in.

“Don’t you dare continue that!” Lexa cut her off, pointing her beer at her soon-to-be sister-in-law.

“You don’t agree Miss Griffin is attractive?” Her brother baited, a smirk on his face.

“Of course Miss Grif- I mean CLARKE - is attractive! I just meant- I- Argh!” Lexa buried her face in her hands and screamed in frustration. Clarke watched this whole thing play out with an amused look, taking note of the dynamic that existed between the three and how easily Lexa had been goaded by the two. “Can we please just drink now?”

The group kept drinking steadily and chatting about their lives. Clarke and Octavia caught each other up on everything since they last saw each other six years before. Octavia showed off pictures of the youth center she and her brother, Bellamy, had opened together, where she had met Lincoln when he started volunteering there. Clarke pulled out her phone and she and Raven regaled the best of the Madi stories, during which Octavia insisted on pictures. Clarke brought up the album in her phone reserved for Madi and clicked on the first picture ever taken of the little girl, bundled up and wide-eyed in the little hospital cot. She handed it to Lexa to pass to Octavia, but the nanny held onto it for a moment, staring at the photo before absently handing it off to Octavia to gush over.

“Oh my god, Clarke! She’s so cute! Look, Lincoln!” Octavia flipped the phone to Lincoln and he nodded in agreement.

“Swipe over, there’s more.” Clarke called over before taking another sip of her drink.

“How old is she? Three? Four?”

“She’s a whole lot of four, and a whole lot of fire and spunk.” Raven answered, laughing.

“And her dad?” Lincoln asked curiously.

“Not in the picture. Never was.” Clarke said matter-of-factly, making eye contact with Raven, attempting to will her into not saying anything. Which of course didn't work at all.

“Clarke was a lot looser back then.” The mechanic announced, giggling at the death glare she received in return from the blonde.

“That’s not true!” Clarke threw a balled up napkin at her best friend. “Well, not completely. But yeah, no baby daddy for me thanks.”

“His loss is Lexa’s gain!” Octavia grinned at her almost sister.

“Stop! We’re just friends!” Lexa pleaded with her family, head in her hands again.

“Who’s just friends?”

The group turned as one to the new male voice, and Clarke was met with not one, but five people. Lincoln stood and embraced him, lovingly patting him on the back, and moving on down the line. “Roan, you made it! And you dragged the whole bunch with you I see.”

Remembering there were new faces seated with them, Lincoln introduced his friends to Clarke and Raven. There was Roan, with rugged features and his hair pulled back in a half-pony; Tris, who looked barely in her twenties with a sweet face; Nyko, a stocky man with a warm smile and a wink thrown Clarke’s way that made her blush; Niylah, a willowy blonde with little braids throughout her hair; and Gaia, her large eyes and white, close cropped hair in stark contrast with her darker skin. Clarke waved a friendly hello and Raven tipped her beer that way, nodding.

As they were settling down at the long table, another girl strolled up, a scowl on her face that gave Clarke bad vibes. She grabbed the last seat at the table next to Roan, crossing her arms and leaning back. Roan pushed a beer her direction, “Look what the cat dragged in. Everything okay, Ontari?”

“Just peachy. My boss has me working a double Saturday AND Sunday. So there’s my weekend, right?” She took a gulp of her beer and grimaced. “What is this?”

“Free beer. Drink it and lighten up, we’re here to celebrate! It’s not everyday one of our brothers gets married!” Roan raised his drink in a toast, everyone following and cheering.

“Wait, brothers?” Clarke inquired. Lincoln smiled, unperturbed by her obvious lingering question.

“We were all adopted by the same couple, our lovely mom and dad, Indra and Gus. Except Gaia of course, but she’s the weirdo of the family.” He mock-whispered, a noise of protest coming from the mentioned woman. “Roan is the oldest at 30, then Nyko and Niylah since they’re twins, then me, Anya, Lexa, Gaia (who was a surprise), and Tris. Baby Ontari over there is just holding on to 21.”

Clarke laughed at the newly deepened scowl on Ontari’s face and a thought hit her. “Hold on, Anya? Like the squirrel rehab thingy Anya?”

“So eloquent Clarky, you should write a book.” Raven mocked and Clarke gave her the finger.

“The very same. She said she’d try to come by but there was some sort of coyote emergency? I didn’t get a lot from the message she left.” Niylah piped up, leaning into the table to be heard.

“It’s alright, I’ll just have to let her get me drunk some other time.” Lincoln waved at the waitress and more drinks were ordered, more stories exchanged, and Clarke found herself falling harder and harder for the girl next to her, their hands finding each other shyly under the table.

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Author's note: I'm a visual person, so here's what Lexa and Clarke are wearing. You know, just not ripped up and stuff. And short hair Clarke. And obviously without the weapons lol

Chapter 7

Chapter Text

The next week went by in a flash for Clarke, filled with meetings and detailed work, but most of all, filled with a lot more Lexa. They added Monday and Wednesday to their afternoon playdate schedule, always at Clarke’s which the blonde was fine with, and they had been texting back and forth a bit as well. Just little things like good morning and how was your day.

Finn had continued to be a piece of work at the office, his brooding on a whole new level now that he thought Clarke was seeing someone, a rumor started when she cut out early on Wednesday and accidentally said she had a date instead of a playdate. He had made a huge fuss at no one in particular as she left about company morals and dedication to the clients, to the point where Kane had to tell him to stop interrupting everyone else’s day.

Thursday, Finn refused to attend a meeting Clarke was holding about the finalization of the Wallace account, and got his ass reamed by Kane. On Friday, he loudly announced he had a hot date he had to leave early to prepare for, making sure to stand right outside Clarke’s office door as he did. Clarke put her head down on her desk in frustration. ‘Why was he being such a child about this?’ By the time she closed out her work around three, she was more than ready to get the hell out of there.

It was Friday night and they were out at Grounders again, and Clarke was feeling it. Most of the Woods’ clan was there, minus Anya, who never did make it out that first night. There was good music, decent alcohol, and great company, what more could a girl ask for?

Raven bet Nyko she could beat him at darts, and while he put up a good fight, she crushed him and used the twenty bucks she won to pick the next forty songs on the jukebox, some selected at random. Lincoln and Octavia were at the bar, chatting with Gaia, who actually worked as a bartender for Grounders and was in the middle of an eight hour shift, and Roan was hanging with Lexa and Clarke by the pool tables. They had been playing a half-hearted game of three-person billiards but no one was really paying attention and just shot at whatever ball they wanted. Lexa was always within Clarke’s reach, and the drunker they both got, the closer their proximity stayed.

“Yo, Clarky, you guys wanna play two on two?” Raven traipsed over, dancing a bit to JT’s Sexy Back. Roan stepped back from the table and handed Lexa his pool cue.

“That’s a negative from me, I’ve gotta take a leak and check that Ontari hasn’t burned her workplace to the ground. She’s doing another double and is rarely one for idle threats.” He pulled his phone from his pocket and walked off in the direction of the restrooms, leaving Raven to pout.

“Well sh*t. There goes my chance at a pool partner. Octavia and Lincoln already said no, well they would have if I could ask them but I’m not interrupting their face-sucking. Nyko has to leave soon, so he’s out.” Raven leaned against a nearby barstool, twirling the cue in her hand.

“I’ll play.”

Clarke and Raven both whipped their heads around at the new voice; Lexa had little response, re-chalking her cue instead. A dirty blonde woman, all angles and high cheekbones, was approaching the group nonchalantly, like she’d just as soon turn back as keep going.

“Anya, about time you came out. I was starting to worry Clarke thought we made you up.” Lexa set her cue against the brick wall and gave her sister a short hug.

“Yeah, yeah, Link was blowing up my phone and I figured if I come out tonight, then I have another month before you guys bother me again.” Anya selected a stick from the hanging wall rack and chalked the tip. She nodded in Clarke’s direction and began racking the balls to start a new game. “You must be Clarke. Lexa won’t shut up about you.”

“That’s me, and oh really? And what kind of stuff does she say?” Clarke teased, winking at an increasingly red Lexa whose eyes were wide and pleading with Anya.

“Oh, you know, the usual. Clarke’s so pretty, Clarke’s so nice, I’d do anything to-”

“ANYA. Have you met Raven yet?” Lexa redirected her sister, pointing her stick towards the frozen woman in the corner. Raven hadn’t moved a muscle since Anya walked up, her mouth hanging open. Anya glanced over and did a double-take.

“Holy crap, it’s you.” She looked as shocked as Raven, her hand pausing mid-air, the eight ball hovering above its spot in the rack. Anya’s acknowledgement brought Raven back to the conscious world and she made a sound suspiciously like moan, rushing over to Clarke.

“Clarke! This is her! This is the girl! Oh sh*t, I meant to whisper that, sh*t I’m drunk.” The mechanic leaned into Clarke, her weight impacting enough to shift Clarke a few inches. The blonde laughed at the synchronicity of it all. Of course Raven’s hot girl was Lexa’s sister and also the squirrel rehabber. Of f*cking course. She leaned in to fake-whisper back.

“Are you going to go say hi?” Clarke twisted Raven by the shoulders and shoved her at the other woman. Feeling Lexa return to her personal space behind her, Clarke sighed at the light touch of the hand on her lower back.

“This should be good. Anya won’t admit it, but I know she likes Raven. She keeps bringing up the ‘obnoxiously attractive geek’ she met a while ago.” Lexa’s voice was soft in Clarke’s ear, her hot breath sending signals down the whole of Clarke’s body.

The four of them played a few games of pool, making light-hearted bets with each other that never amount to anything more than $20 or so. They switched to water after the third game, when Raven tripped over a chair leg and nearly landed on top of the pool table, scattering the balls and forcing them to restart. Clarke was ninety percent sure it was on purpose; Raven doesn’t take losing very well, and Lexa and Clarke had sunk five balls to their three.

As the night wore on, Clarke watched Anya and Raven, the way they danced around each other, trading pretend insults and glares paired with touches they thought no one noticed. She hadn’t seen Raven look that happy since Kyle, the once proclaimed love of her life, and a small glimmer of what the future could be shone in Clarke’s head. The four of them hanging out with the rest of the Woods clan on a regular basis, going home to their houses next to each other in a cute neighborhood where Raven would blow things up in her own yard and Madi could visit everyday. Where Anya and Raven could come over to Clarke and Lexa’s for breakfast on Saturday mornings after a night of drink out on the back porch together.

Clarke shook her head. That was a dream and from Clarke’s experience, dreams rarely came true how you wanted them. Clarke was suddenly exhausted by the let down of the work week and all the stress it had brought.

“You guys, I don’t think I can last much longer. Work wore me down good this week and the alcohol is hitting hard. I might have to call it a night.” Clarke took a sip of her water and gathered up the stray trash on the high top table into a little pile to toss on her way out. “I’m gonna get a Lyft. Raven?”

The mechanic looked up from when she was practically pressed into Anya’s side, the two of them looking quite cozy in a booth nearby. “Uh, I, uh…”

“I can drive you guys if you want. I only had two beers and it’s been enough time to sober up.” Anya suggested, and Clarke glanced over at Lexa, who seemed properly surprised her sister had offered at all. Raven was beaming at the thought of spending more time with the woman, and who was Clarke to deny her?

“Yeah, okay. That’d be great. Lexa?” Clarke wasn’t sure why she needed the woman to ride along with them, she was sure Lexa had her own responsibilities and wanted to get back to her own home.

“I’m gonna hitch a ride, too, if that's cool. I took an Uber here just in case the night went long and Lincoln got into the tequila again.” She shrugged on her jacket, eyes never leaving Clarkes as she spoke. She turned and headed to the bar, taking Clarke’s trash pile with her. “I’ll go settle my tab and we can head out.”

Ten minutes later, after they had all gone to the restroom and collected their items, Clarke realized she never paid her tab. She halted in the doorway and called out to the others already outside.

“Hey, hold on! I have to pay my tab real quick!” The blonde rushed to the bar, spotting Gaia drying glasses, and whipped out her card. “I’m so sorry, I almost forgot to pay. I never do that!”

Gaia chuckled and slowly set down the glass she was holding. “Your tab has been paid Clarke, don’t worry about it.”

“What? No, I didn’t pay yet.” Clarke tried to hand the piece of plastic to the bartender but she pushed it back in Clarke’s hand.

“It has been taken care of, Clarke.” Gaia leaned her head toward the doorway and smiled wide. “My sister likes you, more than I have seen her like anyone in a long while. Don’t break her, okay?”

Gaia’s last words were laced with an underlying threat that Clarke had no doubt was genuine. Still, she blushed. “I like her, too.”

“Good. Now get out there!” Gaia made a shooing motion and Clarke scurried back to the group waiting outside.

Lexa ended up driving, being the next most sober of the group. Clarke took the front seat after a still tipsy Raven loudly declared Clarke was not allowed in the backseat with her and Anya. As if Clarke wanted to be back there while they mauled each other. ‘No thank you, I’d rather eat a bag of co*ckroaches.’

Lexa turned on the radio to mask the lewd sounds coming from the backseat as they drove, Clarke laughing at the frown on Lexa’s face at a particularly loud moan. Their hands found each other in the dark of the car, and Clarke’s heart leapt.

The past week had given her hope that maybe they could be more than friends, and after Gaia’s comment, she was starting to see a future with Lexa. There were a few things that still puzzled her about the nanny though: Why did she always revert to ‘Prim and Proper Miss Lexa’ when she was around the kids? Why did she keep sending mixed signals if she was truly interested in Clarke? Why did she give Clarke a weird sense of deja vu?

She knew Lexa had gone to the same college, but it was a big school and she was a year ahead so it was doubtful they had crossed paths. Maybe they had walked by each other on the way to class or passed at the atrium as they were each getting lunch. ‘Maybe if I had met her earlier, we would be settled with a few kids running around by now, and maybe a dog. We’d have Sunday brunch that was twice as big, all the Woods siblings and my friends drinking and hanging out together. Maybe Anya and Raven would have met earlier too, and would have their own little hellion terrorizing everyone and would be best friends with Mad-’ Clarke’s train of thought stopped abruptly. Madi. As great as Lexa was, she wouldn’t trade having Madi for anyone or anything.

“Hey, you okay over there?” The brunette’s voice brought her out of her fantasy, green eyes boring into her own with a curious look. Clarke blinked a few times and looked around, noting they had already arrived in her driveway, but the sickening makeout noises were mysteriously absent. She craned her head around her seat and found the back empty.

“They went inside. I guess this means I’m heading home without Anya. Shocker.” Lexa laughed softly, letting Clarke’s hand go to unbuckle her own seatbelt and get out of the car. “I can walk you to your door, if that’s okay?”

“It’s late.” Clarke mentioned, nodding as she unbuckled and stepped out, while Lexa came around to her side of the vehicle.

“Yeah, I hope you don’t have any early plans tomorrow. If so, it’s gonna be rough.” The nanny offered Clarke her arm and they walked up the drive together, the sounds of crickets and the occasional hoot of an owl punctuating the silence. As they got to the door, Clarke could feel Lexa’s body tense, and they faced one another. “I guess I’ll see you Monday.”

Lexa turned to head out and Clarke’s body moved of its own volition, her hand shooting out to grab the brunette’s arm. “Or you could stay.”

Green eyes widened and Clarke instantly wished she could take it back, fearing she’d crossed another invisible line. She tried to backtrack, giving Lexa a way out. “I mean, it’s late so, if you want, you could stay here. If you have to go, it’s fine. Anya is already here and we have a really comfy couch, you know.”

“I know.” Her timid response made Clarke sure she was going to refuse, that she’d find a reason to bail and they would have jumped three steps back again. Lexa stood motionless, her thumb running over the car key in her hand. “I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“You’re not. And I bet Anya wouldn’t want you to leave her without her car, right?” Clarke threw out her last card, hoping it was enough to tip the scales.

Lexa pocketed the keys, and shrugged. “You got me there.”

The two of them were in the living room, Clarke hovering near the doorway to the hall, her inner voices battling violently. One was shouting to invite the brunette upstairs and ravish her, hell even just to have someone to lay next to at night. It had been so long since she had had someone in her bed at night that wasn’t Raven. The other voice kept reminding her to think of Madi, that she shouldn’t take this any further because what if it went bad? What if it destroyed their friendship and the girls didn’t get to play together anymore?

Lexa was settling herself down on the couch, having pulled out a blanket from the ottoman storage and grabbed a couple pillows. They hadn’t said much once they were inside, and Clarke could feel a cloud of tension rising that she couldn’t decipher. She’d given Lexa a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt to sleep in, and busied herself in her unused front office as the woman changed, the temptation to peek always lingering in the back of her mind. Now all she could think about was curling up beside Lexa in her bed, even if all they did was cuddle.

Clarke cleared her throat, letting her brain say whatever it had decided. “You sure you’re okay on the couch? I have a pretty large bed up there, plenty of room for two…”

Lexa’s head jerked up and she responded with an unaffected tone. “Yeah, yes, I’m fine down here. I tend to move a lot during my sleep and would not want to wake you.”

“Yeah, of course, I’ll just leave you to it then.” Clarke spun around, closing her eyes and berating herself for pushing when she was supposed to be slowing down. She turned around one more time before heading down the hall to the stairs and watched Lexa shuffle around on the couch, turned away from where she was standing. “Night, Lexa.”

“Goodnight Clarke.”

Clarke slept fitfully, her unconscious mind sending her more torturous scenarios involving Lexa, except the last dream.

Her dream started as it usually did those days.

She was in a large frat house living room, blurry Greek letters adorning the walls every few paces, familiar faces waving as she walked by. She was wearing bedsheet toga of all things, cut short and tied at the waist with gold rope, gold bangles were on both her wrists and gladiator sandals that went almost up to her knees. The more she focused, the more the people around her clarified, all dressed in clothing from different historical eras. She was at the party. The one Madi was conceived at. Had to be, it was the only costume party she’d gone to her entire college career and the only time in a reasonable period that she had slept with anyone (anyone with a penis that is).

As soon as her mind was sure that she was back at that party, the room cleared of the usual fog and she was definitely in the Theta Chi living room, surrounded by costumed students and even some faculty. But why? She hadn’t thought about this party in years and now she couldn’t stop dreaming of it.

The dream started following her memories of the night, her feet walking on their own, carrying her the route she had taken to the backyard and found Raven bent over, mouth pressed against the bottom of the volcano shaped liquor luge. It was an impressive one, with six openings at the bottom, but Clarke didn’t recognize the rest of the drinkers.

“Clarky!” Dream Raven yelled, swaying on her drunken legs, dressed as Sally Ride (curly hair and all). “Come take a shot with me!”

Clarke was pulled toward the luge and the world warped again around her. Suddenly she was in the basem*nt, music thumping loudly around her, people everywhere, and Raven was gone. There was someone behind her, close enough for Clarke to feel their body heat, and a foreign hand was on her hip, guiding her through the room towards the stairs. There’s muffled words from whoever was with her, a voice she almost recognizes, the name on the tip of her tongue.

Her head was getting heavy again, fog starting to roll back in from every direction. She tried to turn around and see who was behind her, only catching a glimpse of black leather clothing before she lost the dream entirely.

Clarke jerked awake, the usual sense of longing settling over her as it did every morning after she had that dream. But that morning was different. She remembered more that time, more about the party than she ever had before. ‘Why though? Why now?’ The best explanation she had come up with so far was that she had been thinking so much on Madi’s questions about her origin that it was seeping into her dreams and her brain was trying to answer it for her.

She sighed, rolling out of bed and landing on the floor with graceless thud. Her head was at a dull ache, better than she’d hoped when she collapsed fully-clothed on her bed the night previously. Her throat was a desert though, and her bladder was on the verge of bursting, so she half crawled half dragged her way to her attached bathroom. She needed a shower and clothes that didn’t smell like a dive bar, then maybe she’d feel like making breakfast for her and Raven, before Harper dropped off Madi.

Twenty minutes later, Clarke wandered down the staircase in her softest pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, hair damp and loose. She felt considerably better, headache barely a twinge, and she had an hour until her daughter would come tearing in.

She figured bacon and biscuits would be the most she could do and she set the oven to preheat as she pulled the bacon from the fridge. The house was quiet, too quiet for Clarke in the morning, so used to Madi’s chattering voice and varied song requests. Clarke couldn’t remember the last time she’d been able to watch the news in peace and decided to take advantage of this golden opportunity, heading to the living room, gazing out the back doors as she went. The day was going to be a nice one, if the bright blue of the sky was anything to go by.

The blonde brought her attention back to her search for the remote and rounded on the couch, stopping dead in her tracks.

‘LEXA. Lexa is here. Lexa is on my couch.’ Clarke was in her head, her jaw hanging loose, eyes taking in the sleeping woman lying prone on her couch. Lexa had one arm thrown over her head, her body turned slighting inward toward the back of the couch, and her legs curled up in a mock fetal position. Clarke quietly slid her phone out of her sweatpants’ pocket and snapped a quick picture, she was too cute not to. As the blonde was looking through the screen at Lexa, the woman shifted, turning over onto her back, muttering in her sleep. Clarke went to take another photo when something caught her attention. Or rather, was demanding attention.

Clarke had guy friends, always had her entire life, and there had been many group sleepovers in middle school and beyond punctuated with Jasper or Monty (or even Octavia’s brother once) waking up with what Raven called ‘a morning salute.’ They would have a laugh and the affected party would scramble off to take care of it, usually flipping the rest of them off in the process. ‘I was just not expecting that this morning. Or that Lexa would be the one sporting it.’
Clarke bit her lip; if the height of Lexa’s crotch-tent was anything to go by, she wasn’t small and Clarke’s mind raced with possibilities not before considered, a whole new set of images for her personal bank. She stood there, not sure if she should wake her up or not. Madi would be home in forty-five minutes and she was pretty sure Lexa wouldn’t want the kid to see that. As she was debating, Lexa started to stir, shifting around slightly before blinking her eyes open, brilliant green meeting Clarke’s deep blue immediately.

“Morning, how did you sleep?” Lexa’s voice had a slight rasp to it, sending a new wave of shivers down Clarke’s spine. The brunette stretched her arms out above her and grabbed her phone from the end table behind her head.

“Good, but not as well as you I’d wager.” Clarke said with a little laugh, waiting for the penny to drop. Lexa looked confused for a moment, then a horrified expression took over, her eyes wide and mouth dropping open, her phone falling to the floor.

“Oh f*ck!” She ripped the pillow out from behind her head and pressed it into her lap, covering her face with her other arm. “It’s not what it looks like! I just- It’s just-”

“Relax, Lex, my mom is a doctor and most of my friends are in the rainbow community.” Clarke walked over so she was parallel with Lexa’s head, grabbing the brunette’s arm and prying it off. Lexa opened one eye and assessed Clarke’s face, as if looking for any hints of repulsion. Clarke chuckled again. “Seriously, it’s fine.”

“I generally don’t wake up like this, I promise. I took off my compression shorts last night and I had every intention of waking up before everyone else and putting them back on, to avoid even the possibility of this and that didn’t work out the way I hoped, I guess. I don’t even remember what I was dreaming about.” Lexa sat up slowly, keeping the pillow firmly in place on her lap. Clarke could see the suspicion still lingering on Lexa’s features.

“Well I’m making biscuits and bacon for breakfast, you can shower upstairs in my bathroom if you want, it will be about half an hour before food is ready. There’s towels under the sink and you can borrow some clothes if you want.” Clarke walked back to the kitchen, trying to keep her body language from betraying just how turned on she was. She went about starting breakfast, turning on the stove and throwing oil in a pan to heat up. Lexa shuffled around and Clarke kept her back turned, giving the other woman time to make her way upstairs.

Clarke was popping the biscuits off the pan and into a bowl when the front door opened. Frowning, she set the pan on the island and listened, hoping it wasn’t Lexa trying to leave without saying goodbye. Instead, little patters were coming her way, followed by another set of footfalls.

“Mommy! I’m home!” Madi tackled Clarke, a wide smile on her little face. “I had so much fun with Aunt Harper and Uncle Monty, they let me stay up late and watch the new Disney princess movie!”

Harper mouthed an apology and Clarke shrugged, knowing her daughter was extremely persuasive. Harper set the overnight bag on the counter and sat in one of the barstools at the island. “Sorry we’re early, she was bouncing off the walls. So how was your night? Eventful?”

“Eh, we drank and played pool, Raven bogarted the jukebox and tortured us all with her wonderful taste in music. Nothing too exciting.” Clarke plated the bacon and set it on the island, laughing at the sneaky little hand that poked up to steal a piece.

“My taste in music is awesome, thank you very much.” Raven came trudging in, pulling Anya behind her by the hand, a small scowl on the Woods woman’s features. “Harper!”

The two embraced quickly and Harper gave Raven a questioning look as they parted. “Who’s your friend?”

“This is Anya, she’s not a morning person. Or an afternoon person. She’s barely a night person. But she’s cute, so she gets away with it.” Raven said with a grin, placing a small peck on the grumpy woman’s face.

“I’m not cute.” Anya muttered, grabbing a biscuit from the bowl. As she was raising it to her mouth, Raven plucked it from her hand and scampered off to the living room. Anya growled and darted after her. “Hey!”

Harper raised an eyebrow to Clarke.

“Get this: she’s Lexa’s sister of all things. And she’s the squirrel rehabber.” Clarke sighed, watching Madi join Anya chasing Raven around the house, giggling the whole time.

“She spent the night? Go Raven! Bet that was loud.”

“I wouldn’t know, she soundproofed her room last year, remember?”

“And you? Did you finally hook up with-”

Footsteps coming down the hall caught Harper’s attention and she whipped her head around.

“Hey Clarke, I didn’t know where to hang up my towel so I hung it on the back of the bathroom door…” Lexa was running her fingers through her wet curls, clad in a pair of Clarke’s loose-fitting sweats and a tank. The moment she spotted Harper at the counter, she froze. “Oh. Hi.”

“Well hellooo there!” Harper had a sh*t-eating grin as she swiveled in her chair to greet the nanny. “You must be Lexa, I’m Harper. I’ve heard lots about you.”

Clarke had never seen Lexa so red, even when her family had given her a hard time. Harper pushed out the stool next to her and patted the seat. Lexa cautiously sat down, pulling a plate from the stack Clarke set down and a biscuit from the bowl. “Back of the bathroom door is fine, do you want bacon?”

“Please. I am assuming that Madi is home now as well?” Lexa looked around in time to see the little girl running into the house from the backyard, biscuit held high in triumph, two grown women on her tail. Madi changed course the minute she saw Lexa, climbing into the woman’s lap and holding on tight.

“Save me, Save me!” Madi yelled, clutching Lexa’s tank in her little fists. Raven and Anya skidded to a stop, both glaring at the little monster. Lexa sent a hard look at her sister and Anya stood with her arms crossed, huffing.

“She stole my biscuit.” The older Woods woman tried to explain, a slight whine in her tone.

“Anya, she is four. Get another biscuit, there are plenty.” Prim and Proper Miss Lexa made a brief appearance and it seemed to work quite well.

Anya huffed again and grabbed a new biscuit, holding it high above her head out of Raven’s reach. The mechanic jumped a few times, then stuck out her tongue and pouted when she didn’t even come close. The taller woman rolled her eyes and offered Raven the biscuit with a sigh, cracking a small smile at Raven’s happy dance.

Clarke felt that flair of hope again, of longing. She smiled to herself as Lexa and Madi both shoved a generous amount of bacon on their biscuits and nodded in approval at one another’s stacking ability. She had no doubt Harper was going to barrage her with questions the minute Lexa left and Madi was distracted. She could already feel Harper’s eyes piercing into her as she stood there, but that was a problem for future Clarke.

Contrary to what Clarke had expected, Harper kept her questioning of Lexa and Anya during breakfast light and easy; she stuck to things like where they work, where they went to school, etc. Clarke was surprised to find out Anya had gone to the same college as well, was only a year older than Lexa, and that she double-majored in Conservation Biology and Zoology with a concentration in Animal Behavior. Anya reiterated what Clarke had been told by more than one person at that point: Anya preferred animals to people. According to her, “Animals make sense in how and why they do things. People just suck (as a whole).”

Lexa had majored in Political Science and International Relations, but ended up nannying after her internship ended in DC, not quite ready to take the next step forward, still deciding what that step would be. She’d been watching the three girls for six months, just a bit longer than she’d been back in town.

Harper wanted to ask more, Clarke could see the questions burning a hole through her, but Monty’s car was on the fritz and Harper had to get back to take him to his second job, working at a small bio-farm where he helped create algorithms for things like watering systems. She gave Clarke a parting hug and waved to the rest of the group, blowing Madi a kiss from where she still sat in Lexa’s lap. Once Harper was gone, it was only a few minutes later that Anya cleared her throat and tapped her wrist at Lexa.

“It’s getting late, and you promised to help me fix that big ass hole in the horse pen fence.” The dirty blonde stood, grabbing Raven’s plate along with her own, and dropped them both in the sink. Lexa tickled Madi’s sides, getting her attention before hoisting her off and to the floor.

“You heard the woman, I’m needed elsewhere. Thank you for breakfast and for hosting my wonderfully sunny sister and me.” Lexa began gathering her things as Anya disappeared upstairs to presumably do the same. Clarke followed her to the front door, Madi hot on their heels.

“Are you coming over tomorrow with everyone else? Please?” Madi grabbed onto Lexa’s free hand and tugged. Lexa looked at a loss for words, clearly not knowing what the girl was referring to.

“She’s talking about weekly Sunday Brunch. We always do it at our house, around ten. There’s a fair amount of people, but Harper will be there, and if I know Raven, she’s already invited Anya. You’re welcome to come.” Clarke tried to sound as if it was just a regular everyday friendly invite to brunch, hiding her shaking hands by crossing her arms under her breast (it didn’t go unnoticed by the blonde how Lexa’s eyes flicked downward for a second).

“Uh sure. Anything I can bring?” The nanny high-fived the now excited kid circling them both, sending her off down the hall in a victory lap.

“Just your cute self!” Clarke could not believe that came out of her mouth but she didn’t try to take it back. Plus it was worth it to see Lexa blush again.

“And about the thing this morning…” Lexa fidgeted, picking at her borrowed tank with her fingertips, not meeting Clarke’s eyes anymore.

“Hey, look at me.” The blonde waited until her favorite stunning emerald eyes were visible again. “You’re still you, Lexa, no matter what you’re packing down there. I still like you, I still want to hang out with you, it doesn’t change anything.”

Lexa was silent for a minute, searching Clarke’s face as she did earlier that same morning. Clarke resisted the urge to look down, her brain trying to figure out how Lexa hid something so large , even with compression shorts. ‘Now is not the time, Clarke. She needs reassurance that you aren't running away screaming, not for you to be objectifying her in every primal way you can think of. You can do that later.’

“Yeah? Cool.” The brunette let out a quiet sigh and turned to head out the door.

“So I’ll see you tomorrow?” Clarke called after her, heart speeding up at the thought of getting to see Lexa for a third day in a row. The departing woman craned her neck around and grinned.

“You bet!”

Chapter 8

Chapter Text

“Mommy, mommy, mommy, mom, mom!”

Clarke groaned and tried to turn her head away from the incessant wake-up call of her only child, wanting to go back to dreamland and finish what she had started with Dream Lexa. ‘f*ck, I have no idea how I’m going to look her in the eye today. The things I let Dream her do to me…’

“Mom! Come on! It’s brunch day!” Madi started shaking her mother’s shoulder as hard as she could. “You have to get up so we can get everything ready!”

“Madi, it’s just brunch. We do it every Sunday and my alarm hasn’t gone off yet. No one will be here until, like, ten thirty.” Clarke’s voice was muffled by the pillow she had thrown over her head to try to block out the light streaming in from her windows. Madi must have opened the curtains too, the little demon.

“But Mommy, the little hand is almost on the ten and someone is at the door right now!”

Clarke popped her eyes open and tossed the pillow off her head. “What?”

“There’s someone at the door and I wanted to open it and see but I’m not supposed to without a grown-up and you were still asleep and Raven’s door is locked and I thought maybe they would call you so I went and watched tv downstairs but then they knocked again and I came back up here to wake you up.” Madi said with an over-dramatic sighed. Clarke searched her hand around her bed for her phone and let out a frustrated growl when she saw that not only had her phone been on silent the entire time she was asleep, but it was indeed 9:46am. Her house would be filled with people in the next forty-five minutes.

“Good job kid. Let’s go see who it is!” The blonde didn’t bother changing, anyone at her house on a Sunday morning probably had seen her in less than her sleep shorts and tank. ‘Maybe not Maya or Callie, but eh, it’s fine.’

Madi was practically on top of Clarke the whole way down the stairs and the blonde could just make out a head of dark brown hair from the door window. Grabbing the handle she swung it open to greet the person she assumed was Jasper, bringing the champagne early to chill.

It was not.

“Finn, what the f*ck.” Clarke moved to slam the door shut on her co-worker but he blocked it with his foot. Madi made an ‘oooo’ noise at her mother’s outburst and tried to get around to see who it was.

“Please Clarke, I just came to apologize for being an ass lately.” His words came out almost sincere and Clarke almost believed him, if it wasn’t for the snide undertones in his voice.

“How the hell do you know where I live? Did you snoop through my personnel file? Are you stalking me?” Shoving Madi behind her, Clarke tugged her shorts down and crossed her arms, glaring at the man and waiting for some sort of explanation for his creepy behavior.

“It doesn’t matter, I just want to start over. Maybe we could try again? We could go wherever you want to go, whatever you want to do. Please? I don’t think you gave me a fair chance. I’m a nice guy, really.” Finn's words only served to infuriate Clarke. How dare he show up unannounced at her home on a Sunday morning, who the hell did he think he was?

“I’m not interested, Finn. I’ve told you that many, many times. We went on two dates because I thought maybe that first one was a fluke, but no it wasn’t. Now please get off my porch, I have people coming over.” Finn still made no move to leave and Clarke was losing her patience. She turned her head behind her and shooed Madi along.

“Go Madi, please go make sure your toys are picked up in the living room.” She softened her voice as she attempted to calm down. Madi shook her head and held onto the woman’s leg from behind.

“I don’t wanna leave you here with him. He sounds not nice.” Her little hands interlocked on top of Clarke’s thigh and the blonde worked to pry them free, feeling her anger toward the entire scene growing every second.

“Madison Alexis go do as I asked, please.” The stern voice worked and Madi let go, eyes wide with worry as she backpedaled all the way down the hall. Turning back to the asshole on her front stoop, Clarke ran her hand through her yet to be brushed hair and took a deep breath. “Finn, I don’t know what you were thinking coming to my house and trying to coerce me into another date, but the answer is no. GO AWAY.” She pulled the door open again in preparation to slam it on his foot if it came to that, but Finn took it as an invitation to step completely into the threshold. Only, he was there but a brief second before being jerked backwards, stumbling off the porch entirely.

“I’m pretty sure she asked you to leave.” Anya was just to the side of the doorway, a covered tray of something under the arm that wasn’t extended back in the direction Finn had gone flying. Her eyes were narrowed and repulsion smothered in hatred radiated off her. Clarke would not have been shocked if she pulled out an old school dagger and threw it at him. “I suggest you listen.”

Finn regained his footing and came up the first couple of stairs, a sneer painted his features, trying to hide the fear obvious in his eyes. “Who the hell are you?”

Clarke yanked Anya into the house and slid her arm around the other woman’s waist. “She’s my girlfriend. Now, leave.”

“Girlfriend? You’re gay now? f*cking great, of course you are! Jesus Christ!” Finn stormed off across the yard, muttering something that sounded a lot like ‘f*cking dykes’ and Clarke had to squeeze Anya’s arm hard to keep her from going after him.

“He’s not worth it.” Clarke removed her hands from the taller woman and stepped back, leaning back on the open door with a heavy sigh. Anya stood still, eying the blonde as if looking for injuries.

“You alright? That guy seemed like a complete asshat.” As quickly as the hatred built inside the dirty blonde, it vanished and her unaffected air came sliding back in place once she saw there were no physical injuries.

“He is. And thanks, you know, for going along with everything and getting him to leave.” Clarke wasn’t sure if it was okay to hug her, but she needed one and went for it anyway, wrapping her arms around Anya tightly.

“Oof! No problem. What are you doing?” Anya went stiff and after a moment, patted Clarke on the back awkwardly.

“It’s a hug, Anya. You know, that thing Mom and Dad used to make us do when we got in a fight.” Lexa was walking up the front steps, laughing at her sister’s ineptitude when it came to social graces. Clarke didn’t have to see it to know that Anya had flipped her sister off, Lexa’s laugh was enough. Clarke released her captive and was met with a concerned Lexa. “What happened? Are you okay Clarke?”

“I’m good, just glad Anya was here early is all. I’ll tell you about it later, I need to check on Madi and wake up Raven.” She motioned behind her tiredly.

“I’ll wake up Raven, Madi can help me.” Anya offered with a shrug. Lexa knit her brow and sent an odd look to Clarke, who waved it off.

“That would be great, thanks. Something tells me Raven would rather you wake her than me.” Clarke walked a ways down the hall and called out, “Madi, come here kiddo, I need your help waking up Raven!”

Small feet came around the corner and Madi lit up the second she saw the nanny. The little girl was all smiles again, happy to see her new favorite person. She hugged Lexa's legs with a tight squeeze and a giggle.

“Hey little one, you remember my sister, Anya, Raven’s friend?She made the scary man go away.” Lexa patted Madi's back lovingly and added a few tickles.

"She did? Good, I don't like that guy." Madi let go of Lexa and wrapped herself around Anya instead, drawing another odd noise out of the dirty blonde. "Thanks Anya!"

Anya shifted uncomfortably, Clarke guessed she wasn't one for praise, or human contact it seemed. "Uh, no worries kid. So you want to help me annoy Raven until she wakes up?”

Madi nodded violently and taking Anya by the hand, tugging her upstairs, giving the woman no option but to follow. Clarke couldn’t believe how fast Madi had warmed up to Anya, hell, how fast she had warmed to Lexa, too. She felt a hand on her arm, soft and soothing, and found Lexa gazing at her with such concern that it made Clarke’s heart skip. ‘How is she so perfect, seriously, there has to be some sort of fatal flaw I’m missing.’ The blonde looked down at her phone and cursed, people would start arriving in the next thirty minutes.

“sh*t. I haven’t even started cooking and I know the kitchen is a mess.” Clarke scrubbed her face with both hands, not sure how she was going to accomplish all of it.

“I can help, just lead the way.”

They worked in sync, Lexa grabbing up dishes from around the downstairs and bringing them to Clarke while the blonde wiped down the counters as the sink filled. Once all the dishes were collected, they tackled them together, splashing each other occasionally. Madi was still upstairs with Raven and Anya, and Clarke was enjoying the domestic alone time with Lexa.

As they finished, Clarke grabbed out the bacon and a pan, starting the most laborious part of the brunch prep. Bacon always took forever since she made so many pans, she usually was cooking bacon the entire time she was making everything else. She could feel Lexa come up behind her and peer over her shoulder, a light touch at her waist.

“What’s my next task?” Lexa asked, gently squeezing with her fingertips to get Clarke’s attention, as if Clarke wasn’t already hyper aware of every minute movement.

“I usually make a huge batch of scrambled eggs, biscuits, cut up avocado slices, make a fruit bowl, and either pancakes or waffles. I’m thinking pancakes today, they take less time on the griddle, and if I don’t have carbs out there before Raven starts drinking mimosas, she gets a little…. Super drunk, really fast.” Clarke listed off, realizing again how much she had to do. There was something else she was forgetting but it was eluding her, her mind distracted by how close Lexa was, resisting the urge to shove the brunette’s hand in her sleep shorts and say f*ck brunch. ‘I could lock the front door and blackmail Raven into taking Madi for the day, god knows I have enough dirt on her. Then it would be me and Hot Nanny and the entire house to defile.’

“-a mean blueberry pancake, if you want me to handle that job. How many pancakes do you think is good?” Realizing she had been drifting off into fantasyland, Clarke dropped her bacon tongs and turned around. Lexa had let go of her waist and wandered over to the griddle set up on the island, fiddling with knobs while she spoke. “Clarke?”

“I’m still wearing my pajamas.”

“Yes? I thought you knew that. Do you not normally wear them to brunch? I thought Anya and I were just over-dressed.” Lexa gestured to her jeans and light green t-shirt, forcing the blonde to appraise her up and down. She took in the lean, muscular arms that fit snug in the sleeves of her cotton tee, the way the slope of her chest gave way to what Clarke could only imagine was an absolute slab of ab muscles she ached to press her hands (hell, and her tongue) against. Her eyes kept traveling down, zeroing in on what she now knew was hidden beneath the brunette’s slim cut jeans, and Clarke’s brain was a nanosecond too late to stop herself from licking her lips. ‘I could just walk right over there and in a matter of seconds find out exactly how much of Lexa I could take. It’s been a while since I took anything bigger than three fingers, but god, the idea of Lexa just bending me over the back of the couch and going to town-’

“See something you like?” Lexa had a wide smirk on her face, her arms now folded under her chest. There was no way she didn’t see Clarke just mentally devour her. ‘Say something you idiot! Anything!’

“Yep.” ‘Yep? It could have been worse, but that’s it?’ Clarke’s bold answer matched with a nod seemed to take Lexa by surprise, her smirk faltering as a blush crept up her face, no doubt matching Clarke’s. Blue stared into green, daring their owner to make the next move. Lexa was in control now, and Clarke’s body was thrumming with anticipation. Was it the best time to be horny beyond comparison, with her roommate and daughter upstairs? Probably not, but Thirsty Clarke was not to be reasoned with. Thirsty Clarke had had a bad habit of getting her in trouble, getting her kicked out of bars, stores, movie theaters, and one time the planetarium. She’d like to think that grown-up her was better able to handle her baser instincts but that was a lie; lack of opportunity and energy had only pushed those urges down and away. Now though, with Lexa so close and an obvious sexual tension in the air, it would take two paces and Thirsty Clarke would be unleashed.

Lexa took a step her way, eyes never leaving Clarke’s, one hand reaching out, inches away from the strip of skin between her shorts and the hem of the blonde’s shirt. Clarke’s eyes closed at the feel of fingertips on hot skin, a soft inquiring touch that turned into a firm grasp, pulling until Clarke was forced to shuffle forward. “Open your eyes, Clarke.”

They were so close that Clarke could see the light freckles that peppered Lexa’s features, and Clarke fell that much harder. Lexa was looking at her as if she could see right through her, bringing her other hand up to gently cup Clarke’s face.

“GET BACK HERE, BOTH OF YOU!” Raven’s voice echoed through the house punctuated by three sets of rushing footfalls, and the two sprang apart, busying themselves with whatever was nearby. Madi and Anya came flying into the kitchen, arms stuffed with what Clarke could imagine was every towel in the house. She eyed them both, and decided that she had enough to deal with right now, turning back to the bacon and working on pushing Thirsty Clarke back into her dark hole.

Raven came skidding in a few moments later, sopping wet and holding two washcloths over her more sensitive areas. “Give me a towel! Come on! I’m freezing!”

Madi and Anya both stuck out their tongues, continuing to elude the mostly naked mechanic. Lexa was very focused on the griddle dials, not even looking up at the situation. Raven made a pleading noise at Clarke, who shook her head and motioned at the bacon pan. This was between them, she had more than enough on her metaphorical plate. Clarke heard the front door open as the three resumed their chase around the couch.

