I've been lying about my age since I was 24, and I don't see anything wrong with that (2024)

I've lied about my age for so long that, on any given day, I forget exactly how old I am. I could do the math and work it out, but why would I want to do that?

I don't celebrate my birthday, and until I was outed by their father, I lied to my kids or avoided answering the "How old are you, Mommy?" question. Their father knew I didn't want anyone to know because I'd avoided telling him my age when we got together. It was a subterfuge I'd have happily maintained indefinitely, but he accidentally saw a police form I was filling out for a stolen wallet. I'm half sure he told my sons out of spite once we'd split up.

I was in my 20s when I started lying about my age

When I started lying about my age, I was 24. That was when I first experienced negativity and judgment from other people when they asked how old I was.

At 22, I graduated from university in the UK with a philosophy degree. Philosophy isn't exactly a major with a clear career progression, and I spent a couple of years aimlessly taking temporary jobs in local warehouse depots and backpacking in Mexico.

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For the first two years, when anyone asked me what I was planning to do with my life, I'd say I didn't know. "You're young, you'll work it out," they'd say encouragingly. But, at 24, that turned into comments basically saying, "It's time to grow up."

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As I got older, the pressures linked to my age morphed into expectations around marriage and having children. This was at its height when I lived in Turkey, and my Turkish ex-boyfriend's family said I was too old for him at 34. He was 34 too. In the subsequent relationship, when I did eventually have two babies without complications, they were labeled "geriatric" pregnancies because I was no longer under 35.

Internet dating creates an unacceptable requirement to reveal your age

Being on dating apps raised the issue again because you're required to list your age front and center on your profile — even, ridiculously, on apps where users typically use a handle that's not their actual name.

In real life, that's not how we introduce ourselves to people even in a dating context. You'd find out where they're from, what they do, and about hobbies. The spark comes from a hundred other things than the number of years since you were born. So why should I have to reveal my number before we've even met?

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I combatted this by either paying for a profile so age was optional or I just registered with a fake birthdate. Nowadays, no longer internet dating, I just refuse to give a number rather than lie as it gets too difficult to remember who I told what to.

I've heard people claim that lying about age is a huge red flag because it means you'll lie about other things too. That's simply not the case. That's the only thing I lie about in all my relationships, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Women are judged constantly about their age

It's a sore point for me because age is none of anyone's business, just like my weight, diary, or latest PAP smear results. If people stopped asking this invasive question, I wouldn't have to lie about it. The wrong here is that people ask in the first place. We all know the question isn't a judgment-free inquiry.

"How old are you?" is loaded with society's expectations of what you should look like, act like, or earn for your age. Your answer determines how worthy and how successful you are.

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This is especially the case for women. We're judged harshly for getting older, but somehow we are also at fault for not embracing it. Every day I am bombarded with headlines in the media criticizing celebrities who are aging as well as those who are trying to reverse aging with fillers or surgery. "Age gracefully" is shorthand for "don't look older but also don't try not to." Men who try to defy aging, on the other hand, are celebrated as "biohackers" and inspirational visionaries for what the human body can achieve.

Far worse than my evasion or lie is how people, especially men, don't respect my privacy or boundaries even though I don't ask or care about their age. Several men have searched my social media profiles for clues or threatened to look for my passport. Would they do the same about my weight?

I understand that it's impossible to keep my age a secret forever in a long-term relationship. There's simply too much life admin to do together to hide it. But until that point comes, I will continue to avoid the topic or choose an age I think I can get away with. My real age is no one's business.

Got a personal essay about dating or life as a single parent that you want to share? Get in touch with the editor: akarplus@businessinsider.com.

I've been lying about my age since I was 24, and I don't see anything wrong with that (2024)

FAQs

I've been lying about my age since I was 24, and I don't see anything wrong with that? ›

I've been lying about my age since I was 24, and I don't see anything wrong with that. Nicola Prentis has lied about her age since she was in her 20s. She thinks society judges women so much that age has become a loaded topic.

Is it acceptable to lie about your age? ›

Some apps (like social media) have a minimum age requirement. Although it is technically possible to lie about your age to use these apps, it is not a safe thing to do. Lying about your age means the app thinks you are older and might allow you to see/do things that aren't suitable for your age.