“Hey, sorry we weren’t here earlier we had to stop and- For f*ck’s sake, Raven why are you naked?” Harper sighed, placing two bags full of orange juice containers on the counter. Monty slid in behind his wife, one hand over his eyes.

“It’s not my fault! Those two took all the towels!” Raven whined, readjusting the washcloths to cover better. She got a devilish look on her face and shot it at her niece, “Maybe I’ll just go upstairs and use Madi’s favorite blanket to dry my ass, how’s that sound?”

“NOOOO!!” Madi threw a towel at her aunt, dropping the rest and running upstairs, presumably to protect the mentioned blanket. Everyone but Anya and Clarke looked away as Raven tossed the washcloths to the ground and wrapped up in the towel, strolling over to the stove to steal some bacon. Harper, Monty, and Clarke were used to Raven’s semi-nudity, all three having been witness to far too many streaking incidents, and Anya certainly had no issue with it. Leaving Lexa as the lone one who appeared to be struggling, still playing with the griddle dials.

“Hey Harper, Monty, can you guys take over the bacon and start the eggs? Biscuits are already on the pan to go in when the oven beeps.” Clarke waited until she got confirmation nods and then grabbed Lexa by the wrist, halting her abuse of the griddle. “Lex, can you help me with something upstairs?”

The woman allowed herself to be pulled along after Clarke, down the hall and up the stairs to the master bedroom, where Clarke immediately shut the door behind them. Lexa was a statue in the middle of the room, her back turned and posture rigid. Clarke stepped over to the low dresser that housed her clothes, yanking open her top drawer and grabbing out a pair of underwear and a new bra. “Sorry, I just thought maybe you would want to escape for a minute. You know, to calm down.”

“So you brought me to your bedroom.” The tiny laugh paired with a sardonic tone was not lost on Clarke and she stuttered in her movements to the closet, full recognition of how counterproductive that act could be washing over her.

“Oh, uh, yeah. I did not think that through.” Clarke continued on into her closet, rifling through. “I needed to get dressed and I know Raven can be a bit much.”

“Again, so you brought me up here. While you changed.”

“Yes, it seemed like a solid plan at the time.” Clarke exited the closet, her clothes piled in her left arm. She noted the tension in Lexa’s neck, the stiff way she held her limbs, even as she rotated in place. “You okay?”

Lexa opened her mouth and then shut it, tilted her head to the side slightly, then tried again. “I’m having trouble… calming down. From earlier. And I'm not saying I'm attracted to Raven, but I have eyes and her being mostly naked was not making matters any better.” She vaguely gestured downward, her face blazing red. Now that Clarke had a free pass, she took full advantage of the ability to stare at Lexa’s crotch. ‘Even in compression shorts and loose jeans, that is nothing to joke about. f*ck.’

“I could help you out.” It came out sultry and low, a playful grin on her face. Clarke was eighty percent serious about the offer; she’d been in a dry spell for way too long and her dreams last night just made her that much hornier. Lexa let out a choked gasp and her eyes widened to saucers like a scared deer. Not the reaction Clarke was looking for. She backpedaled again, seeing a trend in their interactions forming. She schooled her features into a more playful smile and laughed a little. “Kidding! Kidding.”

The nanny’s face fell, and she nodded as if she should have known it was a joke. “Ha, right. Of course you were.”

Clarke tossed her garments on her bed and stepped across her plush carpet flooring until she was well within Lexa’s personal bubble, uncrossing the brunette’s arms and taking a hand in each of hers. What possessed Clarke to make her next move, she never did figure out.

Lexa averted her eyes, her chin tucking into her chest, and Clarke brought her hand up to the other woman’s cheek, guiding her face back to level. The resignation and sadness she saw buried in the jade and emerald swirls before brought an ache to her chest, one she only felt for one other person in the whole world. The ache that came the first time Madi was picked on at preschool or when the little girl had taken a hard fall off the big kid swings the year before and Clarke had to spend a harrowing sixty minutes while they did a full MRI to make she didn’t have internal bleeding or head trauma (courtesy of a call-in favor by Raven to one Abby Griffin).

The longer they held their gaze, the thinner Clarke’s resolve became until it broke and she closed the gap between them, pressing her mouth firmly on the pink pout just inches away. Lexa squeaked and Clarke giggled as she pulled back, stepping away and grabbing her clothes up. As she headed to the bathroom to rinse off, she turned at the doorway, throwing a wide smile and a wink Lexa’s way. “I didn’t say I didn’t want to help in the future though.”

With that she spun around and sauntered into the bathroom, her bravado draining from her the moment she stepped on the cool tile and nudged the door shut with her foot. ‘Oh sweet Sybil Ludington, what did I just do?’

Chapter 9

Chapter Text

Her room was empty by the time she stepped out of the bathroom and while Clarke hadn’t actually expected Lexa to just hang around and wait for her, a small part hoped that the brunette would still be there. Like in grade school, when she knew her best friend would be out for an appointment or something, but she still held out hope that they’d show up anyway, if only so she didn’t have to suffer the day alone. ‘But it’s not like Lexa isn’t still here, she’s just downstairs. I hope.’

She scrunched up her hair with a towel to get the majority of the moisture out and chucked it on the bed, she had to do linens later anyway. The thought of going downstairs and seeing Lexa again after their little moment both exhilarated and terrified her, paralyzing Clarke just before she lowered her foot to the first step downward. ‘What if Lexa isn’t down there? What if she left because I was too forward? What if she was just messing around with me before and I took it too far?’

The big door at the bottom was open, light from the glass outer front door streaming in and falling across the staircase, doing it’s best to invite Clarke to the party. She could fake an illness, text Raven and just say she was having stomach trouble. As she was debating the believability of catastrophic diarrhea versus a massive migraine, Jasper appeared on the other side of the glass door, sticking his tongue out and blowing up his cheeks like he used to do to Madi when she was teeny. Clarke rolled her eyes and descended the staircase as Jasper let himself in, a large armful of champagne bottles clinking as he walked.

“Hey Jay, want a hand with those?” Clarke reached out and grabbed a bottle in each hand, lightly bopping Jasper on the ass with one as they travelled the short distance from the foyer to the kitchen. He squealed and pretended to look scandalized, Clarke shaking the bottles at him and reaching to tap him again.

“Can someone grab out the biscuits?” Harper’s voice could be heard over the din that enveloped the blonde the moment she crossed into the kitchen, the remaining people having shown up while she was upstairs. She appraised breakfast’s progress and was impressed, maybe she’d start doling out jobs to everyone that didn’t just mean picking up orange juice at the store.

Monty was slicing avocados, arranging them on a plate next to Raven and Anya, who were building little structures out of the fruit they were cutting up. Jasper began making mimosas, carefully delivering them to everyone with a smile and a clink; even Maya was pulling out the second batch of biscuits and putting them in a covered bowl to keep warm. But it was Lexa, front and center, that made Clarke’s breath catch.

The brunette was manning the griddle, flipping pancakes effortlessly, head thrown back in laughter at Raven and Anya’s most recent fruit creation (which looked a lot like a penis-shaped skyscraper). She looked as though she always belonged there, in Clarke’s kitchen, with all her friends and family. Madi was on her stool snug up to Lexa’s side, helping her pour the batter on and flip the smaller pancakes, the two of them whispering and giggling.

For just that moment, the empty space Clarke always felt, was filled. The ache was gone.

She set the champagne on the counter behind her and pulled out her phone quietly, stepping back a little into the living room to capture everyone in her camera lens, snapping a few photos. She already knew she would be framing this.

“There she is!” Harper caught sight of Clarke as she turned from the stove and the room let out a cheer. Jasper brought her a mimosa and twirled her around dancing to the light, poppy music coming from her Google. As she spun, her eyes met Lexa’s and the feeling of home increased tenfold.

“Okay, okay, what is there left for me to do?” She asked, taking a sip of her drink. Jasper was the forever bartender of the group and rightly so.

After most of the food had been consumed and the mimosas were all but gone, Monty clinked his glass with his knife, bringing everyone’s attention his way. He grabbed his wife’s hand and they shared a brief moment before he spoke. “So, everyone, Harper and I have an announcement. You may have noticed that Harper didn’t partake in the usual mimosa binge today. Actually, she hasn’t in a while.”

Murmurs went around the table, they had noticed but thought she was just not feeling it lately. Harper shook her water glass and took a large sip as if to demonstrate. Monty continued, the smile on his face the widest Clarke had ever seen. She knew where this was going and it was long overdue in her opinion.

“We’re pregnant!” He yelled, and the table erupted in whoops and shouts, glasses clinking and excited voices filling the air.

“About time someone else had a kid around here!” Clarke laughed, reaching over the table to ruffle Madi’s hair.

“I get to have a cousin? That’s so cool!” Madi openly gushed.

“It’s very cool, now you’ll have someone to play with when us grown-ups are being boring.” Harper winked at Madi, knocking her water glass against Madi’s in a toast.

“Maybe Harper will handle the whole ‘being pregnant and giving birth thing’ better than I did.” Clarke joked, and she instantly regretted saying anything because she knew, just knew, that she had opened an embarrassing can of worms.

“Oh please! Anyone would handle it better than you did!” Raven knew first hand the sh*tstorm Clarke was back then and spent many nights calming her down. “You practically spent nine months flailing and would have been lost without Harps over there, especially when it came to Madi’s actual arrival.”

Clarke opened her mouth to deny it, but Raven was right. Clarke had been scared out of her mind when she found out Madi was finally going to make her appearance on that late August day and Raven wasn’t much better; both of them rushing around like idiots trying to throw things in a bag to take to the hospital. Harper had shown up fifteen minutes after Clarke’s water broke, pulling a duffel bag out of Clarke’s own hall closet with all the things Clarke actually needed. She’d packed it months before and stashed it in the pregnant woman’s home.

Raven, of course, recounted all of it for those at the table who didn’t already know what a hot mess Clarke had been back then. Next to Clarke, Lexa listened, enraptured by what an absolute disaster Clarke used to be, asking little questions here or there. Clarke noticed Madi paying attention to these stories for the first time ever, her eyes wide and enthralled by the crazy antics and shenanigans her mother, aunts, and uncles got into, Lexa and Anya both adding stories from all the years they had been together. Suddenly, Madi’s face fell and she sat quietly, picking at her remaining pancake.

“Madi? What’s up kid?” Jasper questioned, thinking it was something little he could easily rectify.

“I wish I had a brother or sister.”

The table went silent, no one quite knowing what to say, Clarke most of all. In the years since Madi was born, she’d thought about it, sure. Thought about having more kids someday, but as time moved on, and Madi grew older, Clarke had started to think she’d missed the window. There were things like artificial insemination or adoption, both options that Clarke had considered, however, with her work schedule and the attitudes that still existed about single mothers, those dropped off. Maybe she was only meant to have one and that was okay with her, though she was starting to understand the toll it took on her daughter, one she had bore as a child and all but forgotten.

“Honey, we’ve been over this before. It takes two, remember? Two grown-ups to make a new person.” Clarke said gently, reaching over to put her hand atop Madi’s. The little girl turned angry, eyebrows pulling together and the corners of her mouth jutting downward.

“Why can’t you just find my daddy then?” Madi kept her eyes trained on her pancake bits, stabbing them and swirling them around.

“Madi, I-”

“Can I be excused? I’m done.” Madi pushed back her chair the little she could manage and looked at her mother expectantly.

“Of course, make sure you put your plate in the sink.” Clarke frowned, watching her storm away, always one for quiet rage. That particular trait of Madi’s Clarke knew didn’t come from her, the tendency to bottle up negative emotions until they boil over and come out as a tantrum. Clarke was never one to hide when she was upset, not when it came to her friends and family. ‘Thanks for passing that along, sperm donor.’

Clarke could hear conversation resume around her, Raven and Jasper attempting to lighten the mood. She could feel a hand slid onto the top of her thigh with a small squeeze, and turned to see Lexa, wide green pools waiting for a signal everything was fine. Clarke moved her hand atop the brunette’s, giving her a small smile. “I’m good, really.”

“Hey so Anya and I were thinking we could take Madi to the park for a while if you wanted, you know, get the hellion out of your hair for a few hours.” Raven sidled up to Clarke as she leaned against the counter and covered the last bowl of leftovers. The others had left, save Anya and Lexa who were playing Monopoly Junior with Madi in the living room. Clarke eyed the kid with a sigh.

“I just don’t know what to do. I know she wants answers, hell, so do I, but I don’t know how to find them. I have traced my steps a million times, right up until I blacked out and woke up alone in that old apartment building. And she won’t stop asking, no matter how I try to phrase it.” Clarke shoved the leftovers into the fridge and shut it with a thud. “Add on top of that the dreams I’ve been having.”

“Dreams?” Raven arched an eyebrow in interest. “What kind of dreams?”

“I’ve been dreaming about that party, like a weird movie on replay that my brain’s trying to use to sort things out.” Snatching up her mimosa glass, Clarke took a long pull and let her eyes linger on Lexa, wandering musings slipping into thoughts of her more Lexa -centered dreams of late.

“Anything new come to the surface?” The mechanic sat on a barstool and began snapping on her leg brace in anticipation of her impending walk to the park. Clarke considered telling Raven about the couple of times Lexa had shown up in the party dream, but thought better of it. She didn’t feel like another lecture on all the reasons she should already be boning Hot Nanny.

“Not really. Couple of snippets of things. A viking costume I think? Like a real one, not the stupid horned hat sh*t. Dark hair? That one I don’t feel like I needed a dream to confirm for me though, look at the kid.” Madi’s dark tresses had surprised Clarke as it grew in, a full head of thick, dark, lightly curled locks appearing by the time she was two years old. Sometimes Clarke could barely see herself in her daughter, the same shape eyes and roundness to her face maybe.

“A viking? I vaguely remember a viking. Or two, or five. Pretty popular costume choice there, toga girl.” Raven reached out from her seat and pinched Clarke’s side, earning a swat in return.

“Yeah, yeah, go get your woman and my kid and get out of here, I have dishes to do!” She turned back to the rest of the kitchen, absently picking up a cloth and wiping down the counters, listening to her best friend gather up Anya and Madi and usher them out of the house.

“That can wait.” Clarke had forgotten Lexa was still there as well and whipped around to find the nanny holding out a refilled mimosa glass. Once Clarke accepted the glass, Lexa led her back to the living room and motioned for her to sit on the couch next to the brunette. The blonde took a few sips, happy to continue her buzz, not ready to face the reality of her daughter’s continuing questions. “So, Madi’s pretty intent on the ‘who’s my dad’ thing.”

Clarke hummed into her glass, brain drifting towards dirtier and dirtier thoughts the closer she got to her seated companion. Lexa’s thigh was pressed against her own, heat radiating through cloth and driving her to distraction. She wasn’t drunk enough to make a move yet and just drunk enough to have no filter between her brain and her mouth. “Yep, and short of telling her I was a huge hoe back then, which I wasn’t no matter what Raven says, I don’t know how to explain that I have no freaking clue who he is.”

“It wasn’t anyone you know? No leads at all?” Lexa prodded, leaning forward to the coffee table to set down her drink.

“I was in my junior year of college, stressed out about my coursework and life in general, and Raven convinced me to go to this frat party. One of those costume parties, only you had to dress up like a historical person. Raven went as Sally Ride and I went as Livia Drusilla.”

“The Divine Augusta, nice.” Lexa propped her head up on her hand, elbow on the back of the couch, facing Clarke, all her attention on the woman next to her.

“You’ve heard of her?” Clarke was surprised, not many knew about any of the women behind the most successful Roman Emperors.

“She’s the only one I know about, well her and Aelia Pulcheria.”

“If you’re gonna know two, those are the two.” Clarke pulled her legs up underneath her, shifting to face Lexa as well, green orbs drawing her in. She took another swig, “Anyway, so we go to this party at one of the frat houses, Theta Chi, and it’s exactly what you’d expect: beer pong tables, pledges running around to serve everyone, a liquor luge in the backyard, and an endless supply of meathead idiots.”

“Sounds charming.”

“Raven and I proceed to get very drunk and keep losing each other, the world gets blurrier and I remember meeting someone and we left together. I texted Raven an address to some apartment building and a drunken message about banging ‘the hottest thing I’d ever laid eyes on’ and next thing I knew, I was waking up in a strange room. I was alone and the room was pretty bare, like I was about to be front and center of a news story about the kidnapping dangers of college parties, so I bolted without trying to do any snooping. Looking back, I wish I had. Couple months later, when I found out I was pregnant, I went back to the address but the building was halfway demolished by then.”

“Wow, so no help there then.” Lexa emptied her glass and set it on the coffee table before leaning back on the arm of the couch. Clarke weighed her options and downed the rest of her drink before setting her glass on the coffee table.

“Scooch over.” Lexa’s arms opened for her on instinct and Clarke laid down next to the nanny, fitting into the space between the couch back. She wrapped one arm around Lexa’s waist, her head snug into a light green shoulder, a leg carelessly draped over her new human body pillow. She was definitely on the farside of tipsy and was lacking just enough self-control to let a little bit of Thirsty Clarke out. Her fingertips danced along the hem of Lexa’s shirt and she could feel the abdominal muscles flexing in response underneath. Lexa’s chest expanded and contracted under Clarke, lulling her into a calmer state. A comforting silence fell over the two, only the ticking of the large wooden wall clock and the whirr of the ice maker dared interject. Clarke felt Lexa draw in a large breath, as if steadying herself.

“What if you did find Madi’s other parent? What then?” The brunette’s voice was small and timid, as if she wasn’t sure she even should be asking at all. Clarke honestly didn’t know what would happen then.

“I don’t even know. What if they don’t even want to know Madi? What if they try to fight me for custody? I didn’t try to keep her away, but what if they think I did it on purpose? What if they’re horrible!?” The blonde’s voice rose to a frantic cry as she lifted her top half and she scrunched Lexa’s shirt in her fist. She could feel her blood pressure rising in her veins at the idea of someone terrible being tied to her and her only child forever, her knuckles whitening as her grip tightened. Lexa rubbed her back, trying to get her to lay back down.

“What if they love her? What if they just want to know her and be a part of her life? What then?” She continued running her hand up Clarke’s back as the other woman settled once more into the warmth of the brunette's embrace. No one had ever calmed drunk her down that quickly and had Clarke been more sober, she would have been impressed.

“Why are you so convinced it would be a good thing?” Clarke raised her head and stared into the deep green waiting there.

“Why are you so convinced it wouldn’t?”

Sober Clarke didn’t have an answer, and Drunk Clarke was too distracted by the heat pooling low in her stomach to focus on the topic anymore. Instead of replying, she surged forward, capturing those pillow-soft lips for the second time that day, melting into the kiss.

Lexa’s response was instantaneous, the hand on Clarke’s back pressing the blonde into her further, the other hand coming up to bury itself in golden tresses. Thirsty Clarke took control and swiped at Lexa’s bottom lip with her tongue, all but demanding egress and she couldn't help the moan that escaped with the first real taste of Lexa, earthy and tinged with the remnants of champagne. A jolt went through her intoxicated brain, bells going off in a wild harmony that only made her more insistent, more desperate to stay connected to the woman who had dropped into her life but somehow already felt so much like home.

Her fist released Lexa’s shirt, her fingertips sliding effortlessly beneath the fabric, gliding up new burning skin. The need for air broke them apart, Clarke pressing frantic lips down the smooth column of Lexa’s neck. Lexa’s right hand travelled tentatively lower, cresting the curve of Clarke’s backside, the other hand guiding the blonde upwards into another bruising kiss. Maybe it was the alcohol in her veins or the way the brunette pulled her impossibly closer, but something pushed her to swing her leg all the way over to straddle Lexa, thanking Raven silently for whining until they got the extra wide couch.

“Jesus Clarke! Are you trying to kill me?” Lexa gasped as Clarke ground down, reclaiming her new addiction. Any doubts Clarke may have had about how Lexa felt were dissolved the second she felt her center against the hardening concealed in cloth beneath her. Clarke giggled into another sloppy kiss, pressing down again, wiggling her hips a little as she did.

“Maybe just a little death, I think we both could use it.” She sat up and slipped both her hands under the hem of Lexa’s shirt, rucking it up to drink in the abs she just knew she would find there. Clarke’s nails lightly scratching down her stomach drew an involuntary thrust up out of Lexa and she ran her own fingers up Clarke’s sides, taking her tank top with them until the brunette was flinging it away across the living room. The green in Lexa’s eyes was all but gone and Clarke delighted in the way the woman stared in awe at the expanse of flesh before her. “You can touch, you know.”

Lexa didn’t need to be told twice, grabbing a lace-covered breast in each hand, thumbs running along the top edges to the center and back again, and burying a loud groan between them as Clarke rocked on top of her. The thin fabric of the blonde’s leggings was already thoroughly soaked and starting to chafe with every pass against the stiff member. She tipped her head back and her eyes slid shut, breath hitching with every thrust from below.

“Claaarkkeee…” Lexa’s distressed whine shuddered through Clarke, driving her to lean back down and smash their mouths together, teeth knocking and tongues searching. Clarke snaked a hand downward, making quick work of the button and zipper keeping her from what she needed most right then. She swallowed the brunette’s sigh of relief, knowing she was just getting started, and slipped her fingertips just under the edge of Lexa’s compression shorts. When she didn’t move any further, Lexa pulled back with another whine and pressed upwards, trying to get Clarke to touch her. The blonde traced tiny patterns on searing skin and locked eyes with her prey.

“Say my name again.” She husked, fingertips so close to the head of Lexa’s co*ck that she could feel leaked precum slicking her digits as they continued their tiny declarations.

“Clarke.” It was without a doubt a demand and deep green disappeared completely as Lexa’s eyes slammed shut. A low groan pushed through puffy pink lips as Clarke finally tipped her wrist backwards, folding the waistband of the compression shorts down and encircling Lexa’s dick just below the head with her thumb and middle finger barely touching. Lexa lifted her hips, bringing an impressed Clarke along as well, and released the pale, full breasts in order to shift her compression shorts and jeans a little farther down.

“I have a better idea.” Clarke gave Lexa another pump of her hand before letting go to stand up. The brunette’s pout was in full-force and those pesky bells went off in Clarke’s head again, but Thirsty Clarke was in control and the bells would have to wait. The pout quickly morphed into an open-mouthed gape as the blonde hastily peeled off her leggings, glad she didn’t have underwear on to deal with, too. Left only in her black lace bra, she raised a brow at the now overdressed woman on her couch. “You wanna lose the pants? Actually all of it, lose all of it.”

Clarke chuckled as Lexa scrambled up to shake off her jeans, tripping a bit over one of the throw pillows that had been knocked to the ground. Lexa only got her shorts to her knees before Thirsty Clarke's impatience got the better of her and she shoved her backwards by the shoulders into a seated position on the couch, sparing a small grin at the look of shock she received. Eyes trained on the throbbing, lengthy prize, Clarke bent over at the waist and placed her hands on the tops of Lexa’s thighs, her head swimming in ideas.

“How the hell do you hide that every day?” Lexa opened her mouth to respond but only a squeak came out as Clarke straddled her again, Clarke’s drenched puss* practically enveloping the underside of her co*ck. The blonde slid upward at an agonizing pace, taking in the blissed-out way Lexa’s jaw went slack, the brunette’s eyes staring hungrily at their sexes, finally skin-to-skin. When Clarke reached the co*ckhead, she hovered, grasping the wild mane of brown locks to bring those emerald orbs back to her own deep blue. There was a slight nod of Lexa’s head, her eyes hooded and glazed over with lust. But then it seemed like there was something else making its way to the deep green surface, something reaching and clawing out of the dark, something that had been waiting just for Clarke. She had a million questions though no words came, just a flood of unsettling emotion that Thirsty Clarke (who was rapidly becoming Sober Clarke as well) did not know how to handle. Pushing that all away, she lowered herself until she could feel the delicious pressure of Lexa starting to stretch her, pleasure far outweighing the slight burn.

"So.. tight…" Lexa breathed out in between moans, her hands coming to rest on Clarke's hips in a tight grip. The blonde had to credit her; Lexa didn't pressure her to take more nor did she jerk upwards in an attempt to bury herself. 'I have definitely been f*cking the wrong people, who knew consideration could be a turn on.'

Clarke inhaled deeply, feeling fuller than she ever had before, and she knew she hadn’t taken it all. She rested her forehead on Lexa’s shoulder, concentrating on breathing and relaxing, Thirsty Clarke was determined to keep going until all of Lexa was squeezed inside her velvet walls. With every breath, she inched farther, both of them sighing when Lexa finally bottomed out. Lexa nudged the side of Clarke’s head gently to get her attention. “You okay?”

“f*ck, yeah, just give me a second.” The blonde laid kisses up the side of Lexa’s neck, scraping her pulse point with her teeth and drawing a shudder from the brunette that made her jerk slightly up. The head of Lexa’s co*ck was already shoved so deep that any extra movement had Clarke’s cl*t grinding on the soft brown curls at its base. “Oh sh*t! Okay, definitely going to need you to move now.”

Reaching around to grab Clarke by the back of her thighs, Lexa lifted the blonde up enough to slide out a few inches and Clarke felt a new wave of arousal gush out at the prospect of what was to come. Lexa leaned her head in and smashed their lips together at the same time she drove her hips up, muffling Clarke’s moans and setting a moderate pace.

Clarke wasn’t going to last much longer, she could feel her org*sm coming on fast with every stroke and did her best to hold out, a small part of her still worried that once they were finished, the nanny would revert back and realize what a mistake they had made. The blonde shook her head and focused on the gorgeous, lithe body under her that was ramming into her just right. She could feel her walls clamping down, getting tighter and tighter as she raced to the edge. She tried to warn Lexa, she really did. But when she felt the brunette let go of one of her thighs and suddenly pressed a thumb against Clarke’s cl*t, all bets were off and she came loud and hard, strangling the thick co*ck inside her and throwing Lexa off the cliff as well. She could feel the other woman’s cum filling every possible empty space left. She knew there would be a sizable stain to clean up later, but couldn’t find it in herself to give a damn about that just then.

All her muscles gave out and she collapsed on the woman below, sinking her face into the crook of Lexa’s neck, still riding out the aftershocks and never wanting the moment to end. Lexa brought her arms up to wrap around the blonde, massaging her back muscles in slow rhythmic movements and occasionally jerking her hips when an aftershock caused Clarke’s walls to contract. She felt Lexa tense up, and she pulled back to find the brunette with a scrunched up brow and a worrying frown. “sh*t, Clarke. I just… I didn’t even think to put on a …”

Clarke laughed and brought her hands up to either side of Lexa’s face to place a peck on her bruised down-turned lips. “Lex, if you think I haven’t been on birth control since the moment Madi came into the world, you are mistaken. We’re good, don’t worry.”

Lexa didn’t have time to express her relief, the moment interrupted by the front door crashing open and several pairs of feet travelling down the hall directly towards where they were both mostly nude and still joined at the pelvis.

“Hey Clarke, Madi left her favorite slingshot here and is insisting we can’t go to the park until we grab it and - OH WOW.” Clarke looked up just as Raven stepped out of the hallway, the mechanic’s eyes going wide at the scene before her. Thankfully, the couch was situated so the back was towards the kitchen, hiding the fact that not only were both Clarke and Lexa naked from the waist down, but Lexa’s big secret was still on display. Raven did a quick about face and made a shooing motion at whoever was about to come out of the hall behind her (Clarke was really hoping it was Anya and not Madi.) Footsteps were heard moving back to the stairs and Raven turned back to Clarke with a smirk. “Well, what do we have here? I’m gone an hour and you two are already defiling my favorite couch.”

“Raven! So help me if you don’t get out of here right now!” Clarke felt around her on the couch for something to throw at her best friend and came up empty, opting for giving her the finger instead.

“Sure you don’t want me to stay? Make you some snacks, bring you some Gatorade? I know how thirsty I get after a good fu-”

“RAVEN.” Lexa’s voice was firm and commanding, and the mechanic stuck her tongue out at the back of Lexa’s head.

“Fine, fine. I’m gone.” She strolled back down the hall, cackling the entire way. “Make sure you wrap that sh*t up! No glove, no love!”

Lexa’s eyes went wide and Clarke leaned down to reassure her. “She says that to literally everyone, she doesn’t know about your-” Clarke wriggles a little, making them both moan softly, “special friend.”

“Still, we should get dressed and finish the clean up. We should be more careful next time, I would hate to scar Madi.” Lexa’s hands began searching for any remnant of clothing nearby, unaware of the slip up she just made.

“Next time?” Clarke gave her a devious grin, leaning in close enough to see the tiny flecks of gold mixed in with green. The brunette’s cheeks reddened as she realized what she’d said.

“I mean, if you want, I just thought-” Lexa fumbled with the tank top she had managed to locate, tearing her eyes away from Clarke’s and bowing her head.

“Of course I do. I’m just messing with you.” The blonde punctuated her words with little pecks along Lexa’s forehead and down one side of her face until she got to her mouth, drawing her in for a soft kiss. She sighed at the prospect of getting up, doing so anyway with a great deal of care. Thirsty Clarke was sated but still in there somewhere, angry at having to give up such a perfect co*ck. Looking down as she removed herself from Lexa’s lap, Clarke felt another round of arousal start up at the sight of the monster she had somehow just fit inside her. “We are definitely doing that again.”

Chapter 10

Chapter Text

The last time Clarke took Madi out for a “Girls Day Out” was after Raven accidentally blew up the stray cat Madi had been covertly feeding for a few months. It was a bloody, messy affair that Madi had unfortunately been front and center for. Clarke had had to explain death and the circle of life, and it was hell.

She would rather relive that than have the conversation she was about to have with her daughter.

“Why aren’t we going to school, Mommy?” Madi was already buckled in her carseat, munching on breakfast bar and clutching her worn-out Grover plushie. Clarke tipped her mirror down to see her daughter’s face.

“We’re going to have a Mommy/Daughter day! Just you and me.” She tried to sound cheerful, a smile plastered on her lips and an increasing pounding in her head.

“Did someone die? Did Rae-Rae blow up another animal?!” Madi squeezed Grover tighter, her little eyes wide and panicked.

“No, baby. Nothing like that. We just have some things to talk about is all.” She turned into the parking lot of the aquarium, grabbing a spot near the front and cutting the engine. Pulling out her phone, she saw a text waiting from Lexa and was quick to open it.

Lexa (9:17am): How’s the bonding day going so far?

Clarke rubbed her temples and wished she had picked a different day to do this. ‘But if I don’t today, then she will just keep asking every day until I do.’

Clarke (9:25am): We just got to the aquarium. How are the girls treating you?

Lexa (9:26am): Actually I have the week off, they went to visit their grandparents in Kentucky.

Clarke (9:26am): Why didn’t you tell me yesterday? You could have come with us!

Clarke (9:27am): I mean, if you wanted to. You still can if you want?

She held her breath, knowing that she hadn’t exactly asked Lexa on a date, but she did just ask her to come hang out with her and her kid, just the three of them. No extra kids, no extra grown-ups. No buffers.

When there wasn’t an immediate response, Clarke stuffed the phone in her pocket and got out, circling around to the other side. Madi burst out of the vehicle, all apprehension about their impending talk abandoned once she saw the aquarium come into view. “The fishies! I love the fishies!”

“Oh, don’t I know it. No trying to steal a shark this time, okay? I would hate for you to get banned from here, too.” The blonde lifted the girl up and sat her on her hip, heading towards the entrance. “I thought we could spend some time here, then go out to lunch, and maybe the park after?”

Madi bounced excitedly, wiggling around to see what she could from the admission desk until Clarke sat her on the counter to pay. Her pocket vibrated as she was waiting to swipe her card and she almost didn’t look.

Lexa (9:34am): I probably shouldn’t, I know you have to talk to her and I don’t want to get in the way. I will just be hanging out at home, thinking of new ways to annoy Anya and Raven.

Clarke thanked the man behind the counter, slapped a sticker on her chest and Madi’s back, and set the girl loose, trailing behind as her little feet carried her from tank to tank.

Clarke (9:48am): Well, if you change your mind, we’ll be here until around noon.

“Madi, love? We need to talk about something.” Clarke was sitting on a bench by the sharks, taking a break after plowing through the entire first and second wing of exhibits and most of the third. Madi had her face pressed into the glass of the giant tank, eagerly pointing out each shark as they swam by, a constant stream of facts pouring out of her mouth.

“Did you know that some sharks lay eggs and some sharks have babies like people?” The brunette didn’t turn away from the glass, her breath fogging and clearing it over and over.

“That’s pretty cool.”

“And some sharks, like great whites, are actually warm-blooded like us, which makes them grow and swim faster than cold-blooded sharks.”

“Madi, baby, come here.” Clarke patted the space next to her and watched her daughter reluctantly tear herself away from her favorite animal. Once settled, legs pulled up to sit criss-cross, Clarke took hold of one of her hands. “You know I love you more than anything in the world, right?”

“Of course silly! I love you too!” Madi’s blue-green eyes took on a stoic seriousness despite her happy words. ‘She’s always been too smart for her own good.’

“I need you to understand something about how you came about.” Clarke broke eye contact and stared at the massive fish swimming in front of them. A small hammerhead narrowly avoided colliding with a tiger shark, swerving at the last moment into a school of bright yellow fish, scattering them.

"Joey said I could be a product of imbaculate aception." Her voice was starting to sound less and less like a toddler and more like a kid, a thought that saddened Clarke.

"Immaculate conception. And no, you aren't." Clarke snorted, the idea that she could be the next Virgin Mary hitting all the notes of how ridiculous the whole thing was. Joey and his family were hardcore Catholics that gave Clarke judgemental looks everytime she showed up alone to school events, and in turn, Clarke did her best not to give them the finger (at least not when kids could see). "There was definitely another person involved, it's just… I don't know how to find them. I've tried everything I can, but so far, I don't have any way of tracking him down."

"What about Aunt Raven? Wasn't she there too? Or Aunt Harper?" Madi dropped her feet over the side of the bench and began swinging them back and forth. Her small hands were bunched into fists on her thighs, clenching and unclenching in time with her legs.

"They've tried too, love, and they can't remember either. Sometimes when grown-ups drink too much, they don't remember what they do or say and it can end badly." The blonde really had no better explanation.

"You aren't trying hard enough! You have to remember!" Madi's voice rose and she banged her hand against the bench hard, the sound echoing through the mostly empty viewing room.

"Madison Alexis Griffin! I will not have you behave that way in public." Clarke's tone did little to quell the girls anger but she did lower her voice and cross her arms in a huff.

"How do I even know you're my mom? Maybe you stole me and you just don't remember!" She jumped up and rushed back to the glass, glaring into the depths, hands still balled up at her sides. Clarke sighed and approached softly, placing a hand on her small shoulder. Madi spoke without turning to face her mother, her words biting a gaping hole in the blonde's heart. "If you really loved me, you would remember."

"Hey now, your mom loves you more than anyone else in this world, and if she says she doesn't remember, you should believe her." Clarke’s breath hitched as a hand went around her waist and Madi whipped her head to the side. Madi's mouth twitched upwards, her scowl taking over again quickly. The hand at Clarke’s waist squeezed a little and she felt the other woman shift towards Madi. “Kid, come here a minute.”

Madi shuffled their direction, staring at her feet, the angry look never dropping. Once she was close enough, Lexa bent down to her level and motioned for her to come closer. “Did you know that me and almost all my siblings were adopted?”

“What does that mean?” The scowl started to shift upwards, still not quite a smile.

“It means that some of us never knew our birth parents either.” This caught Madi’s attention and the laser eyes of doom brightened, the little girl’s interest peaked.

“Do you?”

“Nope. My birth mother gave me up when I was really little, too little to remember her, and I never knew who my birth father was. But do you know what?” Lexa pulled Madi in closer, mock whispering, “I have never felt any less loved because I have people all around me that watch out for me and take care of me. Indra and Gus, my adoptive mom and dad, they love all of us, even though we aren’t blood related. Do you have anyone like that?”

Madi finally smiled just a little bit. “Like Auntie Rae and Auntie Harper?”

“And Uncle Jasper and Uncle Monty,” Clarke supplied.

“And me.” Lexa said firmly, bringing a full-on grin to the little brunette’s face. Clarke watched the woman she was starting to fall for tug her daughter in for a hug, and she heard those bells go off again, louder than ever. She wasn’t sure why her eyes started to well up, but she quickly wiped the tears away before anyone could see. Madi’s arms wrapped tightly around Lexa’s shoulders and the woman stood up, bringing Madi with her to perch on her hip. “Now, I’m starving. How about we finish up here and go get some lunch? And maybe ice cream after that? What do you say, mom?”

Not for the first time, Clarke was met with eerily similar pleading looks, the same pouty lip jutting out, the same wide Bambi eyes. ‘How can I say no to that? I’d have to be a monster.’

“I suppose we could do that.” Clarke’s assent was met by identical cheers, and the three of them made their way through the last of the exhibits in that wing, Madi entertaining them with bits of information she had learned from the Discovery Channel. The two even convinced Clarke to stop in the gift shop, Lexa snagging a shark stuffed animal when Madi wasn't looking and surprising her with it on the way out.

When they got to the parking lot, Clarke was reluctant to part ways, and once Madi was buckled in (the girl insisted Lexa do it, not Mommy), the two met up at the back of the truck. Clarke took the brunette by surprise, pouncing on her with a heated kiss, pulling her in with one hand on her neck and the other at her waist. Lexa did her part, moving Clarke to pin her against the hatch, her own hands wandering. The sound of a toy hitting the glass on the inside broke them apart, but Clarke didn’t let go.

“What was that for?” Lexa’s breathing was labored and Clarke was glad they would both have the fifteen minute drive to the restaurant to cool down.

“For knowing exactly what to say when I didn’t. For showing up right when I needed you.” The blonde had more to say, more things she wanted to add, but it wasn’t the right time. “What made you decide to come?”

“I don’t know, I just felt like I should be here with you two. Is that okay?”

“More than okay.” She tugged Lexa in for one more peck. “See you in a little bit?”

The sun was making its final goodbye when Clarke’s truck pulled in the drive, Lexa’s vehicle not far behind. Madi was doing her best to stay awake in the back, tummy full of burger and ice cream, her new stuffed shark tucked in her seat next to her. They had opted to wait for ice cream until after the park (the park turned into renting a pedal boat and spending a good amount of time pursuing the ducks at Madi's request), and they had stopped in Food Truck Alley to grab dinner, Madi eating way too many fries and zero real veggies. Clarke watched her daughter in the rearview mirror, and the way her fingers twisted in and out of one another reminded her of her dream the night before.

She was at the party again, a now normal thing when she closed her eyes at night, but this time felt different, a new awareness settling over her. Her feet led her to Raven in the backyard, the world morphing around her like usual to bring her to the basem*nt but this time when she looked down, she recognized the hand. ‘Lexa?’

She turned in the small amount of space the crowd allowed and came face-to-face with the woman in question. Lexa was dressed in leather armor and black war paint, her hair pulled back in lots of little braids, and she was saying something Clarke couldn’t make out. Clarke found herself nodding, both of them moving towards the staircase on the far side of the room. They weaved through the throngs of drunken people, Clarke in front and Lexa’s hand never leaving hers.

*KNOCK KNOCK*

Clarke jumped in her seat and she could hear laughing outside her car window. She tracked Lexa as she moved around the front of the car, still chuckling, and opened Madi’s door, unbuckling and lifting the girl out. The two were talking animatedly about something involving a pillowfort and popcorn, and they made it to the front door before they noticed Clarke hadn’t gotten out of the car and was adoring them from afar.

“You coming in?”

“Yeah, Mommy! You coming?”

Clarke rolled her eyes as she gathered up her phone and keys, and removed herself from the truck, making her way up the walk and unlocked the house to usher everyone inside. Madi squirmed to be let down and ran off up the stairs as soon as her feet hit the ground. “I’ll be right back!”

The blonde raised a brow at her daughter’s partner in crime who just winked in return. “I take it Madi invited you to watch a movie with us?”

“If that’s okay with you? I don’t think she’s going to see half the movie, but I did promise to help her make a sturdy fort, so at least she’ll fall asleep securely.” Lexa kicked off her shoes, nudging them to the corner with the rest and stepped into Clarke’s personal space, running a hand through blonde locks. “Plus, maybe we could spend some time together? I have something to talk to you about.”

Clarke leaned in for a quick kiss and let one hand wander to the front of Lexa's jeans, cupping her firmly. "We could do more than talk."

“I could be open to that.” The brunette moaned into Clarke’s ear, sending a jolt straight to her core, and a host of new, rather filthy thoughts to her mind. Just as she had her fingers on the button of Lexa’s jeans, loud thumping feet came bounding down the stairs.

“I got all the blankets I could find, plus some sheets! Mommy what are you doing?” Madi stopped a few steps up and stared at the two women. Clarke felt her cheeks heating up and she quickly stepped back.

“Just making sure Miss Lexa’s pants were zipped!” Clarke gave a small pat to the zipper in question to demonstrate and bit her lip to keep from laughing when Lexa’s eyes bugged out a little. “See? All good! Now, I believe we have a fort to build.”

Satisfied by her mother’s explanation, Madi readjusted the linens in her arms and finished her trek down the staircase, sweeping by the adults and power-walking her way to the living room. “Come on!”

Clarke made to follow, but turned back at the last second to place her hand back on Lexa’s bulge and dragged her into another rough kiss. A growl resonated in Lexa’s throat as Clarke pulled away, traipsing towards the back of the house with a sultry grin.

"This one is definitely gayer than the first one! There's an entire song that literally starts with 'every inch of me is trembling and not from the cold,' there is no way you can't see how it's really gay!" They were laying on their stomachs (Clarke called it ‘teenage girl style’), the movie credits rolling quietly in front of them. Madi snored lightly between them, her hand still outstretched and full of popcorn.

“I don’t know, the first one was pretty gay…” Lexa grinned as she took another sip of her beer and absently stroked Madi’s back. The little girl shifted closer, snuggling into Lexa’s side, and mumbling about pancakes.

“You can’t honestly think the first one was gayer than the second one!” Clarke stared incredulously at the other woman, ignoring that little part of her that was jealous of her own daughter at the moment. Lexa looked completely serious for a moment before cracking a wide smile.

“I had you going there, didn’t I?” She ducked as Clarke threw a small pillow at her. Lexa successfully avoided it, but the pillow knocked out a supporting cushion and the blankets over their heads collapsed, waking the sleeping girl between them.

“Help! Help!” Madi thrashed about under the blankets, the adults giggling as they pulled off the covers and Lexa scooped her up bridal style, Madi’s hands grabbing the fabric of Lexa’s t-shirt..

“I gotcha kid, you’re safe.” Lexa stood up and rocked gently, Madi’s arms slacking as she fell back to sleep. Clarke pulled herself up as well, folding up one of the larger blankets and tossing it onto the couch. She was about to get Madi to go on up to bed but stopped short.

Lexa had shifted the little girl so her head was on her shoulder, their hair blending together in curly brown waves where it lay as if from the same head, Lexa’s eyes closed as she swayed side-to-side and hummed a little. ‘This is what I want for Madi, someone to love her like I do, not some idiot guy who feels like he has to love her just because she’s his blood. Someone that actually wants to be around her, wants to be her parent.’

“You want me to put her in bed?” The nanny had opened her eyes and was heading to the hall. Clarke nodded and followed close behind, her heart melting at how peaceful her only child’s features were as she dozed. Even the jostling of walking upstairs didn't wipe the serene look off her face, her arms swinging loose, a lone slipper dangling.

Clarke popped into Madi's room ahead of the other two and tugged open the light green sheets and matching comforter, stepping back to let Lexa lay Madi down. She saw the other woman brush a few stray curls out of Madi's face and gingerly replace the covers, tucking them in slightly, an odd look on her face. 'She always seems in awe of Madi, like she's the coolest little girl ever, and maybe it's just cause she likes hooking up with me. Or maybe she can see the same future I can.'

"Do you want to stay over? I'm beat and thinking of heading to bed." Clarke stepped out into the hall with Lexa, quietly shutting the door and heading back towards her own room.

"Why not? I'm sure I can make a comfy pile to sleep in downstairs." Lexa said with a laugh.

"You'd rather sleep in a blanket pile in the living room than in bed with me?" Clarke spun around when she reached her bedroom door and crossed her arms, staring Lexa down with a raised brow and a slight smirk. Lexa tripped a little on the carpet, recovering quickly and stuttered her reply.

"I didn't say that, obviously I would rather sleep with you, I just didn't want to be presumptuous…" She'd reached Clarke by then, her hands fidgeting in an increasingly familiar way. The blonde inserted her own between them, lacing their fingers together and walking backwards into the master bedroom.

“I would give you the tour but you have already been in here.” She dropped Lexa’s hand, wandering over to the dresser to pull out pajamas for the two of them. Tossing a pair of sleep shorts and a tank over her shoulder for herself, she rummaged in the lowest drawer until she found one of the few pairs of boxers she kept to sleep in and a matching tank for Lexa, hoping that would be okay. She chucked the clothes at Lexa as she twirled around and burst out laughing when they hit her in the face. “Did you enjoy the view of my ass just then or is my decorating style what’s rendered you immobile?”

Lexa turned a fierce red and bent to grab up the clothes, stiffening when she noticed the boxers. “Please tell me these aren’t from previous… dailiances.”

“Dailiances? Aren’t we fancy.” Clarke teased stripping off her shirt in front of an ever-reddening Lexa. “And no, I bought myself some to sleep in because they’re super comfy.”

Lexa kept her stance, a question lingering in her eyes, one she seemed to be afraid to ask. Clarke unsnapped her bra, letting it drop off and pile on the floor with her shirt, and pulled on her tank. “Lex, whatever is keeping you from changing, let me remind you that I have already seen what you’re packing so…”

Clarke went to remove her pants and glanced up, realizing Lexa still hadn’t moved a muscle. She laughed under her breath, pushing off her pants and underwear in one fell swoop, and stepped into her sleep shorts, taking her sweet time pulling them up. Lexa was frozen, except her eyes which had been roaming every inch of the blonde’s body, but they snapped up when Clarke walked her way. Clarke had every intention of pretending she hadn’t noticed, though she couldn’t help herself from poking a little fun. “Making mental pictures for your spank bank?”

“N-No! I was- I-” Lexa sputtered, bringing the pile of clothes in her hands up to her face to cover the full-on blush. Reaching out with her left hand, Clarke unbuttoned Lexa’s jeans and inched the zipper down, then used both to wiggle the jeans off Lexa’s hips until they dropped of their own accord. Lexa lowered her bundle of pajamas and covered her crotch with them. “I’m fine. I’m just going to use the restroom real quick, okay?”

Clarke was taken aback, that was not the reaction she was expecting at all. ‘I was hoping she’d let me undress her all the way this time, but f*ck. Did I do something wrong?’

Lexa was only in the bathroom five minutes but to Clarke it felt like an eternity of fixing and re-fixing the covers, turning on and off different lights trying to find the right combination, and she even debated changing into something less revealing, worried she had made Lexa uncomfortable. The bathroom door shut behind Lexa with a soft click and she padded over to the opposite side of the bed, hovering as if not sure what to do next. Clarke thought she looked adorable in the dark brown tank top and loose navy boxers. "Get in, silly."

Clarke flipped back the covers and looked up expectantly. The brunette climbed in, careful not to get too close, and laid back stiffly. 'Oh no, none of that. I refuse to go backwards.' Clarke wasted no time snuggling into Lexa's side, throwing a leg gently over Lexa's and wrapping an arm around the woman's waist. For a few moments Lexa seemed to stay statued, and Clarke thought about giving up and shifting back. Just as Clarke started to unwind herself, Lexa lifted her arm and motioned for Clarke to come closer.

They both sighed and Clarke heard those annoying-ass bells going off in her head again. 'I could do this every night for the rest of forever if I could.' Clarke pushed that thought away; they'd only know each other for what, a month or so? She should not be having those thoughts. It was wayyy too early. 'Right?' A different thought popped into her head.

"Hey, you wanted to talk about something." Clarke ran her fingers idly over the bottom seam of Lexa's top, ignoring the urge to slip them underneath and run them over her abs instead.

"Uh, yeah. I did. Do." Lexa mumbled, bringing her free arm up to run though her own hair. "You know that party you were talking about?"

"At Theta Chi? What about it?" The blonde gave in to Thirsty Clarke just a bit, sliding her fingertips under Lexa's hem and scraping back and forth gently.

"I think I might have been there. Anya dragged me to a couple of parties senior year and I'm fairly certain that was one of them." It came out in a rush of breath and Clarke stilled, absorbing the new information. 'Holy sh*t, that's why I keep dreaming of Lexa too! Maybe she can help me find Madi's dad!'

"Maybe we ran into each other, maybe you saw me with Madi's father." Clarke's hand slipped absentmindedly downwards, under the edge of Lexa's borrowed boxers, her digits grazing trimmed curls. She felt the muscles under her hand contract and Lexa inhaled sharply. She smirked and looked up, gaging Lexa's reaction as she moved lower and lower. The brunette had her lower lip trapped between her teeth, pupils rapidly expanding. Clarke reached hot, throbbing skin and palmed Lexa's soft dick, feeling it stir.

"Yeah, no, about that, I- sh*t, okay, you know what, it can wait, just keep doing that." Lexa struggled to keep her composure as Clarke's hand circled her, tugging her member firmly under her boxers. The harder Lexa became, the less room Clarke had to move her hand until Lexa snapped and Clarke found herself being flipped over on her back. Lexa settled between her legs after pulling her hard-on completely out of her boxers, grinding her co*ck against Clarke’s clothed center and kissing her insistently, hands pulling at the bottom of the blonde’s shirt. Clarke could feel Lexa smile into the kiss once she managed to shimmy the shirt upwards enough to free Clarke’s ample breasts, the brunette’s hands going to them instantly, pinching and kneading and caressing. They broke apart, panting, and Lexa pulled her head back just enough to stare into Clarke’s eyes with an flustering amount of intensity, fingers still alternating between rolling and tugging at rosy nipples. “Beautiful.”

Clarke squirmed under the deep green stare of the woman above her, never one to really know what to say back to a compliment like that. “You’re just saying that to get into my pants again.”

Lexa’s face became serious and she brought one hand up to cup Clarke’s face. “I would never.”

The bells in Clarke’s head were deafening and the strongest feeling of deja vu washed over her. ‘It’s like we’ve had this conversation before, just like this. But that makes no sense.’ She felt tears welling up again and she blinked them away quickly, choosing to ignore her brain’s idiotic insinuation that they had done this before (well, in this position) and the oddly emotional reaction she just had. “Well, it’s working anyway.”

Lexa growled at that, her eyes clouding over with lust again, hands traveling to Clarke’s waist to remove the last barrier between them, leaning back on her heels to admire the picture before her. The brunette grabbed Clarke’s left ankle and began placing deliberate kisses up her leg, Clarke’s breathing getting more and more erratic the closer Lexa got to her soaking apex. Just as Lexa reached the patch of soft dark blonde, the woman hovered, running her fingers over something on Clarke’s abdomen. The blonde didn’t have to look down to know what it was. “Ha, yeah, Madi sure left her mark. No matter how much vitamin E I rub on them, they’re too stubborn to go away for good.”

Lexa didn’t respond, just bent down and placed a small kiss on the largest stretch mark. She trailed her lips upward once more, through the valley of Clarke's chest and over bunched up fabric, to press her lips again and again on Clarke’s.

Clarke had no idea what was going on in the nanny’s head but she seized the other woman’s hips and yanked her downward, crashing them together, Lexa’s co*ck sliding up through Clarke’s folds deliciously. Lexa rutted back and forth a few times, bumping Clarke’s throbbing cl*t over and over, Clarke’s hold on her hips tightening with each pass. “Lexa, inside. I need you inside!”

Lexa pulled both Clarke’s legs up, resting her calves on her shoulders, and wasted no time sinking into the wet puss* waiting for her. Clarke let out a gasp; she’d never been penetrated so deeply, and the head of Lexa’s co*ck scraping over that soft spongy spot on her front wall had her moaning with every thrust. Letting Clarke’s legs fall open on either side, Lexa bent forward, bracing her body on her left elbow and bringing her right hand up to slide behind Clarke’s head to connect their mouths. There was just enough room left between them for Lexa to drive in and out a few inches, but it was sufficient to bring them both to the edge. Breaking away, a string of incoherent curses streamed out of Clarke, the coil inside her getting tighter and tighter. “Lex, I’m so close, don’t stop!”

Lexa lifted her own head from where it had been set against the hollow of Clarke’s jutting collar bone and Clarke found herself thrown into an org*sm filled with a swirl of emerald and jade, hints of kelly and lime with the tiniest flecks of gold. They held their gaze as Clarke rode out her climax, Lexa hammering away, never dropping pace, and the blonde felt herself climbing that mountain again almost as fast as she’d fallen just moments before. Lexa's thrusts became sloppy and uneven, and Clarke knew she was close. So she grabbed the brown mane that had fallen in curtains around Clarke’s face, and she tugged that beautiful face down until their lips could mash together. She felt Lexa release, Clarke following right after, her tight walls draining everything they could out of the soften co*ck inside her.

Lexa rolled to the side, bringing Clarke with her and gently sliding out so Clarke could lay comfortably, tucking her sweaty blonde mop in the curve of Lexa’s neck, both of them still panting and hearts racing. They stayed there, tangled and bare, the cool air and Lexa’s slowing heartbeat lulling Clarke to sleep. She felt Lexa shift to grab a blanket to throw over the two of them, and was more than happy to snuggle back into her as she slipped into unconsciousness.

She was back at the party (again, ugh), this time she had skipped right to the basem*nt scene, and Lexa was definitely there with her, leading her up the stairs. Clarke looked around for Raven once they were back on the first floor, but didn’t see her anywhere. She let the dream guide her through the motions of texting the future mechanic, sending off the infamous vague message, and let Lexa pull her outside and into a waiting car.

The scene skipped somewhere new this time; she was in the barely furnished bedroom and she wasn’t alone (and she was missing most of her costume). Lexa was above her, a replica of the position the real her had just been in, and the brunette was saying something, her brilliant green eyes shining through the dark war paint mask. Clarke opened her mouth to respond, but felt consciousness pulling her out before she could say anything.

Clarke woke with a start, sitting up and letting the blanket fall to her waist. She whipped her head to the side, examining the woman still sleeping peacefully beside her, a soft smile on her lips. ‘What the hell was that? There’s no way it could have been Lexa!’ She laid back down, turning on her side to really study the brunette: her dark curls, her nose, her lips, even the way she slept (with one arm tucked under her head and the other flat on her stomach). ‘Jesus Martha Chase. How didn’t I see it before? It’s completely possible!’ She felt her heart starting to pick-up, a sure-fire sign a panic attack was on its way. ‘Do I say something to her? How do I even bring that up? What if she really isn’t? What if I get her hopes up and I’m wrong?’

Lexa rolled over at just that moment and peeked one eye open. She smiled and groggily spoke. “Hey you, you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, just my dreams getting to me.” Clarke let Lexa turn her around and scooted backwards, pressing her back into Lexa’s front.

“Anything you want to talk about?” Lexa slipped her hand under Clarke’s arm and pulled her even closer, tucking her face in wild blonde locks. Clarke slightly shook her head.

“Just Madi's genetic donor thing again. It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Well, I’m sure it will work out eventually. Things always do.” Lexa yawned and Clarke felt her hand go slack as she succumbed to the Sandman again, leaving Clarke alone with her thoughts, but much calmer.

She needed to talk to Raven, she would know what to do.

Chapter 11

Chapter Text

Clarke didn’t dream the rest of the night, at least nothing she could remember. She woke to her work alarm feeling rested despite the pleasant soreness from the previous night’s activities and it took a moment to realize she was alone. Stretching out to touch the side of the bed Lexa had been on, she encountered cool sheets, no one had been in them for a while. She sighed, tossing off the blanket and dragging her butt to the bathroom to get ready for work. ‘It’s fine, everything’s fine. I don’t know if I could have been a coherent person around her this morning anyway.’

She tried to hustle, but there was a Lexa-sized weight on her chest that made it hard to focus on simple things like washing her hair or picking out shoes, and it took her ten minutes longer than usual to get ready. Which doesn’t seem like much but it was enough that she was hurrying out of her room to Madi’s, praying the preschooler had taken some initiative and dressed herself without being asked. When she reached the door, she noticed it curiously ajar and upon further inspection, she found Madi wasn’t even in her room. ‘Don’t panic. She’s probably just downstairs watching cartoons. Which will suck because then I have to drag her all the way back up here and get her to change, then breakfast and backpack and carseat…’

Clarke was making a mental list of all the things she was going to have to rush through as she made her way to the first floor, and almost missed the fact that Lexa’s shoes were still by the door, piled up with the others. ‘Did she leave barefoot?’ There were happy sounds drifting out from the back of the house and Clarke followed them down the hall, coming out to a surprising picture.

Madi and Lexa were both sitting at the table, both dressed, both happily eating a yogurt-granola-fruit mix that had Clarke’s stomach rumbling on sight. The blonde watched them for a second, Madi trying to steal Lexa’s blueberries when she thought the woman wasn’t looking, Lexa letting her and laughing as she stole strawberries from Madi’s. The little girl glanced up as Clarke took another step into the kitchen. “Mommy, you’re awake! You look very pretty today.”

Clarke didn’t miss the little fist-bump under the table between the two, stepping over to the island where there were still some ingredients left to make herself a bowl. “I see you’re already dressed for school, good job kiddo.”

Madi nodded and took another bite. “Miff Lesa helpt me.”

“Swallow your food first, then talk.” Lexa reminded her before eating another spoonful of her own. Madi cleared her mouth quickly and opened it to show the brunette it was empty. “Yep, all good. Go for it.”

“Miss Lexa helped me get dressed and make my bed, and then we made breakfast! I like when she sleeps over.” The little girl shoveled another round in her mouth and smiled wide, her face reminding Clarke of a little chipmunk. Lexa’s cheeks went a little pink and she made eye contact with Clarke.

“I like when she sleeps over, too.” She finished making her bowl and sat across from the two of them. The trio ate in a comfortable silence, the occasional clink of a spoon or giggle breaking through. As Madi finished up, Lexa slid the girl’s bowl under her own and took her spoon too, attempting to eat with both at the same time. Madi thought it was the most hilarious thing and laughed so hard she had to run off to the bathroom to keep from peeing her pants.

And just like that, they were alone.

Clarke fidgeted with her spoon, clanking it against the side of her bowl in an unsteady pattern. ‘This is it, just ask her, say something about the party. You can do it.’

“What are you up to today?” She tried to sound casual, as if she wasn’t simultaneously thinking about Lexa possibly being her child’s other parent and how sturdy the table was.

' Coward.’

“Actually, Anya texted me and asked if I could look after the farm until Friday. She got a call about a couple malnourished horses a few towns over and it’s apparently a messy situation. The owner refuses to give up custody and there’s a whole thing going on. She has her regular weekend help coming Friday though, and she’s paying some of them extra to stay overnight.” Lexa stood, picking up the two stacked bowls and spoons, reaching out for Clarke’s as she took her last bite. Clarke smiled gratefully and leaned into the kiss Lexa dropped on her hair as she passed by. ‘So it’s now or Friday. Come on, Clarke, you can do this. Just spit it out. “Hey, I think you and I had sex five years ago and now you have a kid with me!” Easy, right?’

“So I’m on my own this week, huh? I’ll have to manage.” She winked at the brunette as she stood, gathering up her work materials from where they had been spread out on the far end of the table. ‘Oh, so I guess we picked Friday then. Seriously, Clarke?’

Madi reappeared in the kitchen, backpack already in tow, and skipped over to Lexa. She wrapped her arms around Lexa’s leg and looked up, a huge smile across her face; Lexa mirrored her grin and Madi tugged on her shirt. “Can you take me to school?”

Lexa lifted her head to send Clarke a questioning look. Clarke didn’t know how to proceed. On one hand, Madi always had a little trouble being left at preschool by anyone other than Clarke, even throwing a fit with Raven sometimes; on the other, it would be nice not to rush to work for once. ‘And if I’m right, it would give the two of them some time to… bond?’

“Do you still have the girls’ carseats in your car?” Clarke looked away, hoisting her bag to her shoulder and grabbing her keys. She saw Lexa nod in her peripheral vision and Madi started jumping up and down. “Well, then I guess it’s okay. I’ll send you the address?”

“Sounds like a plan. Alright kid, head out!” Lexa directed Madi’s shoulders at the doorway to the hall and gave her a light push.

“Yes, Commander!” Madi turned as she got to the hall and put her fist over her heart in salute.

“Hey! I thought I was the Commander?” Clarke tried to sound indignant but secretly she was glad to have the moniker go to someone else.

Madi shrugged and readjusted her backpack. “It fits her better, Mommy. I don’t make the rules.”

The three of them left together, Madi dashing to Lexa’s vehicle and bouncing up and down, making animal noises while she waited. Clarke laced her fingers with the other woman’s as they stepped outside and drew her in for what was supposed to be a quick peck, but turned into a mini makeout session. As they parted, Clarke watching Lexa climb into the driver’s seat of her own SUV and immediately engage with Madi in some sort of lively discussion, she felt like her heart was being driven away with the two brunettes.

Clarke called Raven as soon as she got situated in her truck, sending it through the bluetooth to come out the car speakers. She had intended to wait to see her that evening but after the heart-wrenchingly domestic morning she just had, she needed her best friend ASAP.

“Yo, Reyes here. What’s up Blondie?” The sounds of the machine shop could be heard faintly in the background and Clarke laughed as Raven called behind her to Sinclair about taking whatever break she wanted because she ‘is the best thing to ever happen to him and he knows it.’

“I think Lexa’s it.” Okay, Clarke could have said that differently, but she was hoping Raven understood what she meant.

“Don’t you think it’s a little early? I mean I’m all for Uhauling if you’re sure, the girl is hot as f*ck and did you taste her pancakes on Sunday? sh*t, I’ll marry her if you don’t. Don’t tell Anya I said that last part.”

“No Raven. I think she’s THE ONE.” Clarke pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling a migraine coming on already. She was praying there weren’t any major problems waiting for her at work.

“I heard you, THE ONE. How many meanings could that ha- OH. The ONE. Like Madi’s one? Got it. Wait, what?” The confusion was unmistakable and Clarke realized too late that now she had to explain Lexa’s physiology, which to be honest, she herself didn’t know the story behind.

“Lexa was at the party, I’m sure of it, she even said she thought she was. The last couple weeks I’ve been dreaming of her being there and lastnight I dreamed she was the one with me at that apartment! Only I think it was a memory, not just a dream.” She was getting worked up and the traffic was doing absolutely nothing to quell her anxiety.

“You do remember Lexa is a woman right? I know we’re all about rainbow power, but it does take some specific ingredients to make a new human.”

“She has a penis, Raven.” The line went silent for a minute.

“Huh.”

“Yeah.”

“So, how big we talking?”

“You won’t hear me complai- RAVEN! Not the point right now. Focus!” Clarke rolled her eyes and merged onto the highway, traffic only getting worse the longer she drove.

“Right, so you think because you’ve been dreaming about perfect Miss Huge Dick, that she’s your mystery donor?” Raven laughed. “You think maybe, possibly, you just want it to be her? When did she tell you she was at the party too?”

“Last night…And don’t call her that.”

“And then you dreamed about her plowing you at that same party? Sounds like the power of suggestion to me.” Clarke hated the smirk in Raven’s voice, mostly because she was probably right. “You could clear this up pretty easily with a DNA test, you know.”

The blonde pulled into the parking lot of her work and found a spot easily for once. “I know, but how am I gonna do that? I don’t want to say anything unless I’m certain I’m right.”

“Where there’s a will there’s a way. Listen, I gotta bounce, but I’ll see you at home okay? I’m picking up Madi right?” Sinclair was shouting for her in the background and Clarke had to get out anyway.

“Yep, see you then.” Raven ended the call and Clarke was left staring at her steering wheel. ‘Now what?’

The work day drug on unbearably for the first half of the day. Finn was nothing but a childish ass the entire morning staff meeting, making snide remarks about everything and everyone, but mostly directed at Clarke. When she could finally escape to her office, her brain refused to concentrate on anything, choosing to continually point out all the times Lexa reminded her of Madi and vice versa. She knew Raven was right, that the chances were slim it was Lexa, but a little part of her kind of hoped it was. Selfishly, she wanted to be tied to Lexa for the rest of their lives, to share something with her that was forever. ‘I could always get a DNA test done. But then I’d have to tell her first and what if she thinks I’m crazy?’

“Hey Clarke, your one o’clock is here.” Harper popped her head into the office and gave her a wide smile. Clarke just groaned and put her forehead on the stack of papers in front of her. Harper stepped in all the way and closed the door behind herself, rounding the desk and placing a hand on the blonde’s back. “What’s up? Finn making you miserable again?”

“Ugh, always. But no, just the Madi stuff again. She’s backed off since Lexa talked to her, but I know it’s gonna come up again.” Clarke let herself be soothed, even if only for a minute.

“Lexa talked to her? That’s sweet of her.” Harper ran two fingers up the back of Clarke’s neck and Clarke instantly felt her headache start to subside. “What’d she say?”

“Oh, just how she was adopted and so were most of her siblings and how she never felt less loved without knowing her birth parents. It worked, and Madi hasn’t said anything since, but it’s only been a day so, we’ll see. Did you know Lincoln is her brother?” She rolled her shoulders back and stretched her neck from side to side as Harper walked back to the door.

“Does hot just run in the family then? Cause I have eyes, that boy is a smokeshow.” Harper laughed and let herself out, leaving the door ajar for said smokeshow to come ambling in two minutes after.

“So we’ve covered food, we’ve covered musical entertainment, and we’ve gone over the silent auction basics. What about other entertainment? If Anya has any particularly rare animals, she could always sell tickets to meet-and-greet them, or take pictures with them. 50/50 raffles are also popular at events like this, and a great way to raise money while keeping costs down.” She and Lincoln had been at it for the better part of three hours, stopping occasionally to talk about his and Octavia’s wedding plans (Clarke couldn’t help but be interested), and Anya and Raven’s romance that defied all logic; they steered clear of Lexa, intentionally on Clarke’s part at least.

“Those both sound good. I’ll have to talk to Anya about the animals, she can be testy if you don’t catch her in the right mood. Of course, I don’t know when she’s coming back from her trip. Lexa told you right?” Lincoln wrote himself a note on his copies of the plans, drawing a nervous smiley face next to it.

“She mentioned it this morning, yeah. Said she’d be handling the compound and animals until Friday afternoon.” Clarke didn’t hear the implications of what she said until it was too late.

“This morning?” He co*cked an eyebrow at her and smiled. “So things are going well with my little sister then?”

She blushed, nodding gently and refusing to make eye contact. Something about Lincoln made her want to spill her guts about everything and she knew if she met his eyes, she would do just that. A deep caramel hand closed over hers and she couldn’t help it. She risked a glance up, his open and caring face waiting patiently. ‘Tina Fey, the word vomit is real.’

“I think she’s Madi’s-”

“Yo Clarke, I need to run some changes to the Bardo campaign by you, what time do you think you’ll be finishing up?” Echo, a tall, dirty blonde woman that worked in taglines and market research, stuck her head through the door, effectively saving Clarke from whatever fallout might have occurred just then. Lincoln retracted his hand and gathered up his papers, and stood with a reassuring smile.

“I’m good if you need to attend to other things.” He motioned to Echo, who was shamelessly gawking. “I’ll run this stuff by Anya.”

Just before he was out of range, Clarke called after him. “Lincoln, you and Octavia should come on Sunday. Ten am, the drinking starts.”

He spun around and gave her a thumbs up and a wink, and Clarke turned her attention to the increasingly over-complicated Bardo campaign.

Raven took one look at her haggard face Tuesday night and declared it junk food night, proceeding to order a ridiculous amount of food from different places and the three of them stuffed themselves and watched reruns of Golden Girls all evening. Never once did the mechanic bring up Lexa or the looming elephant in the back corner. Clarke went to bed hoping for the first time in a while that she wouldn't dream at all. She wasn't allowed to be that lucky and woke Wednesday morning even more confused and sexually frustrated.

By Wednesday evening, Clarke was going through a weird kind of withdrawals. She hadn't realized how much she had gotten used to at least texting and talking to Lexa everyday for the last few weeks, and there had been radio silence since Lexa sent her confirmation Madi made it to preschool okay. Clarke tried to convince her brain that Lexa was just really busy with the animals and whatever else taking Anya's place involved. So when Lexa sent a text at eleven that night, Clarke practically jumped on her phone.

Lexa (11:12pm): I hope your week is going okay so far. I know you're probably asleep by now but I just wanted to ask if you wanted to go out to dinner on Friday? Sleep well ❤️

Her thumbs hovered over the screen, waiting for her to make a decision: answer right away and risk accidentally opening a Madi-sized can of worms, or wait until morning, when she had more of her mental faculties available. She closed her eyes and focused on her breathing, inhaling for three seconds, then exhaling for three seconds. She did this a few times, and found her eyelids wanting to stay shut, exhaustion setting in. Without opening them, Clarke set her phone on the wireless charger on her end table, and fell into a Lexa-filled sleep.

Thursday passed in a blur of whiny clients, whiny roommates, and whiny kids. Raven was constantly bitching about Anya being gone, Madi was upset that she didn’t get to see her friends or Miss Lexa the rest of week, and every client she had was full of complaints. On top of all that, Lexa hadn’t texted back after Clarke confirmed their Friday date.

Friday morning, after unsuccessfully trying to get herself off for the fifth time that week (she swore Lexa ruined her), she dropped Madi at school and headed in for another gruelling day of work. She was halfway into the building when she spotted a visitor she could have done without for the rest of her life.

Five years hadn’t aged her all that much, maybe a few more greys here and there, and a couple more wrinkles, but even in her jeans and blouse, she still looked to Clarke like the self-aggrandizing power-hungry WASP she’d always been. Clarke wasn’t sure which employee not only let her in the building, butalsotold her to wait for Clarke, but that person was in for at least a good yelling. Clarke pulled her shoulders back and steadied herself, knowing that she had to be ready for whatever bullsh*t she was about to have to deal with, and she continued her way to her office, not sparing the woman even a glance.

She almost made it before she was spotted.

“Clarke!” The voice made Clarke falter a step, giving away that she heard and she sighed, slowly turning around to face the woman who she unfortunately was related to.

“Hello, is there someone you are here to meet? My assistant can set you up with an appointment if you need consulting.” She tried to sound professional, as if this was just another potential client. The older woman took a step forward from where she had been leaning on the glass railing that overlooked the first floor and Clarke took a step back in mirror.

“I made one, I’m your nine-thirty.”

Clarke was going to kill everyone here. Except maybe Harper. And Monty. Definitely Finn though.

“Fine, you get five minutes and then I don’t want to see you again for at least a decade.” Clarke spun back around and walked the rest of the way to her office, leaving the door ajar and sitting in her chair with a huff. Her mother followed, shutting the door softly once she entered, and sat in one of the two chairs that faced the large wooden desk. They sat in silence for a few seconds, Clarke staring expectantly at the woman who had raised her.

“Well? I have actual work to do, so if you could get to the reason you’re here, that would be great.” She pulled open one of her desk drawers and started removing the files she would need for most of the day, including the now huge file for the Bardo client. She grimaced at the size, knowing it would only get bigger before the day’s end.

“Can’t a mother check in on her only child?”

“Try again.”

“Fine. I was hoping you had finally come to your senses and would be open to moving back home. It has been five years Clarke, it’s time to quit this nonsense. I spoke with the head of admissions at Johns Hopkins and he assured me there was a spot for you, despite your.. age. Your old room is still set up and I’m sure we could set up a room for…” Abby led, and the fact that she still hadn’t bothered to learn Madi’s name infuriated Clarke.

“My child and I will not be moving in with you, nor anywhere near you. We are perfectly fine and happy as we are. I make plenty to support us both, and we live comfortably in the house my father left me.” Clarke’s tone was firm, making it very clear that her decision was final and that was that. “And as I told you many times in college, well before I got pregnant, I am not interested in joining you in the medical field. I have a wonderful life here with my real family and my child.”

“I take it you still don’t have a lead on paternity?” The smug look on Abby’s face made Clarke want to scream.

“I would like you to leave.” Clarke stood up and went to the door, giving her mother a wide berth. She pulled it open and waited, glaring out the doorway and incidentally at the back of Finn’s head (who happened to be on the other side of the open area in front of Jackson’s office). A chair slid across the rug and Clarke didn't move a muscle.

Once the older woman crossed into the hall, she turned around, arms folded and that smug grin still painted on her face. “It was nice to see you, Clarke. I’m in town a while for a conference, maybe we’ll run into each other again.”

“Let’s not.” Clarke shut the door with more force than necessary, but it didn’t bring her the satisfaction she’d hoped.

She took the rest of the day off, not even bothering to explain to anyone why, though Harper didn’t seem the least bit surprised. All she wanted to do was go home, order a pizza, and curl up on the couch watching terrible movies until she fell asleep. It was halfway home, NPR on in the background to dull the silence, that Clarke remembered her date that night. She really didn't want to bail, but the prospect of getting dressed up and being out in public was extremely unappealing at the moment. ‘Plus, I really don’t want to have that talk today.’

Unlocking her front door, she tossed her bag on the ground and kicked off her shoes, heading up to the second floor to take a bath and maybe laid down for a while. She’d just gotten the water running and stripped down to nothing when she heard the doorbell. There wasn’t anyone usually home this time of day and she wasn’t expecting any deliveries, so who the hell?

Wrapping a towel tightly around her body, she slowly descended the stairs, her speed picking up when she recognized a familiar brunette. Clarke threw open the front door and nearly launched into the other woman’s arms. Lexa grabbed her up with her free arm, pulling her close while subtly stepping into the foyer and kicking the door shut with her foot. “Bad morning?”

Clarke pulled back and assaulted Lexa’s mouth with her own, covering her with needy, wanting kisses. Lexa broke away, bringing her hand from Clarke's back up to wipe under the blonde's eyes. Clarke wasn't even aware she'd been crying and ducked her head, releasing her hold on Lexa and taking over, ridding her face of moisture with the top edge of her towel.

"Hey, hey, talk to me. What happened?" Lexa drew her back in, Clarke tucking her head against Lexa's chest, holding back new tears threatening to drop.

"I'm just glad you're here." She whispered and let herself be comforted. "How did you know I'd be here?"

Lexa cleared her throat and Clarke leaned back to look at her with a half smile. "Ah, well, long story short, Anya told me."

"Oh. But what about the animals and stuff?" It didn't take a genius to figure out Harper had texted Raven, who most likely told Anya, hoping to get to Lexa. Clarke would have to buy her best friend a new tool or something.

"Niylah has it covered. One the perks of having eight siblings.” Lexa chuckled and Clarke cracked a small smile, inhaling the soothing scent that was purely Lexa. “Not that I’m complaining, because trust me, I’m not, but why are you in a towel?”

“Oh crap! The water’s running!” Clarke darted upstairs, towel doing little to cover her as she went. She skidded into the master bath just in time to stop the water, the level reaching just under the auto-drain. Lexa could be heard climbing the staircase and joined her in the bathroom, a glint in her eye, and Clarke was suddenly aware of how naked she was. “I was going to take a bath, try to wash off the terrible morning I was having.”

“Was having?” The brunette ran her fingers along the bathroom counter, coming to Clarke’s box of bath bombs and peeking open the lid. Clarke reached past her and inside the box, selected one of her favorites, eucalyptus and lavender, and began unwrapping it.

“Mhm. It’s certainly improving every second.” She dropped the bath bomb into the water and sat on the edge of the tub, letting her towel unravel itself, leaving her exposed. “I’m going to get in now, you’re welcome to join me if you want.”

Clarke swung her legs into the hot water and hissed, adjusting to the temperature a moment, and then slipped fully in, water just above her chest, the bath bomb still letting out a steady stream of fragrance and oils all around her. The tub was large, one of the few things she had remodelled when they moved in, and easily could accommodate two adults. She eyed Lexa, who was watching her every move, and beckoned her. “Well? Come on, before I drag you in, clothes and all.”

The brunette nimbly unbuttoned her shirt and let it fall off, her pants and sports bra following shortly after, leaving her in only her compression shorts. There she hesitated, thumbs in her waistband, eyes trained on her bare feet.

“Do you want me to close my eyes?” Clarke joked, putting her hand over her face and waiting. She heard no response, but felt Lexa’s hand on her back, urging her forward, and the water rose slightly as the woman got in behind her. Clarke could feel Lexa’s legs slide outside of her own and she leaned back, humming in delight at the feeling of Lexa completely bare against her. “This is nice.”

Lexa wrapped her arms around the blonde, both feeling the effects of the calming oils, and laid her face on the blonde mane in front of her. “Sorry for being weird. I’m just not used to anyone besides family being so… normal about my body.”

“Hey,” Clarke turned her upper half to meet those brilliant green eyes she loved. “You are normal. I lo- like you no matter what.” She wiggled her butt against her favorite appendage to emphasize her point and Lexa grabbed her by the waist, stopping her fun.

“I’m serious. Thanks, even if it’s only been a short time, you’ve given me a place I can be… me.”

“Well you’ve given me a lot, too.” Clarke muttered, eyes widening when she realized it was out loud. ‘sh*t. That was supposed to be an inside thought, an inside thought!”

“Oh?” Lexa loosened her hold and tugged Clarke against her chest, leaning them both back against the tub. Clarke had two options: spill it all or play it off. ‘You know the right thing to do. Just do it. Say it. Come on, Clarke.’

“I mean, you always seem to show up right when I need you. My friends like you, Madi loves you. And the sex isn’t bad either.” She felt Lexa laugh and her insides squirmed, her stomach fluttering and her heart clenching at the truth pounding away. ‘You have to tell her soon or it’s going to eat you alive.’

Raven and Madi found them that afternoon laying on one another on the couch, watching The Good Place, abandoned plates on the coffee table from the lunch Lexa made for Clarke (may as well have been called second breakfast, considering the fare). Madi pounced on them and wiggled in between, chattering away about her day at preschool, not once questioning why her mother was home early or Miss Lexa was there. Raven sat in one of the overstuffed armchairs and kicked her feet up, winking at Clarke as she did.

“Hey aren’t you two supposed to have a date tonight?”

Chapter 12

Chapter Text

“Where the hell is my other shoe?” Clarke shouted down the hall, zipping up the side of her skirt and almost tripping. “Lexa will be here soon and you know she is always on time!”

Raven stuck her head out from the hall bathroom where she was keeping an eye on Madi while she played scuba diver in the tub. “Check under your bed!”

Clarke grumbled about Drunk Clarke never putting her stuff away and bent down on her hands and knees to scrounge under her bed. The missing shoe was a good ways back, shoved between a sports bra and her box of ‘toys’. She reached her hand out, shoving her arm under all the way to her shoulder, and closed her eyes, trying to focus on her sense of touch. ‘Sock, charger cord, spoon? Sports bra….Shoe!’ Clarke whooped in triumph, but it was short-lived as she had the sudden feeling she was being watched. “Enjoying the view, Raven?”

“I’m not Raven, but I am enjoying the view.”

Clarke jerked backward with her treasure in hand. Lexa was leaning against the doorway, hands behind her back and the hint of a smile on her lips. The brunette was dressed in black slacks with a tailored white button-up and striped suspenders.

Clarke may have been staring for a few moments too long. Lexa had slept over the night before, just slept, and while it was bliss to wake up in the brunette's arms, Clarke had non-stop dreams about her the entire night. So seeing the way Lexa's arms slightly flexed under the thin fabric of her shirt was pushing her a little over the edge. “You’re early.”

“Actually I’m exactly on time, you’re-” Lexa glanced at the clock on Clarke’s end table, “-two minutes late.”

The blonde pulled her legs around to tug on her shoe and reached up to Lexa, who shifted something behind her back before sticking out a hand to help. Lexa kissed her hand once Clarke was on her feet and presented her with two things: a dvd and an oversized box of Junior Mints.

“Is that Bring it On?” Clarke examined the case and confirmed that it was indeed the pinnacle gay movie of her era.

"I know you said you wanted to go out to dinner despite the week you had, but I wanted you to know that if at any point you want to bail, we have a backup plan. We come home, get in comfy clothes, and watch not-so-subtly hom*oerotic movies from the era of Lisa Loeb and Buffy." Lexa's grin was infectious and Clarke's heart skipped a beat at the way she so casually referred to Clarke's house as 'home'. 'If she is Madi's other mom, would she want to move in here with us?' Clarke took the candy from Lexa, and set it and the movie on the dresser.

“How about we go have dinner, then come back and watch the movie in bed?” She sauntered back over to the brunette and grabbed her by the belt loops. Lexa’s eyes darkened and she brought her hands to Clarke’s waist again.

“Sounds good to me,” Lexa gave her a quick peck and stepped back into the hall. “But we should get going, I made reservations at Emori’s and she’s a stickler for being on time.”

Lexa drove them to the restaurant, a two story brick building located a few blocks from Grounders that had a script white glowing sign out front. Clarke had heard of the place when it first opened while she was in college but never found a reason to go, and had even less of a reason once her life was consumed with diapers and storytime.

Walking in, they were greeted by a young man with a slight scar across the lower half of his face, but it didn’t deter his wide smile and he showed them to a table without Lexa even saying a word. Lexa pulled out Clarke’s chair for her and made sure she was settled before sitting opposite, though the table was small enough to easily reach over and squeeze one another’s hand. Clarke accepted a menu and they ordered a bottle of wine to start. Opening to the first page, Clarke noticed that every dish she read sounded amazing. And pricey .

"Any idea what you want to eat?" Lexa met her eyes over top of their menus and then resumed looking hers over. Clarke shook her head, attempting to focus on the words in front of her and not the sexual frustration that was reaching its peak. Lexa glanced up again when she didn't hear a reply and refolded her own menu. "I usually just have the chef make me whatever she feels like. Do you want me to order two?"

Clarke nodded this time, setting her menu down and shifting in her chair, trying to relieve the now constant throbbing. "That sounds good."

Lexa tilted her head curiously and Clarke could feel her face heating up. "Are you okay?"

'Get a hold of yourself. You’ve had sex with this girl twice, possibly three times, and you're acting like an addict. You made it all week, hell you took a very naked bath with her yesterday and still managed to keep control.'

"I'm good." The waiter returned with the wine and Clarke drained her glass almost immediately. To his credit, the waiter seemed unphased and refilled it as she set her glass down. Clarke felt the alcohol rush into her system and her nerves, sexual and otherwise, calmed a bit. “I’m fine.”

“Lexa Woods! Long time no see!” A round-faced brunette woman came striding towards their table, with a bright smile and a tray of bread and cheeses in one hand. Lexa returned the smile and grabbed the tray when she got close. The woman lightly socked Lexa in the arm and laughed. “You disappear for five years and then just show up like nothing’s wrong? And who’s this?”

“Clarke, this is Emori. Emori, this is Clarke, my-” Lexa started. Clarke was keen to see how she finished it. ‘Baby mama, one true love, end all, my-’

“Girlfriend?” Emori finished, offering a gloved hand to Clarke. Lexa stuttered, glancing at Clarke to see her reaction.

“That’s me. Nice to meet you, you have a lovely place here.” The blonde shook her hand firmly and grabbed up a piece of bread from the tray, spreading a thin layer of soft cheese on top. Emori studied her intensely for a moment and Clarke took a bite to keep from having to make eye contact again.

“Hang on, aren’t you that girl who’s date nailed my husband with a dart?” Clarke swallowed hard, and she laughed uncomfortably.

“You’re married to Murphy?”

“Yep, four years now.” Emori picked up Lexa’s glass of wine and took a sip, nodding in approval at the choice.

“I’m so sorry, that guy is an ass.” Clarke really wanted to stop talking about Finn, he already helped ruin her week, she wouldn’t let him ruin her date too. “I mean the guy I was with, not your husband.”

Emori shrugged and set down the glass. “Eh, both can be true. Well, I’ll leave you to it, just wanted to come say hi to my favorite Woods. You want your usual? It may have been years, but I think I still remember what you like.”

“Times two if you don’t mind.” Lexa nodded and Emori squeezed Lexa’s shoulder before heading off back to the kitchen, shouting orders at a few employees as she went.

“She’s fun.”

“Yeah, I met her in college. Her husband’s a tool sometimes but he grows on you.” The brunette grabbed her own bread and began preparing it. The conversation shifted to work, Clarke telling Lexa all about Lincoln’s fundraiser plans and complaining about the intricacies of the Bardo campaign. Clarke’s frustrations were all but gone, the mention of Finn having destroyed them.

“So what happened on Friday? Anya didn’t have any details when she texted, just said you had a bad morning and took the day off.” Lexa took another bite of her scallop potatoes, her plate nearly clean. Clarke was halfway through her own meal; the food was delicious but filling and she was sure she'd be leaving with a takeout box.

"My mother." Clarke sighed, setting her fork aside and reaching for her wine instead. "We haven't seen each other since I found out I was pregnant."

"She wasn't excited about having a grandchild?" Lexa seemed puzzled by that and Clarke wondered what Mr. and Mrs. Woods must be like for the idea to be so foreign.

"Madi wasn't the start of our disagreements, she was just the push I needed to sever ties and start really living for me." The blonde emptied her glass, twirling the bottom edge around on the table. "My mother has always had high expectations for me from day one. She pushed me to take as many academic courses as possible, APs, summer college classes, camps, you name it. She wanted me to follow her into the medical field, be a doctor."

"And you didn't want that."

"For a while I thought I did. Even was originally pre-med at Polis. But my freshmen year, I took a life drawing class and I realized that no matter how good a doctor I became, I would be miserable. My mother had it all planned, where I would go to med school, where I would intern, fellowship, residency, all the way to chief level. I switched to Art and Design two months in and that's when thing got really bad.". Clarke declined when the waiter came back with the wine bottle, switching to water, knowing the really hard talk was coming soon. "See, it's not like my mother could cut me off. My father had set up a fund for me for college, in my name, which only I had access to. So when she found out I was no longer pre-med, she tried to demand I move home. I refused and we didn't speak again until the end of sophom*ore year when she chose to believe that I was only doing Art and Design to aid in creating new medical devices. Which is ridiculous."

Lexa laughed and Clarke loved her for it; that little sound lessened the weight on her chest just a little, the dredging up of the past had added so much to the already heavy topic she needed to discuss.