Why would someone hide their age? ›

Age can be a sensitive topic, and people may lie to avoid negative stereotypes or age-related anxieties. This could include concerns about diminishing physical or cognitive abilities, or the fear of being seen as “past it.”

Why would a woman lie about being older? ›

Women tend to lie to be liked, to foster social relationships … or to maintain their self-image.” Women should own their age, says Suzanne Braun Levine, the first editor of Ms.

In which age group do you lie? ›

Teens (Ages 13-18)

During adolescence, lying can be a more complex issue as teens navigate independence, peer pressure, and identity development. Teens may lie to protect their privacy or avoid judgment.

Can a girl go to jail for lying about her age? ›

So we legally conclude, even if it seems unfair, that somebody who is 17½ and lies and says they're 19 and has a fake ID and a fake draft card, whatever they present to you to prove they're over 18, it doesn't matter. You could still be charged, convicted and jailed.

Can you get in trouble for lying about their age? ›

Penalties for misrepresenting an individual's age can result in some serious legal penalties. These may include: Misdemeanor charges, especially in cases of misrepresentation of age by a minor; Denial of rights that the person was applying for; or.

Why have I started looking old? ›

The cause is usually environmental and lifestyle factors. The most common signs of premature aging appear in your skin, with wrinkles, age spots, dryness or loss of skin tone. Healthy lifestyle habits can help stop and prevent further premature aging.

Is it okay to hide age? ›

While there are exceptions, most of the time your age is your business and not other people's. Tell them you'll just let them guess or something like that—I don't suggest lying, but rather evading. I would also say that you shouldn't be embarrassed by something you have no real control over.

Why do adults hide? ›

Here are some of the most common reasons why people hide themselves: Fear of judgment: One of the biggest reasons why people hide themselves is because they're afraid of being judged by others. They may feel like they're not good enough, or that they're different from other people.

Is lying about age a red flag? ›

Dating Red Flag #1: Lying and dishonesty.

This could include lying about their job, past relationships, or age.

What if you sleep with someone who lied about their age? ›

Adults who engage in sexual activity with a dishonest minor can be charged with a sex crime, though. These offenses are almost always felonies. In many states, the fact that the minor lied about his or her age is not a defense. In other states, it can be a defense, so long as the minor was over a certain age.

What is it called when you lie about your age? ›

Age fabrication occurs when people deliberately misrepresent their true age. This is usually done with intent to garner privileges or status that would not otherwise be available to that person (e.g. a minor misrepresenting their age in order to garner the privileges given to adults).

What ages lie the most? ›

Teens Lie More Than Any Other Age Group

A study called “From Junior to Senior Pinocchio” looked at lying behaviors in more than a thousand people ages six to 77. Consequently, the researchers found that peak dishonesty occurs in adolescence. Thus, we lie more often as teens, and also get away with it more.

What happens if you lie about your age? ›

The law takes the safety of young people very seriously. It's one thing to lie about yourself in a harmless chat room. But those who lie about their age online to commit sex crimes can expect to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law–this can mean lengthy jail time and entry into sex offender registries.

What does the Bible say about lying? ›

Psalm 31:5 calls God the “God of truth.” God cannot lie; He hates lying; it is contrary to His nature; and God forbids His children to lie. The Old Law said, “You shall not steal, nor deal falsely, nor lie to one another” (Leviticus 19:11).

How to confront someone lying about their age? ›

You can simply say, “I found out that you were lying about your age, which makes me very uncomfortable. Lying is a deal breaker to me, even if you had no ill intentions. I'm sorry but we shouldn't see each other anymore.” Lying to you is a very reasonable hard boundary!

Should I lie about my age in a relationship? ›

Lying about age is usually a short term remedy and if you intend to have a long-term relationship, the best option is to come out clean since you cannot hide your age for so long as it will eventually show up. A relationship thrives on communication and among the five levels of communication disclosure is the fifth.

Is it safe to tell someone your age online? ›

Useful guidelines for safely surfing the Internet include: Don't give out personal information (name, age, address, phone number, social security number) to strangers. Never meet in person with an online stranger unless you get your parent's permission and have them come with you.

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