"When I again refused to switch back or move home, she blew up and told me I wasn't to come home at all unless I had changed my mind about my major. I had no problem with that, and never probably would have spoken to her again during college if Harper hadn't let her know I was pregnant."

"Why would she do that if she knew how things were with your mom?" Lexa signaled the waiter for the check and a box, then turned her attention back to Clarke, green eyes wide and waiting.

"Harper has always loved her own mother, and I know she meant well, thinking that I would need my mom to help me get through it, but it only solidified my mother's belief that I was throwing away life." She could feel the tears building behind her eyes and resisted the urge to swipe at them, not wanting to smudge her make-up. "She wanted me to pretend it didn't happen, take care of it, and move home. She was furious when I told her I was keeping my baby."

Lexa leaned over and took Clarke's hand, rubbing her thumb over the back in little circles. Clarke took a deep breath to calm down, head clearing and she was able to continue.

“She told me there was no way I could support two people as an artist and I told her to f*ck off. The hard thing was admitting that she had a point, and I did end up switching majors, just not to pre-med. I got my degree in Marketing, and managed to graduate on time with my friends, even with a baby at home for my senior year. I was lucky to get a job right out of school, but even luckier when it came to the clause my father put in my college fund.” Clarke took a second to box up her food, handing her empty plate to the busboy as he passed by. “He set it up so that I had the ability to use the money any way I wanted, he must have known things would get bad between my mother and I after he died. So I used the remaining money after paying all my senior year tuition to buy the house we’re in now. There’s still a little left, but I’ve converted it into a fund for Madi to use as an adult. I think he’d’ve wanted that.”

Lexa signed the check (Clarke didn’t even remember seeing her pay) and handed the book back to the waiter as he passed, telling him to have Emori call her soon. “And your mother just showed up at your work yesterday?”

“I have no idea what possessed her to suddenly appear. She said something about a conference but why now?” Clarke said more to herself than anything, as she set her cloth napkin on the table. They stood and Lexa took her hand and led her to the front of the restaurant, weaving through tables, and they almost made it to the doors before Clarke had an idea. ‘It’s still early and I don’t know if Raven’s managed to get Madi to sleep yet. Plus it’s been a while since I’ve defiled a public space…’ She tugged Lexa towards the restrooms, her excitement growing at the sight of the single person, unisex doors.

“Clarke, what…” Lexa started as Clarke shoved them both into one of the bathrooms, locking the door behind them. The blonde surveyed the room and found it surprisingly nice, more like the old department store bathrooms, with a sitting room couch and everything. There was a long counter with a sink at one end and a mirror running the length, a single walled-in stall in the corner, and another mirror on the opposite wall behind the couch. 'Perfect.'

She turned and pinned Lexa to the door, cutting her off with a searing kiss, and let her hands wander. Lexa hesitated only a second, before returning it with a fervor. It was like a switch flipped and the brunette’s hands found purchase on Clarke’s thighs, hoisting her up and walking towards the sink to deposit her on the counter.

“Leexxaa…” Clarke moaned, her skin on fire as Lexa’s lips travelled down the column of her neck. Lexa’s fingers slid purposefully up Clarke’s legs and under her skirt, grasping and gripping at creamy skin higher and higher. Clarke steadied herself on her right hand, her left searching blindly until she found Lexa's buckle, pulling it apart swiftly and working on the other obstacles in her way. The button came apart easily, but the zipper stuck partway down and Clarke let out an impatient whine.

"I got you, I got you." Lexa breathed, and stepped back, eyes hooded, lips the faint color of Clarke's lipstick. She finished what Clarke started, and forced her pants and compression shorts halfway down her thighs in one go. Fisting her co*ck, she moved back in between Clarke's legs. "You sure?"

"Lexa, I dragged you in here. I pretty much mauled you. Yes, I am more than okay with you f*cking me senseless in this absurdly fancy restroom." Clarke wrapped her legs around Lexa's waist, her lower half pressing forward, all the tension from earlier flooding back and she needed relief now . She dug her hands into Lexa's dark chestnut hair to the roots and smashed their mouths together, canting her hips to try to get any bit of friction she could.

Clarke broke away, gasping, as Lexa pulled the blonde's panties aside and thrust two fingers inside without warning, easily sliding through soaked lips again and again. A third was added quickly, Lexa curling her digits with every stroke, bringing Clarke up and up, dangerously close to the edge. "More, I need more!"

Lexa swallowed Clarke's whimpers as she removed her fingers, and Clarke could feel the other woman smirk. A fleeting thought went through the blonde's mind that they still didn't get to talk about their possible offspring, but before it could take hold, Lexa was slamming into her, erasing any thoughts that didn't have to do with the absolutely perfect way Lexa was filling her.

The sounds echoing throughout the room were positively obscene, the small bit of carpet under the couch doing nothing to absorb the noise, every grunt and moan flying back to them in stereo. Clarke knew she would ache tomorrow, a knot forming in her lower back muscles, but she was too far gone, too high up to even entertain the idea of stopping. Lexa was in her ear, panting her name in time with her hips, and one last cry was all it took. Clarke came in a rush, ankles hooking together and trapping Lexa inside her, her walls rippling around the co*ck still trying to reach deeper and deeper, releasing after a couple more attempts. Spots appeared in her vision, her body shaking with every little kiss Lexa placed on her neck as she came down, and finally she was aware of Lexa saying something.
“Clarke, you have to let me pull out now.” Lexa’s voice was soft and she gently grabbed an ankle in each hand, prying them apart. Clarke stared at the mess she had made of the counter, letting her feet drop to dangle just above the floor.

“That was…” She started, searching for the right way to describe how effectively Lexa had been able to take all the stress from the week and just f*ck it right out of her. The brunette looked up from her careful task of cleaning herself up and shot Clarke a knowing grin.

“Amazing, fantastic, earth-shattering?” Lexa sauntered back to the counter, her pants done up again but her shirt untucked to cover any wet spots. Clarke half-heartedly waved her arm to whack the other woman, missing by a mile.

“Hush and help me down.” Clarke replied playfully. She accepted a hand and set down on unsteady legs, smoothing her impossibly wrinkled skirt the best she could. “Oh f*ck, there is no way I’m going to fix this enough to not look like we just ruined your friend’s bathroom.”

“We’ll just get out as fast as we can, it’s not like anyone we know is here anyway.” Clarke gave her a pointed look. "Besides Emori, I mean." Lexa ran her fingers through her hair, pulling it back in a half-pony and wet a paper towel to wipe off the stray lipstick smudges. When she was finished, she turned to Clarke, “You ready to do this?”

“I guess.”

They almost made it outside again.

“-there she is, CLARKE!”

Lexa looked back at the sound but Clarke tried to urge her to keep going with her eyes, wishing they could disappear. The universe was torturing her with the last person she would want to see her so disheveled, and any tension previously alleviated came flooding back. Clarke could hear the footfalls coming closer and was grateful when Lexa pulled her forward, wrapping an arm protectively around her waist.

“Clarke, I was just talking about you! Thelonius, this is Clarke, my daughter.” Lexa’s arm tightened around her, and Clarke twisted around to face her mother. They stared at one another, Clarke not bothering to put up the same façade of congeniality as her mother, the dark man beside them seeming confused by the hostile reactions from the younger women. Just as Clarke was opening her mouth to tell her mother off, Lexa spoke instead.

“Hello, you must be Mrs. Griffin. Under different circ*mstances, I might say it was nice to meet you, however, given things as they are, I think you can understand my hesitation. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we were just leaving. We have a babysitter to relieve.” Lexa moved to put herself between the other women and nudged Clarke into motion. They didn’t look back as they rushed out to the parking lot, both lost in thought, not saying anything until they were almost back to Clarke’s.

Lexa parked in the driveway behind Clarke’s truck and cut the engine, spanning the gap to take hold of the blonde’s hand. “We can raincheck the movie if you want, I understand.”

Clarke looked at her incredulously. ‘Raincheck? Why the hell would I want to raincheck? Does she really not understand what she is to me? How she makes me feel?’

“No. Please don’t leave.” She squeezed Lexa’s hand and let go to unbuckle her seatbelt, but didn’t get out until Lexa did the same.

Clarke could get used to waking up in Lexa’s arms. She wiggled a little, her bladder winning out over her want to stay snuggled up, and extracted herself carefully from the sleeping woman. Once in the bathroom, she took care of business and then stood, staring at her reflection, scolding herself for chickening out again.

‘What happened to telling her at dinner? What’s it going to take? Do you need Raven to do it for you? I’m sure she’d be happy to blurt it out at a large gathering. LIKE BRUNCH TODAY.’

Remembering it was indeed brunch day, Clarke checked the time as she exited, and found it was already nine. Deciding to let Lexa sleep in, she pulled her towel off the closet door and went to take a shower.

She was wrapped in one towel and drying her hair with another when she walked back into her room, finding not only was Lexa awake, but Madi was giggling in her arms, the two of them whispering about something. Clarke stood back and watched a second, the yearning in her chest growing. She wanted this, every morning, forever.

“Hi Mommy! I found Miss Lexa in your bed!” The little girl stood up, wobbling across the bed and jumped into Clarke’s arms, practically stripping the towel off her body.

“Careful, kiddo. Mommy’s not a jungle gym. Why don't you and I go down and start cleaning up the house while Mommy gets dressed?" Lexa stretched her arms above her head as she climbed out of bed, clad in sweatpants and a dark camisole.

They'd come back the night before to Raven and Madi passed out on the couch, and worked in tandem, Lexa carrying Madi off to bed and Clarke prodding Raven until she groggily trudged up to her own room. The pair met back up in Clarke's room, going about getting ready for bed like they’d been doing it for years, Clarke tossing clothes at Lexa (who still insisted on changing in the bathroom), Lexa pretending to spit toothpaste on her. Clarke fell asleep just after the Kirsten Dunst/Eliza Dushku pajama dance party, her head on Lexa’s shoulder, their legs tangled together.

“We’ll be downstairs, see you in a bit?” Lexa let Madi hop on her back and wrap her arms around the larger brunette’s neck. Clarke followed them out to the hall, tickling Madi’s sides and making her squirm, All three of them laughing all the way to the tip of the stairs. Lexa turned and pecked her on the cheek, Madi doing the same, and they headed down.

"That was revolting." Raven was propped against her bedroom doorway and had apparently witnessed the whole interaction, disgusted amusem*nt on her features. "So I take it you told her and everything is good?"

Clarke didn't meet her eyes, and made a beeline for her own room. She didn't have to turn to know Raven was hot on her heels.

"Clarke. Clarke! You didn't tell her yet?!" Raven was being too loud for Clarke's liking and the blonde rushed around her to shut the door. The mechanic's head swiveled to follow her, an unbelieving look tracking Clarke's every move, from the dresser to the closet and back again. "Clarke! What happened to telling her last night?"

"I chickened out, okay!" Clarke hissed, whipping around, still tugging her shirt on. "I'm a huge coward and I got scared and I chickened out! You happy? My mom showed up as we were leaving the restaurant and I got distracted and then terrified that if I told Lexa, she'd… I don't know."

"Whoa wait, Abby was at the restaurant? Did you talk to her?" Raven's face hardened at the thought and she wandered over to the bed, dropping on the mattress with a thud.

"No, well kind of. Lexa did."

"Lexa did?"

"Mhm. She told her we were leaving and didn't give my mother any time to respond, just pushed me out the door." Clarke pulled her hair up into a loose bun and sat next to her best friend, pulling her legs up and criss-crossing them. Raven was quiet, and Clarke thought maybe she'd drop the subject.

"You have to tell her, Clarke. What are you waiting for?" She grabbed the blonde's hand and squeezed twice, something they did to indicate the other was serious.

"Look, I know." Clarke scrubbed her face with her free hand, as if she could rid herself of anxiety so easily. "I wish there was some way to just do the test without her knowing."

"I mean… you can. You just need her DNA…" Raven raised one shoulder and said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"How am I supposed to get that? It's not like I can have her spit in a cup for no reason and we don't use condoms really so…" Clarke rambled off, flinching when Raven's hand met the back of her head.

"Why the f*ck not? You trying to get knocked up again?"

Clarke swatted her back on reflex and tried not to sound offended. "No! I'm on birth control, you idiot."

Raven huffed and crossed her arms, clearly not convinced her best friend wasn't out of her mind. She pulled herself up, rubbing her knee as she did, and headed out the door. "Just tell her soon, okay? She should know."

Clarke slumped back on the fluffy white duvet and sighed. 'I hate when Raven's right.'

She didn’t lay there long.

The door popped open and in rushed Lexa, her left hand wrapped in cloth and clutched close to her chest, Raven trailing not far behind, a weird grin on her face. “Lexa cut her hand! It’s kinda deep, but I told her you have those weird sterile band-aids that always do the trick for me.”

Clarke sat up and gently pried Lexa’s hand open, unwrapped the dishcloth, seeing a rather deep cut in the webbing between her index and thumb. “Ouch. head into the bathroom and run it under cool water, I’ll be right there.”

Lexa did as instructed, her face blank, as if she wasn’t even there. As soon as she was far enough away, Clarke yanked Raven to her side. Raven wasn’t smiling for nothing, something was up. “What happened?”

“Lexa was cutting up fruit and the knife slipped. Good thing I was there with a towel to apply pressure. A now bloody towel.” Raven motioned to the abandoned linen on the end table, raising her eyebrows.

It clicked.

“Raven! Did you cause her to cut her hand? That was your solution!?” Clarke whisper-yelled, unable to process the fact that her best friend had just purposefully caused her, her Lexa , to injure herself.

“Look, she’s fine. And now you have the DNA you need. You’re welcome.” Raven got up, rolling her eyes. “Do what you want with it, but at least you have it now.”

Clarke didn’t see her leave, her eyes were focused on the blood-stained cloth. She reached out to grab it, whether to hide it or put it in the laundry, she didn’t know.

“Hey, how long am I supposed to do this?” Lexa called from the bathroom, and Clarke retracted her arm, rushing into the bathroom, leaving the possible answer to her question behind to taunt her later.

Chapter 13

Chapter Text

Brunch went well, everyone ate and drank as usual, trading stories about their week, and whenever Lexa was asked what happened to her hand, Raven would jump in with some wild inane story about bears or ninjas, Madi drinking in every one. The addition of Octavia and Lincoln made it seem like even more of Clarke's world was colliding with Lexa's. In the best way possible.

The only one who couldn't make it was Anya, still stuck out of town, handling the malnourished horses case. Raven openly complained to anyone and everyone about how she was dying of sexual frustration, and only stopped after Madi asked if there was a cure. As the evening wrapped up, Lexa headed out as well, citing her return to work the coming week, but promised Madi she would bring her three friends over the next day.

“I wish Miss Lexa lived here instead. Then we could play all the time! And have pancakes and make pillow forts!” Madi leaned her head against Clarke’s thigh, hands clutching at the jean material covering it. Lexa waved from her truck as she backed out and Madi saluted her, fist on her chest, before waving back sadly.

“I know, kid, I know. Me too.” Clarke guided her back inside and shut the door behind them, her head a jumbled mess.

Monday’s playdate went as usual. The girls were ecstatic to see each other again, jumping up and down for a good ten minutes at first sight, talking at break-neck speed in their high-pitched voices about everything that happened during the week they missed, and ran off to the backyard in a whirlwind. Lexa and Clarke would surreptitiously steal kisses when the kids weren’t around; Lexa pinning Clarke against the front door after the girls left to play, a quick kiss behind the fridge door when they were supposed to be getting out ingredients for lunch, and they were almost caught when Lexa followed Clarke up to ‘help change the laundry’ (read: makeout against the stacked washer and dryer) and Maggie came up to ask for a band-aid.

Clarke kept hearing Raven’s voice in her head the whole day, urging her to just get it over with, just tell the woman she may or may not be seriously falling for, that they probably have a kid together already. ‘I need to know for sure, though. What if I tell Lexa and she says we didn’t even hook up that night? Worse, what if she doesn’t believe Madi’s hers? It was five years ago and it’s not like we even knew each other. I really was a hoe for all she knows.”

She did her best to push those thoughts out of her head and enjoy the afternoon together.

Clarke put Madi to bed that night and fell asleep on the phone with Lexa like she was a love-sick teenager, the bloody dishrag now sitting on her dresser next to the hamper.

Tuesday was rough. Lexa called to say that not only was one of the girls sick, but she promised Anya she would check in on the new temp help she hired for the time she’s gone, so Clarke was on her own again that night. Raven was there, sure, but Clarke was starting to think her bed really was too big for just one person, and when Madi fell asleep after a snugglefest in Clarke’s room, the blonde didn’t move her. Instead, she tucked the little brunette in beside her, stroking her dark hair absently and came to the startling realization that even the feel of it reminded her of Lexa’s.

The towel moved to a pile of whites, waiting to be bleached and sanitized.

Lexa texted Wednesday morning to lament at the ineptitude of the new help and sadly told Clarke she wouldn’t be able to bring the girls over, Dory was still a little sick and Lexa didn’t want it to spread to Madi. Both Griffin women pouted all afternoon and were beyond surprised when Lexa showed up with chinese food and a duffel bag that evening. Clarke eyed the bag and smirked.

“Not afraid to presume now I see.”

Lexa just grinned back and handed the food off, dropping the overnight bag by the staircase and leaning in for a kiss.

That night, with Lexa downstairs on the couch with a glass of wine and laughing at Raven's latest work story, and a worn out Madi tucked in bed, Clarke moved the whites pile to the laundry room and sat it in front of the washer. It would be the next one in.

Lexa had to head out early Thursday morning to get over to the Collins' house in time, grabbing a banana for breakfast on her way out, kissing Madi on the top of the head and Clarke on the mouth as she flew through the house, gathering her things from where they had spread out naturally. Clarke stared at the front door a few moments after it shut, thoughts of a life that could be swirling about. She wanted it, all of it. Waking up with a face full of brunette curls and a soft hand splayed across her hip, hearing Lexa hum snippets of songs to herself as she showered, watching her daughter ( their daughter?) giggle as the three of them told silly jokes around the dinner table. All of it.

She'd always been happy just the two of them (three if you count Raven), and a year ago, hell six months ago, she would have laughed at the idea of falling in love with someone in a month but here she was, feeling that tug in her chest as part of her heart left the house.

"Lexa gone?" A sleepy adult voice made Clarke snap back to reality and she turned to see Raven rubbing her eyes as she descended the stairs. 'Oh right, she took the day off.'

"Yeah, she has to be there at eight-thirty." Raven nodded at Clarke's words, maneuvering around the blonde to get to the kitchen, a tan hand running through her mussed hair. Clarke followed, pulling at her skirt and cursing her decision not to wear pants that day. She had a new client meeting with a company called Eligius and Kane had not so subtly mentioned that the head guy in charge was a bit old school, hence the skirt and lower cut blouse. Was she proud that she had to use these tactics sometimes? Not one bit. Did they work? Always. And the potential new client was positively loaded and was looking for an extensive campaign project to reinvent their company after a failed mission launch.

Raven poured herself a cup of coffee from the thermal carafe and leaned against the counter, studying Clarke. “You still didn’t tell her.”

It wasn’t a question, if the sigh that accompanied it was any indication. Clarke shooed Madi off to get the rest of her stuff ready, taking her time to return to the unsurprised stare waiting.

“No.” Her voice was quiet, a fair amount of shame seeping in, her eyes downcast. Raven’s mug clinked on the countertop and Clarke could hear her searching the cabinets for something to eat.

“Maybe you shouldn’t yet. How much do you even know about her?” Raven clicked open a cereal container and poured Lucky Charms into her bowl, not stopping until it was a mountain. “What if she’s secretly a crazy person? What if she hates kids? What if she’s like… a drug dealer on the side? Or a murderer?”

“Raven. All of that is ridiculous. She is literally a nanny for three kids who love her. Madi always wants to be around her. I’ve met her siblings and they all seem to have normal sibling things to say about her, and I severely doubt she’s a drug dealer. And if anyone is dating a secret murderer, it’s probably you.” Clarke rolled her eyes and ticked off her responses on her fingers, not noticing Raven’s face had morphed into a sh*t-eating-grin. She glanced up and caught sight of her roommate, finally catching on to what she was doing. “Yeah, fine, okay. I get it.”

“Second thing, Anya told me to tell you that she’s releasing the squirrel on Saturday and was wondering if Madi would want to come up and say goodbye.” Raven doused her cereal in a miniscule amount of milk (she liked it crunchy) and shoved a spoonful in her mouth. As Clarke opened her mouth to respond, her phone started playing ‘Work’ by Rihanna from its charging station across the kitchen.

“sh*t. That’s never good.” She leapt to grab it before they hung up, pressing the screen to connect the call and hearing Harper’s voice going at warp speed on the other end. “Hey Harp, hold on a sec.” She turned back to Raven, angling her phone away from her mouth, “Tell Anya we’d love to, and send me the address. Is there any way you could drop Madi off at preschool today?”

“Yeah, yeah, can do. Go on, go get that money!” The darker girl flicked her spoon towards the door to dismiss Clarke, then continued to stuff her face.

“You’re the best! I just have to run upstairs and grab my laptop, and I’m out of here.” She dashed up the stairs after confirming with Harper she was on her way, glad she hadn’t put on the really high heels. Once she reached the top, she spotted her laptop bag, her computer already stowed away, and was about to head out when she got a sudden urge.

Raven didn’t see the sliver of white and red fabric poking out of Clarke’s bag when she hugged her bye, or if she did, she said nothing.

‘What are you doing, Clarke. We decided against this, remember? Take it out of your bag, now.’ Clarke cut her eyes back and forth between the road and her passenger seat, her brain on overdrive. She had no idea what possessed her to grab the towel from the laundry room, she honestly meant to just get her laptop and her bag, then she found herself shoving the dried bloody cloth in between her laptop case and a few file folders.

She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel, her anxiety level shooting up the longer it took the light in front of her to turn green. ‘What’s the plan then, Clarkey? It’s not like they sell DNA tests at the drugstore.’

Her subconscious was right. Options were limited, probably a good thing considering what a bad idea it all was. She sure as hell wasn’t going to her mother with this, even if she could get an answer in a matter of hours that way. So what did that really leave?

‘Jackson.’

Clarke pulled out her phone and dialed his number, putting it on speaker.

"Hello?"

"Hey Jackson, I'm on my way in right now. I have a favor to ask though."

"I'm not taking over the Bardo case, those people are crazy." He laughed over the sounds of the office in the background.

"No, no, not a work favor. Am I on speaker?" She didn't want anyone to hear what she was about to ask, especially Finn. God knows what kind of bullsh*t he'd start spouting if he heard this.

"Yeah, I was finishing up a report, give me two seconds." She heard him shuffling papers and then a click as the ambient noise cut out. "There. What's up? Are you okay?"

"Do you still have access to the lab at the hospital?" Clarke met Jackson a few years prior to working together, when he was in medical school under her mother and Clarke was still pretending she wanted to be a doctor. Jackson reached his last year of residency, but burnout is real and after losing three child patients in a row, he quit. When Clarke offered him a position at the marketing firm, he happily took it; numbers were easier than people, he reasoned.

"Not technically, no, but I still have friends at the hospital. Why?" His tone was wary, and rightfully so. He knew that she could easily ask her mother to do whatever it was if it was really that important.

"I need a DNA test done. I have both samples, I just need to know if they are… related. Nothing fancy, just that." It came out in a rush, matching the pace of her vehicle as she veered into the parking lot. "Please Jackson. I don't want my mother involved in this. I'll do anything you want."

The line was silent, and Clarke thought he may have hung up on her.

"This is for Madi, isn't it."

"Please Jackson." Clarke turned off her car, turning off Bluetooth and pressing her phone to her ear instead.

He sighed again and Clarke glanced through her windshield to see him standing just outside the front doors of the office building.

"Give me the samples, I'll take them over now before the crazy sh*t starts here." Jackson hung up and trotted over to where Clarke's truck was sitting, shoving over her things to slide into the passenger seat and staring at her expectantly. "Well?"

His expression was impassive and he dropped open his hand casually. She slowly pulled the towel from where it was squished and offered it to him. Jackson pinched a non-bloody corner between his thumb and index, his face scrunched up in slight revulsion. "Okay, that's one. Where's the other one?"

The blonde swung her arm blindly behind her seat, groping around until she landed on her target. She swiped her fingers through the bristles of Madi's mini brush she kept in the car and brought up a fist of brown curly hair. Jackson was unimpressed, but took it nonetheless.

"Do you have a grocery bag or something? I'm thinking walking back into my office to get my car keys with a bloody towel and wad of hair is not great for the company image."

"Shoot, yes. Glove compartment." She popped it open and extracted a plastic bag from the stash she kept for trash. Jackson stuffed the two samples into it and paused, giving her a once-over.

"It will take a day or two. I'll text you when I have your answer." He didn't ask anything, no probing questions about who the blood belonged to or how she got it. As he stepped back out of the truck and headed into the building, Clarke released a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. The weight of the bloody towel may have been off her shoulders, but a new one had taken its place. She hated waiting.

He didn't get back to her on Thursday and Clarke spent Friday at work just as frazzled as the day before. She snapped at more than one co-worker for things that weren’t necessarily their fault, multiple times at Finn for things that were certainly his fault, and found herself stress eating, consuming more microwave breakfast burritos that Friday afternoon than she’d eaten in the past month.

Lexa had promised Madi (and by extension Clarke) that she would come over Friday evening, and Clarke spent an hour pacing back and forth in front of the TV, Madi obliviously constructing a lego bridge to span the gap between the big armchair and the coffee table. The ring of the doorbell brought a fresh wave of nerves and Clarke took her time following her excited four-year-old to the door.

“You’re here!” Madi was all smiles and hugged Lexa’s jean-clad legs tightly, launching immediately into a full description of their two long days apart. Lexa bent down, her own smile nearly reaching her ears, and scooped up the little girl, nodding along with the mostly one-sided conversation, adding comments here and there, pausing just a moment to kiss Clarke lightly on her way to the kitchen. Clarke felt her body relaxing with every passing minute in Lexa’s presence, the pounding in her chest slowing down, her hands no longer fidgeting constantly. She took a few deep breaths to calm down further, worried she was going to just blurt out what she’d done the first time she made eye contact with the woman she may or may not be connected to for life. Finally, the noises from the kitchen piqued her curiosity and she headed that way. As she stepped out of the hall, her heart picked up again, for a completely different reason that time.

Lexa and Madi were by the fridge on the far side of the room, Madi planted on the island measuring out flour carefully into a large bowl, Lexa pulling more ingredients out of the pantry, both singing along to some terrible Disney song. Lexa absently steadied the little girl with a hand on her back as she passed by to get to the oven, reminding her not to wiggle on the counter and dramatically sighing when Madi asked to get down so she could dance, her little hips swaying back and forth not quite in time. The fact that Lexa couldn’t keep time either wasn’t lost on Clarke.

“How did you know I was craving breakfast for dinner?” Clarke joined the two of them, taking up the task of cracking eggs for omelets and supervising Madi as she stirred the pancake batter from her stool.

“Well, Raven mentioned you’ve been all about breakfast lately and I know we have brunch on Sunday, but that’s different.” The way Lexa said ‘we’ had Clarke’s mind filling with images of brunch to come, Lexa and her family slowly becoming fixtures at the weekly event, even Ontari showing up, pretending to scowl at everything but secretly enjoying it all. “Plus, any excuse to make pancakes, am I right, kid?”

Madi vigorously nodded her head, her little fingers losing their grip on the whisk in the pancake batter, and all at once, Clarke has a batter-covered preschooler. “I’m sorry Mommy!” I didn’t mean to, I-”

“It’s okay, just means you’re taking a bath early. Why don’t you head up the stairs and find your towel?” The blonde maneuvered the pouting girl out of the kitchen, turning to Lexa, who was trying very hard not to laugh. “Do you want cooking duty or bath duty?”

It was all so domestic, the question slipped out so easily Clarke could almost believe they had been doing this together for years. The other woman just laughed and handed the spatula over, “Bath duty any day, babe.”

She planted a kiss on Clarke’s cheek and squeezed the blonde’s hip as she exited the kitchen, calling up to Madi to go ahead and turn on the water.

‘Babe. I like that.’ They hadn’t gotten into calling one another pet names, and Clarke wasn’t usually one to enjoy it, but she would have been lying if she said the word hadn’t given her a warm jolt.

Lexa groaned at the feel of Clarke’s lips travelling across the swell of her chest, her fingers buried in golden curls, urging her on. They’d put Madi to bed after a very loud sing-a-long movie night featuring Ariel and Tiana, and left the kitchen clean-up for later in favor of heading upstairs to bed. Clarke wasted no time getting Lexa out of her clothes and they were sprawled out, tangled in bunched up covers, the sweat from round one still glistening on their skin.

The dinging of Clarke’s phone cut through the fog of lust still clouding the air, two in succession, and the blonde dropped her forehead to the taut skin of Lexa’s abdomen. “NO.”

The stomach underneath her bounced as Lexa laughed at her grumpy response, twisting to the side as the brunette reached out to the end table, tilting the phone to the side to read the notification. “Someone named Jackson wants you to call him, should I be jealous?”

Lexa wiggled her eyebrows teasingly, not noticing how Clarke’s breathing had stopped and her chest constricted with guilt. Clarke jerked up, her body whining at the loss of body heat and skin contact, and took the phone off the table, unlocking it and reading his two messages in her head.

Jackson (10:12pm): Sorry to get to you so late, my buddy worked a double.

Jackson (10:12pm): Call me when you get this.

“Everything okay? Is it work?” The concern in Lexa’s voice made the guilty fist around her heart squeeze tighter and she just nodded in response, grabbing up her sweatpants from the floor and excusing herself to the bathroom.

Once safely inside with the door shut behind her, she leaned against the counter, her fingers hovering over Jackson’s name. ‘You ready for this? You wanted an answer and now he has one for you.’ She closed her eyes, her hands shaking, her body and mind in conflict.

“Hey Clarke, you there?” Jackson’s voice sounded tinny and Clarke looked down at her phone, where her finger must have pressed ‘Call’ without her consent. She raised the phone to her ear and tried to clear her throat.

“Uh, yeah, I’m here.” The pounding in her ears was increasing, she was sure if anyone else was in there with her, they would know in an instant that something was wrong.

“So, I don’t know if it’s good news or not, but the samples were a match. They are related.” His words entered her skull, swirling around in circles over and over, not quite reaching her brain somehow. Her breathing turned shallow, eyes defocusing, the sound of Jackson talking getting smaller and smaller.

And yet, amidst the mild panic attack, there was something warm blooming behind her ribs. ‘It is Lexa. Holy Mary Frances Lyon. I have to tell her.’

“Thanks Jackson, I owe you one.”

“Clarke?” He wasn’t usually one to meddle in others’ affairs or give unsolicited advice, so Clarke was surprised he had more to say.

“My friend also noticed something odd about the chromosome counts. The blood sample was noted as XXY.” There was concern in his tone, he clearly thought he was giving her information that she didn’t already know.

‘Oh. That answers that question then. But-’

As if reading her mind, he continued, “So he checked the hair sample and it came back XX.”

Clarke let out a small, shaky breath. She hadn’t been worried about the possiblity of Madi being intersex, honestly it didn’t matter to Clarke if she was, but she got the feeling Lexa would have had a hard time with that. The brunette rarely spoke of the troubles she had growing up, but Clarke knew that Lexa would blame herself if Madi’s life was any harder than it had to be.

“I need to go. Thanks again.”

“You’re welcome.”

She hung up and slowly slid her phone into her pants pocket, crossing her arms over her bare chest, hugging her body tightly.

She spent five more minutes in the bathroom, gathering up some bit of courage, whatever was left in her, to confront Lexa and get it over with. Her hand shook on the door handle and she chided herself for being so scared to tell her. ‘What’s the worst that can happen? She denies the truth? She calls you names? She leaves and never comes back? So what, you’ve done this on your own since day one, you don’t need her.’ She said those things in her head so flippantly, ignoring the way her heart constricted painfully at each one. Drawing in a final breath, she strode out of the bathroom with a false confidence, only to let her body sag immediately.

Lexa was asleep, the weight of the week and their vigorous activity having pulled her into dreamland. Her features were peaceful and calm, a small upturn on her plush lips, one arm thrown above her head, the other on her stomach.

‘I could wake her. We could still talk about it tonight.’ But even as she thought it, Clarke knew she wasn’t going to. Instead, she carefully snuck back into bed, cuddling into the brunette’s side, inhaling her scent when she pulled Clarke closer in her sleep. Lexa hummed, her naked chest vibrating under Clarke’s ear and the blonde closed her eyes, willing her night to be dreamless.

There was a heaviness on Clarke’s chest that wouldn’t stop wriggling and she stretched out a hand to find a little foot on her stomach. She pried open one eye to see two mops of brown intertwined, Madi’s head laying on Lexa ( ‘her other mother’ Clarke reminded herself with a mix of apprehension and excitement), their chests rising and falling in a synchronized motion, only the comforter making a true distinction between them. Madi must have come to her room in the middle of the night and climbed in bed with them, blessedly not disturbed by the fact that Lexa was in her mother’s bed again.

Lexa shifted, her arm coming down as she turned and cradled Madi into her side above the covers, Lexa’s body curling around the little girl. Clarke gently pushed two toddler feet off her stomach and forced her body to get out of bed, cold air hitting her still naked figure. She quickly threw on her discarded sleep shorts and fished a clean tank out of her drawer.

"Morning." The voice behind her was still heavy with sleep and was hardly more than a raspy whisper. Clarke turned, straightening her shirt, and met the hooded green stare waiting. Lexa sat up, letting Madi slide off to the middle of the bed, and Clarke noticed she must have gotten up sometime the previous night to slip on a pair of boxers.

“Morning, sorry if I woke you up, I was planning to go start breakfast. I told Anya we’d be there around noon, so we should probably leave here no later than eleven.” Raven had mentioned it was about a forty-five minute drive to the compound and Clarke knew by now to build in extra time for things like getting gas and forgetting something at home. Lexa yanked on her t-shirt from the night before and pulled one arm across her chest, then the other.

“Sounds good,” the brunette let out a stifled yawn and glanced down at the sleeping girl, “Do you want to wake her up or leave her? It’s only nine.”

“We can leave her. It’s probably for the best anyway, considering I doubt she’s going to take a nap today.” Clarke started out of the room, Lexa following closely. At the top of the stairs, Lexa grabbed her by the hip and spun her around, an odd look on her face like she was studying the blonde intently. Whatever she was looking for, Clarke didn’t know if she found, but Lexa kissed her softly, the hand on her hip squeezing firmly, her other one flat against the wall by the doorway to the master. When they parted, the voice in Clarke’s head ramped up, and the war began between the part of her that wanted to tell Lexa immediately and the part that wanted to wait until at least after they went to Anya’s.

The three of them, plus Raven, piled into Lexa’s truck at a quarter past eleven, Clarke holding her tongue because it was her that made them late. She spent longer than she intended in the shower, her brain quarreling with itself as she nearly scrubbed her scalp raw. Then she couldn’t find a pair of shorts that were comfortable, her pre-Shark Week bloating coming on stronger than ever.

Now she was going to be stuck in the car for forty-five minutes in a pair of shorts that still felt too tight, listening to Raven describe all the things she was going to do to Anya, while trying to keep her brain from blurting out anything to Lexa. Madi was blissfully unaware as to anything going on with the grown-ups and was happily listening to the radio and doing one of her puzzle books.

Raven had cornered Clarke in her room before they left, to interrogate her of course, clicking her tongue and rolling her eyes when Clarke admitted she still hadn’t done it yet. Clarke didn’t say anything about the DNA test, worried Raven would force Clarke to tell Lexa right then and there. The mechanic may have also intimated that if Clarke didn’t do it soon, she would; in return, the blonde promised to kick her out if she did (and they both knew that was an empty threat at best). Neither left the exchange happy, but the two matching brunettes in the next room didn’t show any signs they noticed.

It was a long forty-five minutes.

Clarke couldn’t tell who was more thrilled to be at the compound, Raven or Madi. The second the truck came to a stop in front of a decent-sized ranch style home, the large wrought-iron gate closing behind them, Raven was unbuckled and popping her door open, her grin wider than Clarke had ever seen. Madi started pulling at her car seat buckles, asking to be let out over and over, her head turning, trying to see everything at once.

“Hold on there, I’m coming to get you.” Lexa laughed, putting the truck in park and stepping out of the vehicle. Clarke followed suit, her body protesting its exhaustion the whole time. ‘Of all the times for my PMS to include fatigue…’

Madi ran off towards the large paddock to the left of the house, mooing at the cows she could already see before from her seat up in the truck. Clarke made to tell her to come back, but Lexa snagged her hand, lacing their fingers and gave her a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry, the fencing encloses the entire property, and all the animals are secured in their areas. Except Baloo.”

“Baloo?” Clarke didn’t have to wait long for an answer, a deep barking sounding from somewhere in the distance, getting louder fast. In a matter of seconds, the largest dog Clarke had ever seen in person came galloping toward them, a mass of brindle fur with a head bigger than a hubcap. Lexa stood her ground, a twinkle in her eye and a hand extended forward, palm flat and facing the oncoming animal, and waited until it was a few paces away.

“Baloo, sit!” The instant the words left the brunette’s mouth, the giant dog dropped its haunches to the ground, tail thumping wildly, tongue hanging to the side. Lexa pulled out a baggie with a few pieces of turkey lunch meat inside that she must have stolen from Clarke’s fridge that morning, opened it, and tossed some of the meat at Baloo, his wide jaws closing on it in mid-air. “Good boy! Now, where’s your mommy?”

The dog waggled his butt again but didn’t move, which made Lexa laugh and toss him another piece. Clarke took a peek over to where Madi was gleefully petting the nose of a particularly friendly cow calf, letting out a sigh at how happy she was there. Something wet nudged her free hand, and Clarke looked down (barely down, she noted) to see Baloo at her side, a goofy dog smile on his face, and she gave him a few pats on the head. “Good boy.”

Anya banged out the front door of the house, Raven hobbling after, both looking thoroughly mussed, a dopey grin on the latter woman’s face. “Lexa! Are you feeding Baloo bologna again?”

“I would never!” Lexa feigned offense, letting go of Clarke’s hand to put hers up in surrender. “He doesn’t even like bologna anymore.”

Anya shot her a glare and whistled for the dog to come to her. He whined at Clarke, but trotted over to Anya anyway, plopping down on the ground in front of her. “Come on, I’ll give Clarke the tour. Lexa, can you grab small fry over there?”

Lexa jogged over to where Madi was still stroking the calf’s face and hoisted the girl onto her shoulders, Madi putting her hands on either side of Lexa’s head to stay steady, Lexa holding her little legs in place by the ankles. Clarke could feel Raven drilling a hole in the side of her head, however, the blonde refused to meet her eyes, choosing to pay extra attention to Anya’s descriptions of the different paddocks.

“Do you want to go for a ride on one of the horses? I happen to know an excellent rider.” They were in the barn attached to the biggest paddock, admiring the few horses taking a break inside. The five of them had circled the entire compound, Anya patiently answering every question Madi had about the animals, even the silly ones, and occasionally letting her hold or pet a few that were permanent residents. Over the course of the two or so hours they spent with the animals, Clarke could see her daughter slowly fighting to stay awake, and a few times Lexa carried her from one pen to the next when her little legs would ‘mysteriously not work’.

In the barn though, Madi was hopping back and forth with delight, exclaiming that each new horse she encountered was her favorite. Her eyes went wide at Anya’s proposition, the prospect of getting to actually ride one of the horses making her jump in place. The dirty blonde woman continued, bending down to Madi’s level. “Maybe if your mom is okay with it, Lexa could take you for a short ride.”

Anya cut her eyes to Clarke, who really didn’t know how she felt about the whole thing. She’d always wanted to let Madi experience as many things as possible, horseback riding just wasn’t something she’d had on that list previously. Lexa confidently hoisted a saddle off the wall and walked it over to one of the stalls, one that had a large black mare inside. She unlocked the door and stepped in, waiting for Clarke’s nod before beckoning Madi to join her. “We’ll just go around the walking trail a little, how’s that?”

Madi listened enraptured to every instruction the older brunette gave her, helping to tighten the straps, putting the bridle in place, even checking the horse’s shoes. Clarke was impressed; she never knew Lexa could ride a horse. ‘What else does she have up her sleeve?’

Before long, Madi was seated in front of Lexa in the saddle, her tiny hands holding the reins, a bright orange helmet on her head. She gave a toothy smile when Clarke insisted on taking pictures, almost dropping the reins when her mother waved bye as the horse walked them away down the trail.

“They’ll be fine. Lexa’s the best rider of us all.” Anya said, closing the barn door as the three left walked toward the house. A goat bleated in the distance and Raven got an odd glint in her eye.

“Hey babe, I’m gonna go… look at the cows again. I’ll meet you guys inside in a few.” She ambled off in the opposite direction of the cows and Clarke raised a brow to Anya. The other woman sighed and rolled her eyes.

“She has a long-standing feud with one of the goats. She’s lucky she’s hot.” Anya explained, opening the front door and letting Clarke pass to go in first.

The inside of the farm house was spacious, a big open floor plan with a central hallway leading to the few doors in the back that Clarke assumed were bedrooms and bathrooms. Anya led her to the left, through an area with couches and a TV mounted on the wall, and into the kitchen. She picked up a kettle and stuck it under the faucet, yanking the tap open, and staring out the large window in front of the sink. The sound of rushing water triggered Clarke’s bladder and she shifted from side to side. “Hey, uh, where’s your bathroom?”

“Second door on the right.” Anya kept her eyes trained outside as she spoke, and Clarke quietly shuffled back to the hallway to find the toilet.

Clarke wasn’t normally a snoop. Really, she wasn’t. But after she relieved her screaming bladder, she noticed the door right beside the bathroom was ajar, and a particular picture caught her eye. Creaking the wooden door open, she tiptoed inside, her hand going to the framed photo sitting on a dresser without instruction.

It was of three little kids, two girls and a boy, covered from head to toe in mud, mouths open in pearly white smiles. She set it back down, helpless to stop herself from scanning the rest of the room. It was a bedroom alright, with a full pressed in the corner and an end table that matched the dresser, all light wood, the room painted a pale blue. There were a few other pictures on the dresser, mostly of the same three little kids as they grew older, slowly taking the forms Clarke knew in the present: the three of them in swim suits at the beach, tossing sand at each other; teenage Lincoln pushing Lexa on a swing set with Anya about to dose him with the hose in the background; Lexa in a cap and gown, the other two flanking her with proud grins. The last photo in the line stopped Clarke dead.

It was Anya and Lexa, arms thrown over one another’s shoulders, red solo cups in their hands and mouths open in laughter. She picked up the picture, holding it closer and farther away over and over as if she could make better sense of what she was seeing.

Lexa was dressed in the viking costume with black makeup painted across her eyes. The exact costume Clarke kept dreaming about. But that wasn’t the part that made Clarke’s breath stop, her heart railing against her insides.

Just to the top of the photo, in the corner, not even far enough away to be out of focus, was her own drunken self, mouth open in the middle of talking to someone else she didn’t remember.

“That’s one of my favorite pictures of the two of us.” Anya’s voice boomed out of nowhere and Clarke jumped. “Of course that was taken right before you two ditched me.”

Anya took the picture from Clarke, smiling fondly at it before replacing it on the dresser. “You know, I’m glad she found you again, even if you are nauseatingly mushy together. She would not shut up about you for years after that party. And then she runs into you at the park after five years? And finds out she has a kid? What are the odds?”

Clarke’s head was starting to spin, the world shrinking down to just the sound of Anya’s voice. How she managed to follow the other woman back into the kitchen, she’ll never know.

“It’s cool you guys finally talked and are still making it work, I bet Madi loves that. What kid doesn’t want her parents happy together?” The dirty blonde’s words were doing somersaults in Clarke’s head, processing at a snail’s pace and the speed of light, all at once. She gripped the edges of her own shorts as she sat in a kitchen chair, attempting anything to bring her back under control. “The day she came over with the squirrel, she was spewing out words at the speed of light. I couldn’t tell if she was excited or terrified. Probably both.”

'Lexa knew this entire time. She let me ramble on about how miserable I was trying to handle the situation with Madi and she said nothing. What the f*ck. What the f*ck.'

“So when she told me yesterday she thought she was ready to talk to you, I could have thrown her a f*cking parade.” Anya was unaware of how Clarke was crumbling from the inside out, her emotions fluctuating from surprise to elation to intense anger and back again. The walls felt too close and Clarke heard her own voice offer a lame excuse to go outside, her feet carrying her to the front door and out to the porch. She spotted a wooden bench swing off to the side and collapsed in the middle of it, her eyes closing as she inhaled once, twice, three times.

‘She knew. She knew the whole time. Every time I fielded a question from Madi in front of her. Every time I vented about how much I wished I could find Madi’s other parent.’ A part of her wanted to storm over to the barn, scoop Madi up, and hop in an Uber, going home to lock all the doors and process all of it alone.

‘No. We’re here so Madi can say goodbye to her squirrel. After we do that, I’ll fake feeling sick, and have Lexa drive us home. I can survive that much.’ She managed to calm down enough to get rid of the black spots in her vision, the world brightening back to it’s annoyingly cheerful golden hue, just in time to see Lexa and Madi racing up the drive from the barn, Raven doing her best to keep up. ‘Showtime.’

“MOMMY I RODE A HORSE!” Madi yelled, despite being ten feet away by then, face flushed and eyes glowing.

“You did? That’s amazing!” Years of faking enthusiasm when she just wanted to cry from stress were really paying off. Madi popped on the swing next to her mother, her little legs kicking underneath.

“She did really well, Nix really took to her.” Lexa sat on the other side of Clarke, placing a hand on her thigh with a grin. ‘Steady Clarke. I know you want to explode right now, but that is going to have to wait.’ Clarke smiled back, putting her hand on top of Lexa’s.

“You guys ready to set the squirrel free?” Anya came out with a small wire cage, an adolescent squirrel pacing back and forth inside. “He’s ready to take his final trip into the forest and I have just the spot to release him.”

Madi was at Anya’s side in an instant. Lexa rose and held out her hand for Clarke, frowning a little when the blonde didn’t take it, and the brunette shuffled over to where her sister and Madi were chatting. Raven nudged Clarke, eyebrows scrunched together in confusion, but Clarke shook her head, there was no way she was going to explain it right then.

They set off into the woods by the house and Clarke fought the impulse to bolt the whole way.

Chapter 14

Chapter Text

Raven (5:17pm): Yo, call me

Clarke squinted at the first of many unread texts, the bright white backlight of the screen blinding against the backdrop of her darkened bedroom. She wasn’t sure how long she’d been asleep, apparently long enough to worry everyone.

Raven (6:05pm): Come on Clarke, at least text me

Raven (6:34pm): Look, I know you’re pissed

Raven (7:14pm): Anya told me she’s sorry

Raven (7:15pm): Okay, she didn’t say that exactly but she’s pounding beers like she is

Lexa (8:02pm): Hey, just wanted to make sure you were feeling alright. Do you want me to come early to help make brunch?

Lexa (9:30pm): Okay, well I’m going to head to bed early, today really wore me out. Hope you’re feeling better in the morning. Goodnight!

Unknown (10:01pm): My bad earleir I thought yuo knew. Raven s mad at me. sje wont cuddle

Harper (10:18pm): Wanna tell me why Raven is freaking out? She won’t tell me but she’s threatening to do some drastic things.

Harper (10:25pm): I’m assuming you need space right now and are not dead.

Harper (10:41pm): I talked her down, told her to leave you alone. I better get an explanation tomorrow. <3

Raven (10:42pm): I’ll see you tomorrow at brunch, love you

She set her phone face down on the comforter and let out a long groan. Her Google’s soft glowing screen told her it was still only two in the morning, way too early to get up and still be a functional human by the time people started infiltrating her home.

After Madi said her goodbyes to her squirrel, Clarke had Lexa go ahead and drive them home under the pretense that she was feeling ill. What caught Clarke by surprise was how true the statement was; the entire ride back to her house, she felt as though she would vomit at any moment. Lexa offered to stay and help out with Madi, but Clarke assured her that Harper was on her way already and she didn’t want Lexa to get sick too. It was a bullsh*t excuse, but it worked, and Lexa left, promising to see her in the morning for brunch. Clarke handed Madi off to Harper for the night half an hour later, swearing to explain the following day, and the blonde collapsed in her bed just before the clock struck five pm.

Which was exactly why she was so awake at two in the morning, staring at the back of her phone, with no absolute clue how to proceed with her life.

She exhaled into her pillow, closer to screaming really. She felt pulled in a million directions at once, and everytime she thought she had settled on an emotion, ten others would show up and knock it out of place. Clarke rolled from her stomach to her back, kicking her legs this way and that, trying to get comfortable enough to go back to sleep.

“ARGHH!” She ripped off the covers and sat up on the edge of her bed, running her hands through her hair. “f*ck.”

Tossing on a sweatshirt, Clarke grabbed her cell and headed down to the first floor, not bothering to quiet her steps in the empty house. She veered into her rarely used front office, going straight for the stack of filing boxes in the far corner, unstacking them carelessly. As she reached the bottom one, she stopped, her quick, shallow breath the only sound in the room. Gingerly, she slid off the cardboard top, setting it aside and squatting down to inspect the contents.

When she’d decided to change her major to marketing, she’d packed away all her art supplies, always intending to come back to them someday. She just thought the day would have come sooner. And she’d be happier.

She snatched out the top sketchbook and a small wooden box, and hastily replaced the lid, not bothering to restack the other boxes.

Clarke jerked awake, her sketchbook sliding off her chest and clattering to the floor. She stared at the ceiling from where she was lying prone on the couch, her mind blessedly blank.

*KNOCK KNOCK*

“Clarke? Hey, your door was unlocked. Are you home?”

The blonde had a moment where she wanted to hide, cram her body into the pantry or a closet and hold her breath until the voice was gone. A quick check to her phone erased that idea, it was already 9:30. ‘I really have to stop oversleeping.’ She closed her eyes and prepared her resolve to be tested for at least the next five hours.

"Clarke?"

She slowly opened her eyes again. ‘Why does she have to be so f*cking attractive?’

“Are you feeling any better this morning?” Lexa was leaned over the back of the couch, hair coming down in chestnut waves, a worried look on her perfect features. She had a grocery bag in one hand and was balancing on the other, her light blue short-sleeve button-up hanging open over a dark green tank, making her arms look amazing. Clarke didn’t respond right away, her brain struggling to figure out which route to take, arguing with her libido.

“I’m fine.” She bit out. ‘Oh, so we’re going with angry. Okay.’ Clarke stood up from the couch, careful not to touch anything with her charcoal covered hands, nudging the sketchbook under the coffee table with her foot. She made a point to stay facing the TV, not sure what she would do if she saw Lexa’s concerned face. “I’m going to take a shower. If you wouldn’t mind starting the bacon, I’ll be down as soon as I can.”

Clarke kept her eyes on everything but Lexa as she made her way to the hallway, forcing her legs not to skip to a run. She idly wondered when Raven was going to show up, and if she’d bring Anya or not.

“Are you mad at me?” The timidness in her voice is what stopped Clarke in her tracks. She’d never heard the brunette sound so confused and unsure. It was maddening. Clarke whipped around, her foot on the first step of the staircase.

“Have you really not spoken to Anya since we left?” She narrowed her eyes, one hand on her hip and the other on the banister. Lexa drew back, puzzled.

“No? I did talk to Raven for thirty seconds when I called Anya’s phone, but she just said Anya was really drunk and not to worry about it. Why?” Lexa’s confusion seemed genuine and for some reason that pissed Clarke off even more. The blonde huffed and started upstairs, making it only part way before stopping again. “Clarke! What’s going on?”

Clarke was far enough up the stairs that when she turned around, she could see clearly out of the half-moon front door window, all the way to the street. A familiar tan car had just pulled in front of the house and a brown laughing streak was bolting up the lawn, Harper and Monty following behind. Clarke took a deep breath and forced herself to look Lexa in the face. “I don’t have it in me to have a civil conversation about this right now. I need to shower and you need to worry about keeping your daughter occupied while you start brunch.”

Lexa’s jaw dropped out, her eyes wide, and Clarke couldn’t help the satisfied feeling that rose in her as she turned away to continue up to her room.

“My wha-” The brunette started, but Clarke was already on the second floor. She shut the door to her room just as she heard the front door open and Madi’s little feet tumble in.

She took her sweet time getting ready. Between throwing up from anxiety and wanting to go back to bed, it was nearly 10:15 before she descended the stairs, almost retreating back up when she saw Anya and Raven making their way up the walk to the door.

“-some time, she’ll forgive you. Clarke!” Raven was first inside, halting immediately. Anya ran into the back of her, her hands gripping Raven’s waist to keep her balance. “Hey, uh, how are you today?”

“Just peachy.” Clarke crossed her arms and stood waiting, for what she wasn’t sure. Anya stepped around Raven and nervously stared at the blonde, fingers twisting around one another. After a moment of waiting for the other woman to say something, Clarke rolled her eyes and pivoted on her heel, an odd bravado overtaking her anxiety. She could hear the two of them slowly following, whispering back and forth, and she fought the urge to snap at them as the three travelled to the kitchen.

“There’s Mommy!” Harper announced loudly, swinging Madi back and forth on her hip, swaying to the peppy music coming out of the Google Home. Clarke saw Lexa spin around slowly from her place at the stove, her eyes alert and muscles tense, but the blonde kept her focus on the one person that could always make her smile on a bad day. Lexa could stare all she wanted, Clarke was not in the mood to interact. Madi giggled as Harper did a particularly big twirl, brown locks flying out after them.

“Hey kiddo, why don’t you give Aunt Harper a break? Her body is working really hard making your new cousin, so she can get tired easily.” Clarke hoisted Madi out of Harper’s arms and set the girl on the ground, laughing as she resumed dancing the moment she touched the floor. “And how is Aunt Harper and baby Green?”

“Oh, you know how it goes, morning sickness and constant irritation at everyone about everything. Which Monty is really struggling with because he wants so badly to make me happy all the time.” They both glanced over to where Monty and Jasper were jumping around with Madi, taking turns pretending to waltz with her little legs dangling in the air. ‘He’s going to be an amazing dad.’

“Well, you know, he loves you.” Clarke mock-whispered, leaning in like they were schoolgirls.

“No he doesn’t! Stop it!” Harper played right along, the two of them giggling and carrying on until the guys took notice and Monty whisked his wife away to dance with him.

Madi reached out and grabbed her mother’s hands, prodding her to dance along, swinging their arms back and forth. Clarke wiggled her hips to the music and continued to ignore the prickly sensation that came with being watched. She could feel the instant Lexa came closer, like a radar pinging in her head.

“Clarke. Can we talk somewhere, alone?” Lexa’s voice was barely heard over the noises of the kitchen and Clarke tried to ignore her, letting go of Madi's hands and dancing further away, into the living room, pulling a blanket from the armchair and folding as she went. The brunette let out a low groan of frustration and tread after, not getting the hint. “Clarke, please. We need to talk about what you said.”

“I’ve said a lot of things. You’ll have to be more specific.” Clarke kept moving, just out of Lexa’s reach. Harper caught Clarke’s eye and silently asked her if everything was okay; Clarke nodded back, she could handle Lexa. Maybe. Probably.

"You know what you said. You called Madi my-" Lexa almost got the sentence out, Jasper's voice ringing out clear above the raucous.

"The party has arrived!" He and Maya moonwalked in with champagne bottles in hand, Octavia and Lincoln close behind, the four of them laughing and joking around. Clarke stopped abruptly, tossing the folded blanket on the back of the couch, and took in how happy they were, her eyes prickling with a sudden rush of tears.

'Why can't I have that? They all seem so happy together. What's wrong with me?' She shook her head and gazed at the ceiling, blinking the moisture away the best she could, refusing to cry. 'No, seriously, what's wrong with me?'

"Clarke." Lexa had stopped a couple feet away, looking at the blonde like she was a cornered wild animal.

"Lexa." Clarke deadpanned, her face hardening in an instant. They held each other's eyes, green desperately searching blue, blue doing its best to convey a very simple message: 'Not now.'

Whether Lexa got the hint or it was the burning smell coming from the bacon that finally pulled her back to the kitchen, Clarke didn’t care. The brunette went, her body slouched and a blank look fixed firmly in place. Anya cautiously made her way over to Lexa at the stove and Clarke watched as they conversed in low tones, the brunette’s body language becoming more and more agitated, Anya sinking further and further into herself.

“You did WHAT!?” Lexa tossed the silicone tongs on the counter by the stove and seized Anya by the arm, dragging her out to the backyard. Clarke let out a long sigh and headed over to the stove, getting there at the same time as Harper.

“You wanna tell me what the heck is going on with you lately?” The dirty blonde flipped the bacon over, moving them from spot to spot, taking out the finished ones and setting them on the paper towels to absorb the excess grease.

“I’m fine.” Clarke busied herself with pulling out plates and cups from the cabinets and set them on the island, ready to be taken out to the long table. If she happened to glance out the window and see Anya getting her ass handed to her, oh well. 'Lexa looks really pissed, I've never seen her that angry. Serves them both.'

“Oh, yeah, for sure, you’re definitely fine.” Harper rolled her eyes and set down the tongs, much more gently than Lexa had.

“I don’t want to talk about it right now, Harp. Please, I just want to get through brunch.”

“Whatever you say.”

Twenty minutes later, and they were all sitting at the long outside table, passing around serving dishes and chatting about nonsense. Everyone but Clarke and Lexa. Both were quiet, barely interacting unless being passed a dish or asked a direct question. They’d opted to sit on either side of Madi, using the little girl as a go-between, not that she noticed anything odd going on. Clarke was putting on the performance of her life when it came to her daughter, making an effort to seem normal, if only for Madi.

“So Madi, I heard you got to go see your squirrel yesterday. How was that?” Jasper asked casually, completely unaware of any of the underlying issues going on. Madi brightened up and hurried to finish the bite she had just taken.

“So cool! I got to see lots of different animals and pet some of them and Miss Lexa took me riding on a horse!” She beamed at Lexa like she was the greatest thing in the world and Clarke’s heart twinged. “And then we let the squirrel go in the woods so he can go make squirrel friends.”

“That sounds so fun!” Jasper winked at Lexa, whose cheeks turned a slight shade of pink.

“I hope I get to go back again soon.” Madi said, shoving half a piece of bacon in her mouth in one go. Anya’s eyes darted to Clarke and then back to her own plate, obviously wary of extending an invitation given the current climate at the table.

“We’ll see, kid. You may have to do some chores next time, too. Earn your keep.” Anya tried to keep her tone light, though Clarke heard the uncertainty creep in against her will. Raven sent the blonde some sort of meaningful look that she was sure meant that Clarke was supposed to reassure Anya, but that was not going to happen. At least not today.

The rest of the meal was a tense affair for half the group, the other half confused and doing their best to relieve some of the awkwardness. Jasper kicked Clarke’s foot under the table more than once, sticking his tongue out and making funny faces, but Clarke wasn’t in the mood and after the third or fourth time, he gave up with a worried look. When everyone’s plates were nearing empty, Lincoln cleared his throat and Octavia stood up, glass in hand.

“So I know we’re new to this whole family brunch thing, but I wanted to say how happy we are to have found such good friends and family. Growing up, it was just me, my brother, and my mom, and I could only dream of having this many people to eat a meal with, let alone consider family." She stopped to squeeze Lincoln's shoulder lovingly and then continued. "And while I know I would have run into some of you eventually, I’m glad Clarke and Lexa met, because I would have never reconnected with one of my best friends from school, and met Harper or Monty or Jasper or Maya.”

“Don’t forget Madi.” Clarke muttered under her breath. Lexa’s eyes shot open and she twisted her head to stare at the blonde. They both knew what Clarke meant, and they both knew that Clarke could leave it at that, to make it sound like Clarke meant Octavia wouldn't have met Madi; but she was too far in and chose to keep digging. Clarke sneered, not bothering to be quiet the second time she spoke. “What? Without you and I ‘meeting’, Madi wouldn’t even exist.”

“Clarke!” Lexa tried to get her to quiet down but something had broken in Clarke and she was helpless to stop it all from flooding out.

“Don’t Clarke me! We both know I’m right! Some of us have known much longer than others and some of us chose to keep that a secret, even when I was struggling.” Clarke was becoming beyond worked up. Her hands began shaking with anger, her voice cracking and rising in volume. Lexa looked at a loss for words, her mouth open as if sound should appear but nothing did. The table had gone completely still, and the happy sounds of the birds in the trees suddenly seemed so out of place to Clarke. “Tell me Lexa, who else knew before me? Huh? I already know Anya did. She’s the one who TOLD ME. Did Lincoln? Did you tell him too?”

Clarke swung her glare towards the man, who was suddenly very intrigued with his empty plate, and his silence was plenty of confirmation. The blonde stood up, knuckles pressed so hard into the table top that they were white. "SERIOUSLY LEXA! Did you put him up to using my marketing firm? Did you make him ask for me specifically? No wonder he knew so much about me already! How about Octavia? Huh? How far did it get?! How many people already knew Madi was your kid before I did?!"

“I have no idea what we’re even-” Octavia started, still frozen, and she turned to her husband-to-be with a furrowed brow. Lincoln still wouldn’t look up.

"Clarke, please, can we just -" Lexa got up as well, leaning over a very bewildered Madi, and attempted to take hold of Clarke's hand.

"NO. Don't touch me." She recoiled easily out of reach and her metal chair scraped the concrete as she stumbled backward. She kept walking backwards toward the patio door, her hands out in front of her in a defensive position. “Just leave me alone. All of you.”

She felt her back hit the glass door and she turned just enough to slide it open, stepping backwards over the threshold, and then slid it shut, blocking out all the voices that had erupted at the table. Nausea started to creep up and she let her feet carry her up to her own bathroom, locking both her bedroom and bathroom doors. 'I hate today. I hate today. I just want to get in bed and go to sleep and forget everything from the last three days.’

After voiding all her breakfast and then some, she sat on the edge of her bed, head in her hands. She collapsed back, replaying the last hour in her head over and over. ‘Well, cat’s out of the bag now.’

“Clarke?” Lexa’s voice was muffled behind the wooden door, but Clarke could still hear the infuriating concern in her tone. Clarke stayed quiet, waiting for her to give up and leave. “Clarke, please open the door, let me explain.”

“Go away, Lexa.”

“I didn’t want you to find out that way. Anya should have never-”

“I don’t want to hear it! Don’t blame this on Anya!”

“Clarke, I-”

“Just go. Please.” Clarke turned over and pulled a pillow over her head to block out anything else the brunette liar might have to say . There was a mutter of something through the door, and Clarke heard the stairs creak as Lexa left. She exhaled loudly, and laid there in blissful silence for almost an hour, only getting up again when her body insisted she had to vomit.

Dragging herself back to the toilet, she locked the door behind her and proceeded to dry heave, praying her body would get the hint soon.

There was a knock on the bathroom door and a shuffling of feet.

“Go away.” She wiped her mouth on a discarded towel and pulled herself up.

“It’s Maya. Raven picked your room lock but I told her not to do the bathroom. Can I come in?”

Clarke took a second, her anger at the situation being overwhelmed by her intense need to throw up again. ‘Smart, sending her up.’ She stretched over, turned the lock, leaned back against the counter, and slid down to the floor, eyes closed to stave off another wave of nausea. The door opened just enough for Maya to slip in, then Clarke heard it shut and lock again.

“Hey, you don’t look so great.” A cool washcloth appeared on the back of Clarke’s neck and she sighed gratefully. Her stomach was starting to settle but with the settling came the thoughts about Lexa. Maya sat next to her and placed a soft hand on her back. They sat in the quiet, Clarke fighting the sudden urge to cry at how nice Maya was being. Sure, Maya had been coming to brunch for almost six months, but that was really the only time they saw each other. Yet here she was. “So, Lexa, huh? Could be worse. You could be tied forever to someone less… insanely hot.”

Clarke chuckled despite herself, but it was short-lived, her brain dragging out all the times she lamented to Lexa about her memory loss, every time she joked about just picking a celebrity and telling Madi that was her dad. And Lexa knew the entire time.

“She f*cking knew. Pretty much since the day we met. Or re-met, I guess.” She fixed her gaze at the grey and green floor tiles, trying to find a pattern in them despite knowing they were laid at random. “I had an inkling, a thought, a hope that she was Madi’s… but she knew , she could have told me at any point but she chose not to. How am I supposed to handle that?”

Maya’s other hand took hold of Clarke’s and her words were not what Clarke expected. She expected Maya to tell her she was being silly, that she needed to get up and talk to Lexa, she needed to get over it. But that’s not what she got. “You don’t have to handle it right now.”

Peeking her head up enough to see around the mess her blonde hair had become, Clarke looked questioningly at the other woman.

“This kind of information can take time to process, to digest. You’re angry with Lexa right now, and maybe you have every right to be, I don’t know the whole story. So take some time to yourself. Think it over, then think it over again. Just-” Maya pulled Clarke into a sideways hug, setting her chin on the top of Clarke’s head. “Don’t punish Madi for this.”

‘OH f*ck MADI.’

“Madi! Is she okay? I didn’t mean to yell in front of her, I just got so angry and it was like I couldn’t stop myself and-” Clarke snapped out of the embrace, the movement causing a new queasiness to start brewing.

“She’s okay. Very confused, but okay. Jasper and Monty took her on a walk around the neighborhood.” Maya stood to re-wet the washcloth, wringing it out before she went on. “She heard you though. She’s a smart kid. You may want to at least talk to her, even if you don’t talk to Lexa today.”

Maya handed the cool washcloth back to Clarke and then exited as gracefully as she had appeared, leaving Clarke to sit and think about her next move. She made herself get up and change into pajamas, ignoring that it was barely the afternoon, and crawled into bed, turning on an old sitcom to distract her brain.

She woke to a small body curling up beside her, her arm in a vice grip. Big blue-green eyes peered up at her, big questions lingering just behind them. Clarke moved her arm gently out of Madi’s hands and hoisted her daughter onto her chest like she used to do when Madi was a baby, letting her little face pillow on her chest, her arms and legs curling up between their bodies. She brushed a few curls out of her eyes and placed a kiss on her forehead.

“Hey baby, how are you feeling?” She kept her voice low and her tone light, knowing they might have to have a tough conversation. Madi didn’t say anything back at first, and Clarke could see the gears working in her head, the pieces fitting together, words stringing into sentences.

“Is Miss Lexa really my mommy too?” The words sit in the room with them, a threat and a promise all at once. Clarke could lie, she could lie so easily but to what end?

“Yeah, love, she is.” And with that, Clarke felt just a little bit of her anxiety melt away as she ran her fingers up and down Madi’s back, feeling her breath starting to even out.

“Is that why you’re mad?” She yawned the words into Clarke’s chest, rubbing her face against the bare skin she found there.

“No, baby, no.”

Chapter 15

Chapter Text

------------------------------------------------------LEXA------------------------------------------------------------------

At the age of four, she was accustomed to spending long amounts of time alone, with a few picture books and stuffed animals to keep her company, especially in the evening, when her mother had ‘clients’ over. She had grown happy in her short life to sit in her room, eating spaghettios straight from the can, and watching the tiny television with the volume turned way up.

Back then she was only ‘she’ in her head; Mommy would get angry with her if she tried to do anything ‘girly’ because she was supposed to grow up to be a big, strong man someday. But when she was locked in her room, the nights when the creepy men came, when she could hear things her four-year-old brain couldn’t quite make sense of, those nights she would pull out the magazine she stole from the neighbor’s mail and stare at all the glamorous women in its pages. She’d trace her fingers along their forms, trying to memorize how to be a beautiful lady, and she would pray to whoever was listening to change her body to how it was supposed to be.

At the age of five, her mother had a client over one night, a loud one, a mean one, and there was an awful scream and a terrible crash followed by quiet for a very long time. She watched the sun come up, but her mommy didn’t come get her. She saw the shadows grow shorter and shorter, then longer and longer until the sky got dark again, and still no Mommy. She tried not to worry, maybe her mommy had just gone out and gotten lost. Maybe Mommy would come tuck her in soon.

Mommy didn’t come tuck her in.

At the age of six, she had a new mommy, and a daddy this time. They were really nice to her, and sometimes she got overwhelmed by how loud and crazy their house was. She had lots of brothers and sisters, she’d never had any before, and she wasn’t always sure how to talk to them. Mommy (her first mommy, she always had to remind herself) had been her only friend before, and they didn’t talk much.

Her new mommy talked like the fancy people on daytime television, and her new daddy was always laughing. They still called her a boy’s name though, and she was too scared to say anything to them, she didn’t want to make them mad like her (first) mommy. She went to the doctor for the first time and it was scary. The doctor gave her lots of shots and pricked her finger, but she got a piece of candy on the way home, and her new mommy told her how good she was.

Her brothers and sisters were always trying to play with her and get her to run around, but she’d never played with kids her own age really. One brother sat with her everyday for the first few weeks, not talking, just sitting, and eventually one of her sisters did the same. The three of them were inseparable from then on.

At the age of eight, she got up the courage to ask to be called by a different name. Her mommy and daddy weren’t mad like she thought they’d be; they hugged her and asked her a few questions, and then said they would go shopping the next day and she could pick who went with them. She didn’t hesitate to pick her closest siblings, and by the next week, she felt lighter and happier than ever.

The next time she went to the doctor, both her parents went too, and they pricked her finger again. She heard her parents whisper-arguing in the hall outside her room sometimes, and she would get worried it was about her. She never felt alone anymore though. Whenever she was sad or scared, one of her siblings would lay with her in bed and sometimes they would tell stories or read to her or ask her silly questions.

She didn't remember much about her first mommy anymore.

At age thirteen, some things started happening to her body, things that should have only been possible with hormone therapy, things like growing breasts. Her parents didn’t seem surprised, they had gotten her genetic profile done previously and were expecting some differences in her puberty. They sat down with the doctor and had a few embarrassing talks, words were put out there like 'Klinefelter's' and 'Intersex', and she left feeling more informed but more confused.

At the age of sixteen, she met the girl she thought she would marry, a confident, tan-skinned girl with big brown eyes, sandy blonde hair, and the brightest smile. The first girl to learn her secret and also the first girl to betray that secret. They dated for six months and every time things got heated, she would avoid ‘going all the way’ by saying she just didn’t feel ready. Then one day, she did. They spent a couple weeks exploring the entirety of each other’s bodies, and she thought she had died and gone to heaven. Until her girlfriend’s father found them in a compromising position, and her girlfriend turned on her. Made her life hell at school, spread nasty rumors, and worst of all, told everyone exactly why she never showered with the rest of the girls after basketball practice.

They moved halfway across the country when the school year ended two months later.

At the age of eighteen, she got into all the schools she applied to, and still ended up following her big sister to Polis; their brother was already nearing his degree, and her other siblings were close by, living in the city. She felt freer and more herself than ever, and she started to model herself after those glamorous women she had longed to be as a small child, locked in a tiny bedroom alone.

At the age of twenty-one, near the end of her fall semester of senior year, at a kegger her older sister dragged her to, she met the woman she would find out five years later to be the mother of her beautiful daughter. They spent the night laughing and talking, and ended up in her barely furnished apartment.

At the age of twenty-six, she was trying to figure out how exactly she got into her current situation.

Lexa showed up that Sunday a little early, intent on figuring out what was wrong with Clarke. She thought they were having a good weekend, but when she and Madi had come back from riding Nix, Clarke was acting strange. Okay, yeah, Clarke said she was feeling sick, but Lexa wasn’t stupid. Something else was wrong.

She tried to call Anya, but Raven answered and told her that her favorite sister was drunk off her ass and not to worry about it. So that was a bust. She tried to text Clarke, but got no reply at all.

So there she was, knocking on the blonde’s door the following morning, wondering if their little girl was home too. Yes, she was being really presumptive, who's to say Clarke hadn’t slept with someone else that night in the time before they met? Or after? From the research Lexa did, there was a good window of time.

Still, Lexa could see herself in Madi, in little things like the way she knit her eyebrows together when she was thinking, and the way she ground her jaw back and forth when she was upset. And while Madi had a rounder face than Lexa had as a kid, they looked so much alike that even Anya was sold on first sight, when Clarke had pulled out her photo album on her phone to drunkenly gush over the pool table at Grounders.

‘Crap, Anya. I hope she isn’t too hungover to come today. I’m going to need her if things go south when I tell Clarke.’ Lexa had promised Anya she would come clean to Clarke the previous Friday, and she really was going to, but then Clarke was touching her and all the blood in her brain got redirected and it was really hard to focus. By the morning, Lexa had lost her nerve, for the millionth time.

She knocked again, a little louder, and then ventured to try the handle, finding it unlocked, which was odd. Clarke told her that she never left the door unlocked at night, and Lexa was pretty sure she was the first one there.

“Clarke? Hey, your door was unlocked. Are you home?” She called down the hall as she toed off her vans in the corner. Lexa listened at the bottom of the stairs for movement, but heard none, so she made her way to the kitchen instead. Glancing over to the living room, she saw a few locks of familiar blonde hair spilling over the armrest of the couch. Shifting her grocery bags to one hand, she walked to the carpeted area and leaned over the back of the couch, her hair swinging out in front. Clarke was laying down, eyes closed, hands smudged with something black, a few streaks of the black thrown around her neck and face. “Are you feeling any better this morning?”

Their eyes connected and for a second, Lexa could see the black centers of Clarke’s expand. ‘Maybe she was just having an off day, maybe everything’s good again.’

“Fine.” Clarke’s tone pushed those thoughts right out of Lexa’s head. The blonde turned away and stood up, not moving for a second, clearly not wanting to look at Lexa anymore. “I’m going to take a shower. If you wouldn’t mind starting the bacon, I’ll be down as soon as I can.”

‘Okay, now I’m starting to think she’s angry with me .’

Lexa followed Clarke down the hall to the foot of the stairs, racking her brain for anything she could think of that she could have done to piss her off. Coming up empty, Lexa sighed and dropped her shoulders. “Are you mad at me?”

She didn’t expect Clarke to stop, or spin around with such anger in her eyes. “Have you really not spoken to Anya since we left?”

‘Anya? What does she have to do with anything? Did she say something to Clarke that upset her?’

“No? I did talk to Raven for thirty seconds when I called Anya’s phone, but she just said Anya was really drunk and not to worry about it. Why?” She couldn’t think of any reason Anya would have to make Clarke mad on purpose, though her sister was sometimes an ass for no reason. Clarke rolled her eyes and huffed, continuing up the stairs.

“Clarke! What’s going on?” Lexa called after her, desperate for an answer. Clarke turned around, staring above Lexa’s head. The brunette fought the urge to twist around and follow her line of sight. Clarke’s lips twitched up slightly and she flicked her gaze downward to Lexa.

“I don’t have it in me to have a civil conversation about this right now. I need to shower and you need to worry about keeping your daughter occupied while you start brunch.” Her tone was exasperated and it took Lexa more than a few seconds to process all the words. Well, two words in particular.

“My wha-” By the time Lexa responded, Clarke’s bedroom door was shut and the front door was opening behind the brunette, tiny footfalls knocking her already reeling head into a new spin. A short force impacted her legs from behind and Lexa moved her head downward little by little until she was faced with Madi’s glowing smile and wide eyes.

“Hi! I missed you!” Her cheery little voice cut right through the fog clouding Lexa’s thought process, bringing her back to reality. The brunette hoisted Madi up onto her hip and hugged her tightly, pressing her nose into soft brown curls and inhaling the calming scent of her daughter.

‘My daughter. Clarke said it. SHE confirmed it.’

“Hey Lexa, how’s it going?” Harper shut the door behind her and Monty, gesturing for all of them to move farther into the house. Lexa felt the push of hands against her shoulders and let herself get guided along, listening to the lively chatter of the preschooler in her arms. “Lexa?”

“Huh? Oh, hey, good. Everything’s good.” Lexa set Madi on the ground and pulled out the pan to start the bacon.

“Hey Google, play Disney songs!” Madi chirped, already dancing around the kitchen and poking Monty into joining. Lexa stopped filling the pan with raw strips of pork to observe her flesh-and-blood happily belting out ‘Make Way’ from Moana and wiggling her hips. ‘She’s perfect, absolutely perfect.’

Lexa turned back to her task, her mind running a thousand miles a minute trying to figure out how Clarke was so sure about her conclusion. They hadn’t been able to talk about that night at the party, well, she hadn’t gotten the nerve up to have that talk but now… Now she could do it.

She spent the next half an hour or so cranking out pan after pan of bacon (Harper had been eating in handfuls the week before and Lexa wasn’t taking the chance of running out) and coming up with all the things she wanted to say to Clarke, to explain why she had waited to tell her and why she didn’t just come right out with it.

“There’s Mommy!” Lexa was ripped out of her planning mode and turned around, bacon tongs in hand, eyes landing immediately on the two most important people in the room to her. They danced around, laughing and singing, Harper and Clarke started giggling like schoolgirls about something, and all the while, Lexa just watched. Watched the woman she was falling in love with and the child she had only dreamed about having.

‘Come on, Lexa. You got this. After you put in the next batch of bacon, go over and say something.’ And she tried to do just that.

“Clarke. Can we talk somewhere, alone?” She went to reach out for the blonde but she danced away, heading for the living room, as if she didn’t hear. ‘Seriously? She’s not going to make this easy.’ Lexa followed after, tussling Madi’s hair as she went. “Clarke, please. We need to talk about what you said.”

“I’ve said a lot of things. You’ll have to be more specific.” Clarke dodged her again, dropping the blanket she’d picked up to fold onto the couch. Her gaze cut over to Harper’s and Lexa could see some kind of weird friend telepathy going on, before Clarke was back to looking anywhere other than Lexa.

“You know what you said. You called Madi my-” The rest of Lexa’s words got caught in her throat and swallowed up by Jasper noisily announcing his arrival along with Maya, Octavia, and to Lexa’s relief, Lincoln. She turned back to address Clarke and paused, noticing her odd change in behavior again. ‘Is she about to cry? Why did seeing them make her sad? I feel like I’m losing my mind trying to figure out what the hell is going on!’

“Clarke.” Lexa tried once more, putting some umph behind her tone.

“Lexa.” Clarke’s eyes dried almost as quickly as they had moistened and her face deadpanned, a message in her stare that clearly meant she really was not going to converse with the brunette. Lexa held her gaze for a few seconds, then a burning smell pulled her back to the kitchen, reluctantly going to the stove, a blank look fixed on her features.

'Fine. Two can play at this.'

"Hey, little sister." Anya slid along the counter until she was within inches of the stove and casualty picked up a crunchy piece of bacon, snapping it in half before nibbling on an edge.

"Little sister? You only call me that when you've done something wrong. And why are you whispering?" Lexa flipped the last slice over in the pan and twisted to scrutinize the taller woman.

"I'm not. And no I don't." Anya couldn't hold Lexa's gaze for more than a second without flicking her eyes to the side.

“Yes, you do. Like when you broke my roller skates, or when you ripped the dress I told you you couldn’t borrow, or that time you punched that girl in the throat and wanted me to cover for you, or-” She could have gone on, there were honestly too many instances for Anya to really not know.

“Okay, okay, I get it. And that girl had it coming, she called Niylah a slu*t.” Anya defended, but her body language was still off and Lexa was waiting for an explanation. Her older sister rarely hunched and never, ever looked as concerned for her own safety as she suddenly did just then. “I did something, and before you get mad, I really didn’t mean to, it just came out and-”

“Just tell me, it can’t be that bad. I mean, you did set the Spanish classroom on fire in highschool.” Lexa sighed, glancing at the bacon to see if it needed turning again.

“I kinda told Clarke you knew about Madi.” The dirty blonde took a couple steps back, putting her outside of Lexa’s immediate range, years of experience with the smaller girl’s rage coming into play.

“You did WHAT!?” She tossed the tongs onto the counter and lunged towards Anya, seizing her by the arm, and dragged her out to the backyard, her concern for the bacon thrown out to the wind. Once they were away from the rest of the group, she practically tossed Anya at the playset, her chest rising and falling at a rapid rate. Clarke’s words from earlier echoed in her head and it all clicked into place. ‘No f*cking wonder Clarke has been acting so weird! f*cking Anya!”

She planted her feet and glared at her sister, waiting for whatever reasoning she could have possibly had for spilling such a monumental secret. “Well? You wanna tell me why you thought it your place to say something to Clarke?”

Anya steadied herself on one of the posts holding up the swings and pulled her posture up to her normal height. “I didn’t mean to, okay? I found her in your room at the farmhouse and she was looking at the pictures of us as kids and then the one on the end at the party and… I thought you already talked to her! You told me you would! How was I supposed to know you hadn’t?!”

“You shouldn’t have said anything without checking with me! f*ck, Anya, now Clarke won’t even talk to me!” Lexa ran a hand through her hair, feeling her body stiffening up like it used to when she was younger and kids would tease her at school. Her mom (Indra, not the first one) taught her to separate her emotions from her actions to keep her from boiling over and doing something stupid.

“I’m sorry! It’s not like I meant to!” Anya countered, her voice raising to match Lexa’s.

“What exactly did you say to her?”

“I may have told her you’ve known since you brought me the squirrel....” The older woman backed between the swings so she was on the other side of the playset. Lexa went cold.

“You told her I’ve known since the squirrel.” Her voice was monotone, her face blanked out and she was beginning to feel numb. “You told her I’ve known since the squirrel.”

“Yeah, that’s what I just said, why are you repeating it? Oh, crap, don’t you dare disassociate." Anya rushed back through the swings and grabbed Lexa by the shoulders, shaking her slightly. “Hey, HEY! Look at me!”

Lexa refocused her stare on the hazel eyes in front of her and blinked a few times.

“Nod if you can hear me.” Anya waited for Lexa to move her head up and down before continuing, “You cannot go away right now, your kid needs you to stay present. You understand me? You need to stay mentally here. Clarke may not want to talk to you today and you’re going to have to accept that. I’m sorry for the part I played in this but you have to suck it up and be here . Got it?”

Lexa swallowed hard, her throat quite suddenly a desert. “Yeah. I got it.”

“Good. Now let’s go back inside.” Older sister led younger by the hand back to the door to the inside and just before they reached the threshold, Lexa tugged her hand a bit.

“I’m still pissed at you.”

“I know.”

Clarke sat Madi between them and was blatantly using the girl as a human shield, passing food through her, not saying a word directly. Lexa spent most of the meal in her head, figuring out how to broach the subject without giving Clarke a way to avoid her. In fact, she didn’t hear most of the conversation going on around her. She blushed when Jasper winked her way, his casual praise catching her off guard, but otherwise she stayed quiet. That is, until she heard Clarke throw Madi’s name out during Octavia’s speech.

“Don’t forget Madi.” Clarke’s words shot into Lexa’s skull and she whipped her head around, eyes wide with shock. The blonde shrugged like she didn’t just casually reference the fact they have a child together. “What? Without you and I ‘meeting’, Madi wouldn’t even exist.”

“Clarke!” Lexa could not believe Clarke was doing this, in front of everyone, in front of Madi .

“Don’t Clarke me! We both know I’m right! Some of us have known much longer than others and some of us chose to keep that a secret, even when I was struggling.”

And there it was. Clarke’s anger was coming off in waves and all Lexa could do was gape at her.

“Tell me Lexa, who else knew before me? Huh? I already know Anya did. She’s the one who TOLD ME. Did Lincoln? Did you tell him too?” Lexa flicked her eyes toward Lincoln, praying he would say something, anything to defuse the situation, he was always so good at that. Her heart dropped when she saw his downcast stare and slumped shoulders. Clarke’s chair scraped the stone floor. "SERIOUSLY LEXA! Did you put him up to using my marketing firm? Did you make him ask for me specifically? No wonder he knew so much about me already! How about Octavia? How far did it get?! How many people already knew Madi was your kid before I did?!"

Lexa heard Octavia’s confused rebuttal at the same time she got up as well, absently pressing the side of Madi’s head against her leg and covering the exposed ear with her hand. She leaned over and reached for Clarke. “Clarke, please, can we just-”

“NO. Don’t touch me.” Clarke recoiled and stumbled away from the table, away from Lexa. “Just leave me alone. All of you.”

Clarke disappeared inside the house and left the rest of them shell-shocked. Lexa couldn’t breathe and her world narrowed to the feel of Madi’s soft curls under her fingers, the only thing keeping her under control.

“Lexa?” Lincoln’s voice was gentle and probing, and Lexa felt a light hand on her shoulder. “Lexa, hey.”

The brunette nodded slowly, but her brain was ramping up, anger coupling with shock and piggybacking onto the embarrassment of being exposed so suddenly to multiple people.

“Madi?” Jasper knelt down by Clarke’s askew chair and cautiously removed Lexa’s hand from Madi, letting the girl turn to face him. “Hey, you wanna go to the park with me and Monty? He has a new air rocket we can try out!”

Madi looked up at Lexa and the woman was startled to realize that if Madi understood what was said before, then she was looking to her for permission, as her newly revealed parent. Lexa gulped and nodded again. The little girl smiled a little and accompanied her uncles through the fencing gate and out of sight. The moment Madi was gone, Lexa bolted to the glass house doors, shaking off Lincoln’s hand and ignoring any protesting behind her.

Finding herself outside Clarke’s locked bedroom door, she inhaled deeply, then knocked softly. “Clarke?” She waited a few moments, then tried again. “Clarke, please open the door, let me explain.”

“Go away, Lexa.” Clarke’s voice rang out through the door and Lexa let her head fall to the wood with a thud.

“I didn’t want you to find out that way. Anya should have never-”

“I don’t want to hear it! Don’t blame this on Anya!”

“Clarke, I-” Lexa gave it another try but was cut off quickly.

“Just go. Please.”

She opened her mouth and waited for new words to appear but movement in the corner of her eye stopped her. Maya was at the top of the stairs shaking her head and motioning for Lexa to come back down. Lexa sighed and acquiesced, dragging her feet as she went.

“Why don’t you come back to the table? Jasper texted to say they would keep Madi occupied as long as you needed them to.” Maya reassured her as they crossed to the outside.

The table went quiet upon their arrival, Maya taking her same seat, Lexa dropping into the one Madi previously occupied, leaving an empty seat on either side of her. Lincoln and Anya both made to get up but Lexa put up her hand and closed her eyes, focusing on the sounds around her, the birds, the cars going by, the wind through the trees. Once she felt more centered, she opened her eyes. Her brother leaned forward and opened his mouth to speak.

“Linc, don’t. Just let me process this.” Lexa cut him off with a glare. Octavia shifted uncomfortably next to him and the couple had a silent argument.

"Lexa, I really didn't know. Lincoln didn't say anything to me, I promise." Her brother's fianceé offered.

"Lincoln always has been the number one secret-keeper in the family." Anya piped up, and earned herself a hard gaze from her sister. Silence took over the table, no one certain what to do next. Finally, Maya's phone buzzed from its place on the table and she excused herself, heading back into the house.

"I set a timer to go check on Clarke. It's a trick I learned back when I worked at a conflict resolution center. Gives people time to calm down, and a clear reminder to follow-up." She explained, then addressed Lexa. "Would you like to come up with me?"

"I'm not sure she'll do much talking if I'm around right now. I think, I think I might head home." Lexa turned to Raven and Harper, though she could have said it to the sky for as much as her brain was out in space. "Tell Madi I will see her tomorrow? And that I love her?"

"Of course, yeah." The mechanic reassured her, nodding vigorously. Harper only stared at her, picking her apart into tiny pieces and examining those too. Lexa hastily made it to her truck and drove off, only realizing she had chosen a destination when she was halfway there.

Lexa didn't go back to her apartment that afternoon, the one she had rented in the city after she found Clarke and Madi. No, she went to Anya's farmhouse, to the room where she had one picture to remind her for half a decade of the woman who stepped into and out of her life in less than a day, but stuck in her chest for years.

She went about visiting the animals on the property, the whole time her brain was screaming one thing: All your friends know you're different. Over and over and over the thought banged into every neuron it could, breaking every other thought process.

She rounded on the barn by the time the sun was just hovering about the horizon, careful where she stepped since she didn’t change her shoes when she got home. Nix nickered the moment he saw her and Lexa laughed for the first time all day. “Hey boy, at least you’re still talking to me.”

Lexa grabbed a couple apples from the treat bin and a brush off the tack wall, and let herself into his stall, his nose nudging her as she entered. Jokingly, she stuffed both apples in the back of her shirt, and held out the brush instead. Nix sighed and stuck his large head around her, inhaling the scent of the apples through the cotton. “Okay, okay, apples first, then brushing.”

She took her time brushing him down, letting it help pull off the stress of the morning, and got so lost in it that she almost didn’t feel her phone vibrate in her pocket. The black stallion huffed in annoyance when she stopped brushing, nosing her in the side, making it hard to read the screen to see who was calling.

‘Raven?’

“Hello?” Lexa was fairly sure she never put Raven’s number in her phone.

“Hey, I have a little human here that really wants to talk to you.” Raven wasn’t giving anything away with her tone, and Lexa’s nerves came pouring back. The mechanic must have had a third eye because she quelled some of Lexa’s fears right away. “She wanted to say goodnight to you and wanted to know if you are definitely going to see her tomorrow.”

“Yeah, put her on. I got this.” Her voice sounded more confident than she was; she still didn’t know if Clarke had talked to Madi or not.

“Hi! You left without saying goodbye.” Madi’s tone swung from happy to sad in a split second and Lexa’s heart squeezed.

Stroking Nix’s face to keep him from knocking her over, Lexa levelled her voice. “I’m sorry, I should have waited for you to come back. I had to come back to the compound and help with the animals.”

‘Liar.’

“Oh.” Her reply was quiet, quieter than Lexa had ever known Madi to be. “Can I come with you next time?”

Lexa drew in a sharp breath. Her first instinct was to tell her of course and make plans for what they would do; but, she knew those might be just dreams they’d never achieve. “You have to ask your mom first.”

“I am though.” It was barely a whisper, like Madi wasn’t aware it came out of her mouth at all. Lexa wanted to respond, to affirm what she’d silently asked. She wanted to, but she didn’t.

“I’m with Nix now, do you want to see him?”

“Yes, please!” The four-year-old was instantly loud and happy, as if the last couple minutes never happened, and Lexa pressed the video call button, reversing the camera to point at her favorite horse.

“Here he is, brushed and fed and ready for bed. He told me he enjoyed going for a ride with you yesterday.” Lexa turned the camera back to the front-facing lens and waved at the little face still gushing over Nix. “Maybe when you’re bigger, I can teach you to ride him by yourself.”

Madi squealed, and jumped up and down happily, the phone image shaking along with her. Raven came into the frame and whispered something in Madi’s ear. “I have to go take my bath now. Goodnight, I love you!”

“Goodnight, I love you too…” The older brunette felt the prickle of tears, the ache in her chest tripling in size. Raven righted the phone from where it had dropped to what looked like the coffee table and turned her head away to talk to someone off screen. Whatever was said made her laugh and when she turned back, Lexa held her breath, waiting for whatever the best friend of her child’s other mother had to say.

“Harper said she is going to take Madi to the park tomorrow at your usual playdate time and for you to bring lunch. Clarke still isn’t talking to anyone, beside Maya, but we all agreed that Madi should still get to see her friends.” The mechanic’s features morphed into grimace at the idea of her best friend ignoring her, and Lexa felt a pang of guilt.

“Is she going to be okay with Madi seeing… me?” It wasn’t a question she wanted to ask but she had to. Raven thought for a moment, then nodded confidently.

“Clarke may be angry but I can’t see her keeping you and Madi apart.” A flash of uncertainty crossed Raven’s face and she amended her statement. “I don’t think she would, but I’ll have Harper double-check.”

“Thanks.” Lexa was going to make an excuse to get off the phone but Raven beat her to it, mumbling about needing to reassemble the toaster. “Hey Raven?”

“Hm?”

“Tell Anya I won’t kill her if she comes home.”

“Will do.” Raven laughed and ended the call, leaving Lexa to stare at her own face in the darkened screen.

-------------------------------------------------------------CLARKE------------------------------------------------------

Clarke spent the next week diving into work; finishing up outstanding account files, drafting up new pitches, settling issues as they arose, but mostly, she didn’t talk to anyone. Well, anyone other than Maya and Harper. Raven stayed at Anya’s when she could, and stayed out of Clarke’s way when she couldn’t. Clarke wasn’t exactly angry at her best friend, but Raven knew better than to poke her when she was already pissed off.

Clarke did take what Maya said to heart, and she didn’t stop Madi from seeing Lexa; she did, however, move the play dates back to the park and bribe Harper to take Madi for her. It took some talking to Kane to get him to approve Harper leaving early three days a week, but Monroe offered to take over some of her duties to cover it. On the off days, Raven picked Madi up from preschool like always, and made sure to be on her way out the minute Clarke pulled in the drive. By Thursday night, Clarke was starting to feel lonely in the house, her anger diminishing to a dull sense of betrayal and indecision.

Harper showed up Saturday morning with a box of donuts and no more patience for all the reasons Clarke had come up with for the past week about why she couldn’t explain what the hell was going on.

“Spill. I’ve given you a week, I’ve done your dirty work, I’ve let Monroe destroy my organizational system, now either explain or get yourself a new toddler chauffeur.” Harper took a large bite of a bearclaw and sat on a kitchen stool, face open and waiting. Clarke dried her hands on a kitchen towel by the sink, took a last look out to the backyard where Madi was pushing her stuffed animals on the swings, and dropped onto the stool next to her friend.

“I don’t know where to start.” She flipped open the donut box and eyed her choices, landing on a blueberry glazed.

“How about starting from what you meant when you said that if you and Lexa hadn’t met, Madi wouldn’t exist.” Harper was going right to the hard stuff, and Clarke really shouldn’t have expected any less. The blonde slowed her chewing, using the time to formulate how to phrase her next sentences.

“Lexa was the one I slept with at the party.” The sentence worked its way out slowly, each word ringing clear and separate from the next. As Clarke was about to elaborate, a thought struck her and she was consumed with a new guilt: she had effectively told all their friends at once that Lexa was intersex. She dropped her gaze to her hands, her fingers breaking the donut into pieces and then those into smaller ones. Should she even go on explaining? Yeah, she practically yelled that she and Lexa had made a person but that didn't mean she should be the one to confirm it.

Harper was studying her closely over the rim of her water glass, ever patient as always. She set her glass down and cleared her throat, Clarke's eyes tracking the sound without thought. "If you're worried about explaining the logistics, I already talked to Lexa."

"You what? When?" Clarke knew she didn't have a right to feel betrayed at that point, but she couldn't help it. 'And it's not like you'll talk to Lexa right now, right? So of course Harper did.'

"Toddler chauffeur, remember?" Harper stated with a laugh. "You all but forced me to interact with her all week. Not that I mind, she's actually really great one-on-one. And super hot. Monty should count himself lucky he already locked this down." Clarke glared at her and Harper blushed. “Sorry, pregnancy brain has me on the prowl 24/7 now.”

"So what do you need me to explain then?" If Clarke's tone was clipped it was certainly not because of the minor rush of jealousy that popped up at the thought of Harper with Lexa. Not that there even was any jealousy. Nope. None.

"I'm more interested in why you decided to run a DNA test behind Lexa’s back.” The dirty blonde popped the last piece of her bearclaw in her mouth and started rummaging around for a new doughnut. Clarke was dumbfounded momentarily, before it hit her. ‘Jackson.’

“Catch me trusting Jackson with a secret again…” Clarke muttered, still ignoring Harper’s actual question.

“Yeeaahh, he came to me… Tuesday? Yeah, Tuesday this week, concerned about you and he seemed upset about something you had him do. It didn’t take much prodding for him to admit it all really. That boy should be last in the line of state secrets, he would fold under real torture.” That resonated as hilarious in Clarke’s stress-addled brain and soon the two of them were doubled over in laughter, wiping tears from their eyes. As Clarke went to grab a cloth napkin from the bin, she felt a hand connect with the back of her head.

“Ow! sh*t! What was that for?” She rubbed the spot on her head, more out of surprise than real injury, and knit her eyebrows at Harper.

“What the hell were you thinking?!” Harper whacked her on the arm over and over, following Clarke as she tried to escape around the kitchen and into the living room. “You should have talked to her first! I expect this kind of crap from Raven, but you? You know better!”

The blonder woman attempted to stick a pillow between herself and the angry pregnant woman, but Harper was on a tear and still managed to land every swat. Clarke was shocked at the sudden mood swing and was trying to think of anything to make her stop hitting her. “If it helps, it was Raven’s idea!”

Harper landed one last smack on her forearm and stopped, blowing the hair that had escaped her ponytail out of her face. “That does, a little.” She dropped onto the couch and pulled Clarke down with her. “Seriously, what possible thought process could you have had to think that was a good idea?”

Clarke picked at the cushions. She’d wondered herself what she was thinking doing that, no idea how to explain such an irrational decision, one that was a huge violation of privacy to boot. “I don’t know, okay? It’s like only half my brain was working.”

“Is all of it working now? Cause I'll be damned if you being an idiot keeps me from having my weekly brunch catch-up with everyone." Harper half-joked. Clarke made to protest that it was her house and she didn't have to do brunch when Harper cut her off. "And so help me, you will not cancel it for your pride or anger or whatever you think you are standing on. You wanna keep Madi's life as normal as possible? Then brunch is happening."

"Fine." Clarke sent a glare at her coffee table, unable to direct it at her frustratingly right friend. Her next words came out small and wavering. "How… how are they together?"

Harper hoisted up off the couch and moved back to the kitchen, gathering up her bag and making it almost to the hall before answering. "She looks at Madi the same way you do, as if the world itself could end and you would do anything to make sure she survives."

Clarke sat on her couch a while, coming up with a game plan for the next morning and willing her as-of-late unpredictable emotions to stay in check.

Chapter 16

Chapter Text

Unknown (12:37pm): We’ll be by the swingset

Lexa tugged Dory’s pajama shirt over her head and sighed as the tiny blonde immediately darted away, happy to be free of clothing, even if only for a moment. “Dory, please come back and get dressed. We cannot go to the park if you are naked.”

“I’ll get her!” Maggie ran after her little sister, giggling and making monster noises. Lexa sat back on her heels, tucking loose strands of hair behind her ears and ignoring the growing apprehension in the pit of her stomach. Delilah came skipping into the room, her go-bag hanging from her hand and a cooler in the other.

“Are we ready? I wanna get there before the really big kids take the best fort spot.” The oldest Collins girl pleaded, dancing back and forth on the balls of her feet.

“We are almost ready. Dory needs to put on her clothes first and then we can leave.” The nanny stood and walked over to the little table by the front door where she had a shirt and a pair of shorts waiting for the toddler. “Come here you tiny nudist, we need to get going.”

She scooped up Dory as she ran by and wriggled her into the outfit, dodging tiny feet as Dory tried to free herself. “Alright, girls. Into the car, please.”

Despite the giant ball of anger and anxiety looming over her, Lexa felt a flutter of hope that Clarke would be the one waiting for her at the park. Of course, she wasn’t, and Lexa reprimanded herself immediately. Instead, Harper was lounging on a bench just to the side of the play area, a thick book in her hands and a large jug of water on the ground next to her.

“Can we go play with Madi now?” Maggie tugged at Lexa’s hand and pointed to where the curly brunette girl was stacking large sticks in a square shape. The girls hardly waited for Lexa to nod before taking off, little Dory struggling to keep up. The nanny cautiously walked to the same side of the playground as Harper’s bench, lingering a couple yards away, her nerves building the longer the dirty blonde was silent. Lexa readied for some sort of verbal attack.

“I may be pregnant but I’m not going to eat you if you sit down.” Harper didn’t raise her eyes from her book and her tone was tense even if her words were playful. Lexa sat down on the next bench, keeping her own eyes on her charges but having a hard time really seeing them.

The first half an hour or so, neither spoke again; Harper glanced up from her book from time to time to check on Madi, Lexa fiddling with the stuff she packed for the kids’ lunch and organizing it. When she had everything set out, she opened her mouth to call out to the kids, and then shut it, still unsure of where she stood as far as Madi was concerned.

“Madi, girls! Lunchtime!” Harper called out suddenly, causing Lexa to jump a little at the noise. All four of them came running over, faces pink from the sun and smiles wide. Madi slowed to a stop right in front of Lexa, letting the other girls awe over the food choices while the two brunettes stared at each other.

“Hi.” Madi had an unsure smile on her features and dug her toe into the wood chips that covered the playground floor. Lexa cut her eyes to the side, seeing Harper watching them over her book. Meeting her daughter’s eyes again, Lexa motioned for her to come closer, and Madi dashed forward into Lexa’s arms, burying her face in Lexa’s stomach. “I miffed phu”

“I missed you, too.” The nanny brought one hand up to run it through the familiar brown mane and Madi tightened her hold, murmuring something. “What was that?”

The little girl leaned back and quietly said it again, her words discernable this time. “I thought you were gone forever.”

Lexa pulled her back into a tight embrace, the urge to never let her go overwhelming. “I will always be there for you, I promise. I’m not going anywhere.”

Madi shook softly and Lexa picked her up, sitting her daughter’s head on her shoulder and draping her small body across her lap. The nanny began to rub soothing circles on Madi’s back in the same manner she had seen Clarke do a few times before hoping to calm her down, and kept whispering reassurances in her ear until her shaking ceased. Lexa looked up, remembering the three girls she was supposed to be watching over, and saw Harper a little ways away with them at a picnic table. The dirty blonde woman had made sure to sit the girls with their backs to Lexa and Madi, and the nanny was grateful for that small act of kindness. ‘Maybe Harper doesn’t hate me. That would be nice.’

“Hey kiddo, do you want to go and eat now? I made mini pizzas…” Lexa made her tone light and tickled her daughter’s sides. Madi giggled and nodded, and when she pulled back, Lexa wiped under her big aquamarine eyes, noting how her little face was splotchy. ‘Just like Clarke’s when she cries.’

“Pizza?” She perked up, that hyperactive four-year-old personality coming back in full force.

“You are your mommy’s daughter, aren’t you?” Lexa laughed and let herself be dragged to the picnic table.

As the time rolled around to head back to the Collins’ house, Lexa could see Madi getting more and more upset, and when Harper called her over to say it was time to leave, she ran off under the slide. The adults met eyes for the first time that day and Harper tilted her head in the direction of the hiding preschooler. Lexa told the girls to put on their shoes and wait for her at the bench, then headed over to the slide, dropping down into a squat.

“Madi? What’s up?” Lexa her shuffling and Madi’s head eventually surfaced from behind the slide, her face blotchy again. “Why are you hiding behind the slide?”

“I don’t wanna go home yet.” She sniffled and used the back of her jacket sleeve to wipe her nose.

“Why?” The nanny was trying to quell her growing concern. Was Clarke still that angry at Lexa? What about Raven, was Clarke punishing her too?

“Cause then I won’t get to see you again until Wednesday.” Madi crawled out and stood, brushing her clothes off and straightening her jacket. Lexa felt that ache in her chest again and wished she could comfort her in some way but they both knew it was true.

“Is Raven picking you up tomorrow?”

Madi looked unsure for a moment. “I don’t know, I think so.”

“Then how about we video call tomorrow after preschool? You can say hi to your friends and you can tell me all about your day.” She wanted more, she wanted to be able to be there when Madi got home from school, she wanted to cook dinner and listen to all the crazy stories about her day. But they would have to settle for the electronic version, at least for now.

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

Anya was waiting for her that evening at the farmhouse, somehow knowing she was going to come there instead of the apartment again. They spent the evening checking the animals together, hardly speaking except when something couldn’t be conveyed by a motion of the head or hand. After twenty years, Anya knew better than to push Lexa to talk about anything before she was ready.

Raven pulled in front of the house as the sun was falling behind the treeline, her normally sassy personality replaced with a disturbingly quiet and sullen one. She didn't say a word, just collapsed on the couch in a ball, her head falling onto Anya's shoulder. Lexa watched the two from the kitchen, in shock at how soft her sister was being, wrapping her arm around the smaller woman and feeding her french fries one at a time.

Even as children, no one could have ever described Anya as soft, her fractious demeanor a running constant in their lives. In fact, Lexa had only ever seen her bring down her walls like that for non-human creatures; even the most stubborn, asshole animals could make Anya smile. Yet, here was Raven, snuggled up to arguably the prickliest of the Woods Clan like Lexa had only ever seen an animal do without any repercussion.

Lexa went off to bed Monday night hoping that maybe one day, she could have that.

Tuesday was unbearably long; Delilah woke up with a headache that wouldn’t go away and she made it her mission to take it out on her younger sisters, with Lexa doing her best to curb the budding preteen’s attitude. Lexa thanked the gods more than once that she only had the one daughter to parent, and of course the moment that thought entered her mind, she became consumed with whether or not Clarke would even let Lexa have a say in parenting Madi from now on.

She talked herself in circles; did she even have a right to parent Madi? She didn’t want to fight Clarke for custody, she would never put Madi through that, but she wanted to know her kid. Maybe she should try to get a custody agreement? The only people she knew that had any experience with custody situations were her parents and she was definitely not ready to drop the ‘Hey you have a grandkid now’ bomb. Assuming one of her siblings hadn’t already ratted her out.

By the time Madi’s face showed up on Lexa’s phone, the nanny was all but spent, mentally and physically, and she still had an hour left at the Collins. She threw on a smile and tried to be peppy.

“Hi kiddo! How was your school day? Did you learn anything new?”

“It was okay, we learned about clocks and how to tell time and made posters about what we want to do this summer. Oh! And Danny threw a rock at a pigeon and I pushed him, and then I got in trouble! But don’t tell Mommy, she’ll be really mad.” Madi spewed out in a rush, her eyes widening at her unintentional admission.

“Madi, you shouldn’t push people at school. Did you tell the teacher why you pushed him?” Even though she was putting on a stern face, Lexa was cheering on the inside at the idea of Madi sticking up for her ideals.

“Yeah. She said I had to help clean up after snack time all next week, but Danny has to pick up all the playground stuff by himself for a week, so he got it worse.” Madi said happily. They talked for a few minutes about her favorite things to do at school and which kids are fun to play with, Lexa absorbing every bit of information she could. Maggie came bunny-hopping into the living room where Lexa was sitting and climbed onto the back of the couch, situating her head right behind the nanny’s. “Hi, Maggie!”

“Hi, Madi! We’re playing hide-and-seek!” Maggie put her finger over her lips to shush her friend as if she wasn’t just practically yelling. “Miss Lexa is usually a good seeker but she still didn’t find Dory.”

Raven's voice called out to Madi and her face dropped a little. She leaned out of the frame, saying something to Raven. Whatever she asked, Raven must have said no to because when she came back into view, her features were a deep frown. “Do you promise I’m going to see you tomorrow?”

“I’m pretty sure Aunt Harper will be taking you to the park like yesterday. Maybe we can do something, just the two of us, this weekend.” The nanny ventured, and she watched Raven come into the background with an uneasy smile and a thumbs up that Lexa chose to take as a good sign. “I promise. Now, I need to go find Dory and make sure she isn’t sticking weird things in her mouth.”

Madi giggled and said goodbye, leaving Raven and Lexa alone. The two women shifted uncomfortably for a few moments. “Uh, thanks. For letting me talk to her, I mean. And see her.”

“No problem. See you later.”

“Anya, I need to talk to you.”

The sisters were tossing various nuts and seeds into the small animal enclosure, watching the mixture of squirrels, chipmunks, and other small rodents go into a frenzy trying to collect them up and run away. Anya twisted the top back on the black plastic food tub and sat on it, picking her nails and trying to look nonchalant. Lexa leaned against a wooden post and sighed, her ire towards her sister pretty much gone, replaced by the ever-growing annoyance with Clarke.

“You remember when Tris came to live with us?” Lexa’s gaze locked on a tiny chipmunk attempting to shove a fifth sunflower seed in its mouth.

“She slept at the foot of my bed for four months. Yes, I remember. Why?”

“Madi’s starting to do the same thing Tris did. Every time I have to leave or hang up the phone, she gets really quiet and sad, and makes me promise she’ll see me again.” Anya looked up at the brunette, concern etched on her face.

“And you’ve been reassuring her, right? Cause I am not letting you bail on that kid. Raven would kill me. Or withhold sex. Which would also kill me.” Lexa blanched at that statement, willing the visual of Raven and her sister far, far away.

“I’m not going to bail on my kid. I didn’t even think I could have kids, no way I’m running from this.” The younger woman began walking back to the house, banking on her older sister following her. “I just wish I could go back and tell Clarke earlier.”

The two knocked the dirt off their boots and popped them off on the porch, Lexa holding the door opened for Anya and tagging along with her to the kitchen. Anya grabbed out two beers from the fridge, holding one out to Lexa. “You can’t change the past, but you can make sure she has a great future.”

“Who? Clarke? Or Madi?” Lexa took a long swig of her beer and raised an eyebrow.

“I meant Madi, but speaking of Clarke…"

"I don't know. I'm so incredibly angry at her for outing me to everyone. And then she has the audacity to act like the wounded party?" She could feel her blood pressure rising and began pacing back and forth. "And sure, I was going to have to eventually tell everyone if I wanted to claim Madi as my own, which I absolutely do, but f*ck, she had no right to blurt it out like that! She has no idea the position she put me in!"

Anya had no response, just waited for Lexa to pace herself out and it took about ten minutes. Then she flipped on the Discovery channel and patted the couch. “Sit. Get lost in some stupid documentary, and try to focus on what you need to do next.”

“I don’t know what to do next, Ahn.” Lexa drained the last of her bottle and tapped the sides with her fingertips.

“You got me there.” Anya knocked her shoulder against Lexa’s and sat back. “Do you love her?”

Lexa was quiet the rest of the evening, never answering the question.

Harper scooted over on the bench to make room for the nanny on Wednesday afternoon and Lexa cautiously sat, shooing the girls off to find Madi on the playground.

“Hello, Harper. How are you feeling today?” Lexa had no idea how to start a conversation with the woman, but figured her pregnancy might be a safe topic. Harper lit up and unconsciously placed her hand on her stomach.

“Still preggers, still getting larger by the day.” She laughed, poking her protruding stomach. “Monty is insisting on doing everything for me whenever possible, which is nice but annoying. I completely get now why Clarke used to get so angry with us.”

Lexa forced her mind to stop jumping at the mere mention of Clarke and she schooled her features. “Angry?”

“Yeah, she was so stubborn and wouldn’t let anyone help her for the longest time. She insisted on finishing her courses and schoolwork without any extensions or help, she drove everywhere up until she couldn’t fit behind the wheel anymore and Raven had to practically bully her into accepting a ride to and from campus. She used to do this ridiculous rocking motion to get up from a chair that I personally found hilarious.” Harper rubbed her hand gently across her belly, eyes crinkled up at the memory. “Though the bigger I get, the more I find myself tempted to do the same.”

They fell into a comfortable silence, Lexa’s brain filling with a list of questions she wanted to ask but didn’t think it was her place.

“Clarke almost didn’t take the drugs.” The blonde said out of nowhere. At Lexa’s confused look, she elaborated. “When she was in labor, I mean. She was so adamant that she could handle it, but Madi was stubborn, too. Kid didn’t want to come out and after sixteen hours of active labor, Clarke cracked. Basically traumatized a nurse until the doctor arrived to put in the epidural and induce her.”

“Oh wow.”

“Raven likes to brag that she was the only one allowed to be in the delivery room with Clarke because she’s Clarke’s favorite, but really she was the only one used to constant pain enough to hold her hand.” Harper laughed, not noticing Lexa’s expression changed to one of pining sadness. “Madi finally showed up at the stroke of midnight like some sort of demon baby, with huge eyes and lungs to match.”

They both stared at Madi playing on the jungle gym, swinging back and forth from her knees and giggling. The mention of Madi’s birth had Lexa deep in her head, the ache in her chest expanding to press against the back of her ribs. ‘I should have been there. I should have tried harder to find Clarke. I could have been there from the start.’

“Do you want to walk the kids over to the hot dog stand? I brought sandwiches, but they’ll keep long enough to get back home to Monty and his growing sympathy appetite.” Harper pointed to the cooler at her feet and then over to the blue and white umbrella marking the hot dog stand by the pond. “Plus I’m craving french fries.”

“Uh, yeah. Sure.” Lexa stood and called to the girls. As she was waiting for them to scurry over, Lexa noticed Harper making to get up and she held out her hand. “You stay, I’ll grab your food for you. And before you protest, I am going to insist no matter what you say. What would you like?”

Harper huffed but smiled and settled back onto the bench. “Two brauts with chili and pickles. Oh, and a lemonade! Thanks.”

Lexa nodded and ushered the kids off to get the food.

“Alright girls, we have to get you back to the house.” The collective cries of protest nearly drowned out the end of the nanny’s sentence and Harper chuckled, gathering up the trash from eating and her own things.

“Aw, do we have to?” Maggie drug her feet through the playground wood chips as slowly as she could.

“Yes, you know Dory has a nap time and you have reading work to do.” Lexa put the last water bottle into her bag, double-checking that she didn’t miss anything around the bench. Madi tugged on her shirt and she turned to embrace her. “Do you want to video chat tomorrow?”

Madi’s head moved up and down from it’s place against Lexa’s stomach. Harper mouthed that she would take the other three towards the parking lot and Lexa nodded in thanks, watching her coerce the girls into lugging all the trash to the cans on the way. Lexa and Madi stayed as they were, holding on tightly to one another, until the nanny caught the disgruntled sounds of a tired Dory carrying on the wind. “I have to go now. I love you, Madi.”

“I love you, too.” There was the ghost of another word at the end, and Lexa saw the syllables formed on little lips, but there would be time for that and she would never push Madi to call her that. The pair held hands as they joined the others and parted ways with another small hug.

Thursday was another long day of physically wrangling kids and mentally wrangling her feelings, not that she had come any closer to figuring out her mental state. At least the Collins’ kids were consistent.

Her video call with Madi was unfortunately cut short by Delilah face planting on her skateboard and knocking out a baby tooth, and Lexa was slammed with work all night. Anya finally was awarded custody of the two surviving horses from the abuse case and made Lexa promise to help settle them into the barn, which led to neither of them getting to bed until well after midnight. Raven fell asleep curled up on the hay bales and Anya had to carry her inside, Lexa opening doors for the nauseating couple.

“Why didn’t you tell Clarke?”

Those are the first words out of Harper’s mouth when Lexa arrives at the park on Friday.

“Pardon?” Lexa was pretty sure of what she heard but the question still startled her.

“Why didn’t you tell Clarke?” Harper blinked at her patiently, hands resting on her stomach, her usual book resting face down and open on the bench next to her. The nanny let her two bags drop to her feet and slide onto the bench next to the blonde. The air between them felt friendlier than even before the brunch incident and Lexa found herself chuckling at the question. Harper tilted her head, confused.

“I’m not laughing at your question, sorry. I just… that’s the first question you have? Not ‘How did you impregnate Clarke?’ or ‘Where were you for five years?’” Lexa couldn’t help the giggling that bubbled up and she knew she looked a bit insane.

“It’s not rocket science, Lexa.” Harper deadpanned before cracking a smile. That did Lexa in again, and soon they were both laughing hard enough that Lexa's side started to hurt.

“I’m intersex.” Lexa blurted out as they quieted, her cheeks heating up at her own forwardness. “It means I have some… different parts. Like uh..”

“Don’t have an aneurysm. I’m picking up what you’re laying down.” The blonde laughed and pat Lexa on the back. “SO, back to my question. Why didn’t you say anything to Clarke?”

She’d asked herself that question for months; why? Why didn’t she just say something, anything?

Lexa stared off at the playground, watching her daughter build a pretty decent thatched roof out of pine tree branches and leaves. The kid was smart as a whip and her problem solving skills were insane.

“The first day I saw Clarke at the park, it felt like all the air left my lungs. It was like she dropped out of the sky and fell back into my life with no warning, a shooting star come to Earth. Even from across the playground, I knew it was her. And then the girls dragged me over to Clarke’s bench and there was Madi. Calling Clarke ‘mommy’ and staring up at me with the same big eyes with a tint of green in her blue that looked so familiar, her wild brown hair the same as mine was at that age, and I felt myself start to hope.” She leaned forward, elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. “I was told that I had a low chance of ever being able to have kids, so at first I thought I was kidding myself. How in the world could that little girl be mine?”

The brunette fell silent, the words she had to get out jumbling in her brain and making her more nervous than she already was. “It was clear she didn’t remember me; it had been five years, and we were drunk. Apparently her more than me, but I had the advantage of a picture to remind me what she looked like. Madi’s squirrel gave me an excuse to see more of them, to be… helpful. With every interaction, every high five, every hug, I became more and more convinced that Madi was mine.” Lexa sighed, and a small smile formed on her lips. “My biggest fear had always been being rejected by someone I...cared about because of my unusual anatomy, but Clarke breezed past that information like she was finding out my favorite boy band or something. I’ve never had someone so readily accept me as I am. It was scary.”

“Our friend group is more diverse than you know, plus Clarke seems to attract strays constantly.” Harper winked knowingly and popped a grape into her mouth. “And you didn’t think that was a good time to mention you had already had sex with each other?”

“I wanted to, but I wasn’t a hundred percent sure Madi was mine, so what would be the point? Cause I’m not supposed to be able to… and how did I know I was the only one she’d been with? So, I kept quiet and fell more and more in lov-” Lexa stopped short, shaking her head, not ready to say that to anyone yet. “By the time Clarke told me about what she remembered from the party and how she had struggled with not knowing, I had worked up the courage to tell her but we kept getting interrupted and it never seemed like the right time. I was going to tell her last Friday, I really was, but she started touching me and all the blood running my brain got rerouted.”

“I’m sure it did.” The blonde next to her gave her an oddly leering look that disappeared in an instant.

“And then Saturday happened. And brunch after that.” Lexa’s face dropped and her brow knit together. “I am so pissed at Clarke for doing that in front of everyone, for putting it out there for everyone to know, and I left so angry that I didn’t think about how Madi would feel. Now I have no idea where I stand in all this. Should I be seeing Madi without Clarke? Should I even come to brunch anymore?”

“You are coming to brunch." Harper said this with such finality that Lexa was taken aback, the stern motherly tone making her nod her head on instinct and swallow a 'yes ma'am' that rose from the depths of the pit that was her early childhood. "Madi will be expecting you and you will not disappoint her."

"You're kind of scary, you know that?" The nanny smiled, but it downturned. “But Clarke…”

“I’ll handle Clarke. You just show up, got that? You show up and you keep showing up so that little girl gets it in her head that you aren’t going anywhere.” Harper stood, stretching her body side to side, letting out a low groan. “I’m going to head out. I will see you Sunday.”

Lexa nodded, and a thought popped in her head. “Hey! I kinda told Madi that maybe she and I could do something together this weekend, just the two of us. Do you think…”

“I’ll see what I can do. Shoot for Sunday, after brunch.” And with that, Harper gathered up her things and called Madi over to say goodbye.

Chapter 17

Chapter Text

Raven was the first to show up the next Sunday, brandishing a large box of pastries and an unsure smile. She slid the box onto the island next to the open package of bacon, taking a seat on one of the stools and waiting for Clarke to acknowledge her. After a few minutes of the blonde keeping her back to the rest of the kitchen, Raven cracked. “So, are you done being pissed at everyone for no reason?”

Clarke whipped around, setting her jaw and squeezing the tongs together hard enough to turn her knuckles white. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me. We gave you a week to be pissy without anyone getting on you about it, but time’s up.” Raven held Clarke’s stare without flinching, and the blonde’s shoulders sagged.

“I’m not mad at you.” She turned back to the stove and shifted the bacon around, not willing to expand. Of course she wasn’t really mad at Raven. Truth be told, she sorely missed her best friend the last week and had realized just how much she leaned on the mechanic. Not just for things like helping with Madi or fixing a broken washer.

“Damn straight you’re not. And let’s be clear, there is maybe one person you are allowed to be mad at right now, and your reasoning on that is bullsh*t, too.” Raven began tapping the counter, no doubt trying to annoy Clarke into turning back around. It was working. Clarke caved, ready to argue her case, but the sound of the front door opening stopped her. Clarke went rigid, her ears on alert for a particular voice. Maya and Jasper came through the kitchen entrance, whispering back and forth in hurried voices.

The blonde listened to the three of them greet one another, her hands keeping busy with turning the bacon, jumping as the front door opened again and there was a rush of voices into the kitchen. One voice was still absent though, and she felt a rush of relief mixed with… heartache? What the hell was wrong with her?

She felt lanky arms wrap around her from behind and a stubbly chin come to a rest on her shoulder. Slender, knobby fingers plucked the tongs from her hand, returning to squeeze her crossed arms, and Jasper took a few slow, deep breaths.

"Is your baby mama coming today?" He joked once Clarke had gotten considerably calmer. Clarke groaned and pushed him off playfully. "Or wait, I guess you're her baby mama?" Jasper spun around to the rest of the group. "Thoughts? Raven? Harper?”

“What’s the question again?” Raven looked up from where she was tossing cut up fruit into a bowl, glancing at Harper for some indication of the topic at hand.

“I think he’s asking which one of them is the ‘baby mama’ in this case.” Harper laughed, pretending to weigh the options with her hands.

“Oh! Well, on one hand, Lexa is the kid’s other mother and all, so she fits the moniker. But, frankly, I think it’s funnier to see Clarke get angry about it. I vote Clarke.” The mechanic tipped a small bowl of blueberries into the larger bowl and gave it a shake to mix the fruit.

“I concur, even now Clarke is turning red at the idea.” Harper poked Clarke with a serving spoon, right in her reddening cheek. The others piped up as well, even Octavia voiced her opinion (she maintained that Lexa was the baby mama, not Clarke), though Lincoln was quiet on the subject.

“Well, looks like the consensus is that you, Clarky-poo, are the baby mama. Congratulations on your win.” Raven proclaimed with a flourish of her hands. Clarke balked, crossing over to the doorway of the hall as she headed to get Madi from upstairs, and she turned around to face her ‘friends’ in the kitchen.

“I’ll have you know that I reject the council's decision on the grounds that it is a stupid ass decision. I am no one’s baby mama!” And with that, she wheeled around, and came face-to-face with the nanny herself. “Lexa!”

The brunette had a hard look on her face, her lips tight and slightly downturned, her eyes almost blank. Clarke felt her own face drain of color and they stared at one another for a solid ten seconds before Anya came bustling through the front door, arms laden down with the champagne bottles. “Hey Lexa, grab one of these bags, my arm is going numb. Lexa?”

Lexa broke eye contact with a shake of her head and absently accepted one of the plastic bags before turning back, her gaze trained over Clarke’s shoulder instead. Clarke opened her mouth as if to say something but Raven brushed past her to grab another bag from Anya, and the blonde snapped her jaw shut, sidling past the others with minimal contact.

Stopping outside her daughter's door, hand raised to grasp the knob, Clarke sighed. Madi had been different the last week. Angry? No, that wasn't exactly right. Sad? Not quite that either. The girl spent more time in her room than usual and Clarke knew it was because of what happened. For the millionth time, Clarke wished she could go back and stop herself from exploding like that.

"Knock, knock, kiddo! You ready to come down and join everyone?" She stuck a smile on and sweetened her voice, but Madi just tilted her head at her mother's curious behavior.

"Is she here?" Madi stood from her spot amongst her toy soldiers and expertly navigated through her battalions all the way to the door. Clarke used her fingers to brush flat a few stray brown curls and nudged Madi’s chin upward, wanting to see the swirl of blue-green she had looked into so many times before. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing baby, nothing.” The blonde pulled her daughter in for a tight hug and Madi struggled, giggling and pretending she was being squeezed to death. Letting go reluctantly, Clarke led Madi out into the hall and toward the stairs. “To answer your question, yes. She’s here.”

Madi squealed, skipping ahead down the stairs, and left her mother to follow at her own pace.

By the time Clarke entered the kitchen, the general mood had lifted. Everything was being put in serving bowls and carried out to the big table; even Madi was happily trailing Lexa around, helping where she could, chattering away. Clarke stood back, letting brunch set-up go on without her, watching how seamlessly Lexa took charge in her stead. The thoughts of what could be took over and she sat on a stool quietly off to the side, doing her best to stay unnoticed, content to daydream.

As the kitchen cleared out, her friends heading to the backyard in laughter and conversation, Clarke stayed where she was. ‘Maybe I can just stay in here until everyone is good and drunk.’ She stood up slowly, shaking out her legs. ‘I could grab a bowl of cereal and go back up to my room and fake sick.’

“I’ll grab the butter if you could go and check on her, see if she is planning to come to the table or not.” Lexa walked into the house, her head turned back toward the yard, and Clarke froze. Whoever Lexa was talking to must have said something funny because the brunette laughed, her face lit up and eyes shining. Clarke attempted to back up into the hall but bumped the mail basket with her hip, sending it clattering to the floor and Lexa’s face snapped to the sound. “Clarke.”

‘God, I missed her saying my name.’

“Lexa, hi. Uh, can we talk?” The blonde took a step forward and tried not to be hurt at the step back Lexa took.

“Now you wanna talk?” Lexa furrowed her brow, her lips drawing together in a most distracting sort of way that had Clarke thinking less about words and more about sounds. Filthy sounds. The nanny scoffed, heading away from Clarke and over to the refrigerator, popping it open and obscuring her face with the door. Clarke risked coming closer, placing her hand on the outside of the fridge.

“Please can we talk?” She kept her voice low and calm, pushing down any sudden bursts of anger. "Lexa?"

The fridge shut forcefully and Lexa slid the butter tub onto the island, folding her arms across her chest. Clarke's gaze was pulled to the other woman's exposed biceps, the way they flexed with every subtle shift of the nanny's body. Thoughts, dirty thoughts, barged into her brain; Lexa lifting her by her thighs with ease, the feel of tight abs under her fingertips, strong hands pinning her hips down as Lexa thrust into her over and over… "Maybe I don't want to talk."

Clarke started and squashed those images. "You don't?"

Lexa clenched her jaw. "No. I don't know. I certainly don't want to talk right this minute. I don't even know if I want to talk today."

The blonde ventured a step closer again, now within reaching distance, her digits tangling and untangling themselves. "Ten minutes. After brunch? Just ten minutes and then I'll leave you alone."

"I don't want you to leave me a-!" Lexa was almost shouting but cut off her words and closed her eyes. After a couple slow breaths, she spoke again. "Ten minutes. And after that, I would like to take Madi out to the Marine Center."

Clarke nodded emphatically. "Yeah, sure. That would be okay."

The brunette moved her head in a curt motion and rounded the island the opposite way, snatching the butter up and heading to the sliding door. "Brunch is ready. I'm sure they're all waiting on us."

Out in the backyard, seated in the same spots as the week before, Clarke and Lexa barely made eye contact. The rest of the table did their best to keep up the conversation, occasionally throwing a question at one of the women to engage them. Clarke made an effort to seem normal, but everytime her eyes strayed to the side and she saw the rigidity of Lexa’s posture and heard the shortness of her answers, Clarke was reminded that while she may have had a good reason to be upset last week, she had crossed a line too far. When Harper left her house the day before, the blonde sat with her thoughts for a long while, and the guilt of outing Lexa became the overarching emotion that stayed with her throughout the night.

Madi was constantly talking about her week, all the kids she played with, the forts she built, and most of all, how she and Lexa had been video chatting. Apparently getting to say goodnight to the horses was her favorite part and she couldn’t wait to ride again. Clarke took all this in with interest, not having asked about the time her daughter spent with Lexa. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to know, it was more that she wasn’t sure she could handle the details, emotionally. But sitting there, listening to her baby describe all these little happy moments, Clarke only felt a swelling of love. 'And you went and f*cked it all up last week. Good job, Clarke."

A drop of moisture fell on the back of Clarke’s hand and she absently wiped it on her shirt, thinking nothing of it or the gathering clouds overhead. Monty and Jasper were in the middle of an odd kind of twenty questions with Anya, asking weirdly specific details about the animals she takes in, and the dirty blonde was being surprisingly nice about it.

“So like, do you ever keep the animals instead of releasing or rehoming them?” Jasper asked, taking a large sip from his mimosa. Anya took a minute to think, tilting her head back and forth. It was a pretty tame question, having just finished explaining how to nurse multiple kittens at once with a surgical glove.

“I had a malnourished week old calf missing her back foot get dumped on my doorstep once, and after being her only mom for six months and getting her fitted with a prosthetic, I decided to keep her around. Her name is Stump. She likes playing with the horses and I do have another cow for her to hang out with now.” Anya answered with a smile, which quickly soured as a fat raindrop landed on her cheek. She looked up and the rest of the table did the same.

Black clouds had taken over most of the sky and in the distance they heard a thunderous boom. The sky opened up, rain pouring down and soaking everyone. Madi jumped and laughed to herself, tilting her head up to the sky and sticking out her tongue, trying to catch raindrops. “Look Mommy! Look Mama!”

Clarke glanced over to Lexa, gauging her reaction to being addressed like that; the brunette’s mouth was slightly opened and her eyes wide, noticeably shocked, before her expression changed and a small smile took over. The rest of the group was hastily collecting dishes and containers of food, and running them into the house, and most of the table was cleared by the time Clarke made to stand up. Lexa and Madi grabbed their plates and ran to the house, Clarke trailing behind with as much as she could carry.

Once inside, Clarke found her friends joking around and drying off with towels Raven must have gotten out. The blonde scooted close to Lexa, who was gathering up the plates from the random surfaces on which they were discarded and bringing them to the sink. “Hey, will you come upstairs with me? We can change and maybe talk?”

Lexa nodded and Clarke led the way to the hall, stopping to ask Harper to make sure Madi changed out of her wet clothes. The dirty blonde gave her a questioning look, but acquiesced nonetheless. Clarke could feel her heart starting to pound harder with every step she ascended, the feel of Lexa behind her making her brain split in more than a few directions.

Clarke started to strip off her wet clothes as soon as she got into the master bedroom, tossing her shirt and pants into the laundry bin without thought. She never was one to tolerate being cold and clammy, and the air conditioning was on upstairs. She heard Lexa close the door softly behind them, and she bent over to rummage through her drawers for comfortable clothes. Grabbing a couple items, she straightened up and turned back around. “I have a pair of sweatpants or a pair of fleece shorts, though looking at the shorts, I’m thinking maybe the pants are a better idea.”

The brunette’s face was a soft red and she was looking at her feet; Clarke was reminiscent of the first time they had been in her room together and the blonde took a few shuffling steps in her direction, holding out the sweatpants. Lexa accepted the pants but stayed still otherwise.

“Need a hand with that?” Clarke joked, trying to lighten the mood. The other woman remained rooted in her position, and Clarke took a risk and put her hand on Lexa’s forearm. “Lex?”

“You’re… in your underwear.”

“Well yeah, and I’m planning to take those off, too. It’s not like you haven’t seen me naked before.” Clarke laughed, reaching around herself to unclip her bra, and sighing as she felt the wet material peel away, absently holding her breasts up in both hands as their weight succumbed to gravity.

“You being naked is making it very hard to be mad at you. And I’m still very mad at you.”

“Oh?” Clarke let go of her chest and shimmied off her underwear, tossing them aside. Her nerves at the idea of talking about their situation seemed to have been replaced by a sudden friskiness. She wiggled her hips teasingly and winked. “How hard exactly are we talking?”

In an instant, Clarke felt her back hit the mattress and the few papers she had laying on the unused side of her bed went flying. Lexa loomed over her, their mouths inches apart, Lexa’s hands on either side of her head, hips braced between Clarke’s knees. The cold of wet cotton and denim did nothing to quell the fire spreading on Clarke’s skin, and she was very aware that in that position, she was laid completely open and bare. Lexa shifted to the side to grab Clarke’s left hand and pressed it to the front of her pants.

Clarke inhaled sharply at Lexa's boldness and increased the pressure of her hand, watching Lexa’s eyes close and her features tighten, a low groan escaping her lips. “You know, you could choose to be mad later..”

Green eyes popped open and Clarke could see the black of Lexa’s pupils expanding. Lexa harshly snatched Clarke’s hand away and pressed it on the bed next to her head, the brunette’s mouth coming in hard and rough on Clarke’s. There was no hesitancy, no sweetness, just need, and Clarke struggled against the tight hold Lexa had on her wrists, a playful smile on her lips. A growl answered her movements, and Lexa lifted herself up to peel off her wet t-shirt and sports bra, a few lone water drops dripping down her hair to her breasts, nipples hardening in the cool air. She hastily threw her locks up into a ponytail, and Clarke licked her lips in anticipation, a familiar ache building. Lexa’s mouth curved up into a wicked smile. “Don’t move.”

That was the last thing Clarke wanted to do, even with her brain screaming at her that what they were doing was a bad idea, that it wasn’t helping anything. The sound of a zipper and the wet thud of heavy material hitting the floor dispelled any thought Clarke had of stopping. Lexa’s usual shyness about her body was all but gone, the commanding authority Clarke normally associated with ‘Miss Lexa’ now distorted and morphed into sexual dominance that had Lexa stalking back to the bed completely naked.

She used her knees to shove Clarke’s legs apart and wide, her stiff co*ck bouncing with every movement. Lexa swiped her fingers roughly through Clarke’s soaked folds and brought them to her mouth, a positively obscene moan pushing its way through her lips as they wrapped around the digits. Clarke felt herself get even wetter at the sight, noting how Lexa's member twitched with every pass of her tongue. Licked clean, Lexa dove her fingers in for another round and this time spread the slick on her dick in rushed motions. “I’m going to bury this co*ck inside you and f*ck you until you can’t walk, understand?”

Clarke barely had time to nod before Lexa plunged hard and fast into her dripping core, hands gripping the blonde’s waist with enough force that later there would be small bruises that Lexa would apologize for over and over despite Clarke’s reassurances that it was fine. The headboard slammed into the pastel colored wall behind it, the few knickknacks she kept there toppling off and dropping onto the end tables and floor. Clarke brought her hands down to fist the comforter, twisting and untwisting it, not caring if it ever laid flat again. There was no rhythm, no pace to Lexa’s movements, just strong, sporadic thrusts that were bringing Clarke higher and higher on the bed.

Lexa surrendered one hip to snake a hand up, tweaking Clarke's right nipple hard and leaning over to encase the other between her teeth, biting down just enough to send a jolt through Clarke's body. Hot skin pressed together as Lexa lowered down to lay flush with Clarke, attaching her lips to the pale column of Clarke’s neck and nipping harshly, soothing the marks with wide strokes of her tongue.

Clarke broke, clutching her left hand to the back of Lexa’s head, digging her fingers into the curly brown mane and pulling back, urging Lexa to her mouth instead. Another growl met her efforts, and Lexa peeled herself away, grabbing Clarke’s hands and pinning them above her head on the bed.

“I didn’t say you could move.” Pulling out completely, Lexa ran her co*ck up through the blonde’s wet puss*, ramming into her cl*t a few times before sliding back in. Clarke gasped at being filled again so quickly, her high reaching its peak in no time at all. The brunette slowed her hips to an agonizing pace as Clarke’s walls began to clamp down, a devilish grin spreading on her features. “You don’t cum until I say so, got it?”

Clarke whimpered, pressing her own hips down to urge the woman above her back into action, only to be rewarded with Lexa withdrawing completely. Before the blonde could protest, she was being flipped over and yanked up by her waist so her back half was in the air. She could feel Lexa’s hands on the globes of her ass, kneading and caressing, slapping her co*ck against it and then dipping into her core just enough to stretch Clarke all over again. The coil in Clarke was impossibly wound, her body vibrated with every touch, every pass of that massive dick, and she was at the brink of ecstasy. Just as Clarke was reaching the point of insanity, Lexa snapped her hips, impaling the blonde repeatedly at a building rate, fighting to fit in the ever-tightening puss* before her. Clarke felt Lexa lean forward and the brunette’s body molded around her own, hot breath in her ear sending shivers down her spine.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to how good your puss* feels, it’s like heaven every time I’m f*cking you. And I can’t wait to cum inside you, to fill you up again and again, to use you until you see stars, until you can’t remember your own name.” Lexa husked in between grunts, reaching one hand under Clarke’s waist to find that aching bundle of nerves that was screaming for attention. Clarke keened, her body shaking with each swirl of Lexa’s index against her cl*t. “I bet you wanna cum right now, don’t you?”

Fighting to stay in control, to not let go until Lexa said so, Clarke could only whine her reply. Lexa increased the speed of her hips and her fingers, slick skin smacking together, sound reverberating throughout the room. Placing her palms flat on the headboard and shoving her ass back as hard as she could, the blonde welcomed Lexa deeper and deeper until she felt like there was no more room left inside her. “Lex.. Please.. I need to..”

A low chuckle sounded behind her, and Lexa’s mouth was by her ear again. “I think you’ve been good enough to cum this time.”

A heavy thrust and a couple of fast circles were all it took to fling Clarke into an org*sm, every part of her shaking and tensing, but Lexa managed to hold on, and carried on pounding into her, bringing on a second org*sm in minutes, Lexa granting permission without question.

Tipping back on her knees, Lexa took Clarke with her, pulling by the hips until the other woman was hovering over the brunette’s lap, still impaled, legs shaking. Hot, open mouth kisses were peppered down Clarke’s neck and shoulders, and hands slid upwards to roughly palm ample breasts. “I want you to ride me. And when I’m ready, I’m going to pump you so full, you’ll be dripping for days.”

She did the best she could, holding herself up on trembling legs, bouncing erratically, chasing the next high. Lexa flipped her legs out underneath and crossed them into a sitting position, stilling Clarke. “Turn around, I want to see your face when you break.”

Helpless to do anything but comply, Clarke climbed off, her body shaking and barely able to hold herself up. She twisted, tried to stay upright, near-collapsing with the effort of moving while her body was still racked with tremors, mewling as she lowered back down onto Lexa’s ramrod member. “Lexa, I don’t think I can-”

“Shhhh, I got you.” Lexa pulled her in tight and laid back, bringing Clarke to rest fully atop her, the blonde’s legs splaying out on either side. Bending her knees, Lexa slowly pistoned in and out as far as she was able, holding Clarke up by fistfuls of ass.

Her mouth dry as all the moisture in her body travelled south, Clarke could only squeak, overwhelmed by the tender but powerful way Lexa held her, the brunette woman’s lithe body flexing underneath, bringing her closer to another drop over the edge.

“Are you ready for me? Cause being inside you this long, f*ck… I..” Lexa sputtered out, her words barely breaking through the haze of Clarke’s org*sm-rattled mind. Clarke managed to whisper a mangled ‘please’, letting her body surrender to the shattering pleasure waiting for her, intensifying as Lexa let go, emptying everything she had into Clarke until they both had nothing left.

“You good to go again?”

Clarke fought her eyelids open, exhaustion from the last hour of being used mercilessly compounding with a week of not sleeping well. Lexa laid next to her, the heaving of her bare chest slowing and her arms draped over her face. A quiet settled on the two of them, one laced with the knowledge that there were still words to be said and Clarke didn't know how or what to start with. Her mouth opened, a million things prepared to say, but what comes out is short and not quite what she thought.

"I was wrong."

Clarke felt Lexa stiffen and the brunette's arms came down to her sides as she sat up, pulling the edge of the sheet up with her. Reaching over to the end of the bed to grab the discarded pair of sweatpants, Lexa shoved them under the covers and managed to put them on while keeping herself covered, confusing the heck out of the blonde next to her. Lexa went to stand, taking a white t-shirt from the stack on the dresser and throwing it on, and Clarke's brain finally decided to engage again. "Lexa? What are you doing? I thought we were going to talk?"

Lexa sighed heavily and wiped her mouth, not meeting Clarke's eyes. "What is there to say? You were wrong. Which figures, I was told a long time ago by a slew of doctors that I have just about zero possibility of having kids and I was dumb enough to think maybe I'd beat the odds with Madi. But of course not."

Clarke's mouth fell open, her limbs refusing to respond to the commands to move she was desperately sending them; instead she watched, frozen, as Lexa nodded to herself and began gathering up her wet clothes. "Don't get me wrong, I love that little girl no matter what, she's an amazing kid. And I lo- want to work this out between us, I'm just going to need time to absorb this.” She started to pace back and forth, having set her pile of clothes on the small table by the door. “Do you even know who the guy is? No. Don't answer that, I don't want to know right now. Or maybe ever. And I know what Madi called me earlier and I’ll keep up the lie. It’s fine. I can be her other mother in every way except genetically, if you want. No one has to know.” Her words sounded more like a pep talk for herself than anything. Her bare feet were flattening a line in the carpet, every lap giving Clarke time to process what Lexa was saying. A loud thump from downstairs, followed by the muffled sounds of laughter, caught the brunette’s attention and she whipped up the clothing pile into her hand again, the other pulling the door open. “I’m going to head out, I’ll take Madi another day-”

‘Oh. OH! She thinks I meant-’

“WAIT!” Clarke tumbled off the bed, taking the sheets with her, and scrambled to her feet. She took a few steps forward and stumbled again, her own foot shorting the sheets underneath her. “Lexa, stop! You are her other mother, in every way, even genetically!”

Lexa shut the door, hard, and spun around, face red and eyes glistening with unshed tears. “How?! How could you possibly be so sure she isn’t someone else’s!”

Clarke flinched at the underlying insult buried in Lexa’s disbelief, the insinuation that Clarke had lied to Lexa when she said there were no other possibilities. Lexa didn’t believe her word? Fine. She used her end table to stand up again, searching the area for a sheet of paper. Spotting it half-under the foot of the bed, she bent down and snatched it up, offering it to the skeptical woman.

“What-What is this?” The brunette stuttered, and Clarke watched as Lexa scanned the document, her eyes widening the longer she gaped at it.

“I had Jackson print out a hard copy for me. At first I just wanted to have it, in case you… but then I was going to use it to get Madi’s birth certificate changed.” Which was true, she just hadn’t had time to send in the paperwork yet, and she was going to surprise Lexa with it, eventually.

Lexa shuffled over to the bed and gingerly sat, never moving the top half of her body, the paper clutched in white, shaky knuckles. Wrapping the sheet fully around herself, suddenly self-conscious at her nakedness, Clarke perched on the corner of the mattress, trying to figure out what was going on in the mind of the woman she was undeniably tied to for the rest of her life.

“She’s really mine.” It was an incredulous whisper, and Lexa slowly raised her head to meet Clarke’s gaze. “She’s really mine?”

“Yeah, she is. She’s ours. Yours and mine.” The squeal of laughter that floated up from the downstairs seemed to punctuate Clarke’s words, and an infectious smile took over Lexa’s face, one Clarke returned eagerly. “We made that little girl down there.”

Lexa dove at Clarke, tossing the DNA results to the side, and grabbed her face in both hands, bringing their grins together in a joyful knocking of teeth and lips. It was so different from the rough, bruising kisses from not twenty minutes earlier; these were accompanied by little affirmations from the brunette every time they had to part for air, a plethora of 'you're beautiful' and 'I'm so happy' and 'I can't believe it'.

The two began to fall backward, but Lexa pulled back with a question in her eyes, leaving Clarke to stare up at her with baited breath. “Wait. You did a DNA test? When? Why? How?”

“I.. I wanted to be sure. I kept having those dreams and then some of the stuff you said to me started to make sense, and I was freaking out and then Raven brought up doing a DNA test and I..” The blonde stammered, chewing on her bottom lip as she searched for how to explain her behavior. Lexa blinked once, twice, three times, her mouth opening in a question but only a squeak was emitted; she set her jaw and tried again.

“How did you get...Raven.” Green eyes darkened and her brows knitted together. She unconsciously rubbed the still healing scar on her hand and grimaced.

“Yeah, about that, she kinda went rogue on that one.” Clarke was still unsure of where Lexa was with the whole thing; she seemed to be taking the whole ‘DNA test behind her back’ thing pretty well but still, Clarke was readying herself for a blowout. “That’s kind of what I meant when I said I was wrong.”

Lexa’s eyebrow went up and she sat back, crossing her legs under her and waiting for elaboration. Clarke moved to sit up as well, letting the sheet fall to her waist, not unaware of the way the nanny’s eyes flicked downward to take in her exposed chest. “Are you sure you want to talk right now?”

“Huh?” Lexa jerked her gaze back up to the deep blue orbs waiting for her, a blush coloring her face, and Clarke laughed. In light of the last hour of Commanding Lexa, seeing the woman blush seemed humorous. “Sorry, can you put on a shirt or something? I don’t think I’ll be able to focus if you’re naked.”

“Oh, am I distracting you?” Clarke shimmied, trying to keep the mood light.

“Yes. Shirt please.” Lexa stood and tossed a tank at Clarke, followed by the pair of shorts she had picked out earlier. The blonde let out an exaggerated sigh as she tugged on the items, carding her fingers through her hair in an attempt to detangle it. After finding a pillow shoved under the comforter at the head of the bed, she fluffed it and leaned it up on the headboard, settling against it and crossing her legs out in front of her.

“Better?” She smirked up at Lexa, arms folded, pressing up her cleavage. The nanny playfully rolled her eyes and took her place on the other side of the bed, mimicking Clarke’s body position. A silence fell over them, neither sure where to start. Lexa to a large inhale and Clarke tensed up on instinct.

“Last week, when I left here, I was so incredibly mad at you. But I was scared, too.” Her voice was quiet and calm, but Clarke could see her face tighten and her bottom lip tremble.

“Scared?” Lexa nodded at Clarke in response but didn’t elaborate, so the blonde pushed just a little. “Scared of what?”

“At first, I thought I was scared that my new friends were going to reject me, angry that you had just ruined all these relationships I had just started to form.”

Clarke moved to open her mouth and apologize, Lexa’s upturned hand stopping her.

“But the longer I thought on it, the more I realized that the real thing I was scared of was that by keeping what I knew to myself, I had ruined my relationship with you.” Lexa licked her lips and anxiously wiped them off, eyes drifting off as Clarke patiently waited for her to go on. “What you did, telling everyone without saying the actual words, that I’m not like most women… that cut deeper than you will ever know. One day, I’ll tell you why. I’ll probably be drunk off my ass, but I’ll tell you.”

“Lexa I-”

“I talked it out with Harper some, and Anya, and even Raven a bit, and what it comes down to is that there was a huge violation of trust. On both sides.”

“I know and-”

“And I’m so sorry for not telling you straight out, I was afraid you wouldn’t believe me, that you would think I was delusional or something.” Lexa’s voice grew small and she began to fidget with her hands, pulling at her fingers.

“You weren’t though. You were right.” Clarke twisted onto her side and propped her head up on her elbow. “Madi is yours.”

“I know that now…” The nanny mirrored the other’s movements, rolling her eyes as she did. “The last time someone outed me like that, I ran. I moved across the country and never looked back.”

Clarke tensed, only seventy percent sure that Lexa’s next words weren’t going to be ‘I’m leaving for good.’ She closed her eyes, willing back the sudden onslaught of tears forming; she really needed to get a grip, everything was making her cry lately. A hand covered the one hanging limply at her side.

“But I’m not going to leave. Not Madi, not you. I’m here and while I might be mad at you still, I’m not running this time.” Lexa drew Clarke inward, wrapping her up in a reassuring embrace, and Clarke was surrounded by the calming scent that could only be Lexa.

‘She actually wants to be a mom to Madi. She wants to work things out between us. She wants to stay.’ They could have stayed there, hiding in their post-sex/emotional-outpour bubble, but a small knock on the bedroom door interrupted them.

“Can I come in?” A tiny voice called through the door and the door handle jiggled.

Chapter 18

Chapter Text

Clarke froze, taking in the state of the room, and glanced at her own appearance in the mirror attached to her dresser. Her hair was still a mess, the room reeked of sex, and sheets and pillows littered the floor. ‘f*ck, f*ck, f*ck.’

Lexa was first off the bed, tossing the linens and pillows up on the bed, throwing clothes haphazardly toward the hamper, missing most by a good distance. “We should probably get downstairs.” She tossed the last article and stood up straight, heading toward the bed, straightening the covers.

“Uh, I need to… clean up. Can you open the windows?” Clarke scampered to the en suite, the need to pee becoming overwhelming. “And don’t answer the door yet!”

Inside the bathroom, she went about using the bathroom, already feeling the ache in her limbs and between her legs. She allowed herself a small smile in the mirror, a moment of happiness, unfortunately cut short by an uptick in nausea that had her rushing back to the toilet. ‘Are you f*cking kidding me.’ Clarke wiped her mouth on the hand towel as she sat back against the side of the tub, the cool stone surface settling her stomach enough to stand after a moment or so.

There was the rap of knuckles on the doorframe and Lexa hovered in the doorway, head leaning on the wood, concern in her eyes. “Still feeling bad?”

A lump formed in Clarke’s throat that she struggled to clear, feigning a smile and hoisting herself up in lieu of responding. There was something seriously wrong with her and it was starting to scare her. The two left the bathroom, Clarke on shaky legs, Lexa trailing behind, a hand on the small of the blonde’s back. “I’m good, let’s get downstairs. I’m sure they probably think we murdered each other.”

“Yeah about that…” Lexa scratched the back of her neck and averted her eyes. “That was Madi at the door.”

“You answered it?!” Clarke whisper-yelled, pulling an actual brush through her hair, wincing at the sound of knots being unravelled.

“She kept knocking! And I told her to go find her favorite toy to bring with us on a secret trip, so she’s occupied.” The brunette retorted.

“Secret trip? I thought you were going to take her to the Marine Center some other day.” Clarke frowned; it wasn’t as if she minded the sudden change of plans, but one look at the sky made her question if the outdoor venue was a good idea.

“Not the Marine Center, I thought maybe we could take her to the movies this afternoon. There’s a new Disney film out and I heard it’s really good…” Lexa took a turn with the brush, yanking out her ponytail and untangling her brown locks. A movie sounded like just what Clarke needed to round out her emotionally draining day, and the casual way Lexa threw out the word ‘we’ left a spreading warmth in her chest. Plus, the idea of being in a dark theater with the nanny was appealing in itself.

Clarke came up behind Lexa, wrapping her arms around her waist, placing a gentle kiss on the side of her neck where it met her shoulder. “That sounds like a great idea. I should eat first though, I’m starving. Somebody used up all the calories I ate at breakfast.” She slid her hand downward and lightly squeezed. Lexa’s head dropped back onto Clarke’s shoulder and a small groan slipped out followed by a chuckle.

“Don’t start something we can’t finish, we have a little girl out there waiting for us. Our little girl.” Removing Clarke’s hands, Lexa turned and dropped a soft kiss on the blonde’s lips. “Let’s go face the music.”

“Fine, fine. Let’s.” Clarke staggered behind as the other woman popped open the door and stepped out into the hall.

“So… that was a lot of ‘talking’ you two did up there.” Harper snuck up on Clarke as she poured a bowl of raisin bran. “From what I heard, I’m not surprised she knocked you up the first time you had sex.”

“Harper!” Clarke admonished her friend, scanning the room for little ears and then sighing when finding none.

“Look, I’m not judging, I’m jealous. I would love to get pounded like that. Sadly, Monty has been working overtime to get his projects done before the baby comes and that has left little time for going to town on each other.” The darker blonde handed over the milk from the fridge, staring off into space as she did. Clarke blushed a deep scarlet, stabbing her spoon into the cereal and turning away to head to the table. Harper trailed her, taking a seat next to her and propping her feet up on another. “At least tell me you talked a little.”

“We did. She told me about being afraid to say something to me before, and I tried to apologize for outing her.” Clarke said between bites, eyes darting toward the open back door where Lexa was chasing Madi around the yard to get the wiggles out before the movie. “Get this: She told me she was willing to be Madi’s mom even if she wasn’t genetically.”

“What? How did that come up?”

“You know me, not always great with wording choices. She thought I was apologizing for Madi not actually being hers.” She chased the stray flakes around the milk in the bowl, pleasantly surprised to find a raisin hiding at the bottom. “And she said that it didn’t matter, that she loved Madi and would keep up the ruse the rest of our lives.”

“Oh sh*t.”

“Yeah, and she almost ran out so I had to show her the DNA test.” Satisfied she’d got all she could, she rose to put away her dishes, knowing without looking that Harper was waiting for her to continue. Through the window over the sink, Madi pounced on Lexa, tackling her to the ground with a tiny roar and raising her fists triumphantly. “She took it well.”

“She wasn’t mad you did it behind her back?” Harper grunted as she hauled her pregnant belly up and out of the kitchen chair; Clarke rushed over to help but was smacked away. “I’m barely five months pregnant, I’m not an invalid.”

Clarke backed up, hands out in mock surrender. “Okay, okay. And no, I don’t know, she said she was still mad about some things but wanted to spend time with Madi and me today.”

“I’ll get out of your hair then. I volunteered to stick around to watch Madi after everyone left. Because I love the little terror, and because I’m nosy.” Harper grabbed up her bag and gave a cheeky smile. “I’m out.”

Clarke raised a hand in goodbye, chuckling at the slight waddle her friend was already developing. The sound of the front door was eclipsed by the banging open of the back one, two giggling voices trailing in, bringing a wide smile out from Clarke’s heart. She pivoted around, the dual smiles of her two loves pulling her own to its limits. “Alright you two, what do you say we head to the car?”

“Can I get Skittles? Please?” Madi pressed her face against the glass case of the snack bar, fogging it with her breath. “No, Twizzlers! Or emnems!”

Whisking her daughter onto her hip, Clarke studied the menu overhead, not exactly sure when the last time she’d been to the movie theater was. ‘Whenever it was, I guarantee the menu was a lot simpler…’ Despite having eaten before they left the house, the blonde’s stomach gave a growl and a threatening lurch, urging her to pick something quick. And to pick the right something or pay homage to the porcelain god later. Lexa nudged her in the hip and raised a brow.

“Popcorn? Nachos? Fries? What are you in the mood for, babe?” The endearment fell out so naturally from Lexa’s lips that Clarke was momentarily flustered, her mind blanking at the question. Noticing the blonde’s flushed face, Lexa leaned in, placing a kiss on her forehead. “Hey, you sure you’re up for this? I know you haven’t been feeling the best lately.”

“Me too! Me too!” Their daughter tipped forward in Clarke’s arms and pointed to her own forehead, demanding a kiss as well. Lexa dutifully pressed her mouth to the spot where dark curls met skin and hoisted the girl out of her mother’s arms.

“How about we try to potty while Mommy decides, then we won’t have to miss any of the movie.” The pair of brunettes wandered off to find the bathroom, leaving Clarke to face the daunting snack bar alone but with a smile.

She got all three in the end, her want for salty foods overwhelming and her indecision butting up against the impending showtime. Lexa and Madi grabbed as much as they could carry when they returned, only the popcorn tub and one slushie remaining on the counter for her.

“You have a really adorable family.” The teenager working the register said softly and with a familiar look in her eye. A look Clarke recognized from the early days of Madi, when they would go to the park and Clarke would see all these happy couples with their children, when Clarke would put Madi to bed alone and wish there was someone to stand in the doorway and comment on how cute she was asleep.

“Thanks. It took us a while, but we’re getting there.” She pinned the tub of popcorn against her chest with one arm and used the other to grab the slushie, flashing the girl an encouraging smile. “You will, too.”

“How is it possible that this one was even gayer than the last one? Seriously, I was fully expecting them to kiss during the last fight scene. Or at least at the end when the dragons came back.” Lexa did a little hop to shift a sleeping Madi higher on her shoulder, bumping the car door shut with her hip. A small whine from the girl was quickly soothed by a hand on her back rubbing circles, Lexa absently rocking as she waited for Clarke to unlock the front door.

"Like the devil-mouse was gonna give the gays that much." Clarke scoffed, letting the two brunettes pass by into the house before shutting and locking the door behind her. Raven was still at Anya’s so they had the house to themselves, a fact Clarke was trying to be pumped about, but mostly she was just tired. “Do you mind taking her up to bed?”

Lexa pretended to look affronted. “Do I mind taking my daughter up to her room? What do you take me for? A dead-beat parent?”

The blonde sighed with a smile and a roll of her eyes as her (girlfriend?)(baby mama?) Lexa marched upstairs and disappeared into Madi's room, only to reappear a few moments later. "Everything go okay?"

"She never even regained consciousness, I just plopped her down in bed, covered her, and shoved a sleep animal under her arm." Lexa announced smugly, her chin tilted up and arms in a superhero stance. "I'm pretty much crushing this mom-thing."

"Speaking of, we still need to talk about how we want to do this." Clarke hooked her arm through one of Lexa's and began tugging her to the living room, determined to at least start the co-parenting conversation. She'd seen a few of her coworkers go through nasty custody battles and even though she and Lexa were on good terms right now, she wanted them to be on the same page long term as well. She pulled them both down on the couch, only allowing herself to snuggle into Lexa a little bit. "I guess we start with the most basic question: do you want to be involved long-term?"

The playful affrontement was pushed aside, and Lexa seemed genuinely taken aback by the question, her brow furrowing and head co*cking backward. "Are you really asking that?"

"I know you've said things and have been around as much as possible, I just…" Clarke closed her eyes as she struggled to find the right words to describe the constant unease she felt anytime someone new became a part of her and Madi's lives. There had been more than one very short-term boyfriend (only men ever did) that had made promises of attending those dreaded PTA meetings with her, but obviously none had stuck to that. "I just want you to be sure. It's a lot. She can be a lot. I can be a lot and I want to know that even if we don't work out as a couple, that you'll still be around for her."

"Clarke, I- I don't know how to get you to understand that there is nothing I wouldn't do for that girl. Nothing. No matter what happens with us, that will always be my kid up there and she will always know how much I love her. I can promise you that." Lexa's eyes were nothing but sincere and she pulled Clarke in tight. "And I'm not going to say the L-word to you right now because I'm pretty sure that would put both of us in a panic, but I need you to know that it's there. And I'm hoping you feel the same, cause I would really like to keep waking up with you and eating breakfast with you and all that domestic stuff."

Clarke was quiet, her heart screaming to tell Lexa she was the only one for her, her head reminding her that it was too early for such things. "This whole week I've been miserable. I've very nearly fired three people, I've shown up late to meetings, I've been just angry and upset. And I thought it was at you but really, I missed you. My whole being, body and mind, has gotten so used to you being around to calm me down or keep me going that a week without you was a special kind of hell."

"Your body missed me? Is that what we’re calling earlier?" Lexa wiggled her brows and gently thrust into Clarke's side. The blonde rolled her eyes and tapped the crotch of Lexa's pants lightly.

"Yes, you horn dog, my body missed you. Now can we be adults?" Clarke moved to escape the hold she was locked into but Lexa tightened, leaning in to softly kiss Clarke's pulse point on her neck.

"Can't we continue this talk later? I really would like to have my way with you on the coffee table, it's the perfect knee height." Lexa trailed her lips down porcelain skin until she reached the cotton border of Clarke's shirt.

"Can we raincheck that and maybe snuggle in bed tonight? I know it’s still early but I'm so tired and achy and I need you to use that furnace of a body to soothe me." Yawning through the end of her words, Clarke used the last of her willpower to extricate herself from Lexa’s arms and rose off the couch. “We could grab a bunch of junk food and watch Supergirl?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

During the next few weeks, they all fell into a rhythm. After eating breakfast together, Lexa would drop Madi off at preschool in the mornings on her way to nanny for the Collins, the two of them like peas in a pod. Raven still did afternoon pick-up, only she didn’t always go straight home, sometimes taking Madi to help Anya at the compound until Clarke would text them all to come home for dinner. Lexa and Anya would join them for dinner, the five of them laughing and chatting about their day. Having the table full during the week was unusual, but it was a welcome change that had Clarke thinking about the future.

Lexa and Clarke spent most nights together at Clarke’s, the brunette bringing a duffel bag with her that lived in the same spot of the bedroom, its contents being swapped every day or two when Lexa had time to swing by her apartment. There were a few nights when sleeping apart was necessary; one week Lexa had a seven am dentist appointment (just around the block from her apartment), Anya needed help late at the compound once or twice, etc. Those nights, Clarke slept intermittently, tossing and turning, unable to really get comfortable.

Brunch had become one of Clarke’s favorite things again, and they had even had to add a folding table to the mix as more of the Woods clan started attending. Nyko and Niylah had been the first to accept the invite the week after Clarke and Lexa made up, bringing with them a large cheese and meat tray that had Raven drooling. Next came Gaia, the only one of the Woods’ kids who could make a decent replica of what they called their mother’s ‘Death by Chocolate’ cake, (which Madi was caught four times swiping a finger along the edge of before they moved it to the higher part of the fridge).

Clarke would have said everything was going great. She was still getting sick off and on, and the body aches had only increased, but she chalked those things up to stress from work and her rather intense sex life. Well, she did, until Maya burst her bubble at brunch, exactly three weeks after she and Lexa made up.

Clarke had thrown up twice already that morning, avoiding most food because the smells were really starting to get to her. Bacon in particular was a smell that either made her ravenously hungry or had her running for the bathroom, and there was no rhyme or reason to it. She dabbed her mouth with a washcloth as she stared at her face in the small mirror above the downstairs bathroom sink.

“Hey, can I come in?” Maya’s voice accompanied a soft knock on the door. Clarke twisted the doorknob enough to pop it open and returned to the sink, flicking on the water to wash her hands. The other woman stepped in quietly and shut the door behind her. “I wanted to check in with you, Jasper told me you haven’t been feeling any better.”

“I’m fine, my pre-brunch snack just didn’t agree with me. I’m good though.” The blonde finished rinsing her hands of soap (unscented now, her lavender one was unbearable) and tugged the hand towel from it’s hanging ring to dry them. “Really, I’m okay.”

“Even so, you should probably check-in with your OB. They usually can give you something for prolonged morning sickness, right? I know you haven’t told anyone yet, and that’s your business, but we all are worried about you. I am surprised Lexa would watch you get sick this long without- Are you okay?” Maya’s words started Clarke’s brain on a tailspin, the bottom of her world dropping out along with her ability to move. She felt her face draining and her eyes widened.

“I’m not pregnant. I’m not.” Her tone was firm, breaking only on the last word. “Why do you- Does everyone think I am?”

“Oh no! No, no, I just assumed you were because you expressed a lot of the same signs. I could be wrong of course.” Maya backtracked, extending a hand out to rub Clarke’s shoulder. “It could be a lot of things. It could be a stomach bug, or an infection, or cancer or-”

“Can you ask Raven to come to the bathroom really quickly? I need to speak to her.” Clarke interrupted, flipping through a mental calendar. Maya sucked her lips in, eyes wide, and simply nodded, heading off to do just that.

At the click of the door, Clarke turned and collapsed against the counter. There was no way she could be pregnant again, right? She'd know. Besides, Lexa already said just having Madi was unexpected.

"Clarke? Yo, I'm coming in." Raven was much less graceful in her entrance, hip-checking the door shut and stuffing the other half of a biscuit in her mouth. “What’s up? Maya said you needed me. You alright?”

“Raven, when was shark week?” The blonde never lifted her gaze from where it was trained on the bathroom tile.

“Uh, like three weeks ago, why?”

“You sure?”

“Yeaahh…” Curiosity was starting to creep into Raven’s tone and Clarke was sure the other shoe would drop any minute. “I remember cause I had to go buy tampons cause you hadn’t stocked us up, which was super weird cause you always start before me… Oh sh*t.”

The air felt like it was sucked out of the tiny room, Clarke’s breathing becoming shallow and hurried. She crumpled to the cool floor, pressing her hands against it in a feeble attempt at steadying her swirling mind. ‘I barely survived Madi as a baby, I don’t know how I’m gonna handle another one. Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh-’

“Clarke! Hey, you’re alright. You’re okay. Just breathe with me. In, hold, out, hold, in, hold, out, hold. Good, keep doing that.” Raven was by her side in an instant, wrapping her up, compressing her sympathetic nerves and whispering in her ear. "And hey, we don't even know if you really are.. you know. Let's not jump to conclusions."

"What if I am though? I just sprung Madi on Lexa a month ago and now this? f*ck I'm an idiot." She rocked her head back to knock on the cabinet behind her, closing her eyes to stave off the tears.

"Whoa, hey, quit insulting my best friend. You're not an idiot, you just trusted your birth control and have terrible luck is all." Raven chuckled, reaching an arm blindly above them and groping around for the hand towel. Successfully retrieving it, she tilted Clarke’s face upward from where it was buried between her knees and wiped under her eyes, doing her best to salvage her best friend’s make-up. “Now, I’m going to make up some stupid excuse to sneak off to the drugstore and buy at minimum three different pregnancy tests, and you can take them whenever you want. If you want me there with you, you know I will be. Sound good?”

“Can you grab me some Twizzlers, too? And I’m trying really hard not to ask for an entire block of cheese.” Clarke didn’t feel great about the situation, but Raven being in her corner was always a plus, and she was pretty sure she could make it through brunch before she took the tests. The mechanic hefted herself up, stretching her bad leg back and forth, and held out a hand for Clarke.

“You got it, babe.”

Chapter 19

Chapter Text

Everyone was already seated by the time the pair left the bathroom, their respective seats left empty and waiting. Raven gave Clarke's hand one last squeeze as they parted and Clarke threw a weak smile back.

"Hey, you. Are you feeling any better? Maya said you were throwing up again." The concern in Lexa's voice made the blonde's stomach flip again and she swallowed down the bile threatening to make an appearance. 'I should tell her. We just had a talk about violating trust and here I am, not telling her the whole truth. Again.'

"I'm better, think I might have a handle on the problem now." She settled in her chair and Madi glanced her way, little face etched in a frown.

"Are you sick, Mommy?" She set down her fork and clamored over onto her mother's lap, placing her tiny hand in Clarke's forehead. "You don't feel warm. You can still go to work."

The table laughed at her antics, clearly an accurate portrayal of Madi's own experience trying to get out of going to preschool.

“Thank you, baby. You’re right, I’m not too sick to go to work. Go on and finish your food, Madi.” She lifted Madi over to her own seat, the little girl happily grabbing up a piece of bacon and munching away.

Brunch carried on as usual, the gang spilling stories and laughing at jokes until nearly noon, when Raven pushed back her chair and rubbed her stomach.

"I am stuffed." The mechanic let out a belch (which Jasper and Madi both laughed at) and grimaced. "Hey Clarke, we got any Pepto or Tums? Those fried tomatoes were good but my ass is already getting heartburn."

'Heartburn? What the f*ck?'

"Uh, probably in the medicine cabinet, since when did you get heartburn?" The blonde tilted her head and knit her brow in confusion. Raven's eyes widened, and she was murmuring something to herself. Anya shot her girlfriend a similarly puzzled look but Raven just shrugged and went back to her previous conversation with Monty about hydroelectric farms. Maya spent the next five or so minutes sending Clarke a side-eyed stare that Clarke ignored, knowing Maya was looking for a resolution from the bathroom incident.

“Does everyone have enough alcohol? I think we’re running low on champagne. I can go grab some more?” Raven blurted out.

“I’m pretty sure there’s three more bottles inside, and the one by Jasper is still half-full.” Harper picked up the mentioned bottle and wiggled it. "How's the new engineer working out? He as bad as the last guy?"

Raven launched into a whole spiel about how terrible and incompetent Gary was and got so worked up, she slipped into Spanish more than once. Regular conversation resumed and glasses were refilled (from the bottles that were indeed inside in the fridge).

"Maya, didn't you say you were having car troubles? Maybe I could take a look for you. Right now, if you want." Raven's voice cut through the table again, startling Maya out of her back and forth with Lincoln about the best games to play with kids under five.

"My what?" The wide face usually adorned with a matching smile was now covered in a frown.

"Your car . Remember? We were talking about it earlier in the bathroom. " The emphasis on bathroom got Anya's attention and she whipped her head around to glare at Maya, reading the situation all wrong.

"The bathroom? You were talking about cars in the bathroom with Maya ?” Anya’s words were laced with a hint of jealousy.

“Cars! Right! Cars, yes. I have some car questions, too. Maybe I’ll join you guys.” Clarke interjected, finally catching on.

“Let’s go now?” Maya tossed her napkin onto her empty plate and rose slowly. The other two followed suit, grabbing their respective dishes.

"Maybe I should go, too. I've always wanted to learn more about ca-" Lexa began, lifting off her seat.

"NO!" The three conspiring women all but yelled, cutting Lexa off and Lexa sat back with her arms crossed.

"I mean you can't. Raven doesn't like to teach more than two people at a time. She says she can only handle so much idle chatter." Another lie spewed from her mouth before Clarke could stop it. 'Seriously. Not doing so great at this honesty thing."

The mechanic vigorously agreed and backed away from the table, narrowly avoiding one of Madi's 'Pits of Despair'. "Yep, can't handle lots of people asking dumb questions at one time. Makes my brain hurt. Next time for sure though."

"I don't remember there being so many choices last time." The family planning section of the pharmacy seemed to stretch the entire aisle, shelves of countless boxes with words like "first response" or "early detection" plastered beside pictures of chubby-faced babies and vagus silhouettes of purple women. Clarke stepped back, nearly touching the shelves behind her filled with condoms and lubricants. "Which ones do we get?"

"You don't remember because you didn't buy them last time, I did. You were curled up in a heap in your bed and refusing to move." Raven pulled a bright pink box down and studied the back for a moment, casually tossing it in the basket Maya held on her arm. "Just grab like four and let's go, Anya is already blowing up my phone about taking a joyride without her."

Clarke threw in a couple more packages, her mind drifting back to the last time she was in this situation.

"Take the tests, Clarke." Raven ripped the covers off the blonde's body, the chilly air raising goosebumps on her exposed legs and arms.

“Go away, I’m not doing it!” Clarke tugged her pillow over her head and curled up in a ball, tucking her limbs in tight, preparing for Raven’s next move. The dark haired girl launched onto the mattress, sticking her fingers in any crack of the human ball she could, attempting to tug Clarke into reality.

"You already did it, that’s the whole problem, now take the DAMN TESTS!” Finding a wrist, Raven yanked Clarke to the end of the bed, the blonde’s body unfurling in protest and hands grabbing at the sheets in a futile effort to resist. “Clarke, so help me, you better quit fighting me and take the tests or I will call Abby.”

Clarke stilled and flipped over, glaring at her best friend. “You wouldn’t dare.”

Raven picked up her cell from the dresser and pretended to dial, pressing the phone to her face. “Oh, hey Abby! I’m good, but Clarke here seems to have gotten herself f*cked into oblivion and knocked up. Who's the father you ask? f*ck if we know! Oh, you wanna come visit right awa-”

The phone went flying as Clarke tackled Raven to the ground. “Fine! I’ll take the stupid tests but I’m telling you, I’m not pregnant.”

“Clarke! Yo, Earth to Clarke!” Raven snapped her fingers rapidly in front of the blonde’s face. “We’ve been here way too long, we gotta go before my girlfriend blows a gasket.”

“Huh? Yeah, yeah, let’s go. Let’s get this over with.” Clarke snatched the basket off the floor where Maya had abandoned it and strode to the front, plopping the hard plastic on the counter in front of the bored teenager at the checkout.

Three positives and an inconclusive.

Three ‘you’re pregnant’ and an "Anyone's guess".

“So Lexa is just super good at putting babies in you.” Raven quipped from her spot lounging in the bathtub. A hairbrush landed on her stomach with a smack. "Hey!"

"You're fine, you ass." Clarke went back to chewing the side of her nails as she leaned against the sink, back turned to the damning little sticks. "What the f*ck am I gonna do?"

Maya shifted on the closed toilet and cleared her throat. "Isn't this a good thing? I know I wasn't around the first time, but neither was Lexa. I'm sure she'll be excited. Right?"

"Only one way to find out." Raven took hold of the shower bar and climbed out of the tub. "I'm gonna go use the other bathroom for real and meet you guys outside. Don't forget to do something with your pee sticks!"

The mechanic bounced out of the bathroom, leaving Clarke to gather up all the tests and shove them in the bottom drawer of the counter, hoping no one decided to go snooping today. Maya didn't move from her spot, watching silently and thumbing the fabric of her dress.

"Out with it. I know you've got something just waiting to come out of that mouth." The blonde pushed the bathroom door shut again and leaned against it.

"I don't.. I just… it's stupid." The brunette shook her head and tried to grab the doorknob to leave.

"Hey, hey. Whatever it is, it's not stupid. You're one of us, Maya. It's your right, no, duty , to tell us stuff that's bothering you. Even if it's stupid." Clarke's voice softened, and she sat on the tub edge, motioning for Maya to join her. Reluctantly, the other woman shuffled back and dropped to the edge.

"It's just… I want what you and Lexa have." She rushed out, not making eye contact.

"What? A three month relationship mostly built on the fact that five years ago we drunkenly made a person, and then did it again just without the alcohol this time?" Clarke let out a dry laugh and closed her eyes, staving off the urge to vomit again. "It's been a blast, let me tell you."

"No, I mean… I want to settle down. Get a house, have kids."

“Oh. But Jasper?”

“Doesn’t want to talk about the future. Ever. It’s like trying to pry information from a brick wall.” Maya lifted the lid of Clarke's bath bombs and began twisting them with her fingertips. “It’s not that I want to get married right now or anything, but he won’t even talk about it.”

“Jasper is… a twelve-year-old who got a larger body and never grew into it mentally. But look,” Clarke tapped the tub to get her attention, "He is so in love with you it's gross. So keep trying if he's who you see yourself settling down with. He wants those things too, I know that for a fact."

"Yeah?" Maya was starting to sound like her cheerful self again, “Okay, I will. And you’re gonna talk to Lexa about the second kid you’re building over there, right?”

Clarke groaned and lifted up, lightly kicking the closed drawer that held her secret. “FINE. Fine. I will.”

“Right now?”

“UGH. Fine, I’ll do it now.”

Descending the stairs, running through her head all the possible ways to drop the baby bomb, Clarke glanced out the top window of the front door. ‘Where’s Lexa’s truck?’

She hastened her pace, Maya calling out behind her. Bursting out of the back door, Clarke took one pass over the yard, immediately noticing Lexa was gone. “Where’d Lexa go?”

“No clue.” Anya shrugged from her seat, tipping her beer back for another sip. “She got a phone call and just left.”

‘What the f*ck.’

---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---- ---

Watching Clarke practically run away from the brunch table with Raven and Maya, Lexa couldn't help but feel like she was missing something. 'Those three are up to something. They're sh*t liars.'

"So that was f*cking weird." Nyko tipped his glass of mimosa back and drained it, his eyebrows raising. Murmurs from around the table sounded in agreement, only Jasper piped up.

"Maybe they're planning a surprise. Anyone have a birthday coming up? Anniversary?" He offered, glancing at Anya and Lexa first, then to the rest of the table. A half dozen heads shook, no one able to come up with a reasonably close event. "Ooor, maybe they're hiding something."

"It's probably nothing, Clarke's always been weird." Harper sounded from her end of the table, launching an extensive conversation about the many times Clarke (and usually Raven) had done something weird, including numerous times they had pretended to be a couple for various reasons. Like social functions. Or to piss off Raven's family.

Lexa ignored the pit forming in her stomach for the first ten minutes, twenty minutes, then half an hour, forcing her brain to stay engaged with the conversation. When almost an hour had passed, she cleared her throat and hoisted Madi off her lap to the ground. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Do you guys mind watching Madi? Harper's looking at me like I've grown a third head… Did I say something wrong?"

Monty laughed, wrapping an arm around his wife. "No, no, you didn't. She's just not used to being asked that. Clarke tends to assume we'll watch her, which we will, and no one she's dated has ever bothered to ask either. It's refreshing really."

"Oh. Well. I didn't want to just leave her here if you guys had stuff to do." Lexa averted her eyes, suddenly uncomfortable with whatever Monty was implying.

"It's cool, we got her. Go find those idiots." He waved her off. "

"Hello?" Lexa didn't normally answer phone calls from unknown numbers but they'd called four times in a row. She’d already searched the house for Clarke and came up empty, finally checking outside to see Maya’s car was missing, and was now idly cleaning the kitchen to keep herself busy.

"Is this Alexandria Woods?" A ruff female voice rang out through the ring speaker and put Lexa on edge immediately. She recognized an authoritative tone when she heard one.

"This is her." It was a Sunday, she was privately employed, and she didn't owe any money as far as she knew. `I don't think I've done anything wrong, at least not on purpose.'

"This is Charmaine Dyoza with Health and Human Services. I'm glad I was able to get a hold of you, it's been a long day." Exasperation leaked into Ms. Dyoza's words, and Lexa glanced at the microwave clock, wondering what would have brought the other woman into her office on the weekend. From her experience, nothing good.

"Um how.. how can I help you?" She prayed nothing bad was happening at home. Her mom and dad still fostered here and there for temporary cases, but they were always within reach of their phones in case of emergencies. Maybe DHHS was just trying to reach one of them. 'Then why didn't they call Anya? Or Lincoln? Or the twins?'

"Would you be able to come to my office? There is a certain amount of urgency involved and we should speak in person."

“I.. I think I can arrange that, I just have to make sure I have someone to watch my daughter.” The word still felt foreign on her tongue, daughter . “What’s the address?”

“32 West Martin Ave, I’ll be here all day. I hope to see you soon.” Lexa didn’t even have time to reply before the line went dead, the silence in her right ear amplified by the noise carrying over the yard from the game of drunken tag her friends were engaged in. Dragging her fingers across and down to her chin, Lexa exhaled, hard.

'Don't jump to conclusions, call Dad and see if he knows what's going on.' She pulled up her favorites list and pressed call, unaware she'd started pacing the kitchen. Back and forth in front of the stove, around the island one way then the other, over to the fridge, restart the loop. She almost completed two circuits before he finally picked up.

"Yello!" His usual smile was easy to hear in his deep voice.

"Dad! Good, you're okay." She hadn't meant to sound so worried but the twenty or so seconds he took to answer gave her just enough time to imagine the worst.

"Course I'm alright, kid. What's up? What's wrong? You and Anya get in another fight? I told you two living together might be too much." His comforting southern drawl always had a way of soothing even the fussiest children, and Lexa was no exception. She paused in her steps, bracing against the counter lip with her free hand.

"No, no, I mean yeah, always, but no. Hey, I got a call from DHHS, is everything okay with you and Mom?" She was hopeful, though the ball of anxiety in her gut was only building.

"Everything's good over here. Not sure why they would be contacting you. Maybe it's something good. Maybe it has to do with that daughter of yours."

"I.. I.. sh*t, you guys know?" Lexa sputtered, her mind flipping through everyone she had told, trying to find the person she was going to throttle. "Lincoln."

"Now don't be cross with your brother, he's just worried about you is all. He called me up a few weeks ago, damn near stressin’ himself to death. He only told me 'cause he didn't know how to help you. Linc always means well."

"So Mom doesn't know?" Idly gazing out the window above the sink, Lexa smiled despite the stress. Madi clung to Lincoln's back as they raced around the grass making dinosaur noises.

"Naw, not yet, but you best tell her soon. Before you end up getting that little blonde girl pregnant again."

"Dad!" Her exclamation caught the ears of Anya, who walked by with a quirked eyebrow, a freshly filled water blaster in her dangerous hands. Lexa shooed her away, mouthing a promise to tell her later.

"I'm just saying, your mother'll be madder ‘an heck if you show up to the next family picnic with two kids and a wife."

"We're not.. She's not…” She sighed. He was right, Dad was always right about stuff like this. “I will. Dinner this week? I have to go meet this woman downtown right now.”

“You got it, kiddo. Give me a shout when you figure out what DHHS wants with ya. Love you, Lexa.” His volume decreased near the end, Indra’s voice filtering in, calling him to help her with something. "Gotta go, your mother's on a warpath, those damn hawks got another chicken."

“Bye Dad, love you too.”

The brick townhouse that sat at 32 West Martin was nestled between a corner deli and a packed Chinese restaurant, a few groups hanging around outside, waiting on tables. Lexa managed to grab a parking spot across the street, one of the kind that turns to free on the weekends, and parallel parked on autopilot. Roan had been the one to teach all of the Woods kids that particular skill, and Lexa had been his best student.

"You can do this. Just because you haven't been to a DHHS office since before you were you, doesn't mean anything. It's not even the same people. Charmaine Dyoza doesn't even know you." She heard her seatbelt unclick and was faintly aware of her own movements out of the car and across to the opposite sidewalk. There was no identifying sign on the building and steps to the front door were different than when she was a kid. 'Of course they are, it's a different office. The one you were in was a whole different state.'

She lifted her knuckles to rap on the door, however, she was met with air, the heavy wood swinging inward at the same second. Awkwardly she lowered her arm and smoothed an invisible wrinkle in her shirt.

"Please tell me you're Alexandria." A thin, muscular woman in her late thirties with dark blonde hair pulled into a low ponytail held the dingy brass door knob in one hand, the other pressed against the doorframe, her body blocking entrance and view into the building.

"Yes ma'am, that's me. Sorry I couldn't get here sooner." Lexa shifted from one foot to the other, body itching to pace but nowhere to go.

"Thank God. Come on in, there's a time clock on this." The older woman pushed the door wide and stood aside, waving Lexa in. "Come on, come on."

Inside was… different than any DHHS office she'd ever been in. Mostly in that it wasn't an office at all.

The front door opened to a foyer that split into a hallway to the left and a staircase to the right, and the few doors barely visible at the top were covered in children's drawings and stickers. As she walked the hall behind Ms. Dyoza, Lexa passed picture after picture of what must have been a hundred children at least. Smiling happy faces at sporting events and dances, playing in pools and mud puddles.

"299. Though I don't have a picture of every one." Ms. Dyoza stood at the end of the hall, arms crossed and a small smile on her lips. "Some stayed years, some only days, but I loved them all like my own."

"That's a lot of kids. My parents have fostered 30 or so I think. I'm not sure how many were before me. Some of us never left, at least, those that didn't have a home to be placed back into." The brunette shared without a second thought; it was a trivial piece of information but her mind rang with the voice of her first mother. 'Never volunteer anything about yourself, knowledge is power. Don't give your power away.' Sure, the same woman used to beat her for wearing her necklaces and told her that all she needed in life was a good set of lock-picking tools, but all the same, there were still things that stuck.

"Every child saved matters, that's why I got into this job." The woman led them to a beat up leather couch and a matching armchair, letting Lexa decide her seat first. Hesitantly, as if it were a test, Lexa chose the chair. Once both were seated, Ms. Dyoza laced her hands together, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees. "I'm sure you're wondering why I told you I'm DHHS when clearly this is my home, not an office."

Lexa nodded, eyes flicking between studying the living room pictures and the blue-grey eyes boring into her.

“Have you ever had any contact with a woman named Costia Thorne?"

That was a name that hadn't crossed Lexa's path in almost a decade, all but eradicated from existence.

"Contact? I mean we dated in highschool until she… until I moved away with my family. Why are you asking me about her, Ms. Dyoza? We haven't spoken once since I moved." Her anger was boiling up her throat, her last words a bit more spiteful than intended.

"Just Dyoza is good. Never married, never wanted to. And Costia Thorne OD'd last night, somewhere around three am. Cocaine is a bitch and the heart is an easy muscle to overwork." Dyoza grimaced and leaned back, crossing one leg over the other.

"As sad as that is, I'm not sure what that has to do with me. Like I said, we haven’t spoken." Lexa wasn't prepared for the blow that Costia's death would land in her heart, apparently still harboring a soft spot for her.

"Were you aware that she left behind a nine year old son?"

Lexa's mouth went dry, the implications hanging like the sword of Damocles. She shook her head slowly. "She did?"

"And she listed you as the second parent, personally requesting that if anything happened to her, that I was to contact you before anyone else that might come to retrieve him." Dyoza sat forward again, hands almost reaching Lexa's knees but stopping short. "Now I already know you're… special. Costia wanted to make sure I knew your custody claim was rock-solid. The real question is, is having a son something you have room for in your life?"

Lexa's vision went super clear, disassociation imminent, when a small voice cut through.

"Ms. D, Paxton won't share the video games." A small, dark-skinned boy of seven or eight stood twisting his hands and body, waiting for her response.

"Tell him I said share or no dessert tonight." The boy nodded excitedly, hollering the decree down the hall and up the stairs. Dyoza turned her attention back to Lexa and the matter at hand, her stare piercing. "I know this is a lot to process but I mean it when I say we have a small window of time here. Costia left her son, your son, in my care because she knew her addiction was going to kill her, no matter how many rehabs I sent her too. But her parents, his grandparents, they have the ability to stake a claim on him if you even seem a little bit hesitant. The court won't be hard to sway in their favor, unfortunately."

"Is he here?" Lexa rushed out, a swarm of questions pushing to exit her mouth all at once.

"He's here, upstairs with the other kids. He's been back and forth to my place at least a half dozen times in the last few years, he practically has his own cot. His name is Aden and I have to say, he looks just like you. Except the hair, definitely got Costia's hair." The older woman stood abruptly, and grabbed a wooden tray propped up against the coffee table. As she walked towards a doorway to the right, she called back, “You want tea? I’m gonna make some tea.”

“Wait! Do we have time for tea?” Lexa shouted after her. Dyoza waved her off, disappearing around a corner and leaving Lexa alone to digest the cannonball lodged in her stomach.

The last time she saw Costia Thorne, it was amidst the screaming taunts and joyful cheers of her classmates as Lexa pushed her way down the hall on the last day of school. As she turned to flick off Shane Eamon for the last time, there was Costia, stock still with her arms crossed in the middle of the hall, papers flying around her head like a perverse form of confetti. Lexa hadn’t been able to read the tight expression on her ex-girlfriend's face then, but now she wondered. ‘Did Costia already know?’

“Do you know where Ms. D is? Paxton and Miles got in a fight and now Paxton thinks his arm is broken. I think he’s just faking so he doesn’t have to go to school tomorrow.” A sandy blonde boy peered in from the hall, his fingers tapping the door frame.

“She went to make tea, I think.” There was a stagnant moment, the two of them eying one another. Cautiously, he stepped in, fingers twisting together in a familiar gesture Lexa had seen Madi do when there was an idea in her head she wasn’t sure she should say out loud. “You can come sit, if you want. I mean, it is your house.”

Lexa meant it to be a light-hearted comment, but the second it was out of her mouth, his expression downturned. She knew better than to phrase it like that ‘Idiot. You really are an idiot today, Lex.’

“I just meant, you live here, don’t let me stop you from coming in if you want to.” A little smile settled on her lips as he shuffled forward into the room, making his way around the furniture until he was near the couch.

“You’re her, aren’t you.” He balanced gingerly on the edge of the couch, fidgeting hands now pressed palm-side against the tops of his thighs. “You look like your picture. Older though. Which is good, it would be weird if you weren’t.”

“Kettle is on, shouldn’t take long.” Dyoza popped in from the kitchen, focused on the thick folder of paperwork she was carrying. “I have all his files right here, there’s only a few forms for you to fill out- Aden!”

The boy perked up at the sound of his name and seemed to remember his original purpose for being downstairs. “Miles and Paxton got in a fight and Paxton thinks he broke his arm. I think he’s faking ‘cause I saw him throw a G.I. Joe at Michael right after.”

“I’m sure he’s fine.” She took her spot on the couch, now between Lexa and Aden, and continued rifling through the paperwork, eyes trained on her task. “I see you two have met. Aden, this is Alexandria. Alexandria, this is Aden.”

“Lexa. Call me Lexa.” The brunette felt her brain slipping into a state of shock. In a span of a few months, she’d gone from single with no kids, to dating the mother of her daughter and finding out she has a son, too. ‘When it rains…’

“Lexa, got it. Now, I have some paperwork here for you to fill out before you can take him with you, mostly legal necessities. Some has to do with Costia’s estate as well.” Dyoza began stacking sheets of garbled black and white on the coffee table in front of Lexa, oblivious to the widening of Lexa’s eyes. “Aden, go get your stuff together.”

The boy rose slowly, the right side of his mouth twitching, his hands interlacing again. When he didn’t move, Dyoza prompted him again. “Go on. We talked about this.”

Once Aden’s footfalls disappeared up the stairs, Lexa found her voice again. “Take him with me? Now?”

“Yes now. If you want him that is.” The older woman paused, hand hovering mid-air, pen clicked and ready to use.

“No, of course I do! I just thought… Isn’t there usually a whole drawn out adoption process and courts to go through?” Surely the courts had to be involved, right? Every one of her siblings had to go through the court process to be adopted, even Lexa had to tell the judge she wanted to be adopted by Indra and Gustus.

“You’re not adopting him. You’re assuming custody of a child that you are biologically related to and whose birth certificate you are listed on. Paperwork is minor, just needs to be done today so we can submit it to the system tomorrow.” She tossed the excess papers and manilla folders on the couch beside her and began filling out forms, stopping only to hand a pen to Lexa. Halfway through the first form, she noticed Lexa hadn't moved, pen dangling idly. "Jeez, like mother like son I guess. Go on, get that pen moving."

There was silence for the next few minutes, broken occasionally by the switching of papers or Dyoza pointing to a signature line. At one point, she disappeared again to the kitchen and brought back two mugs of tea, which Lexa was too anxious to even think of trying. Aden appeared in the hall doorway once more as Lexa was signing the last document, sealing her stake of custody. He coughed into his shoulder strap, his dark blue bag jingling at the movement. Dyoza grabbed the last paper and shoved it into the stack she'd been finishing up. "Did you get everything?"

"I think so. I told Nikki she could keep that sweatshirt she keeps stealing. It doesn't fit anymore anyway." He replied quietly with a shrug.

"That was very nice of you. And you have great timing, we just finished all the paperwork." She stood and rolled her shoulders, a small crack echoing out. "You're all set to go."

The hyper-real world around Lexa intensified, the realization that she was now a parent to two kids not quite reaching her consciousness. She let herself be led to the front door, Aden trailing a good five feet behind. Dyoza swung open the front door and stepped aside.

"You don't know anything about me. How do you know I'm not homeless? Or a crazy person? Or… I don't know, a serial killer?" They'd made it to the porch, Dyoza maintaining her position at the threshold, Aden lingering at the top of the concrete staircase.

"Lexa, in all the time I knew Costia, which was quite a few years, she never wavered in her confidence that you would step up and be able to take care of Aden if something happened to her. I know you have a ton of questions, I do too, if I'm being honest. But right now isn't the time." The older woman motioned for Aden to come over and pulled him.into a crushing hug. "You two need to get settled and acquainted. I'm gonna miss you, kid. You're a handful but you're becoming one heck of a man. You be good, okay?"

Lexa heard Aden sniffle into the fabric of Dyoza's shirt and averted her eyes, not wanting to intrude on their moment together. In her peripheral vision, she saw Dyoza lean down and whisper into his ear, hugging him tighter.

"Alright, get out of here, go live and be happy. I'll be seeing both of you soon." She pushed Aden back towards Lexa before producing a large manilla envelope from somewhere just inside the front door. "Here are your copies of everything, all the paperwork we did today, and Aden's birth certificate and social security card."

Lexa accepted the folder and floated down the stairs, her head still a jumbled mess. She had a son. A son . Who was looking at her with Costia's eyes and the same concerned look that her ex would give her on a bad day.

She felt a small hand slide into hers once they reached the sidewalk, and she gave it a squeeze. “Alright Aden, we can do this. We’ll just get in my truck and head back to the house, and Clarke will know what to do.”

‘Oh sh*t. Clarke.’

Chapter 20

Chapter Text

The drive to Clarke’s was quiet, low classical playing in the background as Lexa muttered to herself and frequently checked her rearview mirror, still in shock at the little boy in her backseat staring out the window.

' Clarke is going to freak out. f*ck, I look like the world’s worst endorsem*nt for safe sex right now. Not only did I manage to knock-up Clarke, but apparently Costia too. Where is he going to sleep? It’s not like I have a second bedroom in my apartment and Anya isn’t really a kid person, at least not until recently so who knows how she’ll react to a kid living with her.’

“Are we far away?” Aden’s soft voice startled her out of her thoughts, her hands jerking just enough to swerve the car. She quickly righted it and took a deep breath.

“No, we’re only a few minutes away. Clarke is going to be so excited to meet you.” ‘God, I hope so.’ Turning into the neighborhood, Lexa started to feel the weight of the world pressing down. Aden was silent again, and she watched his little fingers tracing something on the window pane over and over, his lips moving with no sound. He looked so much like Costia. Lexa's heart clenched tightly, wishing for the millionth time that her ex had come to her sooner.

Familiar houses slid by as they approached Clarke’s street, neighbors waving as they passed, Lexa sending back the expected half-hand return. She was becoming a fixture in the neighborhood and she desperately hoped that wasn’t about to change.

“Here we are!” She did her best to put on an excited face, her nerves almost paralyzing. “Do you want to take a couple minutes? We can sit here as long as you want.”

Aden didn't answer, just continued staring out the window, now facing the neighbor's yard where a couple teenagers were spray-painting an old dresser with five or six different colors. Lexa checked her phone. 'Six missed calls. I'm in deep sh*t.'

“Who’s Clarke? Is he your boyfriend?” He asked quietly, back to twisting his hands together in his lap.

“Clarke’s my… girlfriend. She’s very nice and so are her friends." Aden looked confused by the last part, his head co*cking to the side in a gesture Lexa knew only came from herself. She gathered up her things in the front seat in a manageable pile and then unbuckled so she could turn to face him. "Every Sunday we host a brunch with our friends and some family, so there are a lot of people in there right now."

His eyes widened and she could see him swallow.

"But we don't have to go in there if you don't want. We can go to your Aunt Anya's house instead, or back to my apartment. It's up to you." Slowly, she placed a hand on his knee and smiled, not sure if she was doing it for him or herself. His head co*cked again after a moment or two.

"I have an Aunt?"

Lexa let her natural grin take over, thinking about how her brothers and sisters were going to absolutely love him. "Yeah, kid, you have an aunt. Or eight."

"Really?"

"And a bunch of uncles, too. And grandparents who are going to love you and your sister to pieces." She hadn't meant to let it slip about Madi yet, but she saw him light up even more and hoped it was a good sign. "Do you want to go in and meet some of them?"

He unbuckled his seatbelt as he nodded firmly, gripping his backpack in one hand and the door handle in the other.

"Whenever you are ready, we'll go in." She reassured, taking up the pile of items she'd made and stashing them in the pockets of her pants that she could reach. 'Chapstick, phone, extra hair tie, car keys-'

Her list was cut short by the click of the car door opening. 'Here we go.' She fired off a text to Clarke quickly, deciding she was best to handle first.

Lexa (2:57pm): I know you're probably mad that I went AWOL but can you come to the front door? I need to talk to you about something. It's really important.

When there wasn't an immediate reply, Lexa took her time gathering the rest of the paperwork and things from the passenger side of the vehicle, aware Aden was patiently waiting beside her, both of them shielded from view. Two long minutes later, she heard the front door swing open and who she hoped was Clarke shuffle out.

"Well? What was so important that you had to bail without telling a soul where you went?". Clarke's voice was stressed, the pitch wobbling from word to word. Stepping out from behind the passenger door, Lexa pushed Aden gently behind her, and whispered for him to follow. As she passed the front of her truck, squeezing between her front bumper and Clarke’s rear one, she felt two pairs of blue eyes boring into her, one from behind and one from the porch. “Lexa, what did you do? Kidnap a kid?”

Coming to the stairs, Lexa climbed the first three, leaving her and Clarke on an even eye level. Aden hugged the railpost, most of his thin body hidden by the wide column of wood. “No, I didn’t go out and kidnap a kid. This is Aden.”

The blonde woman she called the love of her life (in her mind) just crossed her arms, clearly not willing to accept such a vague response.

“Aden is… my son.” Lexa’s eyes darted away, unable to hold contact with Clarke’s anymore for fear of what she might find in them.

“Your… son. He’s your son. Okay.” Clarke nodded her head disjointedly, and took a step back, running into the outdoor mat with her foot. Lexa dashed up the last two stairs and wrapped an arm around Clarke's waist to steady her.

"I'm fine, I'm not an invalid, I'm…" Clarke brushed off imaginary dirt and Lexa dropped her arm.

"You're what?"

"Surprised. I'm surprised. Or maybe not, seems to be your MO. Knocking girls up and leaving them." Her mind being the jumbled mess it was, the brunette was having a hard time discerning if Clarke was angry with her or not. Her face fell, deciding the blonde was most likely angry.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know and then the woman from DHHS called and-" She rambled, voice cracking.

"We'll talk about it later, right now-" Clarke directed her attention to Aden, her features suddenly beaming, "Let's get you inside. Madi is gonna have an aneurysm when she finds out.”

Clarke and Lexa ferried Aden upstairs without anyone noticing, bringing him to the guest bedroom beside Madi’s. The double bed was covered in a plain grey bedspread with darker grey sheets, the walls simple white, the furniture light wood.

“Sorry about the color scheme, we’ll have to get you some things from the store this week so you can decorate how you want.” Clarke gathered up some of her stuff she'd been storing in the chest of drawers and motioned for Lexa to follow her into the hall. "Aden, we are going to talk outside for a moment and then we'll be right back in, okay? How about you unpack your stuff and start thinking about how you want to decorate?"

He continued to stare at the room, his backpack clutched to his chest.

In the hall, Clarke waited until the door was securely shut before unceremoniously dropping her stuff against the wall and whisper-yelling, "What the f*ck, Lexa?"

"I-"

"You know what, no, I'm going downstairs to stall everyone. You two come down when he's ready." She was halfway down the stairs in the blink of an eye, leaving Lexa to figure what to do next.

Aden was sitting on the bed, rubbing the fabric under his palms, when Lexa stepped back in. "Aden? Hey, I wanted to talk before we went out to meet everyone."

She crossed to the bed, choosing a spot on the end so as not to crowd him. "I'm sorry about your mom. And I'm sorry I haven't been there for you."

"S'okay, you didn't know. She didn't want you to know, most of the time. Sometimes, when she got really far away, she'd cry about how she made you go away. But she always said she was protecting you by not telling you." He slipped off his worn sneakers and pulled his legs up, wrapping his bare arms around his knees.

"What do you mean?" Lexa knew a defensive position when she saw one and hoped she wasn't pushing too far, too fast.

"Cause of my grandparents, they're really mean. And they hate you. She didn't want them to hurt you."

"Well I'm a big girl, there isn't much they could do to hurt me now. And besides, my parents, your other grandparents, they're pretty tough, too. They'd never let something bad happen to me or you, or anyone." She fiddled with the zipper of his backpack still laid between them on the bed, still full. "Did you talk much to your mom's parents?"

"Mom stopped talking to Nona when I was little, and Pap never did talk much." Relief seeped further into Lexa as she began to fully realize that Costia’s parents hadn't had the chance to poison her son against her, and that Costia seemed to have tried to do the opposite.

"Just a warning, my parents are going to talk your ear off. They'll want to know everything about you. And so will Madi." Lexa let a smile take over her face and was pleased to see a matching one on Aden's.

"So Madi's my sister?" He sounded hopeful, and Lexa was reminded of how it felt to go from being alone with just her first mom to all at once surrounded by brothers and sisters who became her fiercest protectors and best friends.

"Yep."

"And Clarke is her other mom?" There was a tinge of something in his second question, a mix of curiosity and jealousy and sadness that Lexa couldn’t quite name.

"Correct again. She’s pretty great, and I know for a fact that she is going to love having you around." She may have been getting ahead of herself, though Clarke had put a lot of subtext into the mention of Aden decorating the room for himself.

"But you called this Clarke's house. Don't you live here?"

"That's true, I did call it that. I mostly live here, but I do have a small apartment closer to the city center. I should probably get to selling it though, since everyone I love lives here now." It was a conversation she and Clarke needed to have soon, especially since the blonde had insinuated Aden would be staying at the house long-term.

"Are you sure I can stay?"

"Of course you can! Wherever I go, you go, okay?" Lexa offered a hand, "You ready to go meet your little sister?"

"Yeah, okay."

Aden lingered behind Lexa as they started down to the first floor, his feet quiet on the carpeted stairs.

“Mama! There you are!” The high-pitched voice of an excited four-year-old streaked up towards them and Aden tightened his grip on the back of Lexa's shirt. "Mommy told me you had a surprise and I was supposed to wait in the kitchen but I got too excited. What is it? What is it!"

She bounced dangerously on the edge of the step, wild hair flopping around. A cough from behind Lexa caught her attention and she careened sideways to peer around her mother. "Oh, hello. Who are you?"

“Madi, honey, let’s go down to the kitchen and talk there, okay? The stairs aren’t the best place for this.” Lexa gave her a nudge, laughing internally at her over-exaggerated groan, her small feet carrying her back down to the foyer. As the three of them reached the bottom, Clarke appeared, beer in hand.

“Madi, I told you to wait in the kitchen.” Her tone was clipped as she shoved the alcohol into Lexa’s grasp and maneuvered their daughter around and down the hall. “Let’s go take your brownies out of the oven so they can cool down enough to eat.”

The four of them spilled out into the kitchen, Clarke and Madi making a beeline for the oven, Lexa motioning Aden to the table. But Madi could only be distracted by the prospect of chocolate for so long and was soon eyeing Aden with interest.

Aden, on the other hand, was taking in the house, his head moving side to side as he analyzed his surroundings, his posture becoming less stiff the longer he sat. ‘Maybe this will all be fine. Maybe we can all be a family. Me and Clarke and Madi and Aden. One happy family.’

“Madi, why don’t you come sit by me? I have something to tell you.” Lexa patted the table to get her attention. Once Madi complied, Lexa glanced up at Clarke lingering by the back door. "Are you going to join us?"

The blonde gestured at the closed door beside her. "Actually, I'm gonna step out and reassure the masses. It's only Raven and Anya. And Lincoln. And Octavia. Everyone else opted to head out."

She didn't wait for a response and her swift exit left Lexa alone with both her kids for the first time. 'It'll be okay. You got this.' She took a deep breath, holding it to the count of five, and let it go. The two most irresponsible moments of her life were examining one another from across the table.

"Madi, you know how I wasn't around until a few months ago?" Her words were met with a solemn nod, and she silently thanked her daughter's ability to sense the seriousness of the situation. "This is Aden. He's… your brother. He used to live with his other mommy but now he's going to live with me, us, from now on."

The normally overactive and chatty girl to her right was still, jaw slack.

"Are you okay? You can ask me anything you ne-" Lexa began to think there may have been a better way to go about it.

Madi's mouth snapped shut and her lips turned up into a wild smile. "I have a brother! I have to tell Maggie, she's gonna be so jealous!"

From the corner of her eye, Lexa could see Aden blushing and doing his best to keep his own smile contained. 'How did he end up so much like me?'

“Aden, I’m sure it’s a lot, but do you want to go meet your aunts and uncle? They’re just outside in the yard.” Lexa could see Anya glaring at her from through the glass door, Raven doing her best to distract her and failing miserably. Lincoln came into the frame, shoving Anya back out of view, pulling a chuckle out of Lexa. Turning back to her kids, she pushed back her chair and stood up, happy when they both did the same.

"What'd you do? Go out and bring home another one of your kids?" Raven yelled across the lawn from her seat on the swings the moment they stepped outside, a huge grin on her face and completely unaware of how accurate that was. Aden froze in his steps, Madi running into his back with a frown. Bending down, Lexa put her hand on his shoulder whispering to him to ignore her.

"She just says whatever comes to her brain, you get used to it." She reassured, sending Raven a glare. Standing up and rolling her shoulders back slightly, Lexa cleared her throat. "Everyone, this is Aden. He's going to be living with us from now on. Because yes Raven, he's my son."

Raven's mouth fell open, Anya mirroring the movement from the table. The ball in Lincoln’s hand dropped to the ground with a soft thud, Octavia’s hands hanging out, lingering for a throw that wasn’t coming.

“Oh sh*t.”

The dead silence was all-encompassing, almost suffocating. Lexa’s mind was reeling at the possible reactions of her siblings, mostly Anya, who was still frozen and probably thinking of all the ways to call her an idiot. Lincoln moved first, approaching Aden slowly, with a fist outstretched. “Welcome to the family, little man. I’m Lincoln, your uncle, one of Lexa’s big brothers.”

Aden cautiously tapped his own fist against his new uncle’s, his face brightening. “Hi. You’re tall.”

“That I am, little man, just wait until you meet your grandfather.” Lincoln winked at his nephew and stepped back to where Octavia was flexing her wrists back and forth, and blinking rapidly. “This is Octavia, my fiancee and your soon to be official aunt.”

“Uh, hey, what’s up.” Octavia raised a hand and gave a short wave, eyes still wide.

A sharp stinging sensation erupted on the back of Lexa’s head. “Ow, what the hell?”

“Can I speak to you in the kitchen?” Anya growled behind her, already hauling Lexa away by the arm.

“Aden, just stay here with Madi and Clarke, get to know everyone, I’ll be right back!” Lexa called as she was manhandled into the house. He took a step towards Lincoln, and Lexa couldn’t blame him for gravitating there, the man was a chip off the comforting block.

“Lexa, I don’t even know where to begin.” Lexa winced as Anya shut the back door with more force than necessary, her face all sharp angles and tense muscles, which was never a good sign. “Are you kidding me? Did you learn nothing from Dad’s sex talk? Or when Lincoln sat you down in high school? Or when I bought a box of glow in the dark condoms for Christmas three years ago?”

“I- They told me-” Lexa started, feeling another whack to the back of her head. “Would you stop that?!”

“Not until you get it in your thick skull that you need to use a condom! I don’t care what they said, they were obviously wrong!” Her older sister gestured wildly, grabbing the first thing she came upon. ‘Even a silicone spoon is a weapon in her hands’ Lexa dropped into a wooden chair, tossing her hands on the table.

“I was young! The doctors had just told me I had a one and a million chance of having kids, and Costia and I didn’t think-”

“COSTIA?” Anya slammed the serving spoon down on the counter. “Costia THORNE? You have a kid with COSTIA THORNE.”

“I didn’t know, okay?!” Lexa knew she sounded ridiculous, in light of the last three months.

“Of COURSE YOU DIDN’T!” Anya whisked up the spoon again, waving it around menacingly. A shudder ran through Lexa, reminded of the first time she slept with Costia and Anya found out. That was terrifying. She was honestly worried Anya might have committed murder, and probably would have if Lincoln hadn’t stepped in. Her sister whirled the spoon and then pointed it directly at Lexa. "Because if you had known, there's no way you would have wanted to move across the country. You would have gotten yourself killed trying to be there for him! Did you forget Titus Thorne threatening you with an actual, loaded shotgun?"

"No." Lexa pursed her lips and glared at the table.

"Neither have I! Costia did you a damn favor not telling you cause your reckless ass would have made that kid so much more traumatized than he already is. And where's Costia in all this? Why'd she give him to you now?!"

"She overdosed last night. Cocaine apparently. I didn't even know she was in the city, if I had maybe I could've-" The brunette sister felt her words choking her, filling her throat and threatening to make Aden an orphan for real. “Why would she- She was never into-”

A chair drug across the floor next to her and Anya lowered herself down heavily. “Let’s put that fact aside. She had to have known you were here. Why else would she move to this town? But she chose not to interact with you, chose to keep you in the dark. You can’t blame yourself for that part.”

“How am I supposed to help him through it though? He wasn’t there when it happened, not like you or I were, but I know he saw her when she was using, he knows what happened to her.” Lexa had been small when her mother died and so had Anya, both lost to violence, both had been what Indra called ‘women of the night’. Whether Costia had been prostituting herself or not, Lexa didn’t know and feared to find out. ‘Why didn’t she just come to me?’

“You’re not going to be able to do it alone, that’s for sure. You are so f*cking lucky you have all of us.” Anya shoved Lexa’s shoulder. They sat in silence, both lost in their own memories of losing their first moms. "You know Mom's going to kill you, right?"

"I know. I already promised Dad I'd do dinner at theirs this week." A promise she was dreading keeping. Their mother was a tough woman who expected her kids to try their best at everything and be a good example of how adversity can be channeled into success. And for the most part, they all had done that.

"Ontari will be happy though. For once she won't be the family screw-up." A light chuckle came to both sisters, a short-lived one, but genuine all the same.

The back door creaked open, Raven’s head peeking in. “Is it okay to come in? Octavia and Lincoln pulled out the water guns again and everyone is soaked.”

“Yeah babe, it’s okay.” Her girlfriend vacated her seat, leaving Lexa to stew in the fact that she had at least two major conversations to get through still.

Octavia and Lincoln bowed out once they had a quick towel-dry, assuring their new nephew that they would see him the next weekend. Lincoln pulled Lexa aside as he was departing, enveloping her in a bone-crushing hug and promising to be there at dinner if she wanted.

Raven and Anya took their leave not long after that, Anya dragging her girlfriend to the car, despite the smaller woman’s insistence that they stay.

And once all their friends had gone, Lexa was left trying to figure out where she and Clarke were with all that happened. She sat on the couch, brain whirring with plans and hopes for a united family.

"Lexa?" Her girlfriend called down the stairs, voice trickling in from the hall. "You wanna join me in the bedroom?"

'She's still saying the bedroom, so that's a good sign, I guess.'

"The bedroom, huh? I'm on my way!" Lexa replied cheekily, knowing full well they weren't going to be doing anything. She'd be lucky if she got to sleep at a reasonable time at all, Clarke was probably going to lay into her the minute she got within earshot.

So Clarke dressed in the shortest sleep shorts she owned and a tank that was pushing its limits in the chest area, that was not a sight Lexa was prepared for. The brunette banged the front of her leg foot on the front of the first step, nearly tripping up the stairs.

"You okay down there?" Clarke giggled, making as if to come down. Lexa waved her hand and right herself.

"I'm fine, I'm fine. You just, you caught me off guard." She climbed up until she was a stair below the top, inches from the woman she was hoping wasn't too mad to snuggle with her. "You're already in your pajamas? Where are the kids? I figured it would be a late night, Aden being in a new place and all."

The blonde motioned for her to follow, carefully padding toward the guest room, a finger pressed to her lips. "Madi asked if she and Aden could watch a movie together on my laptop."

Twisting the doorknob quietly, they stuck their heads in.

Madi and Aden were sprawled out, both on the bed upside-down, both fast asleep with the credits of a Disney movie Lexa vaguely recognized rolling in the background. Her daughter was dressed in her usual mismatched pjs, a bright blue dino shirt with green and purple striped pants. Aden was swamped by one of Lexa's sleep shirts, a pair of her athletic shorts tied tight around his waist, reminding Lexa how small he actually was.

"We need to take him clothes shopping, maybe tomorrow afternoon?" Clarke offered as they backed out and closed the door. "I washed his clothes from today to wear tomorrow, but he doesn't have anything else really."

Lexa nodded and let Clarke lead the way to the master bedroom, falling backwards on the bed with an exasperated sigh. The mattress dipped and she felt Clarke lay beside her. “We should talk about all this.”

Blonde hair came into view, a warm arm wrapped around her waist. “I know."

"Did you mean what you told him? About decorating and stuff?" A car drove by, revving its engine and thumping bass. ‘Idiot teenagers.’

"You should move in. Permanently, I mean." Clarke's hand started wandering downward, a familiar move hinting that she was looking for release. Lexa shifted to sit up, scooting backwards to lean against the pillows.

"That's a big step, Clarke. It's been three months, most of which we weren't together. I don't want to be those U-Haul lesbians that move too quickly and have messy break-ups."

"Lexa. We have a daughter together. You just brought home a son. We’re way past U-Haul.” Clarke lifted up, throwing a leg over Lexa to straddle her lap. She brought her face close to Lexa's, lips within inches. “It just makes sense for you to be here every day, and every night.”

She pressed down insistently, hands coming up to tangle in brown curls as she closed the space between them. Slow deliberate kisses paired with gentle tugs at the fine hair on the nape of her neck had Lexa fighting to stay focused on their conversation. "Clarke - we really should - talk - about this!"

Clarke pulled back, pupils dilated and breath uneven. “Look, I should be upset with you, and trust me, I am, but I really need you to f*ck me right now. We can talk after, I promise.”

A low growl rumbled up Lexa’s throat and her pelvis jerked up, desperate for contact with the heat she could feel radiating from Clarke’s core. Lately Clarke had been prone to pouncing on Lexa the second they had any alone time, not that she was complaining.

Forty-five minutes later, Lexa was deep in her favorite place, warm and tight, and she felt like any minute she might explode. Clarke shifted and squirmed, hands pressed hard against the headboard to keep from sliding up the bed with every forceful thrust. Grabbing the blonde's left ankle, Lexa brought it over to meet its counterpart, rotating Clarke to the side, allowing her co*ck to reach a spot she'd only discovered a week prior.

A hand flailed in the brunette's direction, searching for contact. Lexa did her best to keep pace as she balanced all her weight on her left hand, intertwining her fingers with Clarke's. The simple act of holding hands seemed to throw Clarke over the edge, her body convulsing beautifully, muscles spasming tightly around Lexa, bringing her to the brink of her own org*sm.

"f*ck, Clarke, I’m going to-” The words had hardly left Lexa’s mouth before Anya’s voice rang in her ears, yelling at her to start using protection. She stilled her hips, steeling against the continued aftershocks that were gripping her. “Clarke, I need to pull out.”

“What?" Clarke was breathless, voice barely rasping out.

"I just- f*ck- have a bad track record- Ugh-" Her words lost their punch as Clarke used the hand still pressed to the headboard to give herself barely enough lateral space to rock on Lexa's dick.

"Lex, baby, trust me, you coming in me right now is not going to get me pregnant. I'm 100% sure about that." There was a laughter to Clarke's tone that puzzled Lexa. The blonde parted their hands and swung her left leg back over so Lexa was nestled between her thighs again, bringing her ankles behind the other woman's back. "It's okay, love, cum for me."

Lexa was skeptical of Clarke’s confidence, and was about to insist when she felt blissful heat start to contract rhythmically around her co*ck. She bent over, burying her face in the crook of Clarke's neck and let go.

Rolling over, she brought the blonde with her, arms encircling and legs still tangled. After a moment or two, Clarke's words flashed in her mind. "Hey Clarke love?"

"Mhm?" If the other woman's slack limbs and closed lids were anything to go by, Lexa's window of time to talk was closing for the night.

"What did you mean by '100% sure'? How are you that confident?" Lexa began to tug the covers up and over them, a chill settling on her skin.

"Hm? Oh, well it's not like you can get me more pregnant than I already am." Clarke's bare chest vibrated as she laughed, her words hitting Lexa like a freight train. “What’s that saying? Good things come in threes?”

“I- I- f*ck are you sure?” Lexa ran a hand through her hair, chest still heaving. ‘Three? f*ck. Three? How the hell- We’re going to have to get a bigger- I’m gonna have to get a better- THREE.’ The beautiful blonde bombshell carrying her child next to her sniffled.

“I thought you would be happy. You know, since you missed all the baby stuff with Madi, and Aden I guess, too…” Her blue eyes were welling up with tears, arms withdrawing, legs pulling up until she was nearing a naked fetal position. Lexa hurriedly scooped her up, holding her close and ignoring the tired ache in her limbs.

“Baby, I am happy. I’m over the moon, I am! Don’t cry, love.” She stroked the blonde hair that fell across her chest, reaching down for a moment to tug up the covers.

“You are?”

“Of course I am. Anya is probably going to drug me and give me a back alley vasectomy though.” Lexa chuckled, glad to hear Clarke joining in. “I’m going to have to give up nannying and get a better job.”

“We’re gonna need a bigger house.” Clarke threw in, wriggling around until her backside was to Lexa’s front and the brunette’s arm was draped over her waist.

“Or Raven has to move out.”

“Good luck telling her that.” The blonde giggled playfully.

“I’m not telling her, she’s your best friend!” Lexa perched up on her elbow, face indignant.

“They’re your kids!” Clarke retorted, twisting her top half to meet her girlfriend. Lexa smiled wide and gently laid her hand on Clarke’s bare stomach.

" Our kids.” She brought her face down to meet the gorgeous woman she got to call the mother of her children.

“Yeah, yeah. They are, aren’t they?” Clarke surged upwards, covering those pink pouty lips over and over for the rest of the night